TnT

[slyc_willie]

TnT is an eight-part series concerning a pair of identical twins, Talon and Thorne, who develop a sexual thrill from killing. It's a gritty, violent piece and as such has been posted in the Erotic Horror category. The first five chapters have already posted (and aside from trollish voting right off the bat, are doing pretty well).

I'm glad that the story posted to the category I wanted, considering the strong incest theme throughout (the twins are lovers). Considering that Talon and Thorne are the villains, their incestuous relationship is not exactly painted in a favorable light by the two detectives investigating them. Had this series posted to Incest & Taboo, I'm sure there would have been a lot of angry readers.

I'd like to get some constructive criticism regarding this series, since I plan on publishing it. I am aware that there are some weak spots and a few plot holes. I placed more emphasis on developing my four principle characters than the technical details of the investigation. To me, it reads more like a long episode of Law & Order with a healthy dose of erotic content. But I'd like to get some other perspectives.

If anyone's interested, here's the link to the first chapter:

TnT Ch. 01

Thanks.

 

[slyc_willie]

LaRascasse, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on the chapters. I'm glad you enjoyed the series. Thanks for your feedback.

 

[slyc_willie]

Just figured I would ask one more time. I'd like to know what readers think of this series. All eight chapters have posted and are doing pretty well overall, and the comments are encouraging. But honest feedback would still be appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[LaRascasse]

LaRascasse, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on the chapters. I'm glad you enjoyed the series. Thanks for your feedback.

No problem

I liked 90% of the story, but there were a few parts which raised an eyebrow. I've said a few of those points in the comments, but will refrain from going into more detail here as it would spoil the series for someone who plans to read it.

But it's a good series, one I would recommend to my like-minded friends.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R3GtAnO66o

I stopped commenting as my own writing is evolving, and I find that I hoist my nose at plenty of popular classics, and prefer a small group of writers.

So I prolly have nuthin to contribute.

 

[slyc_willie]

No problem

I liked 90% of the story, but there were a few parts which raised an eyebrow. I've said a few of those points in the comments, but will refrain from going into more detail here as it would spoil the series for someone who plans to read it.

But it's a good series, one I would recommend to my like-minded friends.

Yeah, you pointed out a couple of things I had either overlooked or taken for granted in the context of the story. It's going to be meticulously rewritten before I consider it for publication.

 

[RedMonkeyButt]

I read all of it today. I agree with most of the points that LaRascasse pointed out in his comments. There are also some light editing issues that only stood out to me because you asked for feedback here and so I was reading more carefully. Just little things like the rare missed word, "dessert" instead of "desert," stupid stuff like that.

Overall, I found it to be a very well-done story. I was hesitant because you mentioned the incest thing going on, but since I knew about it I was able to skim over most of it. I think you did the gory stuff really well without actually going into the details of what it sounds like to walk across blood soaked carpet.

The only part I found really jarring, but (I think) I understood why you did it, was the almost comic-book way you described the happenings in the scene with Holly. I don't want to give too much away, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

I have to admit that even though it's a good twisty ending, I saw it coming. At least for this story you seemed to like fucking with your characters as much as I do. I also hate the way you ended it. It was great, but damn.

I had a quote all ready to use in here that you had posted in another thread, but I think it would be too much of a spoiler. I read this one post of yours and it dawned on me that you were referencing this story. Kind of burst my bubble, but I still enjoyed the story.

 

[slyc_willie]

The only part I found really jarring, but (I think) I understood why you did it, was the almost comic-book way you described the happenings in the scene with Holly. I don't want to give too much away, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Thanks for reading. Yes, to be honest, the scene between the twins and Holly was supposed to be a bit morbidly humorous. I was watching A Clockwork Orange while writing it.

I have to admit that even though it's a good twisty ending, I saw it coming. At least for this story you seemed to like fucking with your characters as much as I do. I also hate the way you ended it. It was great, but damn.

Well, I was going for the "damn you, slyc_willie!" sort of ending, and it seems I got that based on the comments and feedback. But you say you saw it coming? Damn . . . would you mind letting me know what clued you in?