Threesomes

[SweetErika]

So ultimately its the two of you having to make that decision of whether or not you value the monogomous relationship, or risking it being dissolved by introducing others.

It's classic swinger problems- nothing new.
Youre either a player and a slut or the happily bonded couple. Your choice- having both will never last naturally.

I may very well be misunderstanding, MasterWNY (by the way, welcome! ), but I'm curious about the ideas you've put forth here, and am hoping you can clarify the following:
- What does monogamy have to do with valuing the relationship? Isn't it about valuing and respecting a partner's thoughts and feelings?

- Why would either of them be "a player and a slut?" Is that just an expression for swingers and the like?

- Are you implying being a happily bonded couple requires monogamy? In other words, why couldn't a couple be nonmonogamous and happily bonded?

- Why do you say "having both will never last naturally"-- why couldn't it last?

Thanks!

 

[cocktan]

hey i just read the thread, some good ideas here

my 2c in reguards to threesomes is this:

1) i would never ask my GF to do anything that i would not do if our situations were reversed

2) having a MMF or MFM threesome is not gay, bi maybe but not gay

3) if he asks for a FFM or FMF threesome i think he should consider your POV once in a while, do you mind doing it for him? do you like it? does that make you gay or bi? is he ok with that?

4) regardless of how much you want this, you should tell him just what your expectations are of him. communication and understanding is the key here. don't be pushy or anything, just let him know.

hope this helps.

oh and for the record. in my relationship we haven't had a threesome yet, but i am ok with a MMF, FFM, MFM or FMF.... and yes i am a guy, my GF is a bit more shy than me tho...

 

[masterWNY]

I may very well be misunderstanding, MasterWNY (by the way, welcome! ), but I'm curious about the ideas you've put forth here, and am hoping you can clarify the following:
- What does monogamy have to do with valuing the relationship? Isn't it about valuing and respecting a partner's thoughts and feelings?

- Why would either of them be "a player and a slut?" Is that just an expression for swingers and the like?

- Are you implying being a happily bonded couple requires monogamy? In other words, why couldn't a couple be nonmonogamous and happily bonded?

- Why do you say "having both will never last naturally"-- why couldn't it last?

Thanks!

Thank you, SweetErica

First of all, my opinion means nothing. It's mine, what the hell do I know.
Now to move on and adress your questions.

- What does monogamy have to do with valuing the relationship? Isn't it about valuing and respecting a partner's thoughts and feelings?

It is just in my observation that relationships are fragile, and the only ones that last through something as invasive as another lover are rare indeed.
Take away the other partner factor, and relationships are STILL so very fragile. In theory anything sounds good on this subject- you can rationalize ananalize all you like, the chances that a relationship (that the original poster with the question described as 'her and her boyfriend') would survive a constant flow of new males and females in to the mix is very very slim.

- Why would either of them be "a player and a slut?" Is that just an expression for swingers and the like?

Ok, my bad- I was just being liberally flamboyant in my descriptions of a particular scenario of two swingers who are simply in the game for the sex and look at each other as merely sexual companions, not really interested in the long run together.

- Are you implying being a happily bonded couple requires monogamy? In other words, why couldn't a couple be nonmonogamous and happily bonded?


Why? Ask all the now separated couples who used to swing. If 50% of all marriages end in divorce, what do you thing the statistic would be for couples engaged in regular consentual sex outside of the union? I know, you might be laughing at me on this one, but I do believe that ego gets in the way many times, people get hurt if they don't accept that there is a great risk in this activity. Go rent Kinsey- see what happened to those couples.

- Why do you say "having both will never last naturally"-- why couldn't it last?

Again- ego. Unless you completely downplay ego and the hurt that can be generated over time by swinging, I believe the swinging couple will eventually dissolve. I am sure there are at least 50-100 swingers living on the planet who have true love and respect and have been together for 50 years. But I believe they are an anomoly- sounds great on paper, in practice, very dangerous if you really love someone and don't want to lose them.

But that's me, what the hell do I know- I can't seem to get it right either. 38 and single, never been married. Someday I hope that I get the chance to be, and I don't go fuck it up, or my partner go fuck it up.

 

[Let_it_come]

I love this thread! (Many thanks Juicy)
Just look at all the attitudes it has uncovered - Literotica should be top of any sociologist's 'bookmark' list!
Erika is wise as well as sweet - Really good points (as always).
And MasterWNY talks for a lot of men in my experience.
I think sex is the one place where men and women (and all the other permutations) truely meet.
We meet and negotiate and sometimes compromise and always discover more about ourselves in the process.

Juiceywet, honey, it's only what works for you and your boy that matters. Whatever doesn't work gets dumped. Never stop experimenting, never stop playing with ideas. Play with your boundaries, play with your taboos - that's the only use they really have!
It's all about love anyway... sex is just the way cocks and cunts love each other.
Talk to your boy non-stop, MAKE him talk to you, and you'll get there (wherever you are going - and who ever really knows their destination until they get there?).

