This is a copy of that Star Wars Episode II review...

Paendragon

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I received the following awhile back in email. I don't remember the guys name who wrote this (I saw it on the news awhile back, Lucasfilm is denying the fact that he saw it, but there is one interesting fact, i received this awhile before there was any pictures, or scenes of Yoda handling the lightening he speaks of. Hmmmmmm). I'm still not sure if I believe it, and won't know for sure until i see the movie. But, here it is. (forgive the chopiness, I copied and pasted from email, and it was too long for my lazy ass to fix.)



STAR WARS EPISODE TWO: ATTACK OF THE CLONES early cut review
I saw Star Wars Episode Two: Attack of the Clones hours ago. The 'how' of
that will be a thing of mystery buried in a passed piece of paper from my
book signing with a hotel, a room number and a time listed upon it. You
don't want to know about that room or the person(s) in that room, you want
to know about Episode Two.
Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar has a 15 second StepInFetchIt shuffle speak routine
he does as he goes to first let Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker into the
Amidala's quarters that is so offensively awful, that it will not only make
you recoil in horror, but it will remind you of all of the worst aspects of
his character from THE PHANTOM MENACE. I wanted to burn the film, destroy,
maim and murder it at this stage. I was steeling myself from the impending
incompetence, the horror of my childhood being molested. I was prepared to
have a very bad time.
I found myself not liking Anakin Skywalker at all, he's a punk spoiled
brat... A snotty nosed ego trip, that angry evil high school football
quarterback that wants the head cheerleader. He whines like a Mark Hamill
squealing about going to Toshi Station to get some power converters. There
is much anger in him. He's impulsive, conflicted, out of control and a mass
murderer. Everytime I saw him and Natalie Portman together, I wanted to tell
her to run, fly you fool. But am I not supposed to feel that way?
So did George Lucas drop the ball? Did he rape our childhood? Has he turned
into nothing more than flannel wearing toy salesman without a soul or an eye
for storytelling anymore? Was I disappointed to such a state that I wanted
to yell and scream and break my original 12 inch Boba Fett and defecate upon
it in a ritualistic purging of all that was once sacred to my childhood?
To answer all of those questions.... THANK GOD NO!!! Lucas succeeds with the
film beyond my wildest dreams.
I was scared and thrilled to be watching Episode 2. The entire time I was in
that hotel room, I was convinced that agents of Lucasfilm were going to
knock down the doors and I knew I was being set up for a fall. I mean, it
isn't possible to see STAR WARS early. I know that, but there I was watching
it. Listening to the sounds of drunk SXSW revelers falling into the door
outside.
After about 20 minutes of that awareness everything but the film ceased to
exist. The lights in the room dimmed in my mind. The person(s) in the room
shrank like Scott Carey into the microverse. Everything about me was
concentrating upon the film. The movie was not complete. There were moments
where the effects were quite rough, but the work that was finished, was
beyond reproach.
How do I explain the success of ATTACK OF THE CLONES? First, I must say that
this film makes THE PHANTOM MENACE a better film. In fact, I would have to
say that not only does it do that, but suddenly you will realize with
horror, exactly why Jar Jar Binks is in the series at all. Upon first
viewing, in less than ideal circumstances, I must say that I feel that this
is by far the most entertaining Star Wars film to date. It may not have that
innocent sense of wonder for the first film. It doesn't have that sense of
intimacy that EMPIRE STRIKES BACK had, or that film's desperation. However,
it also doesn't have the trivial frivolity of JEDI or MENACE. ATTACK OF THE
CLONES is a turning point in the saga. The point of no return.
I love this film desperately. I want to continually watch it for about a
week with my best friends. I want to see it digitally projected with sternum
shaking sound. I want to watch as friends discover the twists that
Palpatine/Sidious/Dooku have in store for us. I want to have the
conversations about what this all means, the speculative conversations about
how these elements will play out in the final chapter of the prequels.
What is great about the film?
Obi Wan Kenobi / Ewan McGregor. He just owns the role now. There is a moment
in the Cantina/Sports Bar on the surface level of Coruscant, where he and
Anakin have chased an assassin. As they enter this packed sci-yuppie-scum
club, they realize they can't seem to be able to see 'the assassin' anymore.
Anakin wants to rush in, tear the place apart looking for the suspect. Obi
Wan tells him to slow down or something then turns to head in a different
direction, Anakin asks him, "Where you going?" to which Kenobi dryly
responds, "To get something to drink." Kenobi is just that calm about
things. He is the king of cool. He'll get his suspect, but he's going to get
a drink first. Priorities. I was reminded of him telling Luke to let go and
to trust his feelings. He doesn't repeat that here, he simply lets go and
trusts his feelings. We see it as an action, a path he chose. Then when he
gets to that bar, leaning on it, sipping that odd drink, a drug dealer comes
up to him and asks, "Wanna buy some deathsticks?" Obi Wan responds, "You
don't want to sell me death sticks." Drug dealer says, "I don't want to sell
you death sticks." "You want to go home and rethink your direction in life,"
