thread closed

[Jasmine12345]

I am Not ready for a D/s Relationship but would enjoy talking about the
psychological aspect of it.

My inbox is closed now. I'd open it after some conversation in public

 

[LeinadVirgo]

Do you have any experience in a relationship with defined roles? That's a good way to start I think: what aspects do you like and do you think there is a reason for it?

 

[ef_oh_ex]

I have no experience in BDSM.
Recently I read a thread where the OP, a female sub, talked about her Dom leading her to have sex with other men and she said she enjoyed it.

I think it's charming for women to be subservient and men dominant, both in a natural way and agreeable with each other.

I am Not ready for a D/s Relationship but would enjoy talking about the
psychological aspect of it.

My inbox is closed now. I might open it after some conversation in public

well then let us discuss this - it is Lit after all...

what is it about the psychology that intrigues you?

Because it is verrrry natural, as you have correctly pointed out...

 

[SissySalina]

If you are interested in the psychological aspect of the D/s relationship why does it have to be male/female?

 

[Woolmohair]

If you are interested in the psychological aspect of the D/s relationship why does it have to be male/female?

The writer's use of the phrase, " I think...," in the second paragraph, would indicate that that which follows is opinion, and would only "have to be..." if you share the writer's opinion.

 

[woman_early20s]

I agree with fara.
It's how the society as whole see's and raises the women. The social construct is kind of based on that conditioning from childhood.

It's something along the lines of 'boys/men don't cry'

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I don’t think women are naturally subservient. I think they are traditionally subservient.
Big difference.

Yes, women in most cultures are conditioned to be subservient.

 

[woman_early20s]

I find that I take care of so much, whether in a “bossy” type way, or a nurturing way, that I NEED my partner (and yes, in my case, a man) to take control sexually.
I know this isn’t the same for everyone, but it fits me.

Even if the society paved a way for me this way. I am glad because it helps me find men whom I find interesting, easily.

Because I can handle myself being the boss infront of the world but it drains me out. That's why I need to have a dominant partner to let go and relax, not only sexually but emotionally in our private space

 

[cookiecat]

I read this post earlier and have been spinning it around in my head.

D/s can be charming, regardless of which gender is the D or the s.

It's charming when it's fun and arousing and what you want it to be. For example, in the original post, it was exciting to read a story about a sub who was led by her Dominant to have sex with other men.

What if the Dominant wanted the sub to do something that didn't trip the submissive's trigger? What if having sex with other men was something she didn't want to do but he really wanted her to?

Would it be as charming?

That's where - for me - the psychological stuff comes in to play.

I like it when a Dominant gets in to my head and figures out a way to push my buttons. My boundaries. Could be subversive. Or coerced. I like it when my brain gets all muddled up trying to figure out which way to go. And, of course, the way it always ends up going - no matter how much I try to beg or crawl my way out of it - is His way.

For me, the charming part wasn't the thing he wanted me to do. Instead, it's the fact he could get me to do it. It made me wet and feel good that I could do this thing my brain said NO NO NOPE to but he figured out a way to show me I could.

Haha! Doing housework naked comes to mind. There was no way I wanted to be naked, scrubbing the floor or vacuuming. No idea why. Just felt weird. I cried, pouted, put up a big stink. I swear, though, after being paddled, choked, edged, put in the corner, negotiating for just no pants... I knew it was time to try.

Psychology: I think making the big stink was part of the... play? Keeping him engaged? I say I'm submissive. So shouldn't I just say yes sir and get nekkid? What's really the big deal? Every thing was a battle. Once we got to know each other better, he was wise enough to change his tactic. He didn't engage in my tantrums. He'd simply tell me when I was done, he'd talk with me. Like a grown up. That really worked the best.

I'm rambling a little. Did it make any sense?!

disclaimer: all of this would be done within a safe, trusting relationship where limits have been discussed

 

[woman_early20s]

I read this post earlier and have been spinning it around in my head.

D/s can be charming, regardless of which gender is the D or the s.

It's charming when it's fun and arousing and what you want it to be. For example, in the original post, it was exciting to read a story about a sub who was led by her Dominant to have sex with other men.

What if the Dominant wanted the sub to do something that didn't trip the submissive's trigger? What if having sex with other men was something she didn't want to do but he really wanted her to?

Would it be as charming?

That's where - for me - the psychological stuff comes in to play.

I like it when a Dominant gets in to my head and figures out a way to push my buttons. My boundaries. Could be subversive. Or coerced. I like it when my brain gets all muddled up trying to figure out which way to go. And, of course, the way it always ends up going - no matter how much I try to beg or crawl my way out of it - is His way.

For me, the charming part wasn't the thing he wanted me to do. Instead, it's the fact he could get me to do it. It made me wet and feel good that I could do this thing my brain said NO NO NOPE to but he figured out a way to show me I could.

