Third Person / First Person / Third Person

[EmilyMiller]

I just had a story with this structure published (A Holiday Wish). The middle first person section is a flashback and I wanted to both differentiate it (think black and white vs color in Oppenheimer) and to make this section more personal.

It was an intentional choice but I know such things can be jarring, if not handled well (and I and no master writer). I wasn’t after feedback on my execution (though of course that’s also welcome ), more on the general concept.

Have you ever done anything like this?

Em

 

[TxRad]

Not on purpose but I did do it by accident. It was a bitch to rewrite.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Not on purpose but I did do it by accident. It was a bitch to rewrite.

No it wasn’t incompetence (though I exhibit that often enough) just a naive artistic choice - maybe.

When writing I felt a shift in what was going on and wanted to reflect it.

Em

 

[BarracudaSwordfish]

Read a fair few novels by renowned names that have used the technique and not batted an eyelid reading it.

I have mixed 1st and 3rd very occasionally but much more often I have used present tense as a prolog(ue) and epliog(ue) with past tense in the main story. I quite like it and it hasn't attracted any criticism as yet.

I also like switching the pov between characters to get a different perspective and some don't like it, others do.

As ever, it is down to what you feel is right for you and if it is written well, then if anyone don't like it, sod'em!

 

[EmilyMiller]

Read a fair few novels by renowned names that have used the technique and not batted an eyelid reading it.

One beta reader said they didn’t notice.

I have mixed 1st and 3rd very occasionally but much more often I have used present tense as a prolog(ue) and epliog(ue) with past tense in the main story. I quite like it and it hasn't attracted any criticism as yet.

Not tried that yet.

I also like switching the pov between characters to get a different perspective and some don't like it, others do.

I’ve done that a couple of times. Once when I didn’t want the reader to know the plan in the main narrator’s head. Once as one of two FMCs was off doing something by herself and so it made no sense to have the other FMC narrating.

As ever, it is down to what you feel is right for you and if it is written well, then if anyone don't like it, sod'em!

Em

 

[Trionyx]

I have used present tense as a prolog(ue) and epliog(ue) with past tense in the main story. I quite like it and it hasn't attracted any criticism as yet.

I also like switching the pov between characters to get a different perspective and some don't like it, others do.

Agree with these comments. I am not a fan of switching POV as you, Emily, have described so I’ll take a gander at the story to see if my tastes can evolve. I’ll do it later, got holiday guests arriving any moment.

 

[KeithD]

Have you ever done anything like this?

Em

Yes, and I think it's fine if sectioned off.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Yes, and I think it's fine if sectioned off.

Yes, sectioned explicitly with dividers.

Em

 

[Voboy]

Hmm.

I usually wouldn't want to read a story written this way, so I wouldn't write it either. But I could be wrong.

After all, I don't really mind small sections of FP in a TP story, like a couple of flashback sentences or a small paragraph of internal monologue. But I don't think I'd like multiple thousands of FP words if I was expecting multiple thousands of TP words.

Maybe. I dunno.

 

[StillStunned]

Did someone say TP?

 

[Rob_Royale]

I don't think it was necessary, to be honest. You can make that part more personal by describing how he felt as he remembered that memory. You can differentiate it as a memory by the use of italics. But I don't see it as a big deal. It seemed to flow just fine and it's not a long section, so I think you were successful in what you wanted to achieve. I've done a couple of stories from a split first person POV and the villagers didn't come after me with the torches and pitchforks. Being creative is the name of the game.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Hmm.

I usually wouldn't want to read a story written this way, so I wouldn't write it either. But I could be wrong.

After all, I don't really mind small sections of FP in a TP story, like a couple of flashback sentences or a small paragraph of internal monologue. But I don't think I'd like multiple thousands of FP words if I was expecting multiple thousands of TP words.

Maybe. I dunno.

My switch was for a flashback and I wanted to increase the sense of past connection between the MMC and FMC in order for the present day to make more sense.

I think it works for that purpose.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

I don't think it was necessary, to be honest. You can make that part more personal by describing how he felt as he remembered that memory. You can differentiate it as a memory by the use of italics. But I don't see it as a big deal. It seemed to flow just fine and it's not a long section, so I think you were successful in what you wanted to achieve. I've done a couple of stories from a split first person POV and the villagers didn't come after me with the torches and pitchforks. Being creative is the name of the game.

Thanks. I considered that. Made a choice which made sense to me .

Em

 

[lc69hunter]

I just had a story with this structure published (A Holiday Wish). The middle first person section is a flashback and I wanted to both differentiate it (think black and white vs color in Oppenheimer) and to make this section more personal.

It was an intentional choice but I know such things can be jarring, if not handled well (and I and no master writer). I wasn’t after feedback on my execution (though of course that’s also welcome ), more on the general concept.

Have you ever done anything like this?

Em

Doing it intentionally and doing it well is one thing. This last couple of weeks there have a slew of stories that didn't do it well, to the extent that I couldn't finish the story, as much as I liked the plot

 

[EmilyMiller]

Doing it intentionally and doing it well is one thing. This last couple of weeks there have a slew of stories that didn't do it well, to the extent that I couldn't finish the story, as much as I liked the plot

It was entirely intentionally. As to whether or not I did it well, that’s for others to decide.

