tired of being turned down

[johntheordinary]

...by my wife.

It gets old after a while.

It's been a month and I finally started dropping hints this week. Still no love.

Where's the porn...again.....

 

[Lollygirl26]

...by my wife.

It gets old after a while.

It's been a month and I finally started dropping hints this week. Still no love.

Where's the porn...again.....

Does she give you an excuse ss to why no

 

[johntheordinary]

not really

We have had this conversation forever... when she isnt in the mood, she doesnt want to get in the mood. I am tired of trying.

 

[strong_daddy]

If she was interested in taking care of your needs she would, or at least tell you what it would take to get her in the mood. Constantly being turned down even after having a conversation about it shows a truly self centered attitude. If you actually have an open dialogue about it and she is still refusing to budge you have very few choices if you want to get you rocks off by a means other than your hands.

She is obviously telling you to find someone else.

When in doubt, bang her best friend. Don't forget to take pics to share with the rest of us!

 

[johntheordinary]

eh

Her best friend isn't that good looking.

But there is another girl she is sortof friends with who always flirts with me. Will that work?

 

[Rhetoracle]

In the same boat, bro! How long has it been since you two had any physical intimacy?

 

[riffraffff]

Take It TOday

 

[BjorneBrand]

Be firm with the girl

Damn a month -- my balls would swell up like softballs

I agree with SD. Before banging someone else -- be very clear with her. I usually just walk up and tell her I want a blow job.

Jack off to your favorite story in the living room. When she walks by ask her to suck your cock. Be polite, but don't say please.

If she refuses fuck the friend -- better yet have the friend suck your cock in the living room while you read a favorite story. When she walks by she'll get it and join in or or split and you will have your self respect.

Sex is something we all deserve -- not something to beg for.

 

[strong_daddy]

Her best friend isn't that good looking.

But there is another girl she is sortof friends with who always flirts with me. Will that work?

Of course. You, like like your wife, decide how to use your intimate parts. If her "sort of friend" is flirtatious and attractive, you have MY blessing. I would not be so bold with the s.o.f. as Bjorne is suggesting, but I would be that bold on your own. Also, let it slip that you have been seeking other company. Maybe that will motivate her.


Do remember, my blessing does not help you during divorce proceedings.

 

[AustinTrist]

reality check

Can I make a suggestion that's not 'bang her friend, obviously lol'?

Try making the first move, you going down on her. Don't make it about you, make it about her. Start off with a nice dinner, some nice wine. Make it a date. Bring some of that romance back in. If you lost that passion in the bed, try starting a fire in another way. Another issue might be attraction. You're obviously still attracted to her, but is the opposite true? When was the last time you hit the gym? Do you even lift, bro? I'm not calling you unattractive, but are you still attractive to her?

There's this love for taboo and things like infidelity on this site, but these things rarely solve the problem in 'normal' relationships. The things that fix them are communication and love for each other.

And if you've tried this and she's still not willing to try, you have more problems than just where you're getting sex. A relationship can't be carried on by one person, you or her. And if you've grown so far apart that you're unwilling to care about the needs of someone else, then you should consider some marriage counseling by a professional.

 

[sereneone4u]

Wow.

My husband has only been allowed to have me twice this year.

I would double dog dare him to try some of these suggestions.

 

[Noor]

Why don't you ask her what would help get her in the mood?

 

[Noor]

...by my wife.

It gets old after a while.

It's been a month and I finally started dropping hints this week. Still no love.

Where's the porn...again.....

Confused how are you getting turned down when you weren't even dropping hints until this week? hints of what? why hints, why not be clear?

 

[AustinTrist]

Confused how are you getting turned down when you weren't even dropping hints until this week? hints of what? why hints, why not be clear?

Dude. This.

 

[Doog_kuron]

...by my wife.

It gets old after a while.

It's been a month and I finally started dropping hints this week. Still no love.

Where's the porn...again.....

I've been in that situation, I think many men and even a few women have. Though in my situation my woes extended beyond the bedroom. Longest gap between any intimacy at all was six months. I tried everything I could think of, backing off, putting her first, dates, talking, getting professional advice. You name it, I tried it. In every case she refused to do anything. Needless to say i eventually gave up and walked away. Never looked back. Not saying that's what you should do, always worth exhausting every avenue if you love that person.

