thinking about BDSM,,,

[sinnamongyrl]

I was thinking about this type of play,i was just curious as to what is involved.I am kind of a baddass chick IRL so,,i was thinking maybe i may like the role of a sub every once in a while?Can anyone gve me the basics or does it just vary?PLEASE no mean answers,,this is a legitmate question.......19 year old female here....mmmm,,,does the "dom' allow masturbation?I LOVE masturbating and dont think i could give it up....thanks!!

 

[Netzach]

It varies a lot, it varies hugely, it really depends on the people involved just what it is.

Some Doms will want you to masturbate only when told, some will not want you to masturbate and some will want you to masturbate 6 times a day if you currently do it once or twice. It's important for that reason to talk about the important issues before you play.

 

[Betticus]

I still wanna play with Netzach!

 

[sinnamongyrl]

does anyone wanna show me the ropes so to speak?I will be a grateful sub,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

[Kajira Callista]

does anyone wanna show me the ropes so to speak?I will be a grateful sub,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

where do ya live, we will find you a willing dom.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

would online play still count/?I cannot meet anyone in person(i am married),,,,,,,

 

[Kajira Callista]

i'm a freakin psychic

 

[graceanne]

i'm a freakin psychic

Really? What number am I thinking of?

 

[Kajira Callista]

Really? What number am I thinking of?

21... or maybe just 1

 

[DarkSkyfire]

Have you tried local groups or Munches?

I have found the best way to meet people is in person. There are several BDSM groups all over the world. I am the Class Coordinator for the New England Dungeon Society.

There are a myriad of events happening every day if you know where to look. Do not focus so much online. Get local, network, and soon you will find a plethora of men wanting to show you the ropes.

Cheers,
SKyfire

 

[Etoile]

Heh, hearing about a 19-year-old being married makes me feel old (at 24), and also there's my usual bitterness about heterosexuals being able to get married when I'm not. I've been with my wife for seven and a half years and we still can't get legally married.

 

[canadiancutie]

Heh, hearing about a 19-year-old being married makes me feel old (at 24), and also there's my usual bitterness about heterosexuals being able to get married when I'm not. I've been with my wife for seven and a half years and we still can't get legally married.

Dude move here

 

[sojurner]

???'s

Hi all, I'm curious about D/s. Does it always have to invlove humiliation?
I really don't want that and I don't want to be humiliated in public.

However,

I do want to be tied up, gaged, spanked, and choked.

Usually in real life I would say that I'm incharge of our personal relationship, take care of the home, kids, etc. He does the money and outside world stuff like, work, friends, entertainment.

I can't seem to get him really interested in what I want in this area. He thinks of it as a funny game. It makes it really unrealistic and not too fun when he's chuckling and saying stupid stuff.

Unfortunately, since I'm so submissive sexually, it's hard for me to tell him what I want. I want to be tied up and I expect him to just get it. Is that wrong? I've given him scarves and gags, I've moved his hands to my throat. I feel stupid doing this but I don't know what else to do.

Feeling Unfulfilled.

 

[Etoile]

Dude move here

Believe me, I want to!

 

[Xelebes]

Hi all, I'm curious about D/s. Does it always have to invlove humiliation?
I really don't want that and I don't want to be humiliated in public.

However,

I do want to be tied up, gaged, spanked, and choked.

Usually in real life I would say that I'm incharge of our personal relationship, take care of the home, kids, etc. He does the money and outside world stuff like, work, friends, entertainment.

I can't seem to get him really interested in what I want in this area. He thinks of it as a funny game. It makes it really unrealistic and not too fun when he's chuckling and saying stupid stuff.

Unfortunately, since I'm so submissive sexually, it's hard for me to tell him what I want. I want to be tied up and I expect him to just get it. Is that wrong? I've given him scarves and gags, I've moved his hands to my throat. I feel stupid doing this but I don't know what else to do.

Feeling Unfulfilled.

No, it does not involve humiliation. Humiliation is in a way a form of s/m. That is, emotional masochism. Emotional masochism is not for everyone.

Will he suddenly "get it". Most likely not. It may need to be warmed up or he may not even be interested in it or incapable of meeting your needs. Keep trying, working with him, seeing if it will work. If you do think it is not going to work with him talk about the situation in a manner so you either realise you are for one another or not.

Communication is key.

 

[sojurner]

Thanx

Thank you for the reply. After ten years of marriage I should hope we are compatable. But, we all evolve and my desires are not really changing but definately becoming clearer.

