thread for Daddy

[Mairu]

closed and never posting again since people think its a horrible idea.

thanks to everyone who had something to say, I've thought about it and if you want it closed so much, here you go. I'm trying to take this calmly as someone said I should. hope everyone is happy that they have humiliated me and made me look like a complete fool.

 

[CutieMouse]

You do realize threads like this rarely end well?

 

[The_Ghost_Man]

You do realize threads like this rarely end well?

Don't say that. I was just thinking what a great idea it was!

 

[Mairu]

.....

 

[CutieMouse]

why is it a bad idea Cutiemouse? I'm doing it for my Daddy and I can get somethings off my chest if I need to.

Because the BDSM Cafe forum isn't a blog.

Because the BDSM Cafe forum isn't your personal journal.

Because historically speaking, lists such as yours are fantastic opportunities for strangers to poke holes in all of your daddy's "rules" and make him look like an idiot. (I'm refraining from doing so, myself, BTW.)

Because you are using random people to get off on your "maximum embarrassment level", and one could argue that the people you are using didn't give informed consent to be used in that manner. (Yes, that is a hard-ass interpretation of consent. Oh well.)

Because a quick perusal of you and your daddy's profiles show that both of you spend the VAST majority of your time in the Sexual Roleplay Forum. If it's that important for people to see the list, why not post it where you spend most of your online time? That's the thing that always confuses me - drive by posters, who show up to start a thread that is essentially a personal journal and/or blog, and otherwise never contribute or give back to the forum they are using for their personal journal and/or blog.

Your daddy is not the first person to think "Hey! I have this super hawt idea! I'll make my [online? real time?] partner post a list on the Lit BDSM boards telling everyone what an awesomely awesome dom/daddy/master dude I am, and everyone will be impressed with all my great rulz 'n shit! We are teh kinky!"

The reality is usually more along the lines of quiet (and sometimes not so quiet) scorn and ridicule, or a mental note of whom to not take seriously in the future.

Every online forum has its own energy. It's own mores. It doesn't matter if the topic is kink, H Gauge model trains, baking, BDSM, ComicCons, psychology, academia, whatever... Every online forum is a mini-community. Observations of this particular community over the last 11 years, is that threads such as this one are not as welcome as the people creating them assume they will be.

 

[anthilly]

First off thank you Cutiemouse for answering my Mairu. I appreciate your candor with her.

It is true that the Cafe is neither of those things. But when I asked her to post this journal on lit, we looked for the best suited thread to place it under. If anyone would like to poke holes into my rules feel free to do so, just do it through a PM. I would appreciate the wealth of advice those of you who have been living this for longer than I. Also if you want to make me feel or look like and idiot please direct those to my pm box too. Do not direct them at my Mairu or flood her thread with a thousand comments about how I could be doing a better job. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate anyone talking about your Sir,Daddy,Master or Sub in that manner and neither do I.

Also if you feel your consent has been violated, note that you accepted consent when you opened this thread and read its contents.

Yes we both post mainly in the SRP forum but since we are exploring this lifestyle and attempting to gain some connections here, I had her post it here. She asked if she could have post enabled on it and I agreed thinking that she would hopefully find some people who could help her learn from and foster a link to this community. The purpose wasn't for specifically for anyone to see this, it's purpose is to push a limit that she discussed with me. On that same note, if I feel this thread is going to hinder or damage her growth I will have her remove it or ask for it to be moved from the cafe.

You are right I am not the first to think of this, but I have seen it used as a effective tool in relationships before. I didn't ask her because of some sexual thrill I would get from viewing it. This is meant to be a safe place for her to document our journey and her personal experiences while discussing it with our peers when she feels comfortable with it.

I agree that each thread on Lit is it's own community and some are more open than others. But Lit has always been a place to explore and connect, and I hope that my fellow posters would appreciate this fact.

I only felt the need to post, because I want to protect Mairu from anything I can. So if you have any complaints about this thread in general or how I may be ranked on the Dom/Daddy scale of competence please refrain from posting it here and direct it to me in PM. I had hope to refrain from posting here, since this was supposed to be her space, but though I appreciate you answering Mairu's question. Your post stirred up my protective instincts and I felt the need to address it and voice my opinion on the matter.

 

[Setanta84]

The reason these things never end well is provided in pretty much textbook form by your online partner's response to Cutiemouse's post.

First off thank you Cutiemouse for answering my Mairu. I appreciate your candor with her.