Kenobi continues. "I want to go home and rethink my direction in life," the
dealer says as he blankly turns and walks out of the club. Before he can get
too smug about his little trick he senses the assassin behind him and he
pulls the patented Obi Wan pivoting light saber at a bar strike that you've
seen in the trailer. He gets his suspect and he's never broke a sweat. He is
the master. Kenobi is just plainly cool in the film. Watch how he handles
things on Camino or the way he doesn't betray a single thought in his
conversation with Jango Fett there. He knows his game, his methods and his
ways. He is confident and completely on the clock. Ewan is relaxed in the
role, clearly having fun and is very very very good in the film. Contrary to
Moriarty's assertion that he would be more 'Han Solo' he is in fact much
more Master Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun Fat from CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON) but
without the romance.
Jango Fett - Boba Fett / Temuera Morrison - Daniel Logan -- I love this
pair. I love them because they are the renegade Father and Son. They have
their own set of rules, they are a self contained functioning unit. Jango
wanted a son to raise his own way, that doesn't mean he beats him and does
evil things. He loves his kid. He's training him to be a good Bounty Hunter
like he is. There is very much a father/son - Master/Apprentice style thing
going on here. And they have my favorite moment of the entire film, which is
a tiny little moment between these two. Jango and Boba are headed to Genosia
when they pick up that Kenobi is tailing them. They dive into the asteroid
belt surrounding Genosia, Obi Wan trails behind them, not being lost. Jango
tells Boba something like, "Prepare the sonic mines, we'll give him..."
something, I couldn't make out... but Boba presses some buttons while doing
what I can only describe as an evil giggle... a delighted giggle. Jango
looks at him smiling, as if to say... "That's my boy!" The moment is so
honest and real. I've never seen a father - son moment like this in science
fiction. Completely classic.
Anakin Skywalker - Padme Amidala / Hayden Christensen - Natalie Portman --
First Anakin is just an ass in this film. Like I said earlier, I can't stand
him. He's like that boy in the TWILIGHT ZONE movie that has too much power
and thinks about using it too much, but sometimes it goes terribly astray.
Portman's Padme in this film has mostly dropped the 'high speak' that she
had from the first film.... Injecting into her character far more vocal
variety than the droll monotone of the first film that killed the
performance. Here she infuses the character with more of herself, which is a
very good thing. I like that she doesn't want to have anything to do with
Anakin. That she constantly is aware of all the reasons they shouldn't be
together. Of the scandal. Of their careers. Anakin hates being told no. She
can see all the reasons, but when they go through what they go through...
When the emotional binding takes place between these characters through a
brief adventure, a loss of a loved one, a decent into hell... When faced
with certain doom, they realize that life is too short to worry about the
ifs and buts... And when it happens... John Williams' love theme kicks in.
This really kicks in just as Anakin and Padme kiss before being taken out
and strung up in the arena (you know the sequence when they are chained
against the pillars.) It actually starts from the shot (which we see in the
trailer - of the arena with all the Geonosis creatures seated and cheering -
the long shot looking from high to low). It consists of maybe three
instruments playing at first, classic violin, very sorrowful and warm. It
almost sounds a little bit like the theme for the Incredible Hulk TV series
with Lou Ferrigno. The intros are similar before other instruments join in.
It also reminded me of Francis Lai's theme from Arthur Hiller's LOVE STORY.
Although it is strikingly different from other parts in the film, IT FITS IN
BEAUTIFULLY. Elegant but not soppy. Gentle but not melodramatic. Williams
thinking differently (after all, a very different relationship from Han and
Leia!) and succeeding. It starts to crescendo as the lovers are wheeled out
into the arena (reminded me of the shot of Luke with the twin suns) - same
type of crescendo. It continues through the cuts between Obi-Wan chained and
them being taken over to the same place but changes into a military drum
style (you know, the thumping dictatorship heavy beat - almost like the
'sacrifice has arrived'). This changes the whole tone as we realize their
'moment' has been intruded and they are in serious poodoo. The romance is
handled in terms of familiarity and proximity. This is that sort of romance
where one loves the other, but only at the point of an emotional precipice
where the other could see that they shared that feeling and embrace it. I
liked this.
Palpatine-Sidious - Count Dooku-Darth Tyrannus / Ian McDiarmid - Christopher
Lee -- Wow. Ok, read no spoilers about all of this. I remember thinking that
Lucas could be soft in the head for trying to fool the audience into
thinking Palpatine isn't Sidious. I mean we can see that in the credits.
What the hell? Right? See that is so like a self-centered audience. To sit
there and think they are the center of the universe. The Palpatine-Sidious
thing from the first film... The trade dispute... All of it not only makes
sense with this film, but the way it unfolds. As you see the point of the
various guises and names... How Yoda and Windu sense no 'disturbance' around
Palpatine... There are reasons for these things... Just because you don't
know them yet, doesn't mean Lucas doesn't know what he's doing... Upon
seeing this film, seeing how he handles these two characters being 4