Haha! Doing housework naked comes to mind. There was no way I wanted to be naked, scrubbing the floor or vacuuming. No idea why. Just felt weird. I cried, pouted, put up a big stink. I swear, though, after being paddled, choked, edged, put in the corner, negotiating for just no pants... I knew it was time to try.

Psychology: I think making the big stink was part of the... play? Keeping him engaged? I say I'm submissive. So shouldn't I just say yes sir and get nekkid? What's really the big deal? Every thing was a battle. Once we got to know each other better, he was wise enough to change his tactic. He didn't engage in my tantrums. He'd simply tell me when I was done, he'd talk with me. Like a grown up. That really worked the best.

I'm rambling a little. Did it make any sense?!

disclaimer: all of this would be done within a safe, trusting relationship where limits have been discussed

Disclaimer is of much importance.
This way of my dom making me do things by toying with my head thn just plainly ordering around is what I have signed up for and will always do that

 

[KimGordon67]

I love both of the above two posts. They really speak to me about the different things that happen for me in this dynamic.
I like pain ... not everyone does, but I really do. Giving someone else permission to hurt me, a LOT, asking for more, even when he thinks I've had enough, pushing that to the very edge ... I've tried to find words to describe how that feels, but Fara, you've got it. Empty. Like the pain is so utterly all-consuming, I can't think about anything other than that one thing, so when it stops there's almost nothing for a few moments. It's sort confusing, but also calm inside my head. I almost always have a spontaneous orgasm a couple of minutes later ... I don't know if that's a psychological thing, or a physical reaction.
And Cookie ... YES. With the not-pain things, it's the internal struggle, the fight, how that short circuits everything. The simultaneous wanting/not-wanting to do the thing, whatever it is. I'm not sure if I'm articulating this very well, but I get what you mean.

 

[Primalex]

I like it when a Dominant gets in to my head and figures out a way to push my buttons.

I've always associated this with free climbing from my point of view. It's a process of many options, some good, some bad, some ending up in a dead end, making you try another route and sometimes you don't even see a good way to start and sometimes you grab something that turns out to be fairly loose.

But it's not the wall that makes the conscious decision whether I'm being able to climb it; neither am I guaranteed to succeed. I can lack the necessary knowledge or experience or maybe I'm just out of luck the day I try it and grab aforementioned loose ledge that looked like a good approach when I was still checking out the wall.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I don’t think women are naturally subservient. I think they are traditionally subservient.
Big difference.

Yeah, this.

The more I learn about nature, the less helpful it seems as a guide to human behaviour.

 

[Scareltt]

I really like how you said all of this...

I read this post earlier and have been spinning it around in my head.

D/s can be charming, regardless of which gender is the D or the s.

It's charming when it's fun and arousing and what you want it to be. For example, in the original post, it was exciting to read a story about a sub who was led by her Dominant to have sex with other men.

What if the Dominant wanted the sub to do something that didn't trip the submissive's trigger? What if having sex with other men was something she didn't want to do but he really wanted her to?

Would it be as charming?

That's where - for me - the psychological stuff comes in to play.

I like it when a Dominant gets in to my head and figures out a way to push my buttons. My boundaries. Could be subversive. Or coerced. I like it when my brain gets all muddled up trying to figure out which way to go. And, of course, the way it always ends up going - no matter how much I try to beg or crawl my way out of it - is His way.

For me, the charming part wasn't the thing he wanted me to do. Instead, it's the fact he could get me to do it. It made me wet and feel good that I could do this thing my brain said NO NO NOPE to but he figured out a way to show me I could.

Haha! Doing housework naked comes to mind. There was no way I wanted to be naked, scrubbing the floor or vacuuming. No idea why. Just felt weird. I cried, pouted, put up a big stink. I swear, though, after being paddled, choked, edged, put in the corner, negotiating for just no pants... I knew it was time to try.

Psychology: I think making the big stink was part of the... play? Keeping him engaged? I say I'm submissive. So shouldn't I just say yes sir and get nekkid? What's really the big deal? Every thing was a battle. Once we got to know each other better, he was wise enough to change his tactic. He didn't engage in my tantrums. He'd simply tell me when I was done, he'd talk with me. Like a grown up. That really worked the best.

I'm rambling a little. Did it make any sense?!

disclaimer: all of this would be done within a safe, trusting relationship where limits have been discussed

That sounds like a charming D/s relationship. You articulate yourself really well. I think you enjoy the process of submitting as much as the submissive act. Sort of like the journey as exciting as the destination...

 

[Italian_Princess]

I have no experience in BDSM.
Recently I read a thread where the OP, a female sub, talked about her Dom leading her to have sex with other men and she said she enjoyed it.

