THRIVE ~ More Than Survivors

[LikeableMe]

I’ll be okay, thank you. Just a weak moment

 

[XBeautifulSoulX]

I did have, I’m not as certain of that right now. I’m stuck between motivation and wanting to give up.. (and embarrassed saying all this, but what have I got to lose now?) *

Yes I understand this feeling I recently lost someone who was a large part of my support network. It seemed the better I adjusted and started functioning "normally" the less interested they became. It is extremely hard having that influence disappear hurt just about as much as what I actually went through.

Never be embarrassed to reach out for help and advice you would be surprised to find out how many of us are dealing with similar problems.
Don't give up and don't push yourself to hard either. Bad days come where everything feels hopeless but there is always a little ray of hope shining down.
Have you tried self calming avenues? Meditation, Tai chi,yoga or breathing exercises?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

For those who have been through or are living with abuse of all sorts, and for anyone interested in being a part of this conversation.

Get ready for some real talk, folks.

............................

HELPFUL LINKS

Threads on abuse and mental health issues in the How To
https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=8274289&postcount=10
https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=8274299&postcount=11

Threads on mental health issues from the BDSM boards
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=814617
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1462857

Depression thread from the Lit Personals
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1497808

Just generally lovely, encouraging threads on the PG:
(Stay tuned... )

I have added some links to the OP and will add more as i find them.

Please feel free to post anything you've found helpful or encouraging, too!

 

[shmily]

it's been awhile since I have been here. Just life/work in the way. But was approached recently about this subject.

I recently injured my knee (the same one a bullet went thru in an abusive relationship). I had a brace and crutches, while waiting for insurance to approve an MRI. Anyway. I had taken the pup to the park then stopped at Papa Johns to grab a pizza.
After placing order, I went to sit down. There was an Officer sitting there, He asked about my knee, I told him about the current injury then included a comment about it was not nearly as painful as when the bullet went thru it. He questioned me further and we talked about the abusive incident. He told me he was part of a task force on Domestic Violence in the area. Gave me his card and asked if I would consider "telling" my story to a group that they meet with.
Other then the times with my church sisters and a few close friends, then now on here, I haven't talked about abuse. I am struggling calling him back and agreeing to meet with his group.
Thoughts?

 

[shmily]

Last night was my first night in a new house away from my ex.

No, i didn't throw a party, controlling people don't like it when the people they want to control pull away from them. Let's just say that it's been a stressful experience.

BUT... last night was my first night in a new house away from my ex.

Hope all is going well Honey. It is a scary step, but a great step. Hugs!

 

[XBeautifulSoulX]

it's been awhile since I have been here. Just life/work in the way. But was approached recently about this subject.

I recently injured my knee (the same one a bullet went thru in an abusive relationship). I had a brace and crutches, while waiting for insurance to approve an MRI. Anyway. I had taken the pup to the park then stopped at Papa Johns to grab a pizza.
After placing order, I went to sit down. There was an Officer sitting there, He asked about my knee, I told him about the current injury then included a comment about it was not nearly as painful as when the bullet went thru it. He questioned me further and we talked about the abusive incident. He told me he was part of a task force on Domestic Violence in the area. Gave me his card and asked if I would consider "telling" my story to a group that they meet with.
Other then the times with my church sisters and a few close friends, then now on here, I haven't talked about abuse. I am struggling calling him back and agreeing to meet with his group.
Thoughts?

I've stood up on stage myself and talked to a group of other survivors it helps. It makes you feel like by opening up and trusting others that you can help them recognise the signs and better the situation for themselves. You will make a impact. Any little bit of advice you give could be the changing factor in their lives.

 

[shmily]

I've stood up on stage myself and talked to a group of other survivors it helps. It makes you feel like by opening up and trusting others that you can help them recognise the signs and better the situation for themselves. You will make a impact. Any little bit of advice you give could be the changing factor in their lives.

Thank you! My daughter told me the same thing. Just a bit scary,. but if it helps just one it would be worth any discomfort on my part.

 

[XBeautifulSoulX]

Thank you! My daughter told me the same thing. Just a bit scary,. but if it helps just one it would be worth any discomfort on my part.

