They walk amongst us.......

[matriarch]

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'free to good home. You want it, you take it.'

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale £50.'

The next day someone stole it.

Caution... They Walk Among Us!



One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted ...'Look at that dead bird!'

Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where???'

They Walk Among Us!



While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.'

They Walk Among Us!



My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

They Walk Among Us!



I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half-kilogram sirloin. She informed me they only had a 500g sirloin.
Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the half-kilogram.

They walk among us!



My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

She keeps it in the boot...

They Walk Among Us!



I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?'

I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...


They Walk Among Us!



I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.

She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...



They Walk Among Us!



While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.


They walk among us........and even more scarily - they breed !!

 

[snap1415]

Once upon a time, I had to explain the function of a cattle guard to someone.

I forgot his actual name, but I remember him as Monkey Boy.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I love apocryphia, and silly stories. But I hate the "walk amongst us" line. It's so false and sneering, especially since these have been printed a in bazillion versions since the first edition of "Punch", just sayin. And so many of them were in the Reader's Digest.

My daughter sat at the table waiting for her macaroni and cheese, which we called "Mac 'n cheese" for short. She said; "I only want the mackens, I don't want any cheese."

 

[togitc]

On a nighty basis I have to tell people not to smoke next to the giant white container that says 'Flammable Jet Fuel No Smoking'.

 

[oggbashan]

I was paying for petrol (gas in the US) when the cashier dropped everything and rushed out.

A woman was smoking in her car while her husband filled it.

She couldn't understand what she was doing wrong.

Og

 

[Stella_Omega]

On a nighty basis I have to tell people not to smoke next to the giant white container that says 'Flammable Jet Fuel No Smoking'.

Oh, fuck. Now that's worthy of "They walk among us." And also, I think, a repaint of the container is worth thinking about. White doesn't convey danger as well as, say, a painting of the FLAMES OF HELLLLLLL would...

The Old Man mentions the number of times he'd seen, or heard of, people smoking in hospital rooms with an oxygen tent-- including the patient. This was back in the day, obviously, before smoking got completely stepped on.

 

[glynndah]

I was working at a fast food restaurant in college. We were frequently asked about the size of our drinks and finally taped a paper cup of each of the three sizes on top of the drink dispenser. One night when asked the question I pointed at the three cups and said "Small, medium or large?" "Yes, I can see them," the customer said. "But which one is which? They're not labeled."

 

[togitc]

Oh, fuck. Now that's worthy of "They walk among us." And also, I think, a repaint of the container is worth thinking about. White doesn't convey danger as well as, say, a painting of the FLAMES OF HELLLLLLL would...

The Old Man mentions the number of times he'd seen, or heard of, people smoking in hospital rooms with an oxygen tent-- including the patient. This was back in the day, obviously, before smoking got completely stepped on.

Oddly enough I work as a hospital. I would agree with the repaint except that there is a No Smoking sign about every fifteen feet on the grounds, near the container there is a high concentration. I just point to the container and say "That is jet fuel, please put it out."
Little else needs to be done once you read the sign to them.

The other day I'm in the mall with my friend. There is a balloon display in the main area and he elbows me and says. "How did they get the wire to bend like that? Do you think it was pre-bent?"

 

[oggbashan]

When Og was young and learning his trade he spent a fortnight at a Defence establishment that maintained and repaired road vehicles.

It was some way out of town so Og and his companion trainee were allowed to borrow whatever serviceable vehicle was closest to the exit when we wanted to go into town for lunch.

One day the most convenient vehicle was a newly painted Aviation Spirit tanker. We parked it in the town centre's car park.

When we returned it was surrounded by police trying to keep smokers away.

We apologised for the inconvenience and removed ourselves as fast as the vehicle would go.

The vehicle had a new tank and had never been used so there was no explosive or fire hazard - yet but the bright paintwork hadn't deterred naked lights.

