They Came, They Saw, They Didn't Conquer

[heartofcourage]

Lilly had never seen this side of Shane and to say that she was terrified was an understatement. She could see the anger in his eyes, the way his fingers curled into his hair and shook her to and fro, the way that his body was held taunt. He was pissed and she was the reason for it.

His words made her heart ache. She had royally fucked up their situation and they very well could have died. She felt tears welling in her eyes, a shuddering breath leaving her chest as he growled at her.

“I’m sorry, Shane.” She said softly, knowing that her words probably wouldn’t be enough to soothe his anger. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

She let out a gasp as she was shoved backwards, his hand leaving her hair. Trembling, she listened to him continue to rage, telling her that the only reason his anger weren’t worse was because she was his wife. He seemed so…defeated as he sat in one of the kitchen chairs, his arms on the table and his head buried deep between them.

She wanted to go to him. She needed to touch him. It was childish, but she truly did want to make him smile. She didn’t really know how to deal with him like this and she did the only thing that she could think of.

Moving across the room, she stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his hunched shoulder, her face pressed between his shoulder blades. She shivered, wondering if he could find it in himself to forgive her. The tears in her eyes welled and fell down her cheeks, wetting the shirt that he was wearing.

“I love you, Shane.” She said softly.

 

[marauder13]

Shane was barely aware that Lilly had spoken while he was in his rage. he had lost count of the number of times he had been in similar meets where there were talkers, and heavies hanging around in case of trouble. No one ever shot unless they were ambushing, or reacting to an ambush.

He had to remind himself that Lilly was new to this side of things. A complete novice, and he failed to take that into consideration. Just as he had a lot to learn, so did she. He tried to ram that home, but his anger was too raw, too strong to listen to the reasonable side of him. But it wasn't his anger that was the real driver, it was fear.

Her action scared him, not because it could have got him killed, but because it could have got her killed. When she had been badly shot, he was barely able to keep his cool enough to help her. Once they were safe at home, he knew she would be fine, and he calmed down immediately. This time, the threat was still present and there was little he could do to remove it.

He flinched when he felt Lilly's arms around his shoulders. He calmed a little as her face pressed into his back, her tears dampening his shirt.

“I love you, Shane.”

Hearing her voice pulled him from his darkened pit. It also pulled his fear, anger, frustration and a whole host of unpleasant thoughts along with him. He stood up fast, but not fast enough to move the chair too much or too quickly. His emotions latched onto Lilly. He spun around, his hand fisting within her hair.

"Do you, Lilly? Do you really love me? How about we find out."

In a move reminiscent of a caricatured caveman, he dragged Lilly by her hair into the bedroom. When he reached the bed, he shoved her face first onto the bed, with her hips and legs over the side. He grabbed her pants and yanked them down off her hips and half way down her thighs. Shane dropped his own pants, freeing up his straining cock then dropped to his knees behind her. He poked her a few times before he found her entrance, and drove himself deep.

Shane bent over Lilly, bringing his mouth close to one of her ears. "You love me, do you?" He pummeled her hard and fast, almost slipping free of her before driving himself back into her depths. "You had a strange way of showing back there. But aren't you lucky I'm not really pissed off with you. I could have left you for them to find, if you were fortunate. But I didn't because I love you. As you can tell by the cock being rammed into your cunt right now. You're not some random bit of pussy to keep me happy. If you were just that, I'd be here alone after that fuckup." He ground himself hard against her, managing to get that little deeper, filling her that little more. "No, Lilly, I love you more than you could ever imagine, which is why the only thing I'm shooting right now into you is my load." He clamped his mouth about the top of her shoulder, sucking hard on her flesh while he fucked her until he came. He bucked against her hard, slamming his hips into hers until he was spent.

He pulled himself out of her, grabbing her and pulling her around so she could look at him. His anger and fear were gone, burned away by the fuck he just gave Lilly. He felt ashamed at what he did to her, and didn't hide it from her.

"I'm sorry, Lilly. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I didn't mean to..." He hung his head a little, feeling tears start to dampen his eyes.

 

[heartofcourage]

A loud gasp left her as he jerked from her arms. He looked down at her with a mixture of fear and anger, his frustration still coloring his features and Lilly actually trembled in fear. This wasn’t the loving man that she knew. This was a stone cold killer who was obscenely angry with her.

“Shane…” She started, her voice soft. She let out a cry as his hand fisted in her hair again, his voice hissing out against her ear as he pulled her from the room by her hair. “Shane, please stop.”

She was begging, her eyes wide and scared as her hand gripped his, trying to pull it from her locks as she was suddenly thrown to the bed. She pushed off the surface only to be shoved back down, her nose and cheek digging into the mattress as she felt his fingers curl into her pants.

The cool air that caressed her bottom made her shiver and she knew what was coming next. “Shane no!” She yelped, tears streaming from her eyes as he dropped down beside her and his cock began to prod as he sought her entrance.

“Not like this, Shane. Please not like this.” She begged him, a sob escaping her lips as he drove home inside of her, his cock spreading her tight entrance until she gasped and clawed again at the hand that held her down.

She shivered as he bent over her body, his mouth brushing against her ear as his hips pummeled her hard and fast. She gasped and moaned, his words whispering across her ear in a harsh whisper. She shivered at the force of his words, her eyes squeezing shut against the ugliness that she was seeing in the man that she loved so dearly.

Another moan burst from her lips as he ground against her roughly, his cock touching all those spots in her that only he knew. She bit her bottom lip, keeping herself from begging him. She needed some measure of control in this situation and her silence was the only way that she knew.

