Today's Question

[Guest]

 

[sexy-girl]

i would assume submissive's are more high maintenance (i might be wrong) will be interesting to see in this thread

i wouldn't say that im sub or dom ... but i am high maintenance

 

[MissTaken]

Ihave met some Dom's who were very needy.

They needed the constant attention to please them, excite them and stimulate them mentally and physically.

I admit to being a high maintenance sub.

Which is why long distance hasn't worked for me.

That is just me though...my own hang up.

 

[Guest]

 

[cellis]

Oh Foxy... I am most definitely high maintenance, and Himself will be happy to tell you that.

We have managed to set some rules so that I am happy when we are not together.

He calls me every morning on His way to work and every evening either from the office before leaving or on His way home. We work different hours so I am not home until much later than He is. I need the contact from Him in order to feel secure, but that is just me. Of course, we have been doing this for months now, and it just works for us.

 

[Ebonyfire]

High Maintenance?

Nah! I do not care for high maintenance subs, and I am definitely not a high maintenance Domme. I have never been needy either. However...

As a woman (read date), I am definitely high maintenance. My motto is this: Come high or stay home!

Ebonyfire

 

[cymbidia]

I've got an interesting set of circumstances going.

I've got a regular, weekly (or bi-weekly) play partner, a man i'm very fond of and trust and like, but one who already has a life partner. Utilizing the energy that flows back and forth between us like sizzling hot oil in the bottom of a wok, we're exploring into our needs and responses in a somewhat Top/bottom-like fashion. We'll never, however, fall in love with each other; such would be a violation of the boundries we agreed to before we ever touched each other and would be a terrible wrong committed against his partner - and neither of us will do that to her.

On the other hand, and again to my astonishment (since i never ever ever wanted another LDR cuz they so-often suck for all the reasons all of us already know), i've got this hugely emotional, wildly D/s relationship going with someone else, someone in Colorado. With him, it's definitely emotional, extraordinarily sexual, and fast becoming a really important and primary relationships in my life.

(Yes, yes they both do know about the other. I may be a slut but i'm damned ethical about it. )

In the play partner relationship, an email once or twice a week confirming our regular play time is fine. A hot-talk phone convo once a week is good, too, though unnecessary.

In the LDR, however, we talk a couple times a day. We email back and forth as often. If i didn't hear from him within a 12 hour period, and it was without any discussion of an inability to contact me, then i would worry or feel alarmed in some way. I've come to depend on and look forward to our conversations.

For me, then, the emotional component of the relationship is all-important when considering the question of whether i'm "high-maintenence" or not.

And, BTW, my experience suggests that submissives are often needier than are dominants, though dominants definitely have their need for strokes and coos and purrs of ego-gratifying communication from subs, too.

 

[artful]

I admit it, I'm a teensy weensy bit... needy. I crave contact with Himself. When we're not together, I love getting phone calls and/or emails from Him, and get a little restless if I don't hear from Him for a while. Like, a day

But I also try very hard to please Him, and to do my best to ensure He's happy and feelin' good about things.

Sooo, I was wondering... for want of a better term, who's more "high maintenance" - Dom/mes or subs?

Agreat question,...may be an interesting bit of information to even post a poll with. To go ahead answering your question, I would guesstimate subs are HIGHER maintenance in all categories. Whether it be time, money, communication, understanding, etc. For me personally, I know it to be true. I have never been involved in a relationship with a sub, ONLINE or off, that WASN't *HIGH* maintenance
as far as time goes. I am sure that is not true for all, but the only time I would even CONSIDER having a sub, would be because of her NEED for me. Without that NEED,...I have no interest in them.
jmho

 

[~Dream~]

With Artful's permission,

Foxinsox,
I think it is quite Normal to feel needy.We all crave human contact in one way or another,physical touch,phonecalls,letters,conversations on or offline.
My Master knows I need some kind of contact from Him on a daily basis,or i worry myself to death!!
It makes me feel secure to know He is there for me. I depend upon Him.
I cannot seperate the emotional part of me from the sexual-they are oneand the same.
The Love i feel for Him is the main reason I submit myself to Him,not because of my need for Him(well maybe),or His need for me,
LOL@CYM-I dont believe anyone here would consider you a slut,You are too classy.
As for the "high maintenance,nope not me,i'm VERY easy to please..but i do think it's the Dom's who are more High Maintenance...

