Time is the Enemy

[65valiant]

Once upon the guilded sand, we stood two figures
Alone though in sight, our hand reached for each other inspite
Your perfume I could smell, intoxicated the night still dwelled
A storm one day blocked my view, thoughts of losing you
Now time has passed, with sands through the hour glass
You moved farther away, my eye-site did strain
The enemy time has taken you away.....

 

[WickedEve]

Ah ha. A poem.
Have you written many?

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Once upon the guilded sand, we stood two figures
Alone though in sight, our hand reached for each other inspite
Your perfume I could smell, intoxicated the night still dwelled
A storm one day blocked my view, thoughts of losing you
Now time has passed, with sands through the hour glass
You moved farther away, my eye-site did strain
The enemy time has taken you away.....

I would be happy to shred this, if you want. Till then, 1 Q? eye-site?

 

[AChild]

Wow I didn't know this was a roast. I liked it, something their between the lines despite the structure and rhyme scheme it still flows a little. To the author dig deeper and if its got to rhyme so hard let it be a toe tapper.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Wow I didn't know this was a roast. I liked it, something their between the lines despite the structure and rhyme scheme it still flows a little. To the author dig deeper and if its got to rhyme so hard let it be a toe tapper.

what makes you think it will be a roast? Reponse hinges on two questions, eye-site? and do you want this shredded?

Place could use a little more than , don't cha think?

 

[65valiant]

I have written some, I am testing the waters..........I will post another...

 

[65valiant]

As the light streamed, it caressed your half naked body.
The smell of coffee from the corner store wafted in through the open window.
It was summer, early summer.... the temperature was just right..........
I sat up in bed and watched you sleep..........your breathing soft and steady..........
The night before came back in snatches...
The pub and bourbon...cigarette smoke and loud voices...us sitting in a corner laughing...
The cabaret, it was nothing more than a drag show we held hands and whispered to each other...
The walk home through the park, the moon light in your hair.... shined like fairy dust.........
How we made back to the apartment I do not know..............
Looking around I saw the empty bottle and ash tray full...
We had talked for a long time............
There were scarves still attached to the bedposts..........
I remember your soft voice begging to stop, along with the moaning..................
The arching your hips, and I could see the intense pleasure in your face.........
Inhaling the air I could still pick-up the heady smell of our sex....
Your mouth like velvet on my lips...on my body...........
Locked together in intense sexual ecstasy we climaxed more than once..........
In the heat of that early summer……….

 

[WickedEve]

As the light streamed, it caressed your half naked body.
The smell of coffee from the corner store wafted in through the open window.
It was summer, early summer.... the temperature was just right..........
I sat up in bed and watched you sleep..........your breathing soft and steady..........
The night before came back in snatches...
The pub and bourbon...cigarette smoke and loud voices...us sitting in a corner laughing...
The cabaret, it was nothing more than a drag show we held hands and whispered to each other...
The walk home through the park, the moon light in your hair.... shined like fairy dust.........
How we made back to the apartment I do not know..............
Looking around I saw the empty bottle and ash tray full...
We had talked for a long time............
There were scarves still attached to the bedposts..........
I remember your soft voice begging to stop, along with the moaning..................
The arching your hips, and I could see the intense pleasure in your face.........
Inhaling the air I could still pick-up the heady smell of our sex....
Your mouth like velvet on my lips...on my body...........
Locked together in intense sexual ecstasy we climaxed more than once..........
In the heat of that early summer……….

You have some good material to work with, like the coffee, pub, cabaret, scarves, etc. Is this poem still in its early stages? It seems a bit rough. Some more editing would help. Get rid of all your..................

 

[65valiant]

You have some good material to work with, like the coffee, pub, cabaret, scarves, etc. Is this poem still in its early stages? It seems a bit rough. Some more editing would help. Get rid of all your..................

This is great...........I for one have never taken any writing classes so excuse my ignorance.........how would you rephrase with out the "your"

 

[WickedEve]

This is great...........I for one have never taken any writing classes so excuse my ignorance.........how would you rephrase with out the "your"

I meant the ellipses. These: .................

 

[65valiant]

I meant the ellipses. These: .................

Sorry I didn't understand little thick sometimes.

 

[WickedEve]

Sorry I didn't understand little thick sometimes.

My fault. I should have been clearer.