His mouth clamped against her shoulder and sucked hard, a bruise forming as he pounded against her harder. She let out another sob as he suddenly slammed into her roughly, his orgasm taking her by surprise. She gasped, her insides bathed in his seed. She finally opened her eyes as he pulled from her and flipped her onto her back.

His anger and fear were gone, released with shame and regret. She still shook from the force of the event that had just happened. She wanted to say something, anything, but she was completely terrified.

He didn’t mean to. He was sorry. Did she believe him? She thought that she did. This was the Shane that she loved. The man that cared for her so deeply. Still, her mind was still running through what had just happened. A large part of her said that she deserved it. A smaller portion screamed that she’d been assaulted.

“I…” She started, her words caught in her throat as she whispered them. “You asshole!”

She sat up and started pummeling him, her fists beating against his shoulders and chest as she let loose the anger at what he had just done. Obscenity issued from her lips and she didn’t stop her beating until she was tired and breathing hard. She looked at him, panting and she felt her face contorting as she started to cry.

Pulling him into her embrace, she cried against his shoulder. She cried for the loss of control that they had both exhibited. She cried for the foolish mistakes that she’d made that day. Most of all, she cried for the past that could never be again.

 

[marauder13]

Shane heard the slight creaks in the bed that told him Lilly was moving. He lifted his head to see her anger contorted face coming up towards him.

“You asshole!”

He cringed at those words. No one had ever did that to him before, but then he never truly loved someone before her. Her fists beat his shoulders and chest in her fury. He made no move to stop her or protect himself. He did something that never done before in his life; he took a woman against her will. He blushed at the stream of words that blistered the air while she hammered her hands against him.

The blows started getting less frequent and less forceful. She was panting heavily as she looked up at him. Tears were rolling down his cheeks. he had ruined something special between them, and that tore at him in ways he couldn't understand.

His arms wrapped around her as hers encircled him. Shane let her cry. He held her through the racking sobs and tears. He was stoic except for the tears that continued to flood his cheeks. Just like her anger, the sadness came to an end as well. He held her in silence for a while, before gently parting himself from her embrace. He scooped her up, and laid her down on the bed. He took her shoes off, then covered her in the blanket.

"My only hope is that you'll find it in your heart to forgive me, Lilly. I am truly sorry." He lightly kissed her forehead, then headed outside, restoring everything to its proper state by the time he reached the door.

He dropped onto the steps, he head resting against his chest. "Lord, what have I done? The only woman apart from my mother that I have actually loved, that I took as my wife, and I did that to her? How could I have been so fucking stupid?"

Shane lifted his head and caught the movement out of the corner of his eye. He stopped at the press of the barrel against the side of his head. On instinct, he moved his hands away from his body then out in front in slow, even motion.

"I have one weapon on me. Knife in the top of my right boot."

"Thanks for letting me know." The talker from the scouting group took a couple of steps back. "Where is she?"

"Inside. Not feeling very well right now."

"Why did she miss?"

"I don't know. But not through a lack of wanting to try. If she wanted him dead, he would be dead. I've seen her sight down a person and kill them."

"Why did she shoot?"

"Novice." Shane turned his head enough to see the man again. His stance was clearly military. The rifle was pointing a little lower than it hand been. Shane knew any attempt to move without permission would have him shot in the body before his ass left the step. "Why are you here?"

"Orders."

"Tracked us?"

"Yes."

Shane nodded. Another thing he did wrong.

"So, what now?"

"You're coming with us." The man saw Shane's brow furrow. "Just you. If we could have got you both, better. But you are the more important of the two."

Shane lowered his hands enough to change his centre of gravity and stood up slowly. He saw no reason to fight them, especially since he wanted to live to see Lilly again. Seeing the man's nod, Shane headed off in the direction indicated. Behind them, his buddy was obscuring their tracks as they disappeared into the treeline.

~||~​

Shane was grateful that the men allowed him to drink. The three hour long trek was tough on him, but his walks with Lilly had got him used to walking in non urban environments. They were easy around him, but still cautious. Shane was behaving as they would like; not making any attempts to run, not resisting any commands and generally being cooperative.

When they finished their walk, he was brought into a well concealed camp of about 20 people. There was an even mix of genders, along with a couple of children. When he was brought to a stop, a woman who Shane thought would have been in her thirties approached. She was similar to Lilly in how she carried herself. There was a confidence there, stamped on her so deeply that she probably didn't even notice it. Dark, almost black hair pulled back into a bun made her lightly tanned face look harsh. She was well fed, not looking skinny like most people did. A large check flannel shirt and slightly baggy jeans hid her body well, and made people focus on her face.

"He's the one?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Not too often we get someone willing to talk first. Pity your backup is trigger happy."

"It was her first time at a meet. She knows she fucked up, just like I did."

"Oh, were you supposed to shoot first?"

"No, she wasn't supposed to shoot at all. Since you man here," Shane nodded to the talker, "didn't open fire when I challenged him, I thought there was a good chance of talking things through."

"Which is why you're here. How is it the two of you are there, alone?"

Shane shrugged. "It was her place before mine. Anyway, it's been safe enough for us."

"You and I need to talk. Talk about your future, and ours."

 

[heartofcourage]

Never in her life had Lilly been so violated. As Shane’s arms wrapped around her, she sank against his body and continued to sob. Her sadness was a fierce thing, consuming her completely as he simply held her. Rubbing her cheek against his shirt, she took in his warmth and allowed herself to comforted, even though she knew she should hate him.