We have excellent communication in all areas except this one. I'm working on it. I can't imagine him in leather with whips - I would probably laugh - but, he could be a little more commanding.

 

[h_i_s]

Heh, hearing about a 19-year-old being married makes me feel old (at 24), and also there's my usual bitterness about heterosexuals being able to get married when I'm not. I've been with my wife for seven and a half years and we still can't get legally married.

There is no need to flee the country to enter into a same sex marriage anymore, Etoile. Don't forget, here, in Massachusetts, it's 100% perfectly legal. Finally, something GOOD to say about TAXachusetts.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Thank you for the reply. After ten years of marriage I should hope we are compatable. But, we all evolve and my desires are not really changing but definately becoming clearer.

We have excellent communication in all areas except this one. I'm working on it. I can't imagine him in leather with whips - I would probably laugh - but, he could be a little more commanding.

Send him an email with links to sites. (Someone help, I only have sites bookmarked for helping women feel more comfortable in the role!)

But definately write to him. Writing lets you say all sorts of things that you otherwise might not be able to. It also lets you put your thoughts in order so you say it just the way you want to.

I keep a journal with my submissive. It is common for the sub to keep a journal that is open to their Dom, but in my version, we write each other.

Just because I am the Domme, doesn't mean I don't have PMS, get sick or feel scared because of reasons that have nothing to do with him or our relationship. I also ask questions, this prompts him to answer when he really doesn't care to keep a journal. And sometimes I just find pages and pages of him rambling about various things he is insecure about. It leaves our communication open for all the things we want to sya, but are unsure that we would be able to make eye contact, not cry, keep a straight face, or whatever. (And our relationship started in text, so it is comfortable for both of us.)

 

[Etoile]

I am kind of a baddass chick IRL so,,i was thinking maybe i may like the role of a sub every once in a while?

I feel like I should point out that one thing need not have anything to do with another.

 

[Etoile]

There is no need to flee the country to enter into a same sex marriage anymore, Etoile. Don't forget, here, in Massachusetts, it's 100% perfectly legal. Finally, something GOOD to say about TAXachusetts.

You are right, of course! I'm not happy with the naation in general, though...it's getting to be more religious and conservative than an atheist liberal like me can handle. If a democrat wins in 2008, though, maybe we'll be okay.

 

[sojurner]

hi again

So, I bit the bullet and talked while we were out to dinner last night. I told him that while sometimes I do like the "we're in love, let's make love" stuff sometimes I do want to be roughed up, tied down, spanked, etc.

You are going to laugh - he drove strait to the sex shop and bought a flog, nipple clamps, and the like.

Last night I got tied up, flogged, spanked - not hard enough but, I told him afterward.

You were right that I needed to communicate. He said that sometimes I confused him about what was ok and what wasn't. I think some of you mentioned that you set "scenes" ahead of time so that you know that on that night it will be D/s sex and not the lovey-dovey stuff. Is that right?

I told him he should check out this section of lit for ideas. Any other cool websites would be appreciated.

well, anyway, thanks for the courage.

 

[flowerchilde]

So, I bit the bullet and talked while we were out to dinner last night. I told him that while sometimes I do like the "we're in love, let's make love" stuff sometimes I do want to be roughed up, tied down, spanked, etc.

You are going to laugh - he drove strait to the sex shop and bought a flog, nipple clamps, and the like.

Glad to hear it! I had to have a similar conversation with my SO, he was totally down with it and loves to be dominating towards me! We also still have lovey-dovey sex too, but he knows now that sometimes I like it if he is rough!

Keep up the communication, it's the most important aspect in a relationship!

Luv ya all,
Flowerchild

 

[h_i_s]

We also still have lovey-dovey sex too, but he knows now that sometimes I like it if he is rough!

Who says the two can't co-exist ? While i agree, sometimes the two need to remain separate at times , when the two come together and meet in the middle ........... well.


Words can't even begin to describe in a way that does any justice, so ... i won't try

 

[Etoile]

Who says the two can't co-exist ? While i agree, sometimes the two need to remain separate at times , when the two come together and meet in the middle ........... well.


Words can't even begin to describe in a way that does any justice, so ... i won't try

Hear hear! Allow me to voice support for this type of play. The lovey-dovey stuff is so powerful between us...it really feels - hmm, I have the same problem! I guess I could say it feels out of this world.

 

[dylantyler]

i'm with betticus on this one