That's the best attitude to have
Just think if we had of received the same advice we would have changed our situations a lot earlier too.

 

[shmily]

That's the best attitude to have
Just think if we had of received the same advice we would have changed our situations a lot earlier too.

maybe. I spent almost a year with the first, even after the shooting I went back for about 3 months. I still have just a hard time trusting.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Thank you! My daughter told me the same thing. Just a bit scary,. but if it helps just one it would be worth any discomfort on my part.

That's the best attitude to have
Just think if we had of received the same advice we would have changed our situations a lot earlier too.

maybe. I spent almost a year with the first, even after the shooting I went back for about 3 months. I still have just a hard time trusting.

Oh, ladies.

Did you know that it takes a victim of domestic abuse an average of seven times trying to leave before they are able to do it for good? SEVEN. It's hard, i know.

I was with my ex for twenty years. Long enough that the abusive behavior was passed on from father to children. Living that way takes a toll, no matter what the abuse looks like.

I am so grateful that you both are in a better place in life. The healing takes a long time, but i think helping others in a similar situation can be so cathartic.

Be patient with yourselves. Be patient with the process.

 

[Jessicathe69]

I haven't read every post in this thread (I will later), but I absolutely LOVE the idea. I've had a story in the works for weeks now, most of it in my head still, and one of the key points in it involves a young woman and her experience of sexual abuse from her father when she was just a kid and, to compound the situation further, her disclosure to her mother who didn't believe her (well, she actually DID know it was going on but didn't do anything about it, but that's a whole 'nother thing in itself). Her scared (scared that she would push away her friend) and painful disclosure to her new best friend in college, who believes her and embraces her even more for trusting her with the disclosure, is another key point.

I'm literally in tears just thinking about it.

The world needs more stories about the truth behind sexual abuse (and domestic violence, of course, which may be the main theme here (?)) and all the little nooks, crannies and nuances of a persons life that it impacts.

And more threads like this.

Thank you.

Edited to add (scared that she would push away her friend).

 

[LikeableMe]

Agreed.

Are you in therapy, on meds, or part of an online support group?

It’s just occurred to me that you may have thought I was saying I had all these things! I was trying to get the conversation back to being general, the sharing of stories and issues I know many have come across. I feel a lack in the understanding of those who try to offer support, and was hoping to demonstrate that hanging in there is worth it.

 

[LikeableMe]

Yes I understand this feeling I recently lost someone who was a large part of my support network. It seemed the better I adjusted and started functioning "normally" the less interested they became. It is extremely hard having that influence disappear hurt just about as much as what I actually went through.

Never be embarrassed to reach out for help and advice you would be surprised to find out how many of us are dealing with similar problems.
Don't give up and don't push yourself to hard either. Bad days come where everything feels hopeless but there is always a little ray of hope shining down.
Have you tried self calming avenues? Meditation, Tai chi,yoga or breathing exercises?

He means everything to me, and the pain of not knowing if he’s okay, not being able to talk, is overwhelming. I’m crying just typing that. It feels like the only hope over here is false hope

I do breathing exercises if panic attacks or anxiety builds, but I don’t have a lot of free time (get home from work late at night) so much of my time is spent rushing between work and home, unfortunately. I want to change that, but I need the money to get a home set up!

I’ve got a medical appointment to discuss whether I need surgery to fix a growing problem. I’m probably going to cancel that. All my strength is being used to just keep on going right now, I don’t have the extra required to deal with that!

 

[LikeableMe]

Thank you! My daughter told me the same thing. Just a bit scary,. but if it helps just one it would be worth any discomfort on my part.

I agree, it could really help others. That’s why I came back to this thread, to hear stories of people who faced the odds and got through it. I’m feeling extremely hopeless and hoped knowing others have felt that and a little bit about how they got through it would give me a little strength too. I know people who have given talks, and even if they stumble or get upset it has an impact on the listener, sometimes even more so. (I say that in case you’re concerned about delivery of a speech!)

How about writing out what you think you’d say, to see if you feel you could go through with it? Makes it more real, and easier to visualise. In my experience, sometimes you just forget there’s an audience and end up getting a lot off your chest.

