To The Monogamists Among Us

[Moridin187]

Gilly Bean's thread raised a question in my mind.. Sorry if it's already been posted *shrug*

This is for my fellow monogamists.. I've always been a "one woman man" I cheated once, it was not by any means worth the emotional hell that all three of us went through for the next couple of months afterwards.. My question, is this..

If you were completely committed to your S/O, how would you react if they told you they wanted to try a threesome, or sex outside the relationship?

 

[Cherry]

Selfish little thing, that I am ...

I couldn't handle it!

If I ever agreed, and then saw him mounted in someone else, I probably would jump on his back, kicking and screaming!

Now, picture THAT!

 

[Calamity Jane]

Wellll.... I wouldn't exactly call myself a monogamist. I posted a thread a while back about my opinion that monogamy isn't exactly something that most humans can indulge in over the long haul. Yes, there are some out there that can.


I believe in being monogamous with the person I'm with at the time, if that makes sense. I don't believe it's something that can be carried through with one person, forever and ever. Serial monogamy, I suppose.

To answer your question. I'm monogamous with my husband. If he wanted to have a 3some, we'd have to talk about it a lot. I don't feel jealousy, so the issue wouldn't be my feelingsn after the fact, but he's never had sex with someone he's not emotionally involved with, so I can't see him being ok with it afterwards. If he wasn't ok with it, and I was, then I can see it causing great problems in an already overtaxed relationship.

 

[MidnightAngel]

If my husband wanted a threesome? No, I don't think I could deal with that. Like Cherry said, I'd be whippin' somebody before it was over!

If he wanted sex outside the relationship? I can't imagine that I would have a problem with that. I want HIM to be happy; and if that's what makes him happy, I wouldn't tell him that he couldn't do it. I don't "own" him, we're married -- there's a difference.

So why would one scenario be ok and one wouldn't??? I suppose cause I don't think I could handle actually *seeing* him with someone else. Make no sense? *shrug*

 

[kiwiwolf]

If my husband wanted a threesome? No, I don't think I could deal with that. Like Cherry said, I'd be whippin' somebody before it was over!

If he wanted sex outside the relationship? I can't imagine that I would have a problem with that. I want HIM to be happy; and if that's what makes him happy, I wouldn't tell him that he couldn't do it. I don't "own" him, we're married -- there's a difference.

So why would one scenario be ok and one wouldn't??? I suppose cause I don't think I could handle actually *seeing* him with someone else. Make no sense? *shrug*

I think it makes all the sense in the world. I also think you have a fantastic attitude. I'm pretty much along the same lines although I have and would still participate in threesomes. If you don't like the threesome idea... more power to you. Each to his own and other similar cliches.

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Gilly Bean's thread raised a question in my mind.. Sorry if it's already been posted *shrug*

This is for my fellow monogamists.. I've always been a "one woman man" I cheated once, it was not by any means worth the emotional hell that all three of us went through for the next couple of months afterwards.. My question, is this..

If you were completely committed to your S/O, how would you react if they told you they wanted to try a threesome, or sex outside the relationship?

Opens with a *heavy sigh*, I did this once. I was young, naive, was trying to help fulfill one of his fantasy's, having sex with two women. The initial experience it self, was great, mind blowing. It was afterwards, when it no longer was just a fantasy for him, but something he had to have then on out. Me and someone else. I'm not knocking it, for those that enjoy that, but for me, I would much rather have it one on one, I consider myself a one-man-woman.

 

[Aphrodisiac]

If you were completely committed to your S/O, how would you react if they told you they wanted to try a threesome, or sex outside the relationship?

I think it would depend on the man I am with ... for some reason if my current man would ask me for a 3some or sex outside the relationship I would say no ...

I have dated other men & we have been serious & what not ... I would prolly have said yes with them ...

But this man I have right now ... can't explain it. He is special ... to me ... so I would not like to share him with anyone @ all.

 

[Chaton]

Im affraid

If my man even hinted that he wanted to bring someone else into our relationship ((a female)) it would be the end of our relationship. Or at the very least cause us a lot of problems. I am insecure as is, so even the suggestion of wanting/ needing anohter woman would just about kill me

 

[daughter]

Why do we use the plural 'they'

Moridin--

Sorry but that drives me nuts. Why do we say 'they' when we're talking about one person? Are we multiple personalities.

My partner and I are ardent monogamists. For my s/o, it's not about morality or any other lofty notion. He simply believes it's not possible to have emotional investments successfully with multiple partners. For him, there is no having sex without intimacy and involvement. For me, I've had to struggle to get myself emotionally healthy for a monogamous relationship. I simply don't have the capacity to be involved with more than one partner.

In fantasy there is no conflict so I enjoy the idea of multiple partners, but in reality, it doesn't appeal to me. The issue is moot with my s/o. I would not entertain a relationship with someone who enjoyed this because I could not participate. If a partner changed his mind, it would be the beginning of an end. I'd encourage him to persue what he needed, but he'd have to do it without me.

Peace,

daughter

 

[bored1]

As Ive "matured"I find that I that if I was with someone that I truly cared about I wouldnt want to share in anyway nor would I want to breach the trust between 2 people.When I was younger my x and I did the 3some thing MFM it was definately hot! But that lust soon faded and we were left emotionally empty.I now envy my friends who are in longterm monogomous relationships.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[Guest]

I am committed to my marriage and my husband. I committed to making things work. Those "things" may change from time to time. If he needs or wants a threesome, we'll talk about it. I'd want to know why. I'd want to know his ideal post-threesome relationship with the other party. I want to know if our relationship is changing from monogamous to open. We can negotiate and renegotiate. Would it be easy? Hell no.

 

[Moridin187]

Hmm... It seems like my questions are being answered a lot more now than they were a month ago, lol... Maybe cuz I'm coming up with better ones?

Anyhoo.. I never ask a question without answering it myself, so...

I'd probably freak. Whether she was suggesting MMF or MFF.. To me sex is all about love, and I only love one person at a time. The jealousy would be too overwhelming. I guess maybe I'm old fashioned.. But in many ways, if I'm in a relationship, I own her. Put down your flamethrowers liberated women of Lit, because in more ways than I own her, she owns me.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Well, I'm not married but I know I wouldn't want to share my SO with anyone! A threesome doesn't interest me since I found the man I love.