This book of Dick's

JackLuis

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The Dick of Darkness has a new title out, as you have no doubt heard. I prefer to wait until it is on the clearance table at the Goodwill, than support the Dick in Chief.

However the reviews on Amazon are interesting. Most of the reviews I have read use the terms "self-serving, authoritarian, or chilling" rather than illuminating.

Here is one that I particularly liked:
In the days leading up to the Iraq Phase of Our Glorious and Eternal Crusade to Resubjugate The Brown (GECRB), Leader Cheney sat down with Tim Russert and spoke about our need to embrace the "dark side." This book chronicles His leadership down that sacred path into darkness, His battle and ultimate triumph over the forces of light, and His emergence as America's Dark Lord.

It wasn't an easy journey. His enemies were quick to attack each new initiative, characterizing His insatiable appetite for torture and assassination as unconscionably evil and blaming His penchant for face shooting on an inability to resist the bottle.

What His critics fail to understand is that these dark acts gave Lord Cheney the tools He needed to execute His glorious global vision.

While torture seldom provided intelligence, it gave Lord Cheney something even more important: stories to tell when peddling His policy initiatives. It did not matter that the tortured invented what the torturers wanted in order to avoid further pain. Truth was not the objective. It was the "proof," true or not, that mattered to our Dark Lord.

Assassination worked the same way. Summary execution bypasses the inherent risks of judicial involvement. A dead man can be assigned any number of actions and motives. Courts of law are too concerned with facts to be useful.

As for face shooting. You can't blame a Dark Lord for wanting to have a little fun.

Unfortunately, I can't give Lord Cheney's book a full 5 stars. He fails to adequately provide the reader with the sense of joy He obviously derives from pain, turmoil, and murder. There are no tales of bathing in his enemies' blood or feasting on their hearts or livers.

Still, this book will shape the history of our time. Lord Cheney will be remembered as a strong leader like Somoza, Amin, Mussolini, and other men who weren't afraid to embrace the dark side in the pursuit of their vision.

He does confess his dedication to Water-boarding the wicked.
 
Rude Pundant

Rude Pundant was thoughtful enough to provide some of the untold tales.

8/30/2011
Stories Not Mentioned in Dick Cheney's New Memoir:​

1. During sex with Lynne, he has his own version of autoerotic asphyxiation. As she's fucking away on top of him, just before he orgasms, she pulls the battery out of his artificial heart. It's a huge turn-on, the beeping alarm, the unstable fluttering "heartbeat," like some kind of rusted steampunk villain. If the timing is right, and it rarely is, just as the last blood is flowing through his arteries, Cheney will come in waves.

Once, just recently, Lynne was startled by daughter Liz walking in on her parents to check to see if a document should go in the shredder or the "fuck you, fuckers" blackmail safe. Madame Cheney dropped the battery, which led to an awkward scene of Liz and her nude mom scrambling to find it and shove it back into the power pack of very naked Dick as he sprayed them both with spooge. Instead of "Thank you," the post-coital former vice president looked at his sticky wife and child and said, "Shoulda left it out for just a few more seconds. Woulda been the best load I've blown in ages."
 
I wonder if "Dick Cheney" might be the name of some sort of BDSM restraining and torture device. Seems to make sense.
 
You totally win. :rose:

I didn't know I was competing. :rose::rose:

But it's been a full day, now, and no one's pointed out the obvious. So I suppose I must. (There is no rest for the wicked. :rolleyes:)

The submissive male to whom one has applied one of those devices would be, naturally, a Dick Chainee. :devil:
 
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