Gasping as he scooped her from her position and placed her gently down on the bed, she watched him intently as he took her shoes off and covered her in their blanket. She found she couldn’t look at him, not right then. As he leaned down towards her face, she turned her gaze away and shivered as he kissed her forehead.

A sigh escaped her lips as she heard his plea of forgiveness and she closed her eyes, too exhausted to even think about it. She knew in time she would forgive him, but the wound was much too raw. Curling up beneath the blanket, she trembled as she fell into a nightmarish sleep.

A restless hour later, Lilly woke to a house that was much too quiet. Besides the sounds of the chickens outside and the goat walking around its enclosure she couldn’t hear the familiar sounds of Shane. She pushed herself out of bed, looking around the room for a moment before she moved to change into fresh clothes.

Shimmying into a pair of faded blue jeans and pulling on a long sleeved tee, she moved into the kitchen and frowned when she did not see him there either.

“Shane?!” She called out, noticing that the door was unlocked. Was he outside? “Shane!”

Peeking outside, she saw everything as it had been left, including the Beast. He hadn’t gone anywhere. Scratching her head, she sighed and turned back to the dining room, puzzled at where he would have gone when she saw his gun sitting on the kitchen table.

Her blood turned icy cold as she realized that wherever he was obviously wasn’t a place he had gone to willingly. Moving back into the bedroom, she pulled on her sturdy boots and her cargo vest. Making sure that she had enough ammo, she took his gun and placed it in the waistband of her jeans before she picked up the Mosin and slung it over her shoulder. Digging out a kit bag, she loaded it down with water and food, just in case things didn’t go as planned.

The air was much too still. He wouldn’t have left her. No matter what happened between them, he wouldn’t have just left. She truly believed him when he said that he loved her. Besides, he wouldn’t have gone anywhere unarmed after what happened that morning. She moved into the farm yard and glanced around the terrain, noticing a disturbance in the soil where someone had tried to cover their tracks.

She wouldn’t let him go so easily. No, she was going after him and damn the consequences. Taking off through the thick underbrush, she was off on a mission to bring her husband home.

 

[marauder13]

Shane's finger rasped against the stubble on his chin.

"What about our futures?"

"We're looking at settling down somewhere. This place looks like it has some potential."

"I see. Go on."

The woman wandered over to a chair, and sat down. She pointed at a nearby log, where Shane sat himself.

"I needed to know more about you two. We've spotted you a few days before, but we weren't sure if you were part of some larger community. Like farmers on the outskirts. When we found out there wasn't anything about the area, I decided to get in touch. Unfortunately, you partner's trigger happiness has got some of thinking about other options."

"Gamble on a mistake, try somewhere else, or secure the area before settling."

"Very astute."

"Practical. I was like this before they came, and it's served me well so far. Well, mostly well. All I'm looking for now out of life is not having my wife getting killed, and of course being around to enjoy being with her. Plus, I am more than willing to things that she would still blanch at."

Shane saw the clearly quizzical look on her face. He worried his teeth for a minute.

"If it meant protecting my wife, I would kill everyone here by whatever means was available to me, without a moment's hesitation."

The rattle of two rifles being pointed at him got him a little nervous, but he remained calm.

"There's no need to point your guns at me, I'm not planning on killing anyone. If I were, I wouldn't be telling anyone about it. But, my wife is very important to me. You hurt her, and there will be hell to pay."

"Well, you'd better pray that she's learned a lesson about shoot first, talk later." She nodded, and Shane heard the two scouts moving away.

Shane sat still, wanting to run off and find Lilly before she did anything silly. But if he did, he was certain that someone in the camp would got a big hole in him.

 

[heartofcourage]

It had taken an eternity to track Shane through the woods, but Lilly soon came upon a clearing in the woods that lead into a small gathering of tents and temporary buildings. She shrank against the truck of a tree, gazing out of the thick trees as she watched the comings and goings of the people around the little community.

Is this where Shane had gone, she wondered, shrinking back against the tree trunk as two passed by her spot. She closed her eyes tightly, controlling her breathing, and waited for them to continue walking. As their footsteps rustled through the underbrush, growing fainter, she dared to push off her location and head into the clearing.

She kept calm, the Mosin still held in her hands as she approached the tents, few giving her a second glance. They acted as if seeing an armed woman was a usual thing. She was nearly halfway into the camp when someone raised an alarm.

The two men from earlier in the day had seen her, immediately raising their weapons. She raised the Mosin, a stand off ensuing as people watched on in silence. Lilly’s heart was hammering against her chest, her eyes wide and looking around the clearing for any sign of Shane.

“I want to see my husband.” She called to them, hearing the call given back to lower her weapon. “Not until you do as well. I’m not leaving until I see my husband!”

 

[marauder13]

Shane heard the commotion, suppressing the near instinctual urge to take cover. he slowly turned his head to see one of the scouts raising his weapon at something beyond his line of sight. As he turned his head back to the leader of the community, he heard an all too familiar voice.

“I want to see my husband.”

His eyes went skyward, followed by a heart felt prayer that Lilly wouldn't squeeze he trigger for any reason.

"Lower you weapon! Now!"

“Not until you do as well. I’m not leaving until I see my husband!”

"Shit."

The woman laughed a little. "A little head strong?"

"Very head strong. Please, may I-"

"Go, before someone gets killed."

Shane fought the urge to leap up, keeping his movements controlled and even. He walked to the closer of the scouts, making sure that he was moving within the man's sight so he didn't startle him.

"Lilly, I'm fine and I am coming out." He stepped around the tent, seeing his wife glowering with her rifle pointed at the scout he had talked to when they first met. "For the love of God, Lilly, put the damned rifle up before you get someone killed." He closed on her, pride and anger mixed evenly by the time he got to her. He grabbed the rifle, pulling it up and out of her hand, then sweeping her into a fierce embrace.

