Thoughts on alternating narrators in a single story?

[taytay4eva]

I've posted a couple Sammi Elf stories so far, both told pretty much just from Sammi Elf's point of view, except for the epilogue at the end. I'm working on a third (Tommy becomes a dommy Krampus and Sammi Elf learns she likes that), but I'm drawn to writing it alternating between Sammi's point of view and Tommy's.

How do most folks here feel about that? About yep narrators for a single story submission? Many of the stories I've read here stick to one narrator, and if that's the convention I don't want to stray from it (especially if straying means I'll get voted lower), but I don't want to handicap the story for it, and most romance books I've read alternate between the two main characters' pov.

 

[TheLobster]

How do most folks here feel about that?

In a short story? Awful. They’re some stories here which slap narrator name on top of every scene, and the scenes are like 1k words or less. Completely unreadable.

It works in novels because chapters are longer, but even then most authors don’t round-robin PoVs every other chapter. Shifting a point of view is a big ask for a reader, who must discard all the accumulated immersion and engagement and start more or less from scratch.

 

[old_prof]

I'm very much wondering opinions on the same question. My WIP novel that I just finished the draft for (YAY!) has a narrator per chapter, mostly alternating every chapter. I always make sure the very beginning of each chapter makes it obvious.

I think it's the right approach here, but I am curious to hear alternatives.

The book is about the changing relationship between two women over several years. (Warning for any of my usual readers -- this is not my usual HEA story.) The point of the story is how they change emotionally as they deal with each differently and in different roles.

 

[SimonDoom]

I wouldn't shoot down the idea automatically, but in your shoes I'd ask myself why I want to do it. How does it make the story better? What does it add? There are examples of other stories like this, but this is not the conventional way to do it. Think about the purpose you want to achieve.

 

[StillStunned]

I've done it, but only for sci-fi and fantasy, I think. (Well, and one story that shifts from 1P to 3P and back.) It can work with stories where the events and worldbuilding are the focus, I think. And I'd never use multiple 1P perspectives within a single work.

 

[YmaOHyd]

I wouldn't do it unless two things are true: first, you have enough meat on the bones to tell two complete stories. Second, you can't tell the story from one single point of view.

 

[Britva415]

How do most folks here feel about that?

My first and possibly only question would be about whether you can articulate a story-specific (not generic) good reason to do it, and why other alternatives wouldn't suit for the particular story.

I wouldn't do it unless two things are true: first, you have enough meat on the bones to tell two complete stories. Second, you can't tell the story from one single point of view.

Like, not even a 3p POV?.

 

[old_prof]

I wouldn't shoot down the idea automatically, but in your shoes I'd ask myself why I want to do it. How does it make the story better? What does it add? There are examples of other stories like this, but this is not the conventional way to do it. Think about the purpose you want to achieve.

My apologies for my ignorance, but what is the conventional way to do this. The only tool I would know about is 3P omnisicient, but that feels far worse here.

I really want the reader to understand the changing relationship from both perspectives. At some level, I need to be in both of their heads. Changing POV at chapter breaks seems like the best way to do this.

Again, I would love to understand alternatives.

 

[YmaOHyd]

Like, not even a 3p POV?.

My instinct is that if a single narrator can tell the story, that narrator should do so. A second narrator needs to add their own story, not just relay the same events. I'm not saying the two stories need to be fully separate, like Game of Thrones, where Danaerys and Ned Stark are on different continents and never interact or experience the same things. Narrator B's experience of Event Sequence 1 needs to be different from Narrator A's to justify the switch in perspective, and both Narrator A's story and Narrator B's story should be able to be complete.

My apologies for my ignorance, but what is the conventional way to do this. The only tool I would know about is 3P omnisicient, but that feels far worse here.

I really want the reader to understand the changing relationship from both perspectives. At some level, I need to be in both of their heads. Changing POV at chapter breaks seems like the best way to do this.

Again, I would love to understand alternatives.

One way is to put us in one character's POV as she experiences the change in her feelings, and have her experience the outcomes of his changes. We don't get perfect information, but he has to make her understand his perspectives, and vice versa.

 

[CalBishForNow]

I've done it twice.