Fuck I'm a wise woman today!
Off for a little Ice cream and a wank next I think...
Ahhh Life!

Jenny

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Now to my questions: (to guys)
1. As a guy, would being in bed with your woman and another man make you feel gay? If a girlfriend had a threesome with you in another girl, would you think she was bi?
2. If a girlfriend/lover told you she wanted you and another man at the same time would feel inadequate and try to make up for it by trying extra hard to give her 'enough' sexually?

Also any opinions or imput from you guys would be great, especially if you have ever had a guy/ 1 girl threesome, or have asked or been asked to.

Thank you so much.​

This topic has come up quite a bit between my wife and I. The simple truth for me is that I find men to be sexually repulsive. Its odd for me, though, because I'm an artist and I do find naked men to be a perfectly natural and enjoyable subject for my artwork and the works of other artists. But I've never been able to translate my artistic pleasures over to my sexual pleasure where men are involved.

In the end, were I to go for another man being with my wife, I sincerely believe that I would either have to sit aside and watch, and I don't even really like seeing the men that are in my porn library let alone some guy with my wife, or I would have to have yet another stand-in, in which case I would probably leave the room altogether, and I'm not comfortable doing that either. For that matter, neither is she. She wants for me to not only be there but also be participating. I frankly don't even think I would be able to get it up without several Viagra and an all-girl porn playing where I could see it.

I don't think its gay at all. Its just not for me.

For your second question; I can see how many men might think themselves to possibly be inadequate if their lover asked for a second man to join. Whereas most women out there have jealousy issues with bringing another woman into bed with their man, most men have problems with their egos when the thought of another man being involved comes up.

Both sides like the ideas of marital-aids-with-heartbeats, but both sides have problems disassociating or accepting the other aspects of such an act.

In the end, going through with having other women with your man is like giving him one of the greatest ego-strokes that a woman can give a man. In asking for another man to join the two of you you've probably jeopardized that ego-stroke dramatically.

You're welcome so much.​

 

[tkinsc]

My wife and I have had a FFM threesome, many years ago. We both enjoyed it, but think it would have been better if her husband were not asleep in a room down the hall. We would both have a FFM again if things worked themselves out with the right woman.

As for a MMF threesome, I am completely straight, although I do have a few gay friends. I don’t thin a MMF would be gay, unless the two guys were going at it.

It is a fantasy of mine to have a MMF, or even a MMMF with my wife. I think it would be a turn-on to see how my wife could handle getting laid by several guys at once. WE have used dildos to role play this. I think it will have to stay a fantasy though, since my wife thinks the fantasy is better than the real thing would be.

I do not think I would feel gay or inadequate in a MMF.

 

[Eilan]

having a MMF or MFM threesome is not gay, bi maybe but not gay

How is it bi if there's no sexual contact between the men?

As for a MMF threesome, I am completely straight, although I do have a few gay friends. I don’t thin a MMF would be gay, unless the two guys were going at it.

Again--MMF implies sexual contact between the men. MFM does not.

 

[tkinsc]

Please forgive me for using the incorrect semantics.

 

[Eilan]

Please forgive me for using the incorrect semantics.

Done.

 

[cocktan]

How is it bi if there's no sexual contact between the men?
...

for some people having another male there would seem like it was gay even if there is no sexual contact. because there is no contact they are only seeing each other, if one male gets aroused by seeing the other with the female it's potentially a bi situation. i mostly said that to ease homophobic fears, being bi is eaiser to deal with than being gay for some people.

 

[Let_it_come]

Words of Wisdom...

Too much thinking now, not enough fucking!
Miss Juicy just needs to talk to her boy & give him some time.
The more we talk the more things can start to get a little bit too muddy for them maybe?
Miss Juice is cool & I hope it all works out for her, but we can overdo the 'help' doncha think?
(Not a crit. of anybod.)

Three hours now 'til my boy's home - I'm gonna go an' finger my hole -
(Shoulda been a Country Star...)

Stay Stiff -
Jen

 

[Swingercast]

Threesomes and group play do not destroy relationships.

I suspect bad communication and other problems are the culprit.

Oh, and it's not gay.

 

[Eilan]

for some people having another male there would seem like it was gay even if there is no sexual contact. because there is no contact they are only seeing each other, if one male gets aroused by seeing the other with the female it's potentially a bi situation. i mostly said that to ease homophobic fears, being bi is eaiser to deal with than being gay for some people.

Um, okay. Whatever.

Have you done MFM's or MMF's before?

I should think that being aroused by watching one's partner with another man would be the point of a MFM.

 

[silverwhisper]

well, what if you're the other man?

ed

 

[Eilan]

well, what if you're the other man?

ed

Shouldn't the other man be aroused? If he can't get it up, he's got no business wanting to join a couple.

 

[silverwhisper]

perhaps he's a dom that gets off on cuckoldry?

ed

 

[Swingercast]

Um, okay. Whatever.

Have you done MFM's or MMF's before?