"You and I are going to have a long talk about how to do this properly. Fuck, you scared me doing this."

He pulled himself back a little, threading his hand into her hair, pulling her into a passionate kiss. He showed her how much he loved her, desired her and wanted her in the most primal of ways in that one drawn out kiss. Nothing else matter to him while he was intimate with his wife. Nothing else existed, and he tried to show her that too. Even though he had hurt her, he wanted to show her that he loved her as deeply now as he did back then.

He draw his lips back quickly, bring his forehead to rest against hers, his hand still meshed in her hair. He was breathing heavily, and his pulse was hammering in his head.

"Please, my love, calm down. We'll be fine as long as you stop pointing rifles at people for a while." He took his hand out of her hair, dropping down to clasp on of hers, then slowly led her back to the other woman he had been speaking to.

 

[heartofcourage]

Lilly didn’t want to shoot the man before her, but she would if she had to. Her finger was pressed against the trigger, her eyes locked on both men that had her pinned. She wasn’t leaving without Shane and they weren’t going to stop her from finding him.

The moment she heard Shane’s voice, she let out a long sigh of relief. The first sight of him was extremely welcome. She still didn’t lower the rifle as he slowly came towards her, his hands raised. Even after he told her to put the rifle down, she shook her head, her heart pounding in a mixture of fear and anxiety.

“What…” She breathed as he stood just before her, his hand easily grabbing the rifle and pulling it from her hands. “What’s happening?” She asked as she was suddenly swept into his firm embrace.

She sighed and leaned her body into his, her cheek pressed against his chest for a brief moment before his hand tangled in her hair and pulled her lips up towards his. A low moan escaped her lips as he poured his passion and want into that single moment, showing her that he loved her deeply.

She was breathless as he drew away, his forehead pressing against hers as his fingers flexed in her hair. She panted for air, looking up at him as he explained that she needed to be calm. She started to shake her head, whimpering as his fingers held her in place before he finally released and took her hand, leading her towards somewhere.

“Shane, let’s go home.” She whispered to him as the two men she’d pulled the gun on kept their stance. “Please…” She begged in a breathless plea.

 

[marauder13]

"No, not yet. I haven't finished here yet." His grip of her hand tightened as he led her back to where the leader waited. He slung the rifle over his shoulder, and used both of his hand to guide Lilly to where he sat, and forced her to sit. He kept his hands resting on her shoulders, but he didn't use them to hold her in place.

"This is my wife, as you may have guessed. I didn't realize she was so protective."

"Personally, I wouldn't blame her in the least. If I had a man like you..." She sighed, dropping her eyes for a moment. When she looked back, whatever she allowed out was gone. "That is neither here nor there." She gave Lilly a hard look, one that made Shane happy that he had the rifle and not his wife.

Shane ignored the other people, and thought about Lilly. She came after him, and was willing to fight overwhelming odds to get him back. He felt proud, and frustrated that she would do something like that. She put herself in deliberate danger when she should have been take care of herself. Her impulsiveness was dangerous, not only to herself but others too; namely himself. He was going to ensure that they had a long talk when they got home.

"I wonder," the older woman spoke, breaking her silence, "could you live with neighbours, without trying to shoot them every other day?"

 

[heartofcourage]

Lilly knew by the way that Shane gripped her hand so tightly that she had seriously messed up…again. She blew out a breath, watching as he slung the Mosin over his shoulder and used both of his hands to pull her to a seat. She sat down heavily, glancing at the other woman for a long moment before she tried to rise, only to find herself pressed down by Shane’s grip on her shoulders.

She didn’t know exactly what to make of the whole situation, but she didn’t like the way that they both talked about her like she wasn’t there. She wasn’t the enemy in this situation. The men were just as to blame as she was in her opinion and she huffed like a spoiled child.

As the woman looked at her with a hard glare, Lilly narrowed her own eyes, stiffening her spine in a perceived challenge. The woman wanted to know if they could live with neighbors and whether she could control and itchy trigger finger.

“If your men can refrain from leading a conversation with their weapons, I might be persuaded to not use mine.” She commented.

Her tone was flippant and she thought for a moment about Shane’s handgun that was tucked into her pants at the base of her spine. He probably knew that she was still armed, but the way that he held her in the seat kept her from going for it. She very well might have pulled it to prove a point.

“I’m not a violent person, but I’m not going to let someone push me around. I’ve seen too much in my time since the invasion to think for a moment that men like that wouldn’t pull a trigger first and ask questions later.”

 

[marauder13]

Shane could feel the tension coming off Lilly like heat. He was starting to wonder if he should bring her along to any future negotiations because she was too emotional to be of any use.

“If your men can refrain from leading a conversation with their weapons, I might be persuaded to not use mine.”

Shane groaned, and dropped his head slightly. 'We're in the fucking lion's den, face to face with one of the big cats, and she's slapping it's mouth. Fuck me.'

“I’m not a violent person, but I’m not going to let someone push me around. I’ve seen too much in my time since the invasion to think for a moment that men like that wouldn’t pull a trigger first and ask questions later.”

It was a race to see who laughed first, Shane or the leader. Neither of the laughs was joyous, more mocking. The leader looked at Shane, her gaze telling him that she was willing for him to explain it to his wife.