 

[65valiant]

We made light conversation as you showered. I watched you wash yourself through the plastic curtain, you where just a shadow. We agreed that I would meet you later at the bar, our back table in the corner it was you favorite haunt. You took your time going through your clothes, the look had to be right. You settled on a long black skirt with your knee high black boots and a green blouse, your rid lipstick was prefect.
I watch out the window as your figure disappeared in to the night, wondering what the rest of the evening held. I also showered, and pulled my trusty old jeans and motorcycle boots on and stepped out into the night. The walk to the bar was a short one; the cold night air surrounded my thoughts and me. When I reached the bar I could hear and feel the vibration of the music like a hypnotic snake charmer luring me in. I nodded to the doorman, who let me pass while others struggled with their ID's and money, the smell of whisky and cigarette greeted me as I walked in. I pushed my way through the crowd to the bar, the blond bartender waved at me, smiling I replied. I turned around to survey the crowd; it was a busy night a good night to be on the prowl, when I turn back around there was a glass of Bourbon waiting for me. I looked over in the corner and there you sat talking to one of our friends and next to you was a new friend. She was tall and pale, with black hair that shone with blue brilliance. The black t-shirt she had on held back medium size breast, with a tear in the side you could tell her bra was black. The jeans she had on where low rise and her pale skin shone brightly where it was not covered. This girl, as she looked so young, was put together from her sliver earrings to the bright red lipstick that was so contrasted against that alabaster skin. I join you all and introduce myself to your new friend, for the rest of the evening I watched as you performed you ballet with this kitten. The way you would casually brush her hair back, rest your hand on her leg or smile at her, I knew you had her. As the evening wound down talk of people going home began, this when I suggested we go back to the apartment and listen to music and have a few more drinks. We got up and walked out in that crisp night air, you pulled her close and held her hand. Unlocking the door we stepped into our living room, I went to fix drinks and you started up the record player. I could hear talking and laughing as I made the bourbon on the rocks, and found you all dancing close and grinding into each other. We all sat and made small talk and drank, you casually lean over and kissed her on the mouth, red lips smashing into rid lips. She reached over and ran her hand up your bare leg and you moaned, falling into the couch you began a full on mouth kiss with tongues darting back and forth. I watch as you fumbled to release her bra, and with a slow motion action her breast where free. At first you kissed her and put your hand up her shirt and gently pinched here nipples I watched them grow firm. She began to moan heavily unaware of me in the room, releasing her mouth from yours she began to unbutton your blouse and nibble on your neck and breasts. The look on both of your alls faces was pure ecstasy; I drank and watched the show. By this time she had discover you had no underwear on and was slowly massaging your mound, your hip pressing into each motion. You pushed her off of you and stood her up and removed her t-shirt reveling snow white skin and firm breast with dark nipples, quickly she unbutton her pants and peeled them off, with only a thong on her body was a site to behold. You began to kiss her body all over she began to writhe in pleasure, as I began to slowly play with myself through my jeans. You pulled her thong off exposing a small tuft of black hair, her pussy was visibly wet, and you then started kissing her down to that wet spot. She lay back on the couch and you started to slowly tongue her pussy as she struggled not to scream with pleasure, your hands gently squeezing her breasts. She began to slowly climax as I undid my jeans and slid them off my cock was aching. I began to stroke myself slowly and rhythmically, I tried to match the rhythm of the arching of her hips, as you held hand with intensity. You pussy was visibly wet and I could see you slowly masturbate your clitoris with you free hand, this when I decide to help I slide in next to you and began to gentle lick your wetness. Soon she climaxed, and you two began to kiss each other intensely, at the same time she began to finger your clitoris, pushing you down she slowly made her way to your wetness and began to kiss you gently. I began to watch and stroke myself slowly, you looked at me and I began to kiss you fully on the mouth, working my way to your breasts, biting and sucking your nipples until they could get no harder, you then whispered in my ear I want to take her. I got up off of the couch and went behind her and began to make her wet again with my tongue, this made her lick your pussy harder and you moan louder. I then slowly began to slide my hard cock into her pussy, it was warm and inviting, with each stroke she pushed into you harder. We fell into a rhythmic dance of intercourse and cunilignus, I was on the verge of cuming when I stopped, to watch you explode with orgasm, I then kissed you as you squirmed in to oblivion. When you journey was over, you rolled over and got on top of me and slowly started to ride me with that wetness of yours, she then mounted my face and began to rub her pussy into my tongue the whole time you two kissed and fondled each other. After what seemed like a eternity I was ready to cum, you stopped the whole while never stopping the kissing and fondling session you two where having, so I laid there with both of you on top.
You then order her to suck my cock, which she did with great pleasure, then you joined in, after making me hard again you took her and mounted her backwards on to my cock and slowly helped her ride me. I thought I was going to explode, when you pulled her off of me and the both of you began to lick and suck my cock, I climaxed and my semen shoot out every where and you both began to lick me clean. When we where done, the both of you got to the shower together, I could hear the noises and knew it was going to be a long night..............