characters... It is genius. Compelling Machiavellian positioning and
deception. There are points in this film where I wanted to scream at the
screen and say, "Palpatine is an evil Sith Lord! They're conspiring to
destroy the Republic from within!" That's when Christopher Lee essentially
tells Obi Wan the same thing... My god. The evil. The evil of using the
truth, knowing it could only be interpreted as being a deception and a lie.
The Devil uses truth to betray mankind, because he is expected to lie... and
the truth sounds better, but will never be believed. Just wait till you see
how the Death Star plays into this... You'll friggin die! FANTASTIC.
Yoda-Dooku fight... HOLY GOD! Right now there is a lot of speculation about
Yoda with lightning. It is on one of the soundtrack covers. When you look at
that. When people described the ball of lightning in Yoda's hands from
ShoWest, I thought they were insane. I thought only the bad guys did that.
When I saw the film, well... I can tell you exactly how that moment plays
out. So far as I have seen that hasn't leaked and it isn't a huge spoiler.
When Yoda and Dooku first set up to go at it, Dooku hurls lightning at
Yoda... Yes, Chris Lee's character is that strong. Perhaps the strongest
character with the force I have ever seen in Star Wars history. He attacks
Yoda with lightning, Yoda captures it, twirls it around, balls it up and
redirects it back at Lee. When I saw this, I screamed like a little girl. I
mean it was like Uncle Tony grabbed my pantied ass. I jumped about 12 feet
up in the air and squealed. WHAT A THRILL! The Yoda - Dooku fight is
astonishing. I can not emphasize that enough. I have been thinking for quite
some time that there was no way on earth that Yoda with a light saber could
look cool. Folks, not only does it look cool, but there will be a collective
scream of HOLY SHIT when what happens happens. Yoda's fighting style is...
well let's just say he could kick all your asses. Oh and by the way,
Williams' DUEL OF THE FATES was nothing in comparison to this. Remember
Vader vs Luke in EMPIRE... How overwhelmingly powerful Vader felt in
comparison to Luke. Remember how weak Vader felt in comparison to the
Emperor? Now imagine someone with The emperor's powers in a full on battle
with a master. Here towers of metal are torn asunder with the power of the
force. The ceiling ripped apart. Seemingly unlimited strength with the
force. You will quiver, shake and scream. You are warned.
You have to understand something in going into this film. What you have seen
in Star Wars movies before were skirmishes... incidents... Remember, The
Battle of Hoth was small, a minor hiccup. In ATTACK OF THE CLONES, you have
the first REAL Star War. It isn't a space battle, but you understand the
scale of things. The size and scope of a MAJOR OFFENSIVE. And unlike in
PHANTOM MENACE, where Lucas decided to cut up the action by trying to
intercut three consecutive arenas of battle, here he portrays the action
linearly... basically following Obi Wan and Anakin and Padme... who all
basically stick together, with Padme taking a roll in some sand to miss out
on the Dooku battle.
After the film was finished playing I was just beside myself with glee.
Right now it is a very interesting time for Star Wars fandom. PHANTOM MENACE
polarized the audience into the faithful and those that felt it had all gone
wrong. That everything was doomed. With the introduction of MATRIX and LORD
OF THE RINGS into fan circles, there began to be a real angry mix. Fights,
screamings and hurling of 'love it or leave it' style rhetoric.
Watching the trailers for STAR WARS: ATTACK OF THE CLONES in theaters, the
audiences seemed muted in comparison to the delightful screams of approval
from the SPIDER-MAN trailers.
You know those guys that have been camping up in Portland? The experience
they are going to have in the theater upon that first showing... They will
be so completely happy.
Now the cut I saw was still a bit rough around the edges, but folks... I
can't wait to see this on the big screen complete. To see what gets cut,
what gets changed, what I notice when watching this movie the way Lucas
meant for people to see it.
The source(s) that showed it to me were tired of all my LORD OF THE RINGS
stuff. They were tired of all the rhetoric about Tolkien, all the focus I
had on LORD OF THE RINGS. They wanted someone outside of the ranch, outside
of the 'circle', someone that seemed to be straying from the fold to see
what it was that Lucas had done. What Lucas has done, is to make a film that
is so relentlessly entertaining and thrilling, that there will be no movie
this summer that can stand against it. This is it.
This movie is the real deal. It is smart, beautiful (god digital photography
is the glory and the future of the world of film, the palette is strikingly
dramatically colorful), thrilling and electrical. Essentially it is a pure
action adventure science fiction fantasy with a touch of romance. Line up
now. This Star Wars is for real.
P.s. To the talkbacker concerned about Jimmy Smits... He doesn't really do
anything major in this film. He is next to Palpatine though right before
that amazing shot of all the Clone Troopers and those Star Destroyer
things... So he's close to Palpatine, but I bet he betrays Palp in the next
one (speculation) Oh, I'm off to Los Angeles, so I won't be doing talk back
looking on this to answer questions, but if you come to the book signing at
BOOK SOUP Tuesday at 7pm, I'll answer all NON-SPOILER QUESTIONS about
Episode 2. In fact, I'll even do imitations of scenes and looks on faces.
I'm so jazzed about this movie now! Can't wait to share, but not spoil!!!
The gods of spies have looked out for me on this one.... That sacrificial
Power Puff doll was worth it!
 
