arielsgoddess
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2009
- Posts
- 458
Fair warning: this poem is very graphic and depressing, so please DO NOT read it if you are depressed or disturbed by such things, as I would not want you to....and you are not hurting my feelings by clicking away now. I would have stuck this poem in my thread, but for silly, female reasons I am not, such as I will cry my eyes out everytime I post anything else with it. SO here goes:
To My Friend Charl!e I Miss You
Charlie who always printed his name
With the “I” upside-down like an exclamation mark
Who said that he loved it on the internet because
Here he could type and talk in single words or runons
Fragments and phrases and pictures or songs even
While in the real world communication is painful
No one could ever read his handwriting and
He always put the punctuation in all the wrong places
But when he showed it to me we laughed together because
The way he said it I saw it and it sounded even better
And I showed him a poem called Security. Written on purpose.
That broke the lines up, so they sounded. Better!
Changed the meaning didn’t mean they had to make sense
To everyone and he got it and I felt him smile felt the world
Spin and right itself for him before it started slipping again
I wanted so badly to hold it upright for him while it shifted
While I fought motion sickness and the knowledge that
This was the world he was soon to slip off of
So I tried to learn as much as I could about him
Like his eyes were only safe behind his dark hair
Though I knew they were beautiful deep jade
Blended with cobalt like the seaweed at 50,000 ft
So that they glowed almost black in the moonlight
His favorite colors were black and sunlight, though
That was him, all depth and brilliance but he couldn’t see it
Because no one else had ever seen it in him and I counted
But I had arrived late and I was only an audience of one
And it broke my heart that I by myself was not enough
As he wrote me songs no one would ever hear including me
Because I can’t read music and there wasn’t time enough to sing
And I never heard his voice inside my head and never got to
Even take a Polaroid with my eyes there just wasn’t time
The world was just spinning faster and Charlie couldn’t hang on anymore
People wouldn’t even let him look at the floorways
The blackness and stars were destroyed by streetlights
The stormclouds defeated the sunlight and Charlie
Charlie always hated rain in the city and this just didn’t let up
He thought nothing interrupts this depression nothing no period
No night no peace no dreams no sun no nothing worth the trouble
Like everybody said about Charlie and ridiculed his exclamation mark
Whenever he put himself out there where they could see but they couldn’t
They were the ones looking down not him they were the ones that didn’t
See the points that obsessed he never put anything where it belonged
It must be him when they say not a good composition Charlie
They must know what he is made of they took him apart so much
So often that Charlie didn’t even bother to write anything his last day
Not even his name because he was going to give them a lesson in punctuation
He took the period of a bullet out of a box ……to finish his sentence
Spent a long time staring at it in the gun he'd inherited from someone
His fingers hooked around it in quotation marks of his last statement
An apostrophe furrowing into his brow as he raised it
And blew his exclamations marks everywhere
Interrupted only by asterisks of matter
And other bits of profanity signs
That they will be sure to censor
Although they cannot correct him anymore
He has erased their ability to do so and removed their marks
By whiting out his soul which I always knew was pure and wonder
Where he sits now in the perfect blackness or uninterrupted sunlight
And know that he is not afraid to look now as I am as I open his message
Which is blank
And dated 3:16 this morning
And I am crying and I can’t stop
Because I am the only one that knows what it means
And it says so much to me
That I was the only one that knew what he means
The only one that could fill in the blanks
The only one that really
The only one that thought of him as valuable
The only one that he thought of
He shared the last same moment with me
And knew that I would miss him
Knew that I knew him
And miss him I do
As I fill this whole sheet of paper
Turning the white into a weaving of letters
Until I am unable to read my own handwriting
Because my tears are putting punctuation marks in all the wrong places
And all my thoughts about you Charlie are runon sentences
That I wish had been long enough to reach you
Are they enough to reach you now
Please Charlie take this comma - , - it’s one half of my broken heart,
Hold onto it tight in the dark, push a few of the stars aside,
And sweep me some space in the sunlight, using it as a placeholder for me,
I told you I’ll be there
Charl!e,
To My Friend Charl!e I Miss You
Charlie who always printed his name
With the “I” upside-down like an exclamation mark
Who said that he loved it on the internet because
Here he could type and talk in single words or runons
Fragments and phrases and pictures or songs even
While in the real world communication is painful
No one could ever read his handwriting and
He always put the punctuation in all the wrong places
But when he showed it to me we laughed together because
The way he said it I saw it and it sounded even better
And I showed him a poem called Security. Written on purpose.
That broke the lines up, so they sounded. Better!
Changed the meaning didn’t mean they had to make sense
To everyone and he got it and I felt him smile felt the world
Spin and right itself for him before it started slipping again
I wanted so badly to hold it upright for him while it shifted
While I fought motion sickness and the knowledge that
This was the world he was soon to slip off of
So I tried to learn as much as I could about him
Like his eyes were only safe behind his dark hair
Though I knew they were beautiful deep jade
Blended with cobalt like the seaweed at 50,000 ft
So that they glowed almost black in the moonlight
His favorite colors were black and sunlight, though
That was him, all depth and brilliance but he couldn’t see it
Because no one else had ever seen it in him and I counted
But I had arrived late and I was only an audience of one
And it broke my heart that I by myself was not enough
As he wrote me songs no one would ever hear including me
Because I can’t read music and there wasn’t time enough to sing
And I never heard his voice inside my head and never got to
Even take a Polaroid with my eyes there just wasn’t time
The world was just spinning faster and Charlie couldn’t hang on anymore
People wouldn’t even let him look at the floorways
The blackness and stars were destroyed by streetlights
The stormclouds defeated the sunlight and Charlie
Charlie always hated rain in the city and this just didn’t let up
He thought nothing interrupts this depression nothing no period
No night no peace no dreams no sun no nothing worth the trouble
Like everybody said about Charlie and ridiculed his exclamation mark
Whenever he put himself out there where they could see but they couldn’t
They were the ones looking down not him they were the ones that didn’t
See the points that obsessed he never put anything where it belonged
It must be him when they say not a good composition Charlie
They must know what he is made of they took him apart so much
So often that Charlie didn’t even bother to write anything his last day
Not even his name because he was going to give them a lesson in punctuation
He took the period of a bullet out of a box ……to finish his sentence
Spent a long time staring at it in the gun he'd inherited from someone
His fingers hooked around it in quotation marks of his last statement
An apostrophe furrowing into his brow as he raised it
And blew his exclamations marks everywhere
Interrupted only by asterisks of matter
And other bits of profanity signs
That they will be sure to censor
Although they cannot correct him anymore
He has erased their ability to do so and removed their marks
By whiting out his soul which I always knew was pure and wonder
Where he sits now in the perfect blackness or uninterrupted sunlight
And know that he is not afraid to look now as I am as I open his message
Which is blank
And dated 3:16 this morning
And I am crying and I can’t stop
Because I am the only one that knows what it means
And it says so much to me
That I was the only one that knew what he means
The only one that could fill in the blanks
The only one that really
The only one that thought of him as valuable
The only one that he thought of
He shared the last same moment with me
And knew that I would miss him
Knew that I knew him
And miss him I do
As I fill this whole sheet of paper
Turning the white into a weaving of letters
Until I am unable to read my own handwriting
Because my tears are putting punctuation marks in all the wrong places
And all my thoughts about you Charlie are runon sentences
That I wish had been long enough to reach you
Are they enough to reach you now
Please Charlie take this comma - , - it’s one half of my broken heart,
Hold onto it tight in the dark, push a few of the stars aside,
And sweep me some space in the sunlight, using it as a placeholder for me,
I told you I’ll be there
Charl!e,
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