To the citizens of the United States of America from her Majesty's Home Office

[Colleen Thomas]

You would only get Northern Ireland. The republic of Eire is not part of Her Majesty's dominions.

The voting might be interesting.

The UK is part of the European Community of 25 states. It is also part of the Commonwealth of Nations. Either or both would outvote the citizens of the USA.

You might get our Queen as Head of State. You wouldn't need a President nor Air Force One. The Royal train would do.

Og

I don't fear the roayl Marines. the SAS possibly, but i suspect the 51st highlanders would take to us annexing them about as well as we would to you guys trying to annex us.

Frankly, I'd rather deal with Iraq insurgents and Al Q than the black watch. they are less insane

 

[oggbashan]

Even the Black Watch walk carefully around one unit -


The Gurkhas.

Og

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Even the Black Watch walk carefully around one unit -


The Gurkhas.

Og

I first read of the Gurkhas in a book detailing the CBI theatre of WWII. they were nearly wiped out defending a river crossing as the British army fell back towards india. Have never seen them described as anything other than fierce and daunting.

They are on my short list of formation from WWII I hold great respect for.

The Gurkahs
The South Africans
Austrailians
New Zealanders
the Black Watch
and of course
Uncle Sam's Misguided Children

 

[jacintexas]

Queenie
Do you remember two little wars called WI adnd WWII in which you were getting your collective asses kicked until we showed up.. well we still have cans of same whup ass on the shelves.. well actually these cans are a bit more potent now.. so anyway.. bring it on..

 

[amicus]

This thread is priceless! One for the archives. Thanks!


Amicus...

 

[indianPilot]

My uncle served alongside Gurkhas during WW2 - Their ability to move around undetected was legendary. One evening he was on sentry duty in a forward, early warning post. He felt a knife touch his throat as a hand touched his chest (our boys wear a special badge there to identify they are Australian) the knife disapeared. A hand patted him on the back, and the person was gone.

The next morning my uncle's C.O confirmed it was a Gurkhas, and was only the badge pinned to his chest that saved him.

MG

 

[Colleen Thomas]

My uncle served alongside Gurkhas during WW2 - Their ability to move around undetected was legendary. One evening he was on sentry duty in a forward, early warning post. He felt a knife touch his throat as a hand touched his chest (our boys wear a special badge there to identify they are Australian) the knife disapeared. A hand patted him on the back, and the person was gone.

The next morning my uncle's C.O confirmed it was a Gurkhas, and was only the badge pinned to his chest that saved him.

MG

thanks

I've heard they were particularly feared because they prefered to use knives at close quarters. The japanese taught their soldiers to try and come to grips quickly with the western powers as they did not like close in fighting. the Gurkahs were a nasty surprise to them.

 

[Guest]

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a suitable President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence ... Your new prime minister Tony Blair ...

So we give up the guy who lead Blair down the primrose path for the fool lead down the path?

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

Already happened. Bush has decided he can ignore laws he does not like. Also look up "Recess appointment".

1. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

"Fuck" is all we need to carry on a conversation.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

Don't fuck with Microsoft software. Any meddling can make it crash.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.

Already have. Australians are the ones whose girls are good in the sack.

4. Hollywood will be required ...

Anyone who brings us Monty Python might have a point on that issue.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",

If it doesn't have the damn high notes, you may have a deal.

6. You should stop playing American "football".

Tell you what. Have your best Footballers meet our best. You play by your rules, we'll play by ours. Whoever gets the ball down to the opposite end first wins.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons

Are you kidding? Their women are way too cute.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.

Give up a reason to drink beer! Never!

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are **** and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

We have German cars. What we avoid like the plague are British built cars.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left

That will lower the overcrowding!

you will go metric

I heard it works real well in the UK. You go to the hardware store and order 10 meters of a 2x4.

10. You will learn to make real chips.

We do. Intel makes them. You pay a good part of your GNP to buy them. My stock portfolio thanks you.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

I'm all for this. They should be allowed to kill people talking on cell phones in restaurants.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

You are still holding a grudge for what was really a drunk fraternity prank by some Harvard students?

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer ...

Don't fuck with my beer! I might give up my national athem but never my beer. And I'm drinking cold too!

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

Guess what we value more than beer? Yep, driving while drinking beer.

]14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists.

Are we better off telling our loved one on a interceptable cell phone "I want to be your tampon?"

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Lee Harvey Oswald. That's what the government told us, and they never lie.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Always wanted to peel a tax collector.

Here's a counter proposal for you. Designate Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt as your new King and Queen. Their offspring will be considerably better looking than the typical Brit.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Go to France and hide.

Now you're just being RUDE!

 

[Andreina]

i love you people - really!

 

[Wildcard Ky]

i love you people - really!

