Throwing yourself at someone - a question

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: Re: Re: Throwing yourself at someone - a question

I am married, so there is only so far it could go anyway. But I enjoy getting to know people I find interesting. Unfortunately, I keep finding a road block in this instance.

Well, if the person is like me, maybe the fact that you are married is the roadblock. I have mentioned it before, but I avoid married women like the plague. I had a very bad experience once in that regard, and I do have a hang up about it - maybe your person does too.

 

[*bratcat*]

would I knock you over if...

 

[Rubyfruit]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Throwing yourself at someone - a question

Well, if the person is like me, maybe the fact that you are married is the roadblock. I have mentioned it before, but I avoid married women like the plague. I had a very bad experience once in that regard, and I do have a hang up about it - maybe your person does too.

You are right of course, STG. However, I am pretty open about who I am and what I am about. I'm not a player. I enjoy getting to know people, deeply, intimately, and sometimes that evolves to sex, sometimes it doesn't. Sex isn't my goal. Human relationships are.

I know, it's a fine line.

Ruby

 

[*bratcat*]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Throwing yourself at someone - a question

 

[Problem Child]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Throwing yourself at someone - a question

My favorite part of any relationship is the getting to know you part...and sometimes you have to be pretty darn upfront in order to get to know someone...hell, I think I told PC to fuckoff the first 50 times I emailed him! And now he just wants my ass!

Right. (insert rolleyes smilie here)

 

[Guru]

 

[freakygirl]

Go ahead and send me an email, then... I'm only a few hours from you.

I'm closer you then she is.. how come I don't get to email you?

 

[April]

I've done that. Thrown myself at someone, and much like KM, I fell flat on the floor with a resounding SPLAT!! Very painful.

 

[EnchantedBeauty]

Actually I had to be the chaser in my relationship with my husband. Before we got married I had the biggest crush on him. He was a VERY shy guy. I was the one who initiated any kind of conversation. But that one initiation helped because he then asked me out on a date and it was all uphill since then.

 

[goodgirl79]

I have thrown myself at people (usually when I'm EXTREMELY drunk). Depending on who i'm throwing myself toward....it can be either an earth-shattering experience or one in which I just want to die. From now on, though...I throw myself at no one (drunk or no) unless I know I'll get a sure "lets fuck like wild monkeys" response.

goodgirl

 

[goodgirl79]

oh wait! One positive experience does come to mind...I basically threw myself at this one guy...we're actually seeing each other now because of it...maybe throwing yourself at someone does pay off?
goodgirl

 

[YogiBare]

Hi Ruby

How is your relationship with your husband going now? If there is distance, or disagreements, or you are feeling a lack of intimacy with him, initiating a relationship with another man - on any level - will certainly become problematic. You feel a strong attraction to him now. Is this energized by emotional disengagement with your husband? If so, you'd better forget this guy and focus on your relationship with your husband.

When my marriage was on the rocks I formed a friendship with a beautiful, brilliant, and engaging woman who was also thinking about separating from her husband. Even though we had the most noble of intentions, vowing to keep the relationship platonic, over time we fell in love. We held out as long as we could but of course it inevitably became physical. Both marriages ended. We eventually saw that we were not at all right for each other and split up.

My marriage would have ended anyway, I think, because the bottom line is that it needed to end, for both of our benefit. However, falling in love with this woman made it messy instead of clean. I wish I had handled it differently in this regard.

 

[modest mouse]

I would say that STG (as usual) covered this question very well.

I would only relate my personal experience. I tend to be reticent, introverted in real life. I find that quiet men often draw strong-willed, forthright women to them. I have had several relationships that were initiated because a woman simply told me how she felt and it launched from there. Maybe I was clueless to signals or the women were just taking initiative, either way it worked in each case(to some degree, I am single now).

I would distinguish between "throwing yourself at someone" and makeing your feelings known. Laying your heart in someones lap is a dangerous proposition, it puts the other person in a rather undesirable position. They are automatically wielding a certain degree of power that they may not want or be ready for.

Telling someone that you are interested in them, find them enjoyable to spend time with, want to get to know them better, jump their bones, etc.....is different in that you are laying options on the person. Not responsibilities. I think this distinction may be subtle but it is much more acceptable to someone who has been possibly holding back or not aware of the workings of the relationship at that point.

Again, just another viewpoint.

 

[goodgirl79]

well said, modest!

 

[PeterBilt]

As a guy ...

and guys are supposed to be the ones with the ego needs ...

I love it when I know a woman is interested in me ...

You don't need to throw yourself, though; have you tried falling? handing? suggesting?

Just my limited view; thanks for considering.

PeterBilt

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Throwing yourself at someone - a question

You are right of course, STG. However, I am pretty open about who I am and what I am about. I'm not a player. I enjoy getting to know people, deeply, intimately, and sometimes that evolves to sex, sometimes it doesn't. Sex isn't my goal. Human relationships are.

Well it isn't so much what the married woman's goal is that bothers me, although you don't seem to rule out sex - and you do state you are throwing yourself at this person.