Og

 

[jomar]

Stupid criminals are also fun.

http://stupidcriminalfile.blogspot.com/

http://www.freemaninstitute.com/hall_of_shame.htm

http://www.globe-rider.com/bull1e.html

 

[JagFarlane]

Had one guy that worked for me...he broke one leg and had it in an aircast. Short while later, he was the passenger in a car when it went out of control, crashed into a barrier, and subsequently broke his other leg and right arm. He was due in off of convalescent leave, and we were wondering what exactly we were going to do with him, since he shouldn't have been able to get up the stairs, being wheelchair bound and all that. Next thing we know, he comes walking into the room, and proceeds to tell us, its ok, he took extra pain meds in the morning so it doesn't hurt...

 

[Zeb_Carter]

These all go in that category that every comic has ever done...

The Jeff Foxworthy - you might be a redneck

Bill Engval's - here's your sign

etc., etc.

You can replace the "they walk among us" with the above and get away with it.

 

[glynndah]

This has been bothering me for some time and seems to fit here. Is there some sort of a regulation that mandates posting those "Employees must wash hands before returning to work" signs. Shouldn't that be a given? I'm always a little worried when I eat someplace with one of those signs over the sink in the restroom.

 

[freshface]

This has been bothering me for some time and seems to fit here. Is there some sort of a regulation that mandates posting those "Employees must wash hands before returning to work" signs. Shouldn't that be a given? I'm always a little worried when I eat someplace with one of those signs over the sink in the restroom.

That one is a health department requirement in the US and much of Europe. There's at least a hope the signs will help the food handlers remember to wash.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

That one is a health department requirement in the US and much of Europe. There's at least a hope the signs will help the food handlers remember to wash.

Those signs are also posted in the restrooms at all elementary schools in California and they specify "warm water" for hand washing. Of course, when we remodeled the school and updated the facilities the architect had the workmen remove all the water heaters . . .

 

[oggbashan]

When I was young almost all forms of public transport had signs prohibiting spitting and hawking (clearing one's throat of phlegm). Spitting was a real hazard when TB was rife.

Later it was decided that customs had changed and the signs weren't necessary. Unfortunately some footballers have taken to spitting during play and have been imitated by the Youff.

China has a real problem during the Olympics. Public spitting was commonplace. It was considered acceptable if you then trod on the result.

Signs can become so ubiquitous that they lose any impact and become invisible through familiarity.

Og

 

[voluptuary_manque]

When I was young almost all forms of public transport had signs prohibiting spitting and hawking (clearing one's throat of phlegm). Spitting was a real hazard when TB was rife.

Later it was decided that customs had changed and the signs weren't necessary. Unfortunately some footballers have taken to spitting during play and have been imitated by the Youff.

China has a real problem during the Olympics. Public spitting was commonplace. It was considered acceptable if you then trod on the result.

Signs can become so ubiquitous that they lose any impact and become invisible through familiarity.

Og

Especially when you're talking about a society that is drowned in party propaganda. The written word loses impact from overuse.

 

[starrkers]

A few years ago it was decided to place large signboards on major freeways and motorways here for use in emergencies, to warn traffic of delays, etc.

They worked well until some bright spark decided they'd be great for propaganda too so now they routinely flash up "Stop, revive, survive" and "How fast are you going now?" and assorted other slogans. So no one pays them any attention at all.

 

[SlickTony]

Bill Engval's - here's your sign

I love that routine. He and Foxworthy are funnier than hell.

Of course, when we remodeled the school and updated the facilities the architect had the workmen remove all the water heaters . . .

It always bothers me when I have to wash my hands in a public restroom (or the 1st and 2nd floor heads at my work, for that matter) and they've turned off the hot water connection for reasons of economy. I never feel like my hands have really gotten clean, because I was always told, use warm or hot water. I was very pleased when I was in Pittsburgh one winter to find that they had none of that nonsense going. I hate being perpetually cold and it gave me great comfort to be able to wash my hands in warm water.