This might not fit here but...

[Guest]

Ok, this was the closest I could get to relations "chat".

Now to the problem itself:
I'm in school, think the US name would be collage (maybe high school but dont think so), and well, there is a girl I really like. Really really like. The problem is, I dont know how she feels about me and I'm kinda shy. You get the point. What should I do?
I have been dating before so you dont have to tell me about that, only how will I find out how she feels (hopefully without making a complete fool out of myself).

Please help.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

If you find out tell me cause I am at least as bad as you... but you could always use a friend to sus it out.

Da chef

 

[IronBoxBitch]

Try a game of Truth or Dare. If that doesn't work sober, try slipping her some alcohol.

 

[Guest]

Err, I said without making a fool out of myself.
Alcohol may not work since neither of us drink (not enough to get those ideas anyway).

The friend thing, you mean let someone *cough* spy a little? Ask around and so.

 

[MADDOG]

I wouldn't recomend having a friend sus it out. When I was in Primary school that was the done thing, and it wasn't even a great idea then.

My only experience with that was when a girl who liked me (Who I also liked a bit as well) got a friend to ask me how I felt about her. I knew what was going on, but there was no way I was going to tell this "go-between" that I liked her friend too so I told her she was "alright". Not the most encouraging response. I'm not saying it wouldn't work, but I don't think it's the best way to go about it.

Are you friends with the girl? By that I mean, on a scale of 1 - 10, (10 being great friends), how close are you?

If you barely know her, then the first step is to change that. If you're anything like me, she makes you nervous and you get tongue tied and you can't think of anything to say. I suggest finding a few INTERESTING topics you can bring up with her, - preferably things that you already know she's interested in, but that you know and care enough about so that you won't seem like a knob when you can't carry the conversation on. Do NOT plan the entire conversation. Things will not go as you plan, and if you are to have any chance with her, you have to impress her with who you really are, not who you think she wants you to be. The info you get from the conversations will allow you to find new things to discuss and learn more about her.

If you know her as a friend, but just the type of friend you say hi too and ask how they are, do just as above, but I would also suggest just probing a little. Seeing if there is anything there. You could (and should) tell her how pretty looks today. See how she responds. A LITTLE flirting never hurt anyone (so long as she is the type of girl who wouldn't get offended. You'll already know this). Plus, the stuff I mentioned above will also work well here too.

If you know her very well, and conversation comes easy, throw everything else I said out the window. She already knows you and likes you. Just be yourself, forget about pride, and ask if she's ever thought about being more than friends. Do it casually. Don't make it seem as if you want it, just enquire. She'll give you her answer. If it's positive, or if you get the feeling she may be open to the idea, ask her out.

You have nothing to lose in any of these scenarios. I promise you, the only way I've ever known to have a girl like you is to be yourself. You seem very nice, and if you just be yourself, she'll think that too. The worst you could do would be to become closer.

MADDOG


Disclaimer: I am a hopeless romantic and I truely beleive what I'm saying. It's not gospel, but it has worked before. Good luck!

 

[Casey13]

Disclaimer: I am a hopeless romantic and I truely beleive what I'm saying. It's not gospel, but it has worked before. Good luck! [/B][/QUOTE]

Maddog, I love you!

BTW, what is sus? (I get the idea, snoop around, just wondered if it's short for something).

-kc

 

[Guest]

Me again.

I would say about 6-7, we talk sometimes. The last time it was a 2 hour talk about anarchy (yeah yeah, maybe not the best subject). Ok, a little hard to think of anything to say but I can manage that, and I do get a little nervous with her around but I dont think she notices (I'm a good actor).

I dont think shes into flirting. Offended, no, but I dont think it will have much affect, and as you (and I) said, I already know how to date.

Anyway, school going to have a dance since the end is near (thank you god!). I'll try make my move then I guess.

And another thing, I'm always myself. I dont do anything stupid or anything I dont want to try to look cool. In fact, I hate those who do that (to much). Neither does she so that might be a good thing.

Thank you maddog. I'll try it out and see how it works. I'll keep you informed .

 

[Magic Merlin]

An opinion from someone that has been where you guys are and now has a few years on you. (no need to comment on that chef )

When I was in high school there was a girl I liked, and she used a common friend to find out how I felt about her. Since we were all friends I let him know that I liked her, but the darndest thing was that whenever I approached her to talk or to ask her out, she always had an excuse not to. ??? She kept saying she liked me, through the friend. But I could never get her to talk or go out. I always figured she was just to shy to directly talk to me. Unfortunately, we never did go out, and never really got to even engage in a real conversation because of that shyness..Something most of us has to deal with at some point in our lives....

As far as the question here goes, I would just say be yourself 'Help'. You seem like a good guy with your head on straight and don't be afraid of making a fool out of yourself. I know that's hard when it comes down to it, but sometimes worrying about it will just make it worse. You seem to have a good friendship with this girl, so there is something there she likes about you already. Thats the best start in any relationship as far as I'm concerned.

Chef and Maddog, from what I've seen of both of your posts on the board you guys seem like very decent fellows. Don't change a thing and don't try to be anything other than who you already are. Maddog, I wouldn't try to add anything to what you have said, other than as someone who has already been there and done that, you have a very good sense as to what to do.