 

[LikeableMe]

I haven't read every post in this thread (I will later), but I absolutely LOVE the idea. I've had a story in the works for weeks now, most of it in my head still, and one of the key points in it involves a young woman and her experience of sexual abuse from her father when she was just a kid and, to compound the situation further, her disclosure to her mother who didn't believe her (well, she actually DID know it was going on but didn't do anything about it, but that's a whole 'nother thing in itself). Her scared (scared that she would push away her friend) and painful disclosure to her new best friend in college, who believes her and embraces her even more for trusting her with the disclosure, is another key point.

I'm literally in tears just thinking about it.

The world needs more stories about the truth behind sexual abuse (and domestic violence, of course, which may be the main theme here (?)) and all the little nooks, crannies and nuances of a persons life that it impacts.

And more threads like this.

Thank you.

Edited to add (scared that she would push away her friend).

Being scared of pushing away/driving away people I care about is a massive fear of mine, and why I keep largely to myself. I’ve only let one person in, in the last 3-4 years, and now I’m broken and terrified it’s going that way too. I honestly don’t let anyone into my heart, so when I do, it really means something.

 

[XBeautifulSoulX]

Oh, ladies.

Did you know that it takes a victim of domestic abuse an average of seven times trying to leave before they are able to do it for good? SEVEN. It's hard, i know.

I was with my ex for twenty years. Long enough that the abusive behavior was passed on from father to children. Living that way takes a toll, no matter what the abuse looks like.

I am so grateful that you both are in a better place in life. The healing takes a long time, but i think helping others in a similar situation can be so cathartic.

Be patient with yourselves. Be patient with the process.

I must have tried at least twice that amount. The last lead to a extended holiday in hospital and a extended stay for him behind bars. That was literally the only hope I had to really get away.

I'm sorry for the effect it had on your children. Extremely sorry but it's often the way of it. Someone exposed to abuse in a large quantity is change by it.

Healing does take a long time I'm still healing everyday. It gets easier the more time that passes. It becomes easier to talk about and help others. I myself am happy you are in a better place

I hope that someone reads this thread and it gives them the courage to make the first or final step to leave.

He means everything to me, and the pain of not knowing if he’s okay, not being able to talk, is overwhelming. I’m crying just typing that. It feels like the only hope over here is false hope

I do breathing exercises if panic attacks or anxiety builds, but I don’t have a lot of free time (get home from work late at night) so much of my time is spent rushing between work and home, unfortunately. I want to change that, but I need the money to get a home set up!

I’ve got a medical appointment to discuss whether I need surgery to fix a growing problem. I’m probably going to cancel that. All my strength is being used to just keep on going right now, I don’t have the extra required to deal with that!

Hope is never false. Hope was given to you because they cared. That's what matters the most everything they told you or influenced you with is still the same even of they aren't around to tell you.

Best thing about meditation its perfect for just before bed very calming and leads to more pleasant dreams.

Please do not put off medical appointments! I did for years and now I'm the worst case scenario of that. Take a friend or a family member with you to be a support person. Have them sit in and listen with you. More often then not we work ourselves up so much about doctors we don't really pay enough attention to what they actually say ourselves.
I know it's hard but you can do it.

 

[LikeableMe]

Hope is never false. Hope was given to you because they cared. That's what matters the most everything they told you or influenced you with is still the same even of they aren't around to tell you.

Best thing about meditation its perfect for just before bed very calming and leads to more pleasant dreams.

Please do not put off medical appointments! I did for years and now I'm the worst case scenario of that. Take a friend or a family member with you to be a support person. Have them sit in and listen with you. More often then not we work ourselves up so much about doctors we don't really pay enough attention to what they actually say ourselves.
I know it's hard but you can do it.

Every time I remember something that was said, and smile for a moment, it’s replaced by pain and tears. Have to see what the next few weeks brings!

I don’t have any friends or family I get on with, that’s why this is getting to me so much. Literally all I do is work, I have nothing outside of that. Really wish I did have someone to go with me, having help explaining things would be extremely helpful. It would make all the difference with this particular appointment, as I need them to understand MY needs, and do what’s best for me, not what is easiest for them. For instance, two ways of treating the same problem that cost the same - one that takes longer, but would ultimately benefit me, against one that would take ten minutes. The attitude of some of these medical professionals that I’ve come across, is less work for the same money is the way to go.