I should think that being aroused by watching one's partner with another man would be the point of a MFM.

Sorry. I should have been clearer.

We've only experienced MFM.

Yes it is fun and exciting if both guys are completely into pleasuring the woman.

 

[cocktan]

Um, okay. Whatever.

Have you done MFM's or MMF's before?

I should think that being aroused by watching one's partner with another man would be the point of a MFM.

nah, i have never been in a threesome. i want to someday tho. it's just that some people (i know a few) would think that it's homo-erotic to just be aroused with another man present... this never seems to connect to the "viewing porno" excitment but it does play a role in physical proximity.

 

[juicywet21]

First off, many thank you's to everyone who posted and pm-ed the advice and insight. I appreciated hearing from everyone.

Now for a bit of an update:

Its been 2 weeks since I first brought up the idea of an MFM with him. Now to the people who have said to try to talk to him about it again- we have an agreement that if one person needs time to think/process we give them the time and will talk about it when the other person is ready. So right now Im waiting for him to approach me about it.

The first week we were pretty much fucking every moment we were together. Late last week he went out of state (which had planned weeks in advance by the way) and since hes come home my three nieces have been in our apartment, so hes stayed at a friends so we could have our 'girl time'.
Again, no time for a real conversation.

Right now we're driving them home (5-6 hour drive) and were going to spend the weekend slowly making our way back home making a road trip of it - finally some quality talkin' time! Hopefully he will feel ready to talk about it, he has been acting more like himself today so its looking up!

Again, thank you everyone who has posted / pm-ed me on the topic. Anything else is always welcome, and I'll be sure to update when I know what hes thinking.

j.w.

 

[robinator1976]

understanding

Well, jumping in late on this thread, you said that he responded that he didn't have any interest in men. But you also said that you weren't bi, so couldn't you have just as easily said you didn't have any interest in women?

I think since you guys sound like you're all about trying new things, it really shouldn't matter that he is straight - if he loves you, he'll let you try this as much as you do the FFM for him (not that you don't also do it for yourself).

 

[juicywet21]

Well, jumping in late on this thread, you said that he responded that he didn't have any interest in men. But you also said that you weren't bi, so couldn't you have just as easily said you didn't have any interest in women?
very true. i could have.

I think since you guys sound like you're all about trying new things, it really shouldn't matter that he is straight - if he loves you, he'll let you try this as much as you do the FFM for him (not that you don't also do it for yourself).
Im not going to turn this into a 'if you love me you'll do it for me' manipulation thing. I know he loves me, and I love him enough to let it go if he is still uncomfortable after seriously considreing it. I wouldnt be willing to break up with a man a truly love because he wasnt able to make a fantasy become a reality.

Because I know him, I think the length of time hes taking to come up with a decision is because he because he is supressing the initial neejerk 'no, I'm not gay." reaction. He does sometimes take a long time to make up his mind- its just never been about sex before.

 

[robinator1976]

didn't mean to set it up as a war

You're absolutely right not to turn it into an "if you love me ultimatum", that's not what I meant. But part of your question seemed to be looking for validation that it's not unreasonable for you to expect this and I'm just saying it is just as reasonable as the FFM that you've been having.

Now if it does or not is another story. I very much respect that you wouldn't push him into it if he really wasn't comfortable, but hopefully in understanding that you had the same insecurities, you just accepted them and went with it, he'll see that he can do the same and no harm will come to him.

I desperately want my wife to go for a MFM, it would be exciting as hell to see her get pleasure while she gives it to me! But I've come to a point where I'm very confident in my sexuality, I'm not worried that she'll like his cock better than mine or anything (and if she does, I'm not worried that it will damage our relationship as a result). But if your BF isn't there yet, if he has reservations about how good a lover he is (even if they're really deep down), then I could see why this would scare him wheras a FFM would not (as that's a chance for him to feel like the stud, and a better lover than he thinks he is).

So what I'm saying is that maybe the best thing you can do is compliment him and reassure him suggestively about how great a lover he is.

 

[welldun2u]

.....

 

[cfuhrer]

The question is are you both realy into threesomes and if so a threesome with another guy - sounds only fair on you - I think its time for your reward.

The way I see it is what is good for the goose is good for the gander. One of the reasons my bf and I havent expanded into threesomes is because we dont see eye to eye on mfm vs ffm threesomes.

As for how to achieve this equity, seeing as it wasnt discussed and agreed on before hand, I am at a loss.

But, just throwing my two cents out there, if you are willing to play to his desires and preferences he should be willing to play to yours as well

 

[Camaro396]

Although my wife and I have not actualy had a threesome (so to speak) we did invite one of he long time male friends to our "private" party and he video taped us. She never did anything with him that night, but he did jerk off and cum on her tits, and I found that hot as hell.
The next time he will defently be part of the fun. I do not find it gay at all to be part of a MFM expirence, or even bi for that mater, its all about pleasing your woman. I would like to watch him come inside my wife as I really love creampies (ummmmmmmmm that would be hot)