Things to ponder

[lovetoread]

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get
undressed?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all
the way down to the core of the earth?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth
closed?

Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling
your butt?

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in
airtight packages?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through
mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp no-one would eat?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I
think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink
whatever comes out'?

What do people in China call their good plates?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

 

[estevie]

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I
think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink
whatever comes out'?


Now, that is a point to ponder, eh?

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get
undressed?

Because undressing is erotic and he/she might get excited?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all
the way down to the core of the earth?

Not necessarily - at least in the US you may or may not own the mineral rights, etc. for what lays underneath your land.

Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling
your butt?

I do it all the time - can't you?

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in
airtight packages?

So they don't get soggy and spoil.

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through
mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

Because it can go stale and/or develop bacteria growth.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp no-one would eat?

Because some people actually like it that way, and because it is one way of generating carbon to help with an upset stomach or food poisoning.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I
think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink
whatever comes out'?

The first person to notice a calf sucking on them and think "Damn, I am thirsty!".

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Because the writers in Hollyweird are too brain dead to come up with an original and believable plot.

 

[lovetoread]

 

[pipercatt]

STG, you are just way to smart.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

STG, you are just way to smart.

If I am so smart, why can't I get laid?

 

[Dillinger]

What is the speed of dark?

When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?

 

[Dillinger]

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of
earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

If I am so smart, why can't I get laid?

I'll take because you're not an egg for 200 Alex.

 

[pipercatt]

I'll take because you're not an egg for 200 Alex.

"I am only an egg."

One of my favorite quotes.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

"I am only an egg."

One of my favorite quotes.

I bet you taste just like chicken too ...

 

[Bob Peale]

irregardless vs. regardless

 

[pipercatt]

I bet you taste just like chicken too ...

care to nibble on my ear?

 

[pipercatt]

irregardless vs. regardless

OMG, the non-word irregardless bugs the shit out of me.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway?

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

care to nibble on my ear?

Only if I don't have to stop there!

 

[pipercatt]

How does teflon stick to a pan if nothing sticks to teflon?

 

[red_rose]

What color does a choking smurf turn?

If you throw a cat out of the window of your car, does it become "kitty litter"?

 

[pipercatt]

If you throw a cat out of the window of your car, does it become "kitty litter"?

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Here's a few more LTR, apologies for the dupes ...


-If you take an Oriental man and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

- If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?

- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

- Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

- Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

- Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

- Why isn't 11 pronounced "onety one"?

- "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest?

- If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

- If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

- Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

- I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me .... they're cramming for their final exams.

- Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

- If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

- If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

 

[pipercatt]

...as my brain ponders into the abyss...

 

[lovetoread]

11 not said as onety one....

you mean its not said that way?

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

11 not said as onety one....

you mean its not said that way?

A common mistake.

It's only pronounced that way in the throes of orgasm so you've obviously never heard it any other way.

it's E-LEV-N

 

[Latina]

Things to ponder

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all
the way down to the core of the earth?

Actually, the property deed on our house spells that out. Only down to 20 feet deep, and not including oil & mineral rights BENEATH the property. A big oil company could drill sideways and suck all the oil out and cause our yard to sink and we couldn't do a damned thing about it.

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in
airtight packages?

Cuz they get SOGGY exposed to air!

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp no-one would eat?

Umm, I actually LIKE toast that way!

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Cuz he's a MAN! He can't HELP being pathetic!