Three Footer

[MathGirl]

Here's a thread that will die quickly, I hope. I was so grossed out, though, that I had to tell someone about it. I chose my perv... literary friends to share it with.

I was banging away on my dissertation and had a radio talk show on in the background. The guest had written a book in which he describes his newly found secret to long life, health, and happiness.

I missed the part where he told what he eats to achieve this. Anyway, his secret and the basis for his book is that happiness and good health depend on producing a DAILY THREE FOOT BOWEL MOVEMENT. At least three feet long, preferably four. I assume that a daily eight footer would guarantee immortality.

The secrets are, of course, outlined in his book which is available for $29.95.

Good fucking grief!

 

[pop_54]

Wow

How the hell does he get it to drop off, our bog pan isn't three bloody feet deep, you'd have to stand on the seat and shake it free.

Hmm sounds a bit sus to me love..............pops.......

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Wow

Hmm sounds a bit sus to me love..............pops.......

Dear Pops,

How did I know that you would be the first to respond to this thread?

I assume that a coiling effect must be involved. Sort like a garden hose neatly stowed. I guess the worst part would be straightening the thing out and measuring to see if you qualified.

The whole thing brings up some disgusting mental pictures, doesn't it?

The guy who wrote the book said he routinely produces four footers. His wife and family must be so proud.

 

[NoJo]

I just measured the height of the stool in my kitchen. It's 2' 9" high. I rarely sit on it. It has an oven glove draped over it right now.

Best regards,

Joe.

 

[pop_54]

Re: Re: Wow

Dear Pops,

How did I know that you would be the first to respond to this thread?

I assume that a coiling effect must be involved. Sort like a garden hose neatly stowed. I guess the worst part would be straightening the thing out and measuring to see if you qualified.

The whole thing brings up some disgusting mental pictures, doesn't it?

The guy who wrote the book said he routinely produces four footers. His wife and family must be so proud.

Hmm, proud yes, I bet he's got his best ever effort, probably a nice firm 6' 1" monster turd, all varnished up and mounted on a wooden plaque in the lounge. Bound to be a talking point at dinner parties.

Was I really the first to answer, bloody hell just confirms I know more about shit than anything else, hehe.

Hey Joe I hope the stool in the kitchen was an accident.


pops.............

 

[NoJo]

Pops,
What makes you so special is that you are also willing to share your knowledge with others. Thank you.

PS Please don't hook up any webcams or anything like that. Unless you alrady have.

 

[pop_54]

Yo

Pops,
What makes you so special is that you are also willing to share your knowledge with others. Thank you.

PS Please don't hook up any webcams or anything like that. Unless you alrady have.

Don't have a web cam mate, it blew up when it saw my face, hehe.


pops.............

 

[SexyChele]

Damn, this guy would be a scat lovers dream come true!

All I can say it - ICK!

 

[MathGirl]

Healthy diet

I can't help but wonder what that guy eats to produce those four footers he's so proud of. Something loaded with fiber, obviously. Wood chips? Linoleum? Newspapers? Metamucil in wholesale lots? Sweaters?

 

[The_Fool]

Damn....what happens if he skips shitting for a day or two???

 

[Chicklet]

I read this aloud to my boyfriend and he proclaimed happily "I guess I'm going to live forever!"

dear sweet jesus...i don't know if i should laugh or cry

 

[entitled]

Anybody else here remember that old Jeff Foxworthy skit with the mud shaped into a giant turd? *snickers*

 

[NoJo]

Damn, this guy would be a scat lovers dream come true!

All I can say it - ICK!

Well at least he lays the cable for breakfast every day. I'm usually so rushed for work in the morning I have to just wolf down a snickers and sprite before I shoot off.

 

[karmadog]

I suspect a combination diet of cheese and bran flakes.

Still, the horror... the horror...

 

[Un-registered]

Re: Re: Wow

The whole thing brings up some disgusting mental pictures, doesn't it?

Personally I was what I believe you young Americans call ROTFLMAO.

Are you sure it wasn't broadcast on 1st April?

Or written by Peter Ustinov?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Diane, not only have you grossed me out, but you have also led me on! When I read "three footer", I thought this thread would be about something entirely different...

 

[Guest]

die quickly?

Diane-

Did you say you wanted this thread to die quickly?

b

 

[pop_54]

Good point

Damn....what happens if he skips shitting for a day or two???

The police ask motorists to treat it as a traffic island until it's cleared away.


pops.............

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Good point

The police ask motorists to treat it as a traffic island until it's cleared away.pops.............

This little thread has certainly become quite a ... movement. It's produced some great quotes, too.

Pops, you're gross. I love it.

 

[MathGirl]

Forrest Gump

Remember the movie "Forrest Gump" with Tom Hanks? It was based on a book of the same title. In the book, Forrest did some things that never appeared in the movie.

Gump was a professional wrestler on the WWF tour for several years. He wore a shapeless brown costume and wrestled as "The Turd."

I guess that was a little ... strong for the movie.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Considering how gross this thread is, how come I can't stop reading it???

 

[MathGirl]

In/Kg

Personally, I think a person's body weight should be taken into consideration when calculating how long a BM should be to be considered healthy. I would suggest a scale be developed in which inches of BM per kilogram of body weight is used.

I weigh about forty Kg. I certainly shouldn't be expected to produce something as massive as a strapping 100Kg rugby player, should I?

I don't think it's fair. Another slap at the little people.

 

[TheEarl]

I'm a rugby player. I can't produce 3 foot daily.

Is there something wrong with me?

The Earl

PS. I have to say I thought this thread'd be about somehting else too.

 

[karmadog]

Well, since you are 40% of the size of the rugby player, that leaves you with only about 14.5" to produce daily. Assuming that the rugby player has to produce a 3 footer.

 

[MathGirl]

I'm a rugby player. I can't produce 3 foot daily. Is there something wrong with me?

According to my proposed system, you're okay if you weigh 60Kg or less. If you weigh more than that, best to get your affairs in order.