ok, so heres the deal me and my bf have been together for four years and have two children. He keeps suggesting bringing another girl in bed with us. He is like totally obsessed. I have been with girls before in one on one relationships in the past. I have tried bringing other girls into relationships with other guys in the past, but it never turned out good. My bf is constantly on the lookout for other girls. He doesn't go looking for them, but if he is out somewhere and sees anyone, he comes and home tells me all about it. I want to do it for him, but everytime i think of him being with any other girl, even when i'm there i get extremly jealous. I know he loves me and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our relationship. He has assured me of this many times. I just don't know how to get over being so jealous. Does anyone have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated.
Threesome question
- Thread starter cat3100
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My advice is that you simply tell your boyfriend that it's not going to happen. Trust your feelings - if you feel insanely jealous now, just thinking about him being with another girl, chances are that's exactly how you will feel if it actually happens. It could very well ruin your relationship.
Bringing another person into a sexual relationship between two committed partners should only happen if both partners really want to do it and are confident they can handle it.
Bringing another person into a sexual relationship between two committed partners should only happen if both partners really want to do it and are confident they can handle it.
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
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My husband and I have talked about this, but much like you, I just can't handle thinking about him touching or being touched by another woman. So, we came to a compromise: IF it ever happens, he can watch, masturbate, and play with me only. That is the only acceptable solution to fulfilling his fantasy without jeopardizing our relationship. He knows that's the rule or it won't happen at all.
Maybe you could set up a boundary/ compromise like that? However, if you're still not comfortable with that, don't do it at all...one night isn't worth ruining your relationship, especially when there are kids involved IMHO.
Good luck, Cat!
Maybe you could set up a boundary/ compromise like that? However, if you're still not comfortable with that, don't do it at all...one night isn't worth ruining your relationship, especially when there are kids involved IMHO.
Good luck, Cat!
There are a LOT of other threads about threesomes here on Lit and nearly all of them address the jealousy issue. Check out Violet Blue's excellent "The Blank Manual" thread-- it is an index to popular topic threads including links to them.
One of the great ideas I saw on one threesome thread was to approach the reality gradually. (Assuming of course that you are in fact interested in the possibility.) Start by going to a strip club together. If that goes well, let him get a lap dance. Build from there. After each stage, have an open and honest coversation (NOT during sex, but during the harsh light of day) about how each of you felt during the event. This way, if it's going to work, you're likely to know so early; ditto if it won't, and in that case you've found out BEFORE doing any serious damage to the relationship.
One of the great ideas I saw on one threesome thread was to approach the reality gradually. (Assuming of course that you are in fact interested in the possibility.) Start by going to a strip club together. If that goes well, let him get a lap dance. Build from there. After each stage, have an open and honest coversation (NOT during sex, but during the harsh light of day) about how each of you felt during the event. This way, if it's going to work, you're likely to know so early; ditto if it won't, and in that case you've found out BEFORE doing any serious damage to the relationship.
bytor2112 said:
Its not like that, i thought i explained it. He doesn't go out "hunting" if he happens to be somewhere like a friends house for example and a girl shows up he checks her out but doesnt even act interested at all. Then he comes home and tells me about her and suggests i should check her out. He looks for possible candidates but i would get the final say if it would appen or not and with whom.
wicked woman
from my travels
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Some good advice here...I'd read it more than once.
xDonkeyxPunchx
Experienced
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i wouldnt be for it, i feel that a sexual relationship is somthing to be shared between to partners as an intamate moment of passion, im just not all for having another guy or girl there. Suprising eh coming from a guy.
Okay, firsy of all another guy in the mix.....personally I think is just gross. I'm completely satisfied with my guy now, and have absolutly no desire what so ever for another one in any way, shape, or form. On the other hand I myself have fantasized about another girl joining us. Girls know what girls want.
I would very much like to be with another girl, but the thought of my guy being with another girl even with me there just doesn't appeal to me very much in reality, though I have frequent fantasies about it all the time. It's like I'm attracted to it and at the same time turned off by it and I don't know why. I don't understand how I can fantasize about something and then at the same time not want it to happen. I was hoping to get some help on how to get over my inabilities to allow it to happen in reality. Basically everyone has told me to just not do it. Which is not helping. I really want to but then I don't. It is pretty hard to explain. If anyone can help me in any other way than just saying don't do it, I would much appreciate the advice. Otherwise, I'm not being helped very much, maybe I just asked in the wrong place.
I would very much like to be with another girl, but the thought of my guy being with another girl even with me there just doesn't appeal to me very much in reality, though I have frequent fantasies about it all the time. It's like I'm attracted to it and at the same time turned off by it and I don't know why. I don't understand how I can fantasize about something and then at the same time not want it to happen. I was hoping to get some help on how to get over my inabilities to allow it to happen in reality. Basically everyone has told me to just not do it. Which is not helping. I really want to but then I don't. It is pretty hard to explain. If anyone can help me in any other way than just saying don't do it, I would much appreciate the advice. Otherwise, I'm not being helped very much, maybe I just asked in the wrong place.
James G 5
Holding Lit together
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cat3100 said:Okay, firsy of all another guy in the mix.....personally I think is just gross. I'm completely satisfied with my guy now, and have absolutly no desire what so ever for another one in any way, shape, or form. On the other hand I myself have fantasized about another girl joining us. Girls know what girls want.