I think it's charming for women to be subservient and men dominant, both in a natural way and agreeable with each other.

I am Not ready for a D/s Relationship but would enjoy talking about the
psychological aspect of it.

My inbox is closed now. I might open it after some conversation in public

Can I be honest? I think (I may be wrong) that if you are exploring the world of "Being a Dom" you should be open minded and re open your "dm's" in case someone wants to offer some personal pointers, staying open to Learning is the First method to being in control, "Realizing" you don't know "everything" (THEY make The Best Doms"the ones who want to learn") if thats the path you were going down. I am a dominant AND submissive Alpha female. So thought I offer a starting point ;-) It shows to the submissive that you Are trustworthy and not overly egotistical (which is a MAJOR turn off to a surrendering sub) and open to negotiate with them, which is how you will bond most with your sub. that you find a mutual agreement you both can and will uphold. . =D

 

[CuriousDomme008]

Can I be honest? I think (I may be wrong) that if you are exploring the world of "Being a Dom" you should be open minded and re open your "dm's" in case someone wants to offer some personal pointers, staying open to Learning is the First method to being in control, "Realizing" you don't know "everything" (THEY make The Best Doms"the ones who want to learn") if thats the path you were going down. I am a dominant AND submissive Alpha female. So thought I offer a starting point ;-) It shows to the submissive that you Are trustworthy and not overly egotistical (which is a MAJOR turn off to a surrendering sub) and open to negotiate with them, which is how you will bond most with your sub. that you find a mutual agreement you both can and will uphold. . =D

Agee. I am submissive to my husband. Well I’m finding I may be dominant but actually “tricking” him into being the dominant one so I can be submissive. But that’s a whole different conversation. And one I’m still figuring out. Anyways! I’m submissive with my husband. But made an account here so I could explore my dominant side. I have no desire to really dominate my husband but am having fun talk in g to different subs. I’ve learned so many different aspects of D/s in the last couple weeks of being in here. All by role playing and/or chatting with subs!

 

[Primalex]

Can I be honest? I think (I may be wrong) that if you are exploring the world of "Being a Dom" you should be open minded and re open your "dm's" in case someone wants to offer some personal pointers

Or you post your advice here so that everyone can benefit from it.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Can I be honest? I think (I may be wrong) that if you are exploring the world of "Being a Dom" you should be open minded and re open your "dm's" in case someone wants to offer some personal pointers, staying open to Learning is the First method to being in control, "Realizing" you don't know "everything" (THEY make The Best Doms"the ones who want to learn") if thats the path you were going down. I am a dominant AND submissive Alpha female. So thought I offer a starting point ;-) It shows to the submissive that you Are trustworthy and not overly egotistical (which is a MAJOR turn off to a surrendering sub) and open to negotiate with them, which is how you will bond most with your sub. that you find a mutual agreement you both can and will uphold. . =D

I don't see anything in Jasmine's post suggesting that she's aiming to be a dom. Quite the opposite.

As Primalex noted, having this kind of conversation in public means that others can benefit from the advice given. Another advantage is that it improves the chances of the poster getting genuine advice, as opposed to horny guys trying to cyber.

 

[Jasmine12345]

Looks like I've been speechless. That's right, speechless.
I was overwhelmed by the number and the pace of responses. When I tried to respond to the first two posters, 2 or 3 new ones jumped up before I could click the 'submit' button. Then it felt like I had to respond to everybody... Not a complaint. Im saying thank you all.

Bramblethorn is right,

I don't see anything in Jasmine's post suggesting that she's aiming to be a dom. Quite the opposite.

I might come back later.

 

[KimGordon67]

Looks like I've been speechless. That's right, speechless.
I was overwhelmed by the number and the pace of responses. When I tried to respond to the first two posters, 2 or 3 new ones jumped up before I could click the 'submit' button. Then it felt like I had to respond to everybody... Not a complaint. Im saying thank you all.

Bramblethorn is right,



I might come back later.

It's an interesting topic ... well, I find it interesting anyway. I'm just entering into what I hope is a new relationship with a strong d/s element, and it's always interesing/useful for me to think about what's going on with that.

 

[ultramarineblue]

This is a topic that has always interested me. I'm also intrigued by the line where it's healthy versus not for me personally. Being told what to do is freeing for me. I prefer to be obedient. The more I think about it, the less I realize I know and understand.

 

[Fermina_Daza]

My partner would never describe me as subservient - he knew when he asked me who I was and responded back with my name and “who the fuck are you” that this was no rose - this is a wildflower.

But we are in a power exchange dynamic because it serves us both. And I got more turned on by him taking control of the finances than I did when he took control the first time in the bedroom.

For me, it’s not just sex. But it’s a bonus. And only for the right partner.