"Lilly, those men have never fired a shot at us, until you shot at them. They were being cautious while trying to be friendly. You know trust is thin on the ground, so no one in their right mind just walks up alone and with no weapon ready. That, or their fucking bait. Anyway, they have done fuck all wrong, Lilly. Everything was going smoothly until you shot at them. Now, you're all high and mighty, still pissing on everyone's faces thinking you've done nothing wrong." Shane stepped around in front of Lilly, and squatted down before her.

"Listen to me! This is on the same level of 'I love you'. You are behaving in a way that will possibly get us killed. Very possibly if you've still got the pistol somewhere. Now, you need to calm down, and stop getting in people's faces. Doubly so over something that you did wrong. Got it?" He stared into her eyes, ignoring everything else but Lilly.

 

[heartofcourage]

Lilly hated being laughed at and treated like a helpless child. She was also much too stubborn for her own good. Curling her fingers tightly, she let her nails cut into her palms to keep from standing from her spot and doing something very dangerous. She didn’t want to be there. She wanted Shane to go home with her and go back to the little life that they had made, but it seemed that talking to these people was important for him.

As he stepped around in front of her and squatted down, she could see in his eyes just how serious this situation was. They had to play by these people’s rules and it was something that put her teeth on edge. She never trusted people with guns, hell she still had the scar on her arm from the last meeting they’d had with another human being. Was Shane so quick to forget?

She sucked in a deep breath, her eyes closing for a moment and she slowly let it out. She had to center herself, to let Shane negotiate whatever he needed to, and then they could go home. Slowly opening her eyes, she stared at him for another long moment before she slowly reached behind her back and pulled the gun out from where it rested against her spine.

Methodically she pulled free the ammunition, handing the piece to him before she ratcheted the chamber and set loose the one that was stored in the gun itself. Once it was all said and done, she handed that to Shane as well. Slowly, she lifted her hands above her head and stood, looking down at her husband.

“Search me. Prove to them that I don’t have anything else on me.” She said, her gaze turning from him to the woman that was watching the entire situation. It was her way of conceding, if albeit in a very hostile way.

 

[marauder13]

Shane fought hard to keep still as Lilly reached behind her slowly to retrieve the pistol from her back. She slowly, carefully removed the magazine handing it to him, then opened the action and ejected the already loaded round. She handed the rest over to him, under the ever watchful eye of the head scout. Her hands went above her head and she stood slowly.

“Search me. Prove to them that I don’t have anything else on me.”

Shane slid the action closed on the pistol, fed in the magazine and stuffed it into his belt. He stood up, and stepped off to one side so he could face their leader.

"I'm sorry, but we're not up for having neighbours. If you head that way," he pointed off more southerly than where their house was located, "you'll hit flat land, plus a major highway if your so inclined to use it. You will also skirt the city by a comfortable distance too. Plus you'll be out of range of us too.

"If you don't mind, I need to get my wife out of here before something bad happens."

He gave the leader a look that told her that if she didn't accept what he had just said, things would get ugly quickly. She smiled and nodded. He grabbed Lilly, almost dragging her out of the camp site, and heading them back to their home.

"Haven't you learned a fucking thing, Lilly? You don't walk into the lion's den, and kick it in the teeth excepting it to treat you in a friendly manner. God damn it. You were doing everything in your power to get yourself killed back there. Is what I did back at home that bad? Bad enough you want to die?"

 

[heartofcourage]

To say that she was shocked when Shane told the woman to continue South and away from them. She turned her head and frowned slightly, trying to figure out just what he was up to. Didn’t he want this? To be a part of them? If he didn’t then why go with them?

Then his hand was gripping her upper arm in a punishing grip, jerking her from her spot as he stalked away from the center of the camp and back towards the woods. He was upset, that much she could tell. A dark shiver passed down her spine as she stumbled to keep up with him, wondering if she was getting ready to experience what had happened before.

“Shane, just stop.” She said, jerking her arm as it was held tightly in the circle of his fingers. “Stop!”

Jerking her arm again, she pulled them both to a stop in the seclusion of the woods. Staring at him for a long moment, she felt a hopelessness pull at her heart. It clenched painfully and she thought carefully about what she was about to say.

“What you did…was inexcusable.” She said softly, her eyes meeting and holding his. “And what I did was wrong as well. But do you know what it’s like to wake up and find the person that you love is missing? What was I suppose to do? Sit around and hope that you hadn’t been killed?”

“God dammit, Shane, those two men were rightfully pissed at what I did! How was I to know that they weren’t going to shoot me in the head if I went after you? I wasn’t going to leave you alone out there.” She stopped herself from saying that she loved him and that she was scared. A weak woman would do that and that’s not what they needed right now.

A thick silence stretched between them and she sucked in a deep breath, shaking her head slightly. “Is joining something like this really something that you want?” She asked him in a soft voice, her eyes straying to the area that they just left.

 

[marauder13]

Lilly ripped her arm from his grip. he could have held it, but he didn't have the guts to do it. He needed his hands free, and trying to hold onto her was not something that would endear him well.

“What you did…was inexcusable. And what I did was wrong as well. But do you know what it’s like to wake up and find the person that you love is missing? What was I suppose to do? Sit around and hope that you hadn’t been killed?

“God dammit, Shane, those two men were rightfully pissed at what I did! How was I to know that they weren’t going to shoot me in the head if I went after you? I wasn’t going to leave you alone out there.”

The silence was so thick and heavy that it was almost a third person present in their little argument. All of Lilly's words swirled in his head, mixing easily with the turmoil that was already there.

Shane rubbed his face, focusing on his eyes for a little longer before he let out a long sigh and looked at his wife.