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Bumping for the other losers errr fanatics uhh faithful i mean yeah ;)
 
That's Harry Knowel's review of it from aintitcool.com

He's noted for giving glowing reviews to movies that sponsor his website. The fact that he "cried during Armegeddon" and the fact that all of his banners were for the movie was no coincidence. He freely admits he does this.

In one of the talkbacks for that review one of the comments was "Harry Knowles breakes his exclamation point gushing during a paid review!!!!!!" or something like that. I thought it was funny.

My thoughts... I think it may be a fake, his site was lagging in pageviews up until that article got releasesed and /.'d.
 
This review was released after it was well known that Yoda would use force lightning, it'd already been used in the trailer by the time this review came out.

Paendragon said:
I received the following awhile back in email. I don't remember the guys name who wrote this (I saw it on the news awhile back, Lucasfilm is denying the fact that he saw it, but there is one interesting fact, i received this awhile before there was any pictures, or scenes of Yoda handling the lightening he speaks of. Hmmmmmm). I'm still not sure if I believe it, and won't know for sure until i see the movie. But, here it is. (forgive the chopiness, I copied and pasted from email, and it was too long for my lazy ass to fix.)


 
Hmmmmmmmm. Interesting. In short, he's a very talented bullshitter?

Is Star Wars a sponser?
 
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He's given several honest reviews, The Matrix being oneo f them.

As for his sponsorship, I know Lucasfilm has advertised there before.
 
lol. So basically, I'm right back where I started! Not knowing anything, lol. Thanks for the info. :)
 
Who cares.

