SilvaTungDevil
Sexy Mother Clucker
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2002
- Posts
- 8,113
I love to call in sick. Fuggin' love it. Nothing like laying around and watching bad daytime TV and masturbating while my coworkers are slaving away. Hell, I usually work when I'm sick just so I can use sick days for my own personal pleasure. I have several tips and a follow up question.
TIP#1
When calling in, wad up small pieces of kleenex and place them between your cheeks/lips and gums. This gives your voice a more hollow, nasally twang.
TIP#2
Hemorrhoids are the perfect ailment. Who's gonna' question you about it. In fact, no boss would ever think you made up having hemorrhoids. Also, no need to act sick the next day, just remember to dig in your britches a couple of times.
TIP#3
When possible, clear your schedule ahead of time. This allows for a relative guilt free day and there is less chance you will be called at home.
TIP#4
Call in two days in a row. While calling in one day might be suspect, the second day evokes comments in your workplace such as, "Gosh, he must really be sick," or, "I hope he's not too seriously ill."
TIP#5
Stay up late the night before returning to work. You may drag ass the next day, but it strengthens the sick recovery look as well as insuring maximum usage of your scammed time off.
TIP#6
Offer to come in later in the day. Most bosses will say that it is not necessary, just recover. If they agree, call later and tell them you feel even worse.
TIP#6
"I can't seem to stop crying." Yes, this is a fantastic way to keep others from asking questions about your ailment. If you don't mind being known as the unstable guy, this call in works like a charm.
TIP#7
Avoid the my dog/cat died or my loved one/family member died call ins. The bad Karma incurred with these excuses can wreak havoc down the road. Furthermore, if you, like me, have a problem with short term memory, you're going to be doing a lot of explaining about the unusually large size of your family and number of pets.
Im sure there are plenty of other tips out there. What are some of your best? Also, does anyone know of some kind of plant that when eaten, makes your voice scratchy and raspy? Thanks!
TIP#1
When calling in, wad up small pieces of kleenex and place them between your cheeks/lips and gums. This gives your voice a more hollow, nasally twang.
TIP#2
Hemorrhoids are the perfect ailment. Who's gonna' question you about it. In fact, no boss would ever think you made up having hemorrhoids. Also, no need to act sick the next day, just remember to dig in your britches a couple of times.
TIP#3
When possible, clear your schedule ahead of time. This allows for a relative guilt free day and there is less chance you will be called at home.
TIP#4
Call in two days in a row. While calling in one day might be suspect, the second day evokes comments in your workplace such as, "Gosh, he must really be sick," or, "I hope he's not too seriously ill."
TIP#5
Stay up late the night before returning to work. You may drag ass the next day, but it strengthens the sick recovery look as well as insuring maximum usage of your scammed time off.
TIP#6
Offer to come in later in the day. Most bosses will say that it is not necessary, just recover. If they agree, call later and tell them you feel even worse.
TIP#6
"I can't seem to stop crying." Yes, this is a fantastic way to keep others from asking questions about your ailment. If you don't mind being known as the unstable guy, this call in works like a charm.
TIP#7
Avoid the my dog/cat died or my loved one/family member died call ins. The bad Karma incurred with these excuses can wreak havoc down the road. Furthermore, if you, like me, have a problem with short term memory, you're going to be doing a lot of explaining about the unusually large size of your family and number of pets.
Im sure there are plenty of other tips out there. What are some of your best? Also, does anyone know of some kind of plant that when eaten, makes your voice scratchy and raspy? Thanks!