It is true that the Cafe is neither of those things. But when I asked her to post this journal on lit, we looked for the best suited thread to place it under. If anyone would like to poke holes into my rules feel free to do so, just do it through a PM.

Here, after a false display of courtesy, he proceeds to tell another user and, by extension, all other users what to do. It's of a piece of basically asking the board to participate in your kink, which is one of the issues CM was raising, and also vaguely creepy.

You get off on having him tell you what to do? And you agreed to engage with him on that level? Super. Taking that approach to other people in general, even on your thread on a sex board? Again, vaguely creepy.

I would appreciate the wealth of advice those of you who have been living this for longer than I. Also if you want to make me feel or look like and idiot please direct those to my pm box too. Do not direct them at my Mairu or flood her thread with a thousand comments about how I could be doing a better job. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate anyone talking about your Sir,Daddy,Master or Sub in that manner and neither do I.

And here with have him poorly disguising a tone dripping with condescension with weirdly formal diction, which, again, is vaguely creepy.

Also if you feel your consent has been violated, note that you accepted consent when you opened this thread and read its contents.

Making the tacit consent argument here is weird and keeping with the vaguely creepy undertone of the whole post. By making a public post, you opened yourself up to commentary. That's sort of the whole point. (Also, the title of your thread doesn't go into enough depth for that argument to even be taken seriously.)

<Snip for boring bullshit I'm not going to comment on.>

You are right I am not the first to think of this, but I have seen it used as a effective tool in relationships before. I didn't ask her because of some sexual thrill I would get from viewing it. This is meant to be a safe place for her to document our journey and her personal experiences while discussing it with our peers when she feels comfortable with it.

Here, I love both the self-aggrandizement and also the use of the concept of "safe space" to try and shame people out of expressing criticism or dissent--it's such a trendy thing for privileged kids these days.

The general, normal concept of taking something into a public space is that you widening the scope of discourse/forfeiting boundaries you'd reasonably expect when talking about these things in private. Taking it public and also expecting to retain those boundaries has a "I want to have my cake and eat it, too" vibe that leads people to sort of resent these threads.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

So the public post of her rules is to get her maximum humiliation and a safe place to post about her experiences online? Anthilly, did you read similar threads in this forum before you decided to give her this instruction or are you the type of dom who just thought he had a super kinky idea and acted immediately without fully considering it? These threads do not go well here, and they never have. This board is for discussion of BDSM (in Talk) and for discussions among kinky people (in Cafe). A personal blog fits in neither. Way to fail to prepare, though, and then to post a condescending novel of a post justifying your choice. You just look like an ass.

Gave consent to the thread by opening it? Ahaahaa! That's just good comedy there.

 

[Primalex]

Personally, I don't believe in rules and tasks set as rules. At least if your relationship is supposed to last longer than two weeks.

I have seen it used as a effective tool in relationships before

What exactly does "seen" and "effective" mean and whose relationships?

 

[MeekMe]

It is true that the Cafe is neither of those things. But when I asked her to post this journal on lit, we looked for the best suited thread to place it under. If anyone would like to poke holes into my rules feel free to do so, just do it through a PM.

It's posted in public, it'll receive public opinion.

I would appreciate the wealth of advice those of you who have been living this for longer than I. Also if you want to make me feel or look like and idiot please direct those to my pm box too.

Public yada yada yada you're doing a great job on your own.

Do not direct them at my Mairu or flood her thread with a thousand comments about how I could be doing a better job. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate anyone talking about your Sir,Daddy,Master or Sub in that manner and neither do I.

He doesn't tell me to do things like this, but if he were to, I can safely assume people here would tell me what they really think. I'd appreciate the honesty and take a moment to learn something from the experience.

Yes we both post mainly in the SRP forum but since we are exploring this lifestyle and attempting to gain some connections here, I had her post it here. She asked if she could have post enabled on it and I agreed thinking that she would hopefully find some people who could help her learn from and foster a link to this community.

These are my rules and I follow them obediently to the best of my abilities, the last two I'm only seeing for the first time tonight. You know it is hard to follow them sometimes though, either I forget or I feel uncomfortable but then I think how my Daddy will be disappointed if I don't and happy if I do and those help me. There are times when I may forget, one time at the beginning even and I will get punished but I know my Daddy does it in love anyway. So here this is, the start of my journal.

You have a lot of rules, most of which don't seem to serve a purpose beyond "busy work" or sex, and you get punished for forgetting. What are you getting out of this and how do you see this working in the long run?