"Yeah, you're right. It was inexcusable. I have never loved anyone before you, Lilly. I have no idea of how to express that properly. Prior to that, I just fucked women. No emotion, only physical enjoyment. But when I was finished, I felt like shit."

Anger and frustration welled within Shane, threatening his tenuous grip on his control. "Look, I had no problems with you coming to find me. I would have done the same thing if I woke up and found you gone. I would have cut down the fucking forest one tree at a time to find you if I needed to.

"But it's not what you're doing, but how you're doing it. You're going in too aggressive, too much of a threat. You're making them more nervous than they need to be, and that's when the shootings start. If they wanted to shoot you, they fucking well would have done it when they first saw you. And calling for them to put their weapons up, in their own camp when they have you outnumbered and you threatening them? Never going to happen."

“Is joining something like this really something that you want?”

"What? Join them? What are you on about? We've got a home together, Lilly. It may not be the Ritz, but it has all the important things in it. Like you."

Shane unslung the rifle, handing it back to Lilly. He reloaded the pistol, but kept it in his hand, just in case. They may have parted with shots being fired, but attitudes could change very quickly, and he didn't want to be caught off guard.

"Let's go home and have something to eat, and maybe talk. A lot of shit has happened, and we need to clear it out." He close the distance with her, kissing her cheek before slowly starting to head back to their home.

 

[heartofcourage]

The Mosin was pressed back into her hands and she gripped the familiar wooden stock as she watched Shane reload the pistol, keeping it at the ready just in case the people they had just left decided that they weren’t all nice and friendly.

Lilly sucked in a deep breath, slowly letting it out as he suggested that they go home and have something to eat. She nodded absently, closing her eyes at the kiss that was pressed against her cheek. Did she believe that everything was going to be perfect between them? Had things ever really been perfect in the first place?

She cursed under her breath and followed after Shane for the long walk home. Her mind was a stormy sea and her thoughts tossed to and fro like little boats caught on the waves. She had come after Shane because she loved him, but this bloodthirsty woman wasn’t who she was. Why had she fired at those men? Why had she come charging into an unknown group with her gun raised? They were all questions that really didn’t have an answer.

Then there was the question of Shane. Could she trust him? Watching his back as they walked along, she decided that if she couldn’t, she very well could have put a bullet in the back of his head by now. Perhaps he knew that.

She was a doctor, someone sworn to protect life, and here she was thinking about ending it. This world had turned her into something vicious and cold. Perhaps it wasn’t even the world, but the feelings that she had for Shane. Things had been so perfect between them and one mistake had completely torn it all asunder. He loved her. She knew that for certain. But a man who loved a woman didn’t do those kinds of things…did they?

She drew up next to him and walked at his pace for a long while. The silence that stretched between them seemed so strained and brittle. She hated not having that warmth that she’d had with him just a day before. Glancing up at his face, she took in the tight lines to his jaw and knew that he was just as stressed as she was.

“Shane…” She said softly, her eyes moving back to the trail as she set about the first volley into conversation. “If you ever do what you did to me again, I’m going to cut your dick off.”

Smooth, Lilly. Really smooth…

 

[marauder13]

They walked in a silence that comforted Shane and troubled him. He hurt Lilly badly, he knew that. She had hurt him badly too. He loved her. He tried so hard to show her that love in ways she would accept and understand. He had never loved a woman before, in the physical sense.There were women in his life he loved, all of them family, but he loved them in the proper way. He was starting to think that his love for Lilly was wrong. That he was just grateful for the company and he only thought he loved her.

The more he thought it through. the more he found evidence to prove that thought wrong. He felt for her. He needed her, not sexually, but... spiritually. She fulled something deep within him that he never thought of being there. She had courage, resourcefulness and a sharp mind when her emotions didn't blind her. That thought brought him to a halt. Such a simple thought, yet so strong.

“Shane… If you ever do what you did to me again, I’m going to cut your dick off.”

Her words brought a smile to his face. It reminded him of threats leveled against him in his past, as well as those made by him. But the smile faded quickly, as the thoughts of what happened came back to his head.

"Fine, Lilly. Next time you want it, just let me know, OK? Until you ask, I wont be supplying, so there are no accidents."

Shane stewed in his own thoughts for a while as they got themselves closer to home. He was not perfect, he knew that. He had jobs go south on him, and had been in the shit before too. But he learned from his mistakes, listened to those who knew more than him and always tried his best at what ever he did. This was not different. He was living with a woman. Loving her. Wanting to be with her more than anything else. But he had no fucking idea of how it all worked. He was going by the seat of he pants, or the skin of his bare ass at times, so he was bound to fuck up.

"Look, Lilly... I'm sorry about what happened after we met those guys. I was pissed off, scared and yet happy to be alive. You scared me, and it sent me back to the days before They came. I forgot who I was with you, and I wrecked something really fucking great between us.

"But Lilly, I have never, I mean NEVER loved anyone outside of my family before. The only women I had were just fucks. Nothing more, nothing less. Most of the time I didn't give a shit if they came or not. But now I have you. You're smart, brave, gorgeous. You are a woman like I have never met before. Well, may I did, but I never allowed myself to see them more than being... Oh, a life support system for a cunt. So being in love with someone, being sexual with that same someone is all new to me. I want to do the right thing by you, Lilly. Even though there wasn't a priest to make it all official or something, I see you as my wife, with all the trappings that comes with it. Good or otherwise."

He looked lost for a moment, then proceeded to get himself back onto the task of checking behind them for followers. He hadn't checked for the previous 20 minutes, so they could have been followed by the entire camp and he wouldn't have known.