 

[Jessicathe69]

Being scared of pushing away/driving away people I care about is a massive fear of mine, and why I keep largely to myself. I’ve only let one person in, in the last 3-4 years, and now I’m broken and terrified it’s going that way too. I honestly don’t let anyone into my heart, so when I do, it really means something.

I'm truly sorry that that has been and continues to be your experience. I truly am. I've never typed truer words. I feel pretty confidant in saying that, sadly, there are probably millions of others who are in a similar life predicament. That shouldn't give anyone any level of comfort knowing that, but at least know that you're not alone and it's not your fault. NONE of it. EVER. (And that goes for the rest of you, too.)

I could go on for a long time about the fiasco at USA Gymnastics and that how horrific not only the abuse was but the "look the other way" attitude of so many within the sport at the time and still today to some extent. So many still don't "get it" and probably never will.

And that whole on-going fiasco is simply a microcosm of society in general.

More later.

Stay strong, ladies.

 

[PNWKitten]

I sort of envy people who can post here or even write about their feelings. I cant. the 1 word or a brief cryptic thought. That even gets railroaded. its not easy for me to talk. I have poor me syndrome. where if I tell people anything of importance they'll feel like I'm seeking sympathy so I say nothing. I don't have many people to talk to anyway because I no longer trust people to keep what I say to themselves. My trust has been broken to many times.

Good lord this makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. <deep breath >


So keep on being brave ladies and anyone who can speak up. It may not mean anything to anyone, but I'm proud of you.

P S. I also can't explain myself for shit so that doesn't help.

 

[LikeableMe]

I sort of envy people who can post here or even write about their feelings. I cant. the 1 word or a brief cryptic thought. That even gets railroaded. its not easy for me to talk. I have poor me syndrome. where if I tell people anything of importance they'll feel like I'm seeking sympathy so I say nothing. I don't have many people to talk to anyway because I no longer trust people to keep what I say to themselves. My trust has been broken to many times.

Good lord this makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. <deep breath >

So keep on being brave ladies and anyone who can speak up. It may not mean anything to anyone, but I'm proud of you.

P S. I also can't explain myself for shit so that doesn't help.

That’s exactly how I felt when I revived this post. Wrote what was happening, then edited it away before it was really seen. Then had to back away from the conversation for a bit. Just do what you’re comfortable with, that’s all anyone can really do!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

https://putthenailinit.com/people-painting-ring-fingers-purple-domestic-violence/

Purple is the color of domestic abuse awareness.

My daughter and i have painted our ring fingernail purple, not so much as a part of any fundraiser or whatever, but as a small way to let others know that we've been there, we get it, and if someone needs to talk, or needs a hug, or needs help finding local resources, or just needs to know that they're not alone... we're here.

It's something we can do without saying a word, and remembering what it was like to still be in that, and how terrified i was to ever say anything about it, it would have been reassuring to see a sign that someone was more likely to be 'safe' to reach out to.

Anyway, i thought it might be a fun and super easy way that we could support each other here, even though we don't really know each other, and we live in different places. Something to feel connected... supported... affirmed... seen.

 

[Jessicathe69]

Here's an interesting article from the American Psychological Association:

"Open Up! Writing About Trauma Reduces Stress, Aids Immunity".

https://www.apa.org/research/action/writing

 

[LikeableMe]

Anyone else feel like it’s two steps forward, and twenty steps back? Like you’re having to constantly start over again, and end up wondering whether to keep going?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Anyone else feel like it’s two steps forward, and twenty steps back? Like you’re having to constantly start over again, and end up wondering whether to keep going?

https://i.ibb.co/VJ7mRk5/20190421-140514.png​

 

[AlwaysFara]

Anyone else feel like it’s two steps forward, and twenty steps back? Like you’re having to constantly start over again, and end up wondering whether to keep going?

https://i.ibb.co/VJ7mRk5/20190421-140514.png​

Love to you, both.