The purpose wasn't for specifically for anyone to see this, it's purpose is to push a limit that she discussed with me. On that same note, if I feel this thread is going to hinder or damage her growth I will have her remove it or ask for it to be moved from the cafe.

If no one was actually supposed to see this then why is it here? This is far better suited for a blogging site. Tumblr would be far more appropriate and you wouldn't have to worry about all the holes being poked in your rules.

This is meant to be a safe place for her to document our journey and her personal experiences while discussing it with our peers when she feels comfortable with it.

The forum is quite good for discussion so if either of you have questions feel free to ask. Many of us enjoy discussion and giving advice. It's a really inefficient format to write it in journal form, though. For a more controlled environment I would suggest a blogging site where you can both control the replies should you happen to receive any.

I only felt the need to post, because I want to protect Mairu from anything I can. So if you have any complaints about this thread in general or how I may be ranked on the Dom/Daddy scale of competence please refrain from posting it here and direct it to me in PM. I had hope to refrain from posting here, since this was supposed to be her space, but though I appreciate you answering Mairu's question. Your post stirred up my protective instincts and I felt the need to address it and voice my opinion on the matter.

Again, this was all posted in public. OP opened you/herself up to public opinion when she started this "journal" under your command.

hello anyone who reads this. I am a new little, just starting to be a little girl for my Daddy, Anthilly. This is one of the things he asks of me and for him I will do this, even though I'm getting pushed to maximum embarrassment level. It doesn't matter though because I am very happy with him and want to do this for him even though I don't know if I could tell him that though because it would contradict the embarrassment. Hard enough to explain things anyway without adding contradicting thoughts. Anyway he has asked me to put my rules in here, so here they are.

Hi! Welcome! You're new! Here's some great reading material to help you:
Older threads on ageplay.
Older threads on discipline and punishment.
Contracts - Maybe find some resources to help you with your list of rules.

Take a look around in BDSM Talk for current discussions taking place. Loads of great info. If you have any specific questions or a topic you'd like to discuss either join one of the many open threads or start your own.

Let's take a look at these rules:
1. You will follow all commands without question or argument

Why? Do you know this person well enough to do what they say without question? Can you trust that your best interests have been considered?

2. You will address me as Daddy or an approved name

Fair enough I suppose.

3. When you wake up in the morning and before you go to bed you will kneel at your bedside and thank your Daddy for your bed.

Did he pay for or provide you with a bed? 0_o;; No, really, did he?

4. You will place and maintain a S somewhere on your body except when the S would interfere with your real life.

Ok? Why? What purpose does this serve?

5. While you are in your bedroom you will remove your panties and keep them in your pocket, until you leave the bedroom.

This just seems asinine. Every time? So you'd have to take your pants off, take your panties off, put your pants back on and put your panties in your pocket until you left the room? Wtf? What if you don't have pockets? What if you're just getting your sweater to leave? Do you go through all of that each time? Jesus, I'd stop going into my own bedroom to avoid this.

6. When you remove your panties you will say aloud, My pussy is for you daddy.

Does all of this still apply with guests over? Do you have to say this every time you take a piss? What if you're changing in a public facility like a gym locker room or something? Or does this only apply to rule 5?

7. You will edge yourself once a day in preparation for playtime with Daddy.

（ーー；）Hm... I got nothing, I'm just not a fan.

8. When you wake up for the first time each day, you will send me a message

Pretty standard.

9. You will abide by the set schedule for you panties and bra. Any deviation will have to be discussed.

How does this affect your work and social life?

10. At least once a week you will post in your journal tread about your experiences with our relationship.

In an appropriate place like Tumblr or blogspot or any place specifically made for journaling.

11. You will keep complete honesty with you Daddy and not hold anything back from him.

Definitely always be honest and tell him when his jeans make his ass look fat.

12. I maintain rights to change this list at anytime I see fit.

Cool, but remember there's a bunch of stuff she already can't remember on the list so maybe you should take that into consideration and work out something more achievable.

13. If you break a rule, you will send me an apology and await my decision on punishment.

Ok. Are we talking about real punishment?

14. Once a week you will color your daddy a picture while and store it with your contract.

Is this list printed out somewhere? Or are you saying she should scan it and post it here?

