indyweasel
Roadkill
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2001
- Posts
- 1,837
The 1 star hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere
disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad
that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still
parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving
a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries.
The 2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only
irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and
fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your
bowels.
The 3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds
you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer
86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed
with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've
had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet
coke-yet you haven't peed once.
The 4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly
or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
but that hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving,
(girls,it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your
eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject
from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
The 5 star hangover,(*****)
Dante's 4th Circle of Hell. You have a second heartbeat in your head
which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor
is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste
crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body
has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.
Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you
were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger
still sleeping in your bed at your house.
The 6 star hangover (******)
Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nutsmacker. You wake up on
your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you looked at the ceiling,
wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the
bathroom tile or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how
your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow manages to get up before
you the next morning....You try to lift your head. Not an option. It is when
you turn your head too quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of
cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra
lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like
it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see
remnants of the stamp faintly atop your forehead......that explains the stamp on
the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by
alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and
the only thing you can think of wearing is your hello kitty pajamas and your
slippers.
Thankfully, we've all grown up and don't have these experiences
anymore!
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere
disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad
that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still
parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving
a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries.
The 2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only
irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and
fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your
bowels.
The 3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds
you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer
86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed
with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've
had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet
coke-yet you haven't peed once.
The 4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly
or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
but that hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving,
(girls,it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your
eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject
from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
The 5 star hangover,(*****)
Dante's 4th Circle of Hell. You have a second heartbeat in your head
which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor
is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste
crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body
has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.
Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you
were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger
still sleeping in your bed at your house.
The 6 star hangover (******)
Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nutsmacker. You wake up on
your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you looked at the ceiling,
wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the
bathroom tile or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how
your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow manages to get up before
you the next morning....You try to lift your head. Not an option. It is when
you turn your head too quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of
cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra
lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like
it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see
remnants of the stamp faintly atop your forehead......that explains the stamp on
the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by
alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and
the only thing you can think of wearing is your hello kitty pajamas and your
slippers.
Thankfully, we've all grown up and don't have these experiences
anymore!
