Today I went to a roman catholic funeral. (fuck they drag on and on...)
- Thread starter hobbit.
- Start date
remy_lebeau8
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2010
- Posts
- 4,342
Dont for get the stand sit and kneel. A catholic service is good cardio
hobbit.
Gods rep on Earth.
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2003
- Posts
- 34,913
had given up at that point, feigned deafness....
Fata Morgana
Deckel Edged
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 32,606
Was it full requiem mass? They can last about a week. The incense usually makes me want to faint.
hobbit.
Gods rep on Earth.
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2003
- Posts
- 34,913
it made me want to vomit. it stinks.
Fata Morgana
Deckel Edged
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 32,606
To have such a violent reaction makes me think you might be posessed by the Devil.
hobbit.
Gods rep on Earth.
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2003
- Posts
- 34,913
Eh?
dont the biscuits usually catch fire and need to be put out with the wine substitute?
why do random people start singing?
fucking weird shit i reckon.
Fata Morgana
Deckel Edged
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 32,606
Sounds more like an exorcism.
My non Catholic friends came to my Dad's funeral last year and we're baffled by it too. They didn't know whether to sit or stand, then the shaking hands bit in the middle really floored em!
My non Catholic friends came to my Dad's funeral last year and we're baffled by it too. They didn't know whether to sit or stand, then the shaking hands bit in the middle really floored em!
torchthebitch
Soothing jacuzzi bath
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2006
- Posts
- 15,972
Unless the guy at the front is wittering in Latin thinking the ignorant proddys don't understand they are being insulted.
So there you have it. Catholic children are taught to hate at weeks old.
torchthebitch
Soothing jacuzzi bath
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2006
- Posts
- 15,972
piss up was quite a poor affair, but scots.....
food was good though.
this having the stiff in the front room at home though !! very tempting to unscrew the handles from the coffin....
They are plastic you muppet. Brass went out ages ago.
torchthebitch
Soothing jacuzzi bath
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2006
- Posts
- 15,972
oggbashan
Dying Truth seeker
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2002
- Posts
- 56,017
I was best man at a Catholic wedding when the Church in England had just changed from Latin to English.
The main officiating priest was the Bride's uncle - from South America. He had never conducted a wedding in anything other than Latin and only had the Spanish version of the new service until he got to the church.
As best man, I was expected to give the cue to the assembled congregation when to stand, sit and kneel. As a lapsed Church of England member I hadn't a clue about the Catholic Wedding Mass whether in Latin, Spanish or English.
The Bride's uncle tried to give me signals when to stand, sit or kneel but the local priest, whose church it was, was giving me contradicting signals as well.
I gave up, stood when I felt like it, sat when I felt like it and knelt when I felt like it. 300 people behind me followed my lead even when both priests shook their heads.
What mattered was that the Bride and Groom were married. Since they were facing the altar they had no idea of the chaos behind them.
At the Wedding Reception, both priests admitted that they had no idea of the new procedures but after a few stiff drinks they said it didn't matter. The most important part was the Bride and Groom's vows and that had gone perfectly. The next most important had been the elevation of the Host and I was in the right position at that.
I still don't know whether I should be standing, sitting or kneeling when the Host is elevated.
I don't care. If I go to another Catholic wedding I'll be way back in the congregation and will follow everyone else. The Catholic Church in England now has 40+ years of experience of weddings in English.
(The reception went on for three days of eating, drinking and dancing even though the Bride and Groom left for their honeymoon after the first few hours.)
The main officiating priest was the Bride's uncle - from South America. He had never conducted a wedding in anything other than Latin and only had the Spanish version of the new service until he got to the church.
As best man, I was expected to give the cue to the assembled congregation when to stand, sit and kneel. As a lapsed Church of England member I hadn't a clue about the Catholic Wedding Mass whether in Latin, Spanish or English.
The Bride's uncle tried to give me signals when to stand, sit or kneel but the local priest, whose church it was, was giving me contradicting signals as well.
I gave up, stood when I felt like it, sat when I felt like it and knelt when I felt like it. 300 people behind me followed my lead even when both priests shook their heads.
What mattered was that the Bride and Groom were married. Since they were facing the altar they had no idea of the chaos behind them.
At the Wedding Reception, both priests admitted that they had no idea of the new procedures but after a few stiff drinks they said it didn't matter. The most important part was the Bride and Groom's vows and that had gone perfectly. The next most important had been the elevation of the Host and I was in the right position at that.
I still don't know whether I should be standing, sitting or kneeling when the Host is elevated.
I don't care. If I go to another Catholic wedding I'll be way back in the congregation and will follow everyone else. The Catholic Church in England now has 40+ years of experience of weddings in English.
(The reception went on for three days of eating, drinking and dancing even though the Bride and Groom left for their honeymoon after the first few hours.)
Bert Notorius
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2004
- Posts
- 46,417
i'm surprised the lightning of G/god's wrath didn't rend the place asunder at your presence...
You missed a wonderful chance to do the Hokey Pokey!
aye_H8_ewe
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2012
- Posts
- 159
I enjoy funerals. I'm going to miss them after I'm dead.
Lancecastor
Lit's Most Beloved Poster
- Joined
- May 14, 2002
- Posts
- 54,670
1. the drag queens in the long dresses and big hats enjoy the drama;
2. don't ask, don't tell
3. see #2 (altar boy juices)
MidgetClown
Loves Spam
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2013
- Posts
- 668
hobbit.
Gods rep on Earth.
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2003
- Posts
- 34,913
some bastard nicked my watch in the shaking hands bit! fucking papists!!
I know they are plastic.. i also know that if the screws are loose and someone picks the box up by the handles.. the box falls
hobbit.
Gods rep on Earth.
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2003
- Posts
- 34,913
i'm surprised the lightning of G/god's wrath didn't rend the place asunder at your presence...
Henry viii put G/god* firmly in his place.
*slight bdsm overtones there.
hobbit.
Gods rep on Earth.
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2003
- Posts
- 34,913
smooth or with floating bits?
Similar threads