 

[heartofcourage]

The way that Shane accepted her leveled threat disturbed Lilly. He seemed too calm, too in control of himself. She had expected some sort of resistance but he was willing and ready to accept what she said and take it to heart. It didn’t sit well with her and she wasn’t really sure why.

“You didn’t listen to me. I think that hurt the worst of all.” She said as she listened to his explanation of what had happened between them after the incident in the woods. He was spilling his heart out to her and as much as it made her ache, she refused to let herself relax.

When he stopped and turned to check behind them., she let his words wash over her and she honestly felt like crying. He was a good man deep down inside, but she couldn’t let what had happened go. It had wrecked something amazing and she wanted to be strong for him, but she felt like melting down into hysterics at any moment.

“I love you.” She finally said, watching as he kept his eyes trained on the trail behind them. “I love you so much that it hurts. My life is complete with you in it.”

A deep breath sucked into her chest and she let out a sigh that was long and draw out. “But when I think about us now…all I can see is being held to a bed and fucked against my will. Do you know how much that hurts, Shane? Do you know how much I ache?”

The tears pricked her eyes and she cursed herself for being so weak. She didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to let him see her cry. “I don’t know what all of it means. I know I screwed up. I can’t change that and I can’t even be sure anymore that I can turn to you to take that hurt and confusion away.”

 

[marauder13]

Shane was starting to understand the depths of how much Lilly was hurting. he had no concept of the pain that rape caused a woman. He knew that it caused more than just physical hurts, but the depth and degree of those hurts he was totally oblivious to. But the way she walked was a lot stiffer than normal, which he put down to the way she was feeling, rather than from any physical discomfort.

“I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. My life is complete with you in it.

“But when I think about us now…all I can see is being held to a bed and fucked against my will. Do you know how much that hurts, Shane? Do you know how much I ache?”

Shane shook his head. "No, Lilly, I honestly have no idea." He looked up at Lilly, seeing tears in her eyes, plus the determination not to let those very tears fall.

“I don’t know what all of it means. I know I screwed up. I can’t change that and I can’t even be sure anymore that I can turn to you to take that hurt and confusion away.”

Her last words hit him hard, as if he had been punched in the gut. He paused for a minute or so, before turning and resuming walking back to Lilly's home. Shane was a confident man. If he wasn't, he wouldn't still be alive as a paid killer. More times than not, his very confidence carried him through enough to allow him to live. But in that matter, he had no idea at all of how to deal with things. He lacked the control he needed, or he felt he needed, to deal with the problem.

They reached the cabin... Lilly's cabin. She loved him, yet he couldn't remove the pain he gave her. He loved her, and wanted her to be happy again. To have that delicious smile one her face when she saw him. To be able to just hold her in his arms, and make her feel comforted and safe.

He came to a stop at the front door, waiting for Lilly to catch up. He had been looking at the ground until she stepped in front of him. He looked up, seeing her as he had in the early days of staying with her. His hands were in motion before he was even aware of his plans. His hands found either side of her face, turning her head and the rest of her body to face him. He kissed her hard; his lips pressing against hers as if he was trying to get their lips to occupy the same space. He pinned her against the wall as he continued to roughly take her mouth with his. Heat was pouring off him as he apologised to her, told her how much he loved her and wanted to be with her with that one kiss.

His hands remained at each side of her face, touching her gently rather than holding her tightly as before. Tears rolled down his cheeks, his right thumb caressing her face. Not a word was spoken by him as he gazed at her to the exclusion of everything else. He swallowed hard, moving his hands away and taking a step backward to give her the room she would need to move.

Shane felt there was nothing more to say. In the silence that followed, he started making plans for when she was going to tell him to leave.

 

[heartofcourage]

The hurt that she saw in Shane’s eyes was almost her undoing. Lilly couldn’t help how she felt, but she hated to see the shame in her husband’s eyes. It would be a struggle to trust him and feel comfortable, but it was a fight that she was willing to take part in. She needed him and he had to know that.

He started walking without a word and she cursed under her breath, letting him get a distance ahead before she followed behind him. There was an uncomfortable silence that stretched between them again and Lilly wanted to tell him that she was sorry, that things would work out for the better.

As they reached the cabin, she finally felt the courage to speak again. Stepping in front of Shane, she sucked in a breath and prepared to tell him how she felt. She let out a whimper as his hands cupped her cheeks and turned her until she was standing square in front of him. A sigh left her lips as he was suddenly kissing her roughly, his lips mashing against hers until she felt a warmth spread through her veins.

She was panting as he spun her around and pinned her against the wall, his mouth still locked to hers with a heat that she’d never experienced before. He was telling her with unspoken words just what she felt. It was a kiss of apology and a kiss that begged for forgiveness. Oh, how she wanted to give it to him…

When the kiss broke and he pulled away, she saw tears streaming down his cheeks. Her heart broke as his hands slowly lowered and he took a step backward, giving her room as he waited for her judgment.

“Kiss me again, Shane…” She whispered, a shuddering breath leaving her chest.

 

[marauder13]

“Kiss me again, Shane…”

For a moment, he thought he may have imagined it. But the look on her face told him that he hadn't imagined it. he took a moment or two to decide how he would do as she asked.

He stepped forward, both hands scooping her ass and hauling her off her feet. He kissed her slightly elevated mouth, letting his passion for his wife flow from him. He opened his heart and soul for her while they kissed. When he broke for air, he shifted his focus to her neck. He closed hi mouth around her throat, lightly scraping his teeth over her skin before he kissed her neck and upper chest.

His heart was soaring at the offer from Lilly to allow him to make things right between them again. He lowered her down, kissing her lips again in a raw, rough, plain display of affection for her.