Women, more that anything like honesty and a real person. Someone that doesn't try to be anything, or anyone, other than who they are. And you will definately attract the type of women that are better for you.

And if you guys end up making a fool of yourselves, so what? At least you will have taken a chance and learned something. To many times when I was your guys age I didn't take a chance, and regretted it. The times I did take a chance (and believe me my heart rate went into overdrive more than once. mouth went dry..happens to a lot of us ) I never really regretted it. Even when I made a fool of myself. The good thing about being willing to make a fool of yourself is that one woman who will appreciate you for it. Makes it all worth while.

Anyways, good luck guys. Enjoy this time of your lives.

MM

 

[MADDOG]

Hey Help, I hope it works out for you. You sound like you deserve it. Keep me informed!

And casey 13, Thank you! I'm pretty stoked to hear you say that! You're not so bad yourself!

In answer to your question, I have no idea if it's short for something! But sus in that context means to "find out". As in, go and sus out what she thinks.

Just to confuse you, you can also say "that sounds sus", meaning that sounds strange/fishy/off, or whatever. MADDOG English! (It's an Aussie thing Right Chef?!)

Anyway, thanks again casey! And good luck Help.

MADDOG

 

[MADDOG]

Hey MM, thanks a lot mate!. I really respect you and it means a lot to hear you say something like that. You're a top bloke!

MADDOG

 

[Magic Merlin]

Thanks Maddog.

Just been there myself and at 45..yeah, 45...I learned the hard way. I remember all to well what its like..Kind of wish I had had a place like this to get feedback from others when I was your guys age...but at least I trodded on and stayed the course. Makes life a lot easier than trying to be one of those smooth talkers who is always trying to get every woman they meet into bed. Of course, sometimes I was jealous of those guys, but if want a real woman in your life thats not the way to go.

And Maddog, I totally agree with you on the 'cute' thing. I have always preferred women that have a 'cute' quality to them to the ones that are just 'hot' without the ability to be cute. Just something about cute gets to me. I know some women may not understand that, but its never meant to be anything other than a compliment when it comes from me.

Maddog, I wish I had had half of your sensibility when I was your age. It probably would of made things a lot easier. As I've said before:

MADDOG RULES!!

[This message has been edited by magic merlin (edited 06-11-2000).]

 

[Casey13]

Ahhh, Maddog... If only you weren't half a world away...

Thanks for the info. I understand the second example (ie, something sounds sus = something sounds suspicious).

Now if I can just work it into a conversation.

Take care, and you are welcome.

k

 

[Guest]

YES!
It worked!
She did agree to go with me to the dance, and after I talked to her about it and she said she felt the same. I'm so god ---- happy right now!

Maddog, I love you (not that way, more like a brother thing, hope you dont mind) and thanks to everyone else who posted. Would be nice to have the scenario from a female point of view tho...

And one more thing: (to svedish_chef) it was spelled S-W-E-D-I-S-H last time I checked. You aint from sweden huh? I would know, I am .

 

[SimplySouthern]

I know I'm a little late to be getting in on the topic here, but when is it ever too late to proclaim your undying love for MADDOG? Hopeless romantic *sigh* What can I say?

Actually, I usually end up pissed off when I read a topic and see that MD has been there and has given the same damn words of wisdom I was GONNA give. GET OUTTA MY BRAIN!!!!

~Southern~

 

[MADDOG]

Congratulations Help! I knew I gave good advice, but I wasn't sure if it would work! I'm so glad it worked out for you! I really am!! No seriously!!! ) What bit exactly did it for you?! (May need to take my own advice some day!). And hey, feel free to love me man! I understand!

As for you Simply Southern! That is up there with the nicest things anyone has ever said about me! Undying love! Warms my heart! I'm sorry I keep pissing you off by taking your thoughts, but if you post a message saying that you think the same as me, we'll split the credit, 50/50! What do ya say?!

You people should stop being so damn nice to me! You've given me th biggest head swell! To Help, MM, Casey13 and Simply Southern, thankyou for making my day!!!

MADDOG

 

[SimplySouthern]

head swell you say? I would pay good money to see that!!

~Southern~

 

[Bob Waters]

Hi Help,
Unfortunatly there is no way to cross the friend/mattress hula partner threshold w/o potentially making a fool of yourself. If she likes you as a friend she is not going to freak if you try to take it further, as long as you are nice about it. Next time you're talking (and a 2 hour conversation on anarchy is pretty cool - she sounds nice) look her in the eyes and say something like 'I really like talking to you' - sure, sounds lame but it will get the message across in a non-threatening way. If she says "Oh I know, you're just like a brother to me' or words to that effect you'll know she just wants to be friends. If she blushes and says 'I like talking to you too' then fasten seatbelts and prepare for takeoff.

Seriously, try it out. The worst that can happen is you find out she just likes you as friend. If you blow it off, you may regret it - at the very least you'll be second guessing yourself when you are 36 and at your school reunion - but we're talking about you and not me lol.

Best of luck my friend and please let us know how it works out.

 

[Help (nomore)]

Stupid new registration system *mumble mumble*...

Er, you are a little late, it worked.

And for maddog: I dont really know how it happened, we talked, I mentioned it and well she gave me a reply and... you get the point.

Still no lady out there to give a new perspective of the scenario? Only male point of view so far. Just for fun...