I'm glad you love us, but if you try to lay a 50% tax rate on us, things is gonna git ugly!

 

[matriarch]

The fact remains that many of us still have guns. So please, feel free to come on over, just expect to get your asses handed to you as you have the last couple of times you decided to take this particular tack.

-the Colonials

Hey!!

Excuse me!!!

I'm a visitor, I ain't no enemy.

Sounds like a good job I'm leaving the 'land of the free' pretty soon.

 

[matriarch]

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to ..etc. etc. etc.....

Could you 'Europeans' please stop posting this piece (its been on here several times in the last two years). Do you have the slightest idea how difficult it makes it for people like me, a long term visitor to USA to get by without injury to life and limb????

And considering my SO is an American, you really make life interesting with this sort of stuff.

'Auntie'
A BRIT, first and foremost.
A European when I have no choice.

 

[3113]

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a suitable President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves....

Terribly sorry, Your Majesty, but you've made a fundamental flaw here. All current evidence seems to indicate that he's not a president at all. You really need to start calling him King Dubya.

No need to to take us back to the pre-revolutionary days of George III. We're already there.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Huh, I thought we'd finally find out what's in the Queen's purse.

 

[oggbashan]

Huh, I thought we'd finally find out what's in the Queen's purse.

I am sorry to disillusion you but Her Majesty does not have a purse. Anything she might need is carried by a Lady-In-Waiting.

The Privy Purse is an accounting convention for some of the expenditure of the official activities of the Royal Family.

Og

 

[LadyJeanne]

I am sorry to disillusion you but Her Majesty does not have a purse. Anything she might need is carried by a Lady-In-Waiting.

The Privy Purse is an accounting convention for some of the expenditure of the official activities of the Royal Family.

Og

I learn so much on Lit. I thought the Privy Purse was the one with the tampons, pads, paper, and spare change for all your abominable pay toilets.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Hey!!

Excuse me!!!

I'm a visitor, I ain't no enemy.

Sounds like a good job I'm leaving the 'land of the free' pretty soon.

You are here to steal winged waterfowl. Since the fowl is all for it, you're exempt from any accustion of evil intent

 

[angela146]

Um... Andreina...

I believe your message amounts to high treason in the UK (speaking on behalf of HMQ and/or HMG without a brief). Please report to The Tower for beheading.

 

[SensualCealy]

Works for me. We never should have trusted the French, anyway.

Dont get the french involved, this is between the English and the U.S. ! lol
C

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Hey-- Legalized gay marriage, liberal drug laws, national health care, religion out of government, the world's respect and decent beer... What's so bad about that? (Oh right-- 11 PM closing time.)

Anything would be better than the klepto-plutocracy we have now.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I've always been interested in the other side's views on the American revolution. Noah Webster, for example, was dead set against democracy, and his argument was typical.

In the absence of an aristocracy, he believed, the country would be subjected to mob rule. The values of society would be determined by what's popular, not by what's wisest or best, and so values and ideals would fall to the lowest common denominator. Our leaders would be elected based on popuarity and graft rather than merit and suitability.

I'll leave the judgment as to how right he was to you.

 

[Guest]

Hey-- Legalized gay marriage, liberal drug laws, national health care, religion out of government, the world's respect and decent beer... What's so bad about that? (Oh right-- 11 PM closing time.)

Anything would be better than the klepto-plutocracy we have now.

I think they just did away with the 11 PM closing time, so we are good to go.

 

[oggbashan]

Hey-- Legalized gay marriage, liberal drug laws, national health care, religion out of government, the world's respect and decent beer... What's so bad about that? (Oh right-- 11 PM closing time.)

Anything would be better than the klepto-plutocracy we have now.

The Licensing Act 2003 abolished the 11pm closing time in England about 6 weeks ago. Now pubs and clubs can apply to open 24/7 and some do.

You forgot: Intercourse is legal between consenting adults from their 16th birthday and they can marry. (have to wait until 18 to get married without parental consent)

Any 18 year old can legally buy alcohol and drink in a pub. Below that age can drink at home with parental consent and can drink beer or cider with a meal from age 16.

70 mph speed limit on dual carriageways and motorways; 60mph on most other roads.

Deaths from firearm incidents are very low. Our police do not usually carry guns and are generally polite even to known criminals.

You can live where you like without worrying about your skin colour.

If you want to take part in a Gay Pride march you will probably find that the Police and City Hall officials are marking with you.

I could go on...

Og

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Honestly, though, if the US would belong to any European country, it should be Sweden. We're already so Americanized that you wouldn't notice any difference.

We've got McDonalds, firearms in the school yard, and capitalism. Don't let the name of our leading political party, the "Social Democrats" fool you - they haven't been socialistic since the end of the 70'ies..!