"What now, my love? What else can I do to show you I am sorry, and worthy of your continued trust and love?"

 

[heartofcourage]

Lilly had never known passion like what she experienced with Shane. He had a way about him that threatened to devour her whole. It was one of the many things that she loved about him, but it was also one of the many that completely terrified her. Her request had been simple and as he stepped forward, she knew that she was in for an incredible experience.

His hands scooped her up, his fingers digging into her ass as he hauled her off her feet like she weighed nothing at all. The raw strength in his arms was restrained but extremely apparent as he kissed her with everything he had left in him. She wanted to forgive him, to forget the entire incident had happened, but there was still something in her that pulled painfully when she thought about being held to the bed and taken against her will.

Her lips clung to his as her arms looped around his neck, holding herself against his muscular body as he showed her that he was capable of giving her what she wanted. Before she knew it, her heart was racing and her mind was having a hard time trying to decide what she really wanted.

When the kiss broke, she was gasping for air, moaning as his lips trailed over her throat and nipping at the sensitive flesh. When he lowered her to the ground again, her lips were captured once more, the raw emotion in them bringing tears to her eyes. Then came the question and she let out a soft sigh, taking a long moment to respond.

“Take me to our room and show me just how you feel, Shane. I want that memory gone for good.” She said between trembling lips, a deep sigh escaping her chest as she took a chance with him once more.

 

[marauder13]

“Take me to our room and show me just how you feel, Shane. I want that memory gone for good.”

Her lips trembled as a long heart felt sigh escaped her lips. Shane sagged slightly in relief at her words, then straightened with a smile. He scooped her up, placing her over his shoulder, and with a laugh, headed indoors. he was careful that she wasn't hit by anything as he took her through to their bedroom.

With a casual flip, he gently deposited Lilly on the edge of the bed. He got down onto his knees, kissing her softly and tenderly. Hand grazed her flanks as he searched for the lower edge of her top. Once found, Shane slowly peeled the cloth up her body, peppering the exposed flesh with light kisses. Shane breathed softly as he kissed her lovely body. Her breasts were shown the same level of attention as the rest of her when they were revealed. He even kissed her neck and lips once the top was gone.

Shane felt himself warming up as he enjoyed the feel of her lips on his. As they noisily shared the lengthy series of kisses, Shane pulled his own shirt off to help him cool down while he couldn't get enough of Lilly's kisses.

He guided her to her back on the bed, while he dealt with her shoes and pants. His eagerness was causing him to fumble slightly, but he was careful not to hurt her as he tried to get her fully undressed. When she was finally naked before him, he paused and looked her over, the adoration on his face clear to be seen.

He looked up at her eyes, keeping his gaze locked on hers as he lowered his head to the treasured place between her legs. His hands came to rest against her thighs as his lips touched the soft, folded flesh. He kissed about the area softly and slowly before his tongue poked out to touch her most private of places.

That contact made Shane moan in pleasure, from the taste as well as the touch of her. He let his tongue sweep over her, showing his love of her in the simple motions. He listened, felt, tuned in all of his senses to her so he would know what exactly she was desiring and give it to her. He made love to her with his mouth. He worked her constantly toward her peak of passion. He want to hear her scream out for the right reasons, many times, before they both collapsed in a heap of exhausted bliss.

While his mouth had spoken the truth about his feelings before, there and then, his mouth was acting out the truth about his feelings for her. That he loved her, and wanted to continue to love her as they both wanted.

 

[heartofcourage]

Lilly gasped as she was scooped into Shane’s arms and tossed over his shoulder. Her belly pressed against his shirt as he laughed and headed into their little home. She felt a sense of relief that things hadn’t really changed between them. Part of her was still frightened and wondered what would happen when this little moment ended. Would he still be the Shane that she loved…or would she see more of the cold blooded killer that he’d once been?

Lilly hit the mattress with a squeal, her long brown hair flying about her head as Shane deposited her upon their bed. Pushing herself up onto her elbows, she looked up at her husband as he got down on his knees and kissed her with an incredibly gentle passion. This was the Shane that she loved so much, the one that made her smile and gave her such hope for the future.

She sighed as she felt his hands grazing her sides, grasping her shirt and slowly lifting it over her head. The sound that erupted from her throat was soft and low, a cross between a gasp and a moan as Shane pepped her flesh with light kisses, showing her all the attention that she could ever want. A low whimper escaped her lips as he settled on her breasts, worshipping them before he kissed her with a quickly consuming passion.

His lips pulled from hers all too quickly as he gently pressed her back on the bed, his hands pulling at her shoes and her pants. She watched as he fumbled, a look of determination on his face telling her just how much he wanted this all to work. When she was fully naked, she gasped as he looked over her body, the look of love in his eyes taking her breath away.

“Shane…” She whispered as he locked his eyes on hers, holding them as he slowly lowered his head between her thighs. “Oh!”

The first touch of his lips against her wet flesh made her moan, her head tipping back as he kissed around the area slowly before his tongue took over and swiped at her wet slit. Her fingers curled in the sheets on either side of her, holding on for dear life as he took her towards heaven again. He made love to her, in every single sense of the word, showing her that things between them might have been messy, but they weren’t lost completely.

She cried out in pleasure, her hips bucking against his lips as he ripped beautiful emotions from her body. Gasping for air, her chest heaved as her thighs tightened on either side of his face, holding him firmly against her weeping flesh.

“Oh God, Shane. Yes, baby. Yes!” She yelped, her body exploding upon his tongue as she shook and shivered before him.