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

I haven't read it yet, but I applaud you for trying it. I think you grow as a writer when you try things like this deliberately and force yourself to think about your narrative choices.

 

[StillStunned]

I haven't read it yet, but I applaud you for trying it. I think you grow as a writer when you try things like this deliberately and force yourself to think about your narrative choices.

I agree. A few weeks ago I never thought I'd write a 1P present tense story, never mind a 2P POV. But I did, and it's opened my mind to more creative style choices. Literature, even free online sex stories, needs to shake things up, or else it becomes stale. We as writers need to shake things up so we don't get bogged down doing the same things over and over again.

And we shouldn't be held back by concerns about what "the readers" might think. Until they start paying us, they can like it or lump it, as my mother would say.

 

[AlexBailey]

Doesn’t it seem odd to use present for the flashback and past for the present?

Forgive me for not having read your piece, but it just strike me as a strange reversal.

————

I knock at the door and her hyperactive Chihuahua goes off like an alarm, stupid dog.

Last time I stayed at he place the little terror did nothing but growl and nip every time I turned my back. This time I came prepared with a box of Scoobie Snacks.

She opens the door and the ferocious little pip-squeak tries to slip past her to get another taste of my ankle…

 

[EmilyMiller]

I haven't read it yet, but I applaud you for trying it. I think you grow as a writer when you try things like this deliberately and force yourself to think about your narrative choices.

Experimenting is scary, but didactic. And kinda fun

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

I agree. A few weeks ago I never thought I'd write a 1P present tense story, never mind a 2P POV. But I did, and it's opened my mind to more creative style choices. Literature, even free online sex stories, needs to shake things up, or else it becomes stale. We as writers need to shake things up so we don't get bogged down doing the same things over and over again.

And we shouldn't be held back by concerns about what "the readers" might think. Until they start paying us, they can like it or lump it, as my mother would say.

I agree

 

[SimonDoom]

I agree. A few weeks ago I never thought I'd write a 1P present tense story, never mind a 2P POV. But I did, and it's opened my mind to more creative style choices. Literature, even free online sex stories, needs to shake things up, or else it becomes stale. We as writers need to shake things up so we don't get bogged down doing the same things over and over again.

And we shouldn't be held back by concerns about what "the readers" might think. Until they start paying us, they can like it or lump it, as my mother would say.

Agreed. When I read Emily's opening post, I started thinking about stories I'd read that tried this. A great example is the detective novelist Elizabeth George's novel A Traitor To Memory. It alternates perspectives: partly third person to tell the story of the detectives investigating a murder, and partly in first person from the POV of a concert violinist who is a key figure in the drama. It works because each perspective has its own mystery to tell. The violinist suddenly has lost his ability to play the violin, and he cannot figure out why, and over the course of the novel you learn why, along with learning who committed the murder.

When you take on a new perspective, you force yourself to ask, "Why am I doing this and how do I make it work?" That can be a fun, and instructive, part of writing.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Doesn’t it seem odd to use present for the flashback and past for the present?

Forgive me for not having read your piece, but it just strike me as a strange reversal.

Probably me being unclear. Both are past tense. The flashback is first person. The current day is third person.

I knock at the door and her hyperactive Chihuahua goes off like an alarm, stupid dog.

Last time I stayed at he place the little terror did nothing but growl and nip every time I turned my back. This time I came prepared with a box of Scoobie Snacks.

She opens the door and the ferocious little pip-squeak tries to slip past her to get another taste of my ankle…

 

[SimonDoom]

I read it. I thought it was a good story and I'm glad you left it somewhat ambiguous and didn't explain everything. The change in perspective was very clear, so it worked fine and wasn't jarring, but I wasn't sure about the artistic purpose of it. In most stories where this is done one shifts from one character's perspective to another. But in this case, the story remains told from Mark's perspective. I would have guessed you'd switch to Noelle's perspective, having her tell the story of their meeting but leaving the background and her feelings somewhat mysterious. I think it works fine because you handle it very clearly and it doesn't interrupt the flow of the story.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I read it. I thought it was a good story and I'm glad you left it somewhat ambiguous and didn't explain everything. The change in perspective was very clear, so it worked fine and wasn't jarring, but I wasn't sure about the artistic purpose of it. In most stories where this is done one shifts from one character's perspective to another. But in this case, the story remains told from Mark's perspective. I would have guessed you'd switch to Noelle's perspective, having her tell the story of their meeting but leaving the background and her feelings somewhat mysterious. I think it works fine because you handle it very clearly and it doesn't interrupt the flow of the story.

My intent was to ratchet up the intensity of Mark’s feelings from a year earlier. To not have him falling for Noelle in the current day to be just a tropey, inevitable thing. I could have kept it 3P throughout. But I wanted their first meeting to be really intense and memorable for him.

Not saying I carried off, but that was my intent .

Thanks for reading!

Em

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

My intent was to ratchet up the intensity of Mark’s feelings from a year earlier. To not have him falling for Noelle in the current day to be just a tropey, inevitable thing. I could have kept it 3P throughout. But I wanted their first meeting to be really intense and memorable for him.

Not saying I carried off, but that was my intent .

Thanks for reading!

Em

That/s exactly what you get from first person, the intensity of the MCs feelings and emotions as they encounter events. You get the rawness of the emotions instead of the colder third party reporting of events, i.e., just the facts, ma'am. Well done.