1. It Could Have Been Anyone- Pt. 04. The MMC and FMC, a couple, have gone to a swingers' party. The story starts following the MMC's point of view from relatively early in the party until he goes to bed. In the morning the story picks up with the FMC's POV for some low-key events, then back to the MMC for more action. The whole story is 11,000 words, and the FMC's part of it is less than 1,500. I talked about this same story in this other thread earlier today. It's my favorite story for a reason, but regardless, I need to spend less time on this forum.
2. Using the Hall Pass- Pt. 11. The FMC is a hotwife and the MMC is her husband. The story starts out following his POV as he's waiting for her to come home from a date and they immediately have quick, kind of rough sex. Then he asks her how the date went. The story follows her POV from when the date starts to just before it ends. Then back to the MMC's POV for the aftermath. 8700 words, and the MMC's two parts combined are less than 3,000.

 

[SugarStorm]

I do this in pretty much all my stories (lesbian slow-burns are my jam). I write in close third person and love alternating between viewpoints - sometimes with clean handoffs (like a scene break), sometimes with a more softer approach, and occasionally a mid-scene switch if the moment calls for it. I find the mid-scene switches difficult to pull off, but very satisfying if done properly, very cinematic!

I never re-tell the same scene from both sides, but I do like weaving between my leads. It’s one of my favorite tools. Lets me dive deeper into each character and play with that push-pull dynamic between them.

 

[hugh_jarce69]

Do it, it’s your story

Don’t listen to those who tell you it’s a poor idea.
They don’t have to read it and they probably don’t read anything other than their own stuff anyway.

 

[RocketGrunt]

Switching viewpoints should always be done with hard breaks. Switching viewpoints from one paragraph to the next is confusing, switching viewpoints within a paragraph is unreadable.
Remember that Center Aligned text is currently bugged on Literotica, so a viewpoint break like:

* * *​

While standard, is likely going to break on Literotica unless and until Manu fixes the center alignment issue. So you'd need something like aligned instead. Something like:

* * *

It's not as pretty, but at least it works consistently.

 

[Writer61]

I have read a few stories here and elsewhere that switch between narrators. I don't love it, but I can forgive it if it helps tell the tale, i.e. narrator B is privy to events that A is not. For example, there is a series here (Memoirs of a swinger) in which most chapters are written from the MMC's POV, but a few from the FMC's.

What sometimes feels clunky is alternating chapters between narrators (A POV, B POV, A, B, etc.). I appreciate the symmetry, but it has to work for the story.

I say, 'do it' if there is a good reason; otherwise, avoid.

 

[old_prof]

Do it, it’s your story

Don’t listen to those who tell you it’s a poor idea.
They don’t have to read it and they probably don’t read anything other than their own stuff anyway.

Truth be told, I probably will keep it that way, but I have an open mind at this point if someone can give me a better suggestion.

And I think you are being unfair to at least some of the commenters above. They do read other's work and give meaningful comments.
I have deep respect for several of them; they know far more about writing that I do now, maybe I will ever know.

 

[old_prof]

I have read a few stories here and elsewhere that switch between narrators. I don't love it, but I can forgive it if it helps tell the tale, i.e. narrator B is privy to events that A is not. For example, there is a series here (Memoirs of a swinger) in which most chapters are written from the MMC's POV, but a few from the FMC's.

What sometimes feels clunky is alternating chapters between narrators (A POV, B POV, A, B, etc.). I appreciate the symmetry, but it has to work for the story.

I say, 'do it' if there is a good reason; otherwise, avoid.

For me, I don't quite alternate chapters. Across the 16 chapters in the draft, I think I go across two chapters twice and don't change narrator.

 

[SmilingLez]

I've posted a couple Sammi Elf stories so far, both told pretty much just from Sammi Elf's point of view, except for the epilogue at the end. I'm working on a third (Tommy becomes a dommy Krampus and Sammi Elf learns she likes that), but I'm drawn to writing it alternating between Sammi's point of view and Tommy's.

How do most folks here feel about that? About yep narrators for a single story submission? Many of the stories I've read here stick to one narrator, and if that's the convention I don't want to stray from it (especially if straying means I'll get voted lower), but I don't want to handicap the story for it, and most romance books I've read alternate between the two main characters' pov.

I would add the change of narrative in the story description! this way the reader will be aware.