What I am paranoid about is the one time when I was young and foolish 20 years ago, that I did a selfish thing and had sex with a married woman, I could not resist the temptation of sex, even illicit sex. A little flirting, the promise of sex with a beautiful woman, and all sense went out the window.

The same thing happened (in a different environ) when I had sex with my girlfriend and got her pregnant - at that point I was actually falling out of love with her, because even then, as stupid as I was, I could see that our relationship wasn't going to work out. I was trying to break up with her, and she kept begging me not to let her go - she was desparate to get away from her father (I didn't know why at the time - I assumed it was just that he was an asshole, which he was). I let my hormones do my thinking for me.

Both times, the consequences were severe for all involved, and that wasn't just the immediate parties, but a large part of both families too. I resolved to never let that happen again. As such, I now avoid situations like that as if they were the plague. It is my hangup I know, but it is a minor one and the effects on my life are just that I don't have casual sex, and I avoid entanglements with married women. Neither is really a bad thing.

Moreover, as Lost Cause alluded to last night - if you are ever on the recieving end of your spouse cheating on you (as he was twice), you just do not want to inflict that on anyone else. I have seen the results, and they are not pretty.

 

[LemonDroppe]

As always, STG provides not only an intelligent outlook, but backs up his reasoning with example. Ahh, if I weren't a married woman...

As for myself, I've never been the instigator in relationships. Sure, I'll smile, toss my hair, flirt, but I've never chased. It's not in me.

Though STG advised against the use of "games", I have to pipe in. All relationships involve certain pulls and twists. Why else do parents use reverse psychology on their children?

Ruby, if you pull back slightly, while still showing interest, you will get more of a response. It's always been the men I've ignored more that have been most ardent in their chase.

 

[nasty]

Ruby,

If you wanna fuck, just say so.

 

[Rubyfruit]

STG, thank you again for your insights and sharing yourself with me like that.

I don't have time to respond in full now, but I wanted to tell you that I don't cheat on my husband, ever. I tell him everything and he has to be in complete agreement before I have sex with someone else.

Ruby

 

[nasty]

So, you NEED your husband's approval before you can have me? That's admirable.

 

[Natalie Nessus]

Re: Re: Re: Throwing yourself at someone - a question

Thank you for your well-thought out reply, STG. Here's the thing, I don't think I'm really thowing myself at this person, sexually speaking. People here probably wouldn't believe it, but I'm rather shy. Honestly.

I am married, so there is only so far it could go anyway. But I enjoy getting to know people I find interesting. Unfortunately, I keep finding a road block in this instance.

Ruby

la transmission claire est importante

I have noticed your signature

 

[Thumper]

Want me

I've done that. Thrown myself at someone, and much like KM, I fell flat on the floor with a resounding SPLAT!! Very painful.

To kiss it and make it better?

some how I get a bad {{{{{vibe}}}}}}} from them.

Hmmmm....I have several vibes here *opens briefcase* surely one would be a good "vibe"

 

[Bob Peale]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Throwing yourself at someone - a question

Sex isn't my goal. Human relationships are.

I know, it's a fine line.

Not so fine at all. Sex in and of itself is merely a manifestation - a manifestation of feelings, a manifestation of emotion, a manifestation of connection, a manifestation of control. In most cases, it is seldom a destination - more often than not, it is only the mechanism.

Just sitting in a room watching television with a person can be an incredibly erotic, satisfying experience if that act fulfills your need to connect. Having dinner with someone that you'll nevere sleep with but who's company you enjoy immensely is much more satisfying than hide the salami with someone who is just there. And sharing thoughts, secrets, hope and dreams in some cases can be more sexually intense than any physical interaction if it is with the right person.

So I'd have to support Ruby - the difference between sex for sex's sake and sex to complete a connection is vastly different.

 

[Lost Cause]

Well, here in Washington, the women put something behind their ears to let men know they are attracted to them..their ankles! *Har Har*
You can only offer the appropriate "signals" and act on the response. To pursue further in some states is considered stalking.
Don't beat yourself up over it. In a 100 years, will any of this matter?
Have a Guiness

 

[juicylips]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Throwing yourself at someone - a question

Not so fine at all. Sex in and of itself is merely a manifestation - a manifestation of feelings, a manifestation of emotion, a manifestation of connection, a manifestation of control. In most cases, it is seldom a destination - more often than not, it is only the mechanism.

Just sitting in a room watching television with a person can be an incredibly erotic, satisfying experience if that act fulfills your need to connect. Having dinner with someone that you'll nevere sleep with but who's company you enjoy immensely is much more satisfying than hide the salami with someone who is just there. And sharing thoughts, secrets, hope and dreams in some cases can be more sexually intense than any physical interaction if it is with the right person.

So I'd have to support Ruby - the difference between sex for sex's sake and sex to complete a connection is vastly different.

I am in total agreement here. When there is a mental connection, sex is much more satisfying.

I have been just sexually attracted to someone and wanted to fuck their brains out and it turned out awful. There was no connection before hand.

Also, there have been people I had felt no desire for, but after talking, dinner, etc. I have found myself attracted to them and then things turn out very well.

Cassidy