Things your mother told you

[Firesprite]

When I was growing up I remember mum telling me to stop making faces because the wind might change and I would end up looking like that forever. I believed that she had eyes in the back of her head -- she always caught me when I was being naughty.
I wasn't allowed to walk with a spoon in my mouth (I might fall over and die), drink my milk in one big gulp (not ladylike), pick my nose (my finger might get stuck), run with scissors (fall over and die) or play near the fire (something could fall out and I'd get burnt).
I couldn't sit too close to the TV, or even watch it for too long because I would get square eyes, I couldn't sniff because my head would get blocked, and I always had to wear clean knickers just in case I got hit by a bus.

What were the things your mother (or father) told you to stop you doing things?

 

[Ezzie]

Momma said life is like a box of....

My mom used to terrorize me when it came to boys. She'd say things like "Standing too close to mens clothing will cause pregnancy" and "Holding hands with a boy will cause an infection and your hand will fall off"

I'll tell you this much, I never went near my dad's clothing and on my first date, I jumped about 10 feet off the ground when he reached for my hand. LOL

Other than her trying to scare me off of boys (Which worked until I was 15) she'd tell me some of the basics like Firesprite mentioned. Don't run with scissors, you'll trip and die or you'll trip, stab someone else, go to jail and die on death row. Don't run around with things in your mouth, you'll trip, impale yourself and die. Don't sit too close to the TV, you'll go blind (Same for touching myself inappropriatly) and of course my personal favorite, "Don't blow your nose when you have a cold. It'll will actually cause your sinuses to to back up and your head will explode and you will die!" I'm 25 and she still tells me that one. LMAO

 

[Savage Kitten]

lol~

what a big - non- kinda of difference... hmmmmm

*My best Boss impersonation* I am 'American made, born an bred in the USA' *wink* hehe

we are told pretty much of the same dangers but the consequences are a little different...

**' eyes squared ' ewwwww i was always told my eyesight would go bad from sitting to close to the TV and I'd have to wear glasses.. was enough to make me move haha

**stop making faces because the wind might change and I would end up looking like that forever LMAO! ok ummm I was told that my face would stick and I'd look that way forever

**she had eyes in the back of her head haha i think all mommies get those as soon as they have their first child

** walk with a spoon in my mouth - run with scissors yep yep... these are examples of things that would 'poke somebody's eye out' haha

 

[morgainefairy]

ditto.

the only one she told me that bothered me years later was that if i swallowed my gum it would stick to my ribs and take 7 years to digest. i think it was mean. prob bec i believed it well into my teens!

 

[Carl East]

I can't remember some of the things that my mother taught me, but there is one thing that sticks in my mind. She told me to always wear a smile, and always be polite. I followed that advice, and I'm here to tell you, it's good advice.

Carl.

 

[Never]

'Never, stop crawling into the oven and setting my spatulas on fire.'
'Never, mommy doesn't appreciate you using a log as a battering ram and breaking the backdoor window.'
'For god's sake you're only twelve, you're not allowed to walk around the neighborhood at midnight. Don't do that again.'
'Well if you didn't want the kitty to bite you on the nose you shouldn't have harassed it.'
'No mud castles on the kitchen floor!'
'What the hell is that? Put it down Never, it's going to bite you. What do you mean, it already bit you? Why are you still holding it?'
'Run from the ducks baby, ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gotta love that mom.

 

[canadian_lady]

'Never, stop crawling into the oven and setting my spatulas on fire.'
'Never, mommy doesn't appreciate you using a log as a battering ram and breaking the backdoor window.'
'For god's sake you're only twelve, you're not allowed to walk around the neighborhood at midnight. Don't do that again.'
'Well if you didn't want the kitty to bite you on the nose you shouldn't have harassed it.'
'No mud castles on the kitchen floor!'
'What the hell is that? Put it down Never, it's going to bite you. What do you mean, it already bit you? Why are you still holding it?'
'Run from the ducks baby, ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gotta love that mom.

ROTFLMAO Thank you very much I needed that
and don't forget
...Don't cross your eyes they will stay like that

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

OMG I just realized I am my mother!!!!!

I say all those things to my kids now. Someone shot me please before it is to late and I start wearing moomoos and eating bonbons.

Help
Bonnie

 

[Merelan]

Isn't it amazing that the older we get, the cooler our Mom's are? Do you think they are mellowing? Or what?

 

[Guest]

My Momma said...Momma said....

"Crocodiles are awnry because they have all them teeth, but no toothbrush!"

Okay, now that I got Bobby's Momma out of the way, on to mine... She told me things like homosexuality is "wrong" and "evil", etc. Also, one time she told me that she was proud to say my father had been the ONLY man she'd "been" with. I was like Ewwwwwwwww! TMI! Delete! Delete!

~Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net/angel2.gif
(Anyone falling for it yet? lol)

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

I think my mom is cool but I don't want to be her.

 

[Beebeeblue]

My mother just warned me that no matter how bad I was, my kids will be about 3 times as bad. Now I have a little girl with my attitude.
*wondering if chasity belts are still available*

She's not even 2 yet, and if I call out to her because she's doing something wrong, I hear "What mommy?" God is there hope?

 

[BeautyBabe]

"Don't play on the stairs - you'll fall and kill yourself or your brother" Doesn't telling a kid they can injure their brother or sister make them WANT to do it?

If she wanted to put rollers in my hair, she used to tell me "Beauty knows no pain". I then learned to do waking and electrolysis - and she sort of changed her tune a bit after that!

 

[Skitten]

My mother told me to only have sex with your husband for 2 reasons. 1) For Children and 2) For an Appliance

She also told me that my kids would be just like me. And they are, but it doesn't bother me they are stron willed and funny as hell.

 

[Wizard]

Firesprite, Amazing you are here today with so many risks.....I got all the thing that were mentioned above.....now what is bad is I have turned into my Dad...I say the same shit......(Can't belive that)....yell at my kids to turn that shit down....move back from the tv.....

PS. I never had to buy a washer or fridge like some folks talked about....well I did, but not for sex......

 

[KillerMuffin]

My momma always prefaced everything she told me with Ay Dios Mio and a bunch of Spanish I never understood. The highlights of my life were:

"Ay Dios Mio, a dress with THOSE boots? Where did I go wrong?"

"Ay Dios Mio, only boys play in mud. Where did I go wrong?"

"Ay Dios Mio, why don't you wear makeup? It would make you look feminine. You can even wear THOSE boots. Where did I go wrong?"

"Ay Dios Mio! Girls don't play with tools! What is that thing? A carbuerator? It smells like gasoline get it off the kitchen table. Where did I go wrong?"

"Ay Dios Mio! Why me? What did I do wrong?"

my dad would always say:

"Whattya need snapon for? Craftsmans cheaper. BRING ME BACK SOME BEER!"

 

[Guest]

My mother told me....

Go play in the street.
Accept candy from strangers.
You were adopted.


Mmmmm, I wonder what she was trying to tell me?

 

[Earthmuffin]

1: There are starving children in (pick your favorite urban area, county, state, nation) who would kill their parents for the meal you're ignoring!!

2: If you dress like that only the naughty boys will pay you any attention! *thank heavens for naughty boys lol*

3: Always wear a good bra, men don't like saggy boobs.

Mirror mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all. Yoiks save me!! No, just save my kids!!

 

[Savage Kitten]

Can't ya hear her sayin it??

"Ay Dios Mio, I can't believe You posted that thread! Where did I go wrong?"

 

[Never]

Earthmuffin? KillerMuffin?
OMGawd. It's invasion of the Muffin people!
I saw this on MST3K once, they make you eat them, and then they suck your brain out while they take over your body.
*sings*
Attack of the Muffin People!
Attack of the Muffin People!
You know they're evil.
They've got to be evil!
Save me from the Muffin People.
Save me from the Muffin People.
Ahhhh!

 

[Savage Kitten]

insert song here

OOOOOh... do You know the Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? Oh do You know The Muffin Man?? I guess their Momma sure did!

 

[Isabella Thorne]

My momma said there'd be days like this ..

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

THANKS, MOM!

 

[Bushido71XS]

Mom and Dad

Mom's sayings:

On Beauty: Careful, your face might freeze like that.

On brothers/sisters: He was not adopted!!!!!/ Louis let your brother up from the bottom of the pool.

On Dinner: There's starving people in the world who would love to eat this good. (Note: Ever notice how this invariably has something to do with Brussel Sprouts?)

On church: Dammit! Sit Still!


Dad's sayings:

On fighting fair: Kick'em in the balls, when they fall, punch'em in the kidneys.

On women: (After my first broken heart) Here Lou, have a beer.
(after my latest broken heart)Hey Lou, ever think of a monastery?

 

[KillerMuffin]

I AM THE ONE THE ONLY THE MUFFINISHSEST KILLER IN THE MUFFIN TIN!

My mother taught me ----

rotflmmfsao!!!!!! that was funnnnnnny and eerily accurate. without the ay dios mio thing.

 

[teresafannin]

Isabella, I think your mom & my mom must be related-those are the exact same things she used to tell my siblings & me. I also remember her saying "if you fall out of that tree & break your neck, don't come crying to me." What was up with that? The scary thing is that we say the same things to our kids. The first time I realized I turned into my mom, I just about had a stroke. It is amazing how much smarter our parents seem to be, once we have kids of our own.