 

[YmaOHyd]

Pining: Forgiveness is an example of an alternating-perspective story that I mostly think uses it well. Colin and MacKenzie (McKenzie? I can't remember) are dealing with different issues and approaching their situationship from different perspectives. Both characters have a complete arc; neither exists just to provide a perspective on the other. And at 90k words, there's enough time spent with both characters that they feel complete. It'd be better in alternating 3P close, though; it's in alternating 1P.

 

[old_prof]

Switching viewpoints should always be done with hard breaks. Switching viewpoints from one paragraph to the next is confusing, switching viewpoints within a paragraph is unreadable.
Remember that Center Aligned text is currently bugged on Literotica, so a viewpoint break like:

* * *​

While standard, is likely going to break on Literotica unless and until Manu fixes the center alignment issue. So you'd need something like aligned instead. Something like:

* * *

It's not as pretty, but at least it works consistently.

For me, not an issue because my shifts are all on chapter boundaries, which are even more substantial.

Yes I will have to remove the center tags from my section breaks if the bug is still there in a month or so when this will "go to press"

 

[MillieDynamite]

I write incest on an alternate pen (which are not published here), and I sometimes use the parents' 1st person view for a chapter, and the daughter or son's 1st person point of view for the others—switching between them throughout the story. I don't retell what one has told, but might have them summarize the previous chapter from their point of view before they launch into what happens next.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I've posted a couple Sammi Elf stories so far, both told pretty much just from Sammi Elf's point of view, except for the epilogue at the end. I'm working on a third (Tommy becomes a dommy Krampus and Sammi Elf learns she likes that), but I'm drawn to writing it alternating between Sammi's point of view and Tommy's.

How do most folks here feel about that? About yep narrators for a single story submission? Many of the stories I've read here stick to one narrator, and if that's the convention I don't want to stray from it (especially if straying means I'll get voted lower), but I don't want to handicap the story for it, and most romance books I've read alternate between the two main characters' pov.

It can work. My Boat Talk is two old friends sitting on a boat catching up. It’s told entirely in first person with one character bring the primary narrator snd both of them getting a pocket story where they tell their story. Just under 18k words, It’s been very well received with a 4.74 and a few hundred votes. The trick is to make sure the reader knows who’s talking at all times. Good luck.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

It can work. My Boat Talk is two old friends sitting on a boat catching up. It’s told entirely in first person with one character bring the primary narrator snd both of them getting a pocket story where they tell their story. Just under 18k words, It’s been very well received with a 4.74 and a few hundred votes. The trick is to make sure the reader knows who’s talking at all times. Good luck.

Addendum: it can also be a fun tool to mix categories. The primary MC tells a story of cross dressing, where the other MCs story is group sex.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I’ve certainly used it successfully. (As an example: A Model Garden, Again). The important thing IMO is to make it clear who’s narating.

 

[ElectricBlue]

How do most folks here feel about that? About yep narrators for a single story submission? Many of the stories I've read here stick to one narrator, and if that's the convention I don't want to stray from it (especially if straying means I'll get voted lower), but I don't want to handicap the story for it, and most romance books I've read alternate between the two main characters' pov.

Clearly designate the changes in point of view, which is easy:

*****

and establish the change in pov within the first paragraph of the next section, and the story will be fine.

There's no "convention" to use single points of view, not here or anywhere else. Shifting pov happens all the time, both in mainstream novels and in shorter stories.

I'd say the more experience you get as a writer, the more able you will become, to shift povs seamlessly. The fact that most stories you read here on Lit are single pov is more a reflection on the number of beginner writers, than any sort of "convention".

This is one of my favourite comments on the matter:

I've always been partial to first person narration for conveying the intimate details of a character's inner life. But this story wonderfully shows how third person narration can be used to convey the inner activity of two characters, even during the intricate steps of their dance. We see the evening not as we would see it in real life---where we know our own feelings but can only guess at our partner's---but privy to both sides, able to see the uncertainty and hopefulness and playfulness and arousal on both sides as flirtation turns to courtship and courtship turns to foreplay. It's two intimate stories, really, interwoven at every scene. A tour-de-force of patient, loving, doubly imagined detail.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-floating-world-1 for those who are interested, told using close third.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I started one about a family.

Chap one was the Mom.

Chap two was one daughter.

Chap three was the other daughter.

Chap four was going to be the son, but that's about when the nosy fat dog dug up my lawn, so ...