15. I will issue you task occasionally, you will preform these task to the best of you ability without question.

Isn't this list essentially just a bunch of tasks? Take your panties off. Edge yourself. Say silly phrases when you do these tasks. Jump on one foot and sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Mairu, do these rules enhance your life? If they do, I'm happy for you. Having rules can be really great, until they aren't. Like being overly complicated or too vague to be enforced. I suggest you start a real blog somewhere more suited to that kind of writing because you can't stop people from replying here.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Mairu]

.....

 

[BabblingBrooke]

Okay thanks for all you replies people. True I don't like what they say but some I do get. On the thing of my rules, I accepted them thank you very much! Also cutiemouse you say they don't end very well? YOU aren't helping that situation by saying these things that are very hurtful. Also. What the hell does it matter if I usually post in the sexual roleplaying forum? I have been interested in BDSM before I even came here and have looked in this thread a lot. Yeah maybe I don't post in it but what does that matter huh? Seriously I thought this was a place to express your feelings and connect and say what you want, in appropriate places. But I guess not. Yeah maybe a lot of you don't like this and I am trying to take that but its still fucking hurtful. Actually how about this. IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. how about that for something hmm? If you have a problem with this thread take it to the moderators. They can take it down if they want but until then. DEAL WITH IT!

Did you actually read any of the replies and think about their content?

Are you an adult, by the way? You may wish to focus on calming down. I believe you are the one who needs to "deal with it." As others did suggest, you opened this thread in a forum where you can't control the responses and you may want to try a different site/format if you get this flustered with the replies here.

 

[Mairu]

.....

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[CutieMouse]

yeah I am an adult thanks. Yes I know I need to calm down but when you make a thread and then almost everyone says something hurtful even when you are trying, kind of hard. I have feelings too you know and if they can say what they think, So can I. When people make you feel like a complete fool of yourself, well kind of hard to keep the emotions in check. I know people can say what they want here, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt the person who started the thread.

Actually, (personal opinion), it's turned into a more productive thread than I'd expected.

While I don't necessarily agree with all of Anthilly's comments, he took the critique better than most PYLs have [in similar situations], and publicly supported his partner instead of bailing. Kudos.

My reason for pointing out that forums are similar to small communities and have mores/etc, was not to suggest people change who they are to fit in, but rather to suggest that understanding one's [online] audience can be very useful when one is looking for information.

Example -

Blog-style posts such as the OP don't offer much in the way of discussion. BDSM Talk & Cafe are discussion forums.

However, a post saying something like

"Hey, I'm in a new relationship, and talking about this stuff is kinda hard & embarrassing for me, but my daddy thought it would be good for me to work on that (for whatever reason). We've started implementing some daily rules - does anyone else have a list of daily rules in their relationship? How did your dom/master/daddy come up with them? Did you get to give any input, or did that feel like Topping from the Bottom? What happens if/when you forget a rule? How many rules did you get at once? How long did it take to get comfortable with them? What happens if you think a rule is a good idea, but realize over time it's impractical?"

Are you (Mairu and Anthilly) able to see how the OP list/blog-style post may not offer as much interaction (and opportunity to learn from decades of experienced people's perspectives), as a post about the same subject - embarrassment/rules/power-based relationships? Which is more likely to further a desire to

we are exploring this lifestyle and attempting to gain some connections here

?

Everyone on the forum was new, once upon a time. A lot (I'd dare say most) of us have gotten a cyber-slap on the hand for posting something that doesn't fit the intent or spirit of the forum. I think the most embarrassing thing I did very early on, was start a thread asking if anyone would help me give up diet coke, because [obviously, duh ] having some random online domly dude hold me accountable would TOTALLY work! I mean, my addiction to diet coke (fully acknowledging how bad it was for me) was OBVIOUSLY a D/s issue [instead of a lack of self-control]! I identified as submissive! How could anyone expect me to control my own decisions?!?! That was the dominant's job! Why hadn't I thought of it before!

Yeah.... that did not go over well. At all. lol But all the harsh responses I received (both publicly and through PM), taught me to think hard about who I was and how I wanted to interact with others. It took an ass chewing from people on the forum whom I respected, for me to realize I was getting distracted by games, instead of doing the work to find my own truth. A lot of the people who lectured me back then have moved on. One passed away last year. As hurtful and awful as it felt at the time, those people helped me more than they may ever know.

Yes, the forums can be a little harsh, especially early on. But it's one of the few forums online I know of where reality trumps fantasy, every damn time. And when you're an adult, doing adult things (some of which might border on dangerous)? Reality checks are invaluable. Even if they come across as "mean".

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]