 

[dreami]

only if u are really bothered

when u say dropping hints.... u mean asking her how she is, asking her if there is anything she wants, what can u do to help, "i was thinking over the weekend gettingon with xyz that u mentioned u wanted done", being open and relaxed and not being all stressy with her cos u aint getting what u want ...u know a good 5 minute chat with all your attention on her as a person and not about the mundane day-to-day things, reminding her of all the things u like about her as a person, why she is special to you and nice stuff for the future that u envisage for the pair of you - if she isnt totally nerotic -cos if she is those wont work right from the off

if she is neurotic then u need to slowly start working on these - but at first u will keep blamed for everything and nothing u do will be good enough -but persevere - learn to her anticipate needs, anticipate chores, offer occasionaly to do something u know u can do quite well and give her a break/ rest.....

if she is washing up go up to her and stroke her hair or compliment her on how it smells nice and touch her shoulder, her go up behind her and kiss her head and whisper in her ear and say that was a lovely meal and u want to do the dishes while she gets some time to herself, or even if it is just making the pair of you a hot drink in the evening while watching tv.

its about being there for her physically and emotionally but leaving off the sex pressure and building up to it - but leaving her wanting more...if she is generally quite turned off it will be little and often from your part - but the key is genuine and sustained effort...otherwise it will become apparent u are after a legover and it isnt about her and how u feel for her
or just suprising her with flowers and the odd compliment. women feel sexed up when appriciated and not stressed... if those things dont work or just get thrown back in your face then u need to have a heart to heart chat with her and say u want a date night, a night for some fun and frolics - a time for u to look after her as she looks after the family and u want to spoil her and show her how special she is - this isnt about sex this is about rekindling that initial excitement and attraction.

if she is tired, stressed, depressed all of these things will require uber effort and patience on your part. but a calm, conserted and sustained effort will demonstrate to her that she is your world and the only one u long for....if there has been lots of fighting, dissapointments and/or breaches in trust well your heart must be really in it.
and as long as she doesnt suspect your keeping yourself entertained while you re-seduce her cocks away!!!!
and u win both ways.
........ good luck

 

[MBFemale]

Sorry sweetie. I agree with all the above...find out what's going on with her, what she needs/wants.

 

[SouthBayCouple]

I really am confused by this thread.

If sex is such an important thing to you, why aren't you communicating with your woman about what you want/need instead of dropping hints? Feel empowered and take ownership over the way you feel, your relationship and your life.

Sleeping with a flirtatious friend is not the answer. Engaging in adult conversation and dialogue/exploration about what each other is feeling is a prerequisite. I am not saying that this will fix your problems...they may not be fixable. But, own your situation and effectuate real change in your life.

At the risk of sounding like a jerk, the entire tone of your thread is one of self-pity and helplessness. There is nothing attractive or sexy about that. So, get your mind right. And plan out a time to have an open-ended conversation in an environment that is nurturing and safe for each of you to share.

Good luck, buddy!

 

[triciaNC]

Maybe you need some relief?

Maybe getting a little relief would help? Long, hot, blowjob?

 

[l84ad8withme]

Someone say blowjob?

Tricia, I like the way you think

 

[Breakerhymen]

Guessing he has begged for that too.......if he was getting that long BJ he wouldn't be on this forum......LOL

 

[RacyWilde]

*

Your wife will not change her attitude towards sex unless she wants to. No amount of psychological persuasion such as dinners, massages, cuddles, etc (which can all seem like pressure to have sex to a frigid woman) will change her mind. The change needs to come from within her. It is a decision she, and she alone, needs to make. Her excuses might be stress, work, kids, feels ugly, no time, tired, etc, which are all valid, but they are also a list of priorities. She won't have sex with you until work settles, the kids don't need her, she feels good about herself, she has time, she feels energised... It's like waiting for the stars to align. Unless she decides to put you and your relationship first again, (like she did at the beginning of your marriage?) things will not change.

I think the first thing you need to find out is if your wife is still physically attracted to you. Of course she may love you, but physical attraction is still very important when it comes to sexual intimacy. The killer is is that over time physical attraction can wane. If she says "I'll be attracted to you if you did the dishes more often" then... yeah, you can gather that sex has become a barter.

Intimacy is a human need. It's the next step up from food, shelter and safety. Too often people are made to feel bad because they want "sex" but really, it's not sex they are missing, it's intimacy. Intimacy is human connection. For a relationship, intimacy - mental, physical, even spiritual - is the foundation. When that is shaky everything else can come tumbling down.

I feel for you. Like everyone faced with this problem, you have some tough decisions to make. But if you are true to yourself then you will always make to right choice.