I got goose bumps reading that.

I pray to all the gods that he's right about it, he sure says all the things that the fans want to hear, and he will be litterally shreded if it's a load of crap.

I now intend to see it twice in the first week.

Juspar has spoken.
 
Well the preview ooked pretty interesting. I never listen to reviews anyways. As long as the story is more character driven this time instead of just Lucas showing off more special effects.

Bring on the Jedi battle scenes :)
 
sd412 said:
You're looking forward to the main character being annoying?

He bloody better be . . . "much anger in this one, like his father"

That is just one of the things I'm looking forward to, Jar Jar being written out is another. It's like a reversal of the original Trillogy, (and I expect the badies to come out on top too) with it becoming less frivilous. Anakin is powerful, not godlike, it's his human weaknesses that allow him to be turned to the dark side. Anger is his fatal flaw.

I'm also looking forward to the Fett thing, especially with Temuera as the father, he is a powerful actor.
 
Juspar Emvan said:


He bloody better be . . . "much anger in this one, like his father"

That is just one of the things I'm looking forward to, Jar Jar being written out is another. It's like a reversal of the original Trillogy, (and I expect the badies to come out on top too) with it becoming less frivilous. Anakin is powerful, not godlike, it's his human weaknesses that allow him to be turned to the dark side. Anger is his fatal flaw.

I'm also looking forward to the Fett thing, especially with Temuera as the father, he is a powerful actor.

Yeah, I'm pretty psyched myself. It should be much darker than the original Trilogy. I'm also interested in seeing if there is a big difference in filming the entire movie digitally.
 
This review is bogus. Lucus hasn't shown anyone outside of his circle of editors a cut of the film.

If there was, it would be mentioned in the Homing Beacon and it is not.

Also, Anyone who isn't aware of the idea that Anakin is supposed to get on your nerves appearantly knows little about his character. If he was all likeable then we wouldn't see decent character development happening. He is Darth fucking Vader for fuck sake.


Ice, I am not trying to down you, but I have to say that you don't make any sense. You just downed Episode I for being full of effects, and then you get all pumped about the Jedi battle scene? What do you think he is using to create those images? Don't get me wrong, I am with you. I don't know how many of you caught the clip in the new trailer where it is an overhead shot of the colosseum where Obi wan and others are being held captive. You can see a blaze of Light Sabres going off all over the area floor. This film should prove to be very revealing about what history is lacking in the previous prequil.



Oh, and Folks, Expect a trailing ending to this one. Just like Empire. If you want conclusion, well, don't be bitchy or have silly expectations.... wait for Episode III.
 
Starfish said:
This review is bogus. Lucus hasn't shown anyone outside of his circle of editors a cut of the film.

If there was, it would be mentioned in the Homing Beacon and it is not.

Also, Anyone who isn't aware of the idea that Anakin is supposed to get on your nerves appearantly knows little about his character. If he was all likeable then we wouldn't see decent character development happening. He is Darth fucking Vader for fuck sake.


Ice, I am not trying to down you, but I have to say that you don't make any sense. You just downed Episode I for being full of effects, and then you get all pumped about the Jedi battle scene? What do you think he is using to create those images? Don't get me wrong, I am with you. I don't know how many of you caught the clip in the new trailer where it is an overhead shot of the colosseum where Obi wan and others are being held captive. You can see a blaze of Light Sabres going off all over the area floor. This film should prove to be very revealing about what history is lacking in the previous prequil.



Oh, and Folks, Expect a trailing ending to this one. Just like Empire. If you want conclusion, well, don't be bitchy or have silly expectations.... wait for Episode III.

The Homing Beacon? What's that?
 
Official Starwars Website

Go here. Down near the bottom of the page there is a thing for signing in, and out. Click the sign in thing, and it will take you to a page that you can link to the page to register in and become a site member. Join and when you do, request to get "The Homing Beacon" Newsletter in your email. It has great updates and accurate Starwars related information. Not hype and crap. Wait I take that back. Not total crap. (There some hypish ad clutter, and stupid shit for kids, but they love it so it's there)

Besides, there are many things you can view here, if you dig hard, that you cannot view if you aren't a member.
 
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