 

[artful]

Re: With Artful's permission,

Foxinsox,

My Master knows I need some kind of contact from Him on a daily basis,or i worry myself to death!!
It makes me feel secure to know He is there for me. I depend upon Him.
**************************************************
As for the "high maintenance,nope not me,i'm VERY easy to please..but i do think it's the Dom's who are more High Maintenance...

~chuckles~ at the *SPLIT* personality of my dream

 

[Roy Batty]

subs are needy, Doms are demanding. It's the way of the world like mice and cats.

 

[Ysandre]

My own experience was different than most, and I admit it freely, few people will go into Gorean as a lifestyle.
In the gorean, the only need a sub/slave/bottom etc had was to be owned.
But I don't know if I would classify the slaves I saw and the slave I became as high maintenance or overly needy.
If anything we were there to not be high maintenance, and make sure Master's life wasn't chaotic. Not be seen, not be heard, only be used at whim. We were there to take care of the things Master didn't need to deal with, and that's what slaves were for. I lived with my Master full time, and there were still days where he wouldn't need to even speak to me. I would not consider myself in the high maintenance crew.

I would consider Him demanding. I haven't run into a Dom/me yet that isn't demanding. But isn't that why we ~Love~ Them?

 

[Shadowsdream]

I choose those I own because of their needs. I see in them the seed of the flower they can become.

I am demanding but My demands are for their growth.

Perhaps the sub and I have equal needs, they simply mirror each other. I am not an easy Domme to please but it is worth pleasing Me.

Humble aren't I?

 

[artful]

HUMBLE?

I choose those I own because of their needs. I see in them the seed of the flower they can become.

I am demanding but My demands are for their growth.

Perhaps the sub and I have equal needs, they simply mirror each other. I am not an easy Domme to please but it is worth pleasing Me.

Humble aren't I?

I dare to disagree, but I do it with tongue in cheek.(leave you to decide which cheek it is buried in). BTW,...as one of the most experienced women in this BDSM forum,...I respect and admire the intelligent posts you make.

 

[Shadowsdream]

artful


Hey now!

Hoping there will be no humble pie in the fridge in the morning!

I often have to say i am humble since no one else is going to sáy I am humble!

 

[snoozebutton]

Considering the scales must be balanced i can't see how one is more high matenence than the other. True the Dom is the initiator but if He/She has become close with their sub i feel more like the tide flowing back and forth between My needs and hers. BTW great question sorry i was a day late answering.

 

[Richard49]

Ihave met some Dom's who were very needy.

They needed the constant attention to please them, excite them and stimulate them mentally and physically.

I admit to being a high maintenance sub.

Which is why long distance hasn't worked for me.

That is just me though...my own hang up.

I have to agree that maintence is the main reason that LDRs do not work. Also there are types of maintence that are hard to give LDR.

 

[Richard49]

We have managed to set some rules so that I am happy when we are not together.

Would U share what kind of rules?
Also how they are inforced?

 

[Richard49]

Re: High Maintenance?

As a woman (read date), I am definitely high maintenance. My motto is this: Come high or stay home!

Ebonyfire

The way we say it here is
"if U can not run with the big dogs
stay on the porch"

 

[Richard49]

(Yes, yes they both do know about the other. I may be a slut but i'm damned ethical about it. )

Interesting.
I can not imgine that "slut"
other than in a use of D/s
that had ethics

 

[Richard49]

I choose those I own because of their needs. I see in them the seed of the flower they can become.

I am demanding but My demands are for their growth.

Perhaps the sub and I have equal needs, they simply mirror each other. I am not an easy Domme to please but it is worth pleasing Me.

Humble aren't I?

Humble?

I have to Amen all U posted here.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: High Maintenance?

The way we say it here is
"if U can not run with the big dogs
stay on the porch"

I like it! That is a great saying!

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have to agree that maintence is the main reason that LDRs do not work. Also there are types of maintence that are hard to give LDR.

That is why it is important (for me) to know that there is a finite end to a LDR. I am not one to let mine go on indefinitely.

Ebony

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: High Maintenance?

I like it! That is a great saying!

Ebony

Thank you

 

[Richard49]

That is why it is important (for me) to know that there is a finite end to a LDR. I am not one to let mine go on indefinitely.

Ebony

I am faced with one that I know we can not be geogrphically closer for a long time if ever.....

it is driving me nuts