You can fantasize about it but not want it IRL because fantasies and reality are 2 VERY different things
As long as the other woman is all in your head, she's 100% safe and no possible threat to you or your relationship
As soon as she becomes a real person, that changes
Have you considered finding a gay woman who's willing to do a 3 way as long as your BF doesn't touch?
He gets to watch, you get to play with a girl, but she & he don't interact and you know she won't take him away
You can have all SORTS of fun lke that
Speaking from experience as a guy, looking down on your chick from behing (doggystyle) as she eats another woman is a blast
And if not...you have your fantasies, enjoy them!
I understand all that stuff about it being safe as a fantasy and no risk as it would be in reality. I'm not worried about the other girl coming between us and ruining our relationship, I know that my bf would not let that happen and he has told me many times and proven it. I think it would be pretty much impossible for him not to touch the other girl, it's all part of his fantasy. He has told me many times that all he wants is another girl to come around only when we both want her to and only for sex, not that I don't satisfy him, he tells me that I do and it's obvious after we are done just by the look on his face. It's just problems with me, though he has repeatedly told me that it would be completely my choice of who it is and how, when and where it would happen. Ideally, it would be with someone that we aren't really close to, in a hotel room somewhere, so if we choose to see them again or not it is completely our call. Plus, I think our bed should be for us only. But, that is kind of hard to arrange because of our kids, and not having immediate access to a baby sitter other than my parents, and they can't know whats really going on. They wouldn't approve to much, if you know what I mean. I need help getting over my own inhibitions. My bf has done everything to make it as easy as possible for me, by giving me complete control over every aspect of it. He wouldn't have much fun if he couldn't touch, and that pretty much defeats the point. It's supposed to be fun and pleasurable for both of us. I have been with other girls by myself before and I have made out with girls in front of him, and he just watched, but he said that really turned him on and makes him want to have a threesome even more, plus when I know he is watching me with another girl, it makes me horny as hell. I guess I really need to know if any one has any advice on how to get more used to the situation before it actually happens.
Sorry for all the long posts, but I am kind of confused about what to do, and the more I think about it the more confused I get.
I guess I should ask people that have been FFM situations before if they can share things that they did to prepare themselves before it actually happened.
Somebody, please help me!!
Sorry for all the long posts, but I am kind of confused about what to do, and the more I think about it the more confused I get.
I guess I should ask people that have been FFM situations before if they can share things that they did to prepare themselves before it actually happened.
Somebody, please help me!!
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
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Cat, I reread everything you've written in this thread, and I see one common theme: What your BOYFRIEND wants
I'm guessing that's what everyone else has seen too, along with the fact that you don't want to do this for YOU. That's why you've been given the advice not to do it at all. Even when both people are completely into it and don't forsee problems, adding another person can have disasterous results. So when one of the people isn't into it, you're pretty much guaranteed it having a negative impact on you and the relationship. If everything else is good in your relationship, why screw it up? If your boyfriend is pushing this in spite of your feelings, he doesn't respect you or the relationship. IMHO, your children is the best reason not to do this and screw up your relationship...they deserve better than that. I'm sorry if that is harsh, but reality is harsh.
I don't understand why you can't compromise on him playing with you while you're with the other woman. Perhaps that would be a way to "ease into it"...and you can agree before hand to stop there if you don't want to go further.
One more idea that may or may not be harmful is to involve him in your make out session with another woman, fully clothed. It's possible that might help you get used to seeing him with her.
The BEST way to change your way of thinking is to put this idea on the back burner for a year or two or five or ten. During that time, maybe you'll become more secure in your relationship and perhaps you'll get to like the idea more.
Good luck Cat!
I'm guessing that's what everyone else has seen too, along with the fact that you don't want to do this for YOU. That's why you've been given the advice not to do it at all. Even when both people are completely into it and don't forsee problems, adding another person can have disasterous results. So when one of the people isn't into it, you're pretty much guaranteed it having a negative impact on you and the relationship. If everything else is good in your relationship, why screw it up? If your boyfriend is pushing this in spite of your feelings, he doesn't respect you or the relationship. IMHO, your children is the best reason not to do this and screw up your relationship...they deserve better than that. I'm sorry if that is harsh, but reality is harsh.
I don't understand why you can't compromise on him playing with you while you're with the other woman. Perhaps that would be a way to "ease into it"...and you can agree before hand to stop there if you don't want to go further.
One more idea that may or may not be harmful is to involve him in your make out session with another woman, fully clothed. It's possible that might help you get used to seeing him with her.
The BEST way to change your way of thinking is to put this idea on the back burner for a year or two or five or ten. During that time, maybe you'll become more secure in your relationship and perhaps you'll get to like the idea more.
Good luck Cat!
It's not just what my boyfriend wants. I didn't intend for it to sound that way. I want to do it. Like I said before, I have been with other girls and absolutly love it. I couldn't think of anything better than being with him and another girl at the same time. I want to do it for him also. He doesn't keep pushing it he casually brings it up every six to eight months,and when I tell him "no, i'm not ready to yet" he drops it and doesn't say anything about it. He has told me that it is one of his fantasies and he knows I have been with other girls. I want to do it too, for me . But at the same time I don't want to at all, and I don't know why. We have talked about it several times and everything that happens would be up to me. If I said I didn't want him to do something to her, he wouldn't do it. I didn't go for the idea of him just watching us because it wouldn't be as pleasuable for him, and I want to do it as much for as I do for myself, so niether one of us is left out on anything, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the other advice though,(him joing on just a make out session) that might work.
Thanks for the other advice though,(him joing on just a make out session) that might work.
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