Three up!

[LadyJ69_JA]

Hi all! New to this forum and I have three short stories up, would love some more feedback!
One is a seduction story, one an exploration in sex, and one on lunchtime activities.

https://literotica.com/s/the-seduction-30
https://literotica.com/s/a-sexual-experiment
https://literotica.com/s/lunchtime-munchtime

thanks for checking out!!

 

[AlinaX]

I started reading Sex Exp the other day and got so confused by the first two paragraphs that I abandoned it. Looking at it again... still too confusing... skip to the end and I see the twist / explanation. Hmm. Okay. Maybe. Still too confusing though.

 

[LadyJ69_JA]

ok thanks for feedback, I get it! I appreciate the honesty!

 

[JackBellend41]

All three pieces are well written and descriptive sex scenes, but they all feel like they are just that, a scene pulled out from a different story. On all three I was thinking, where is the rest?

When you write such a short work, you have to work really hard for your characters to make a connection to your audience. Like the android one…I think it’s a interesting idea unexplored. It’s a great premise to write a first time piece with all the experimentation and scariness and fun and awkwardness of teenage sex without worrying about talking about minors.

Overall well written, descriptive pieces that are lacking in making a connection with the reader.

 

[dmallord]

I read the vampire story! Going directly from the link here doesn't show the tags and I just launched into the storyline. The feel of the 'bite' came with the lip scene that's when I realized what was going on.

I liked it! It seemed well organized to me. I left a note in the comments for you with the story. I've seen many multiple partner sex scenes that get so confusing trying to keep straight who is doing what to whom. You have some of that going on in the story - round robin activities. I would have suggested those be restricted so one characters actions are completed before the next one takes over. Less head spin that way IMHO.