There's a poet forum?

[lexitopoi]

I recieved an email today: 'You should visit the poets' forum.' Swear to christ and apple pie that I had no idea there was a forum here. I knew about Lit's forums, but I've had a direct link to the Personals section, under a different name. They all seemed so ditzy that I gave up on them long ago, but not before attracting the weirdos and their genital PM spam. I never realized there were more civilized corners to play in until this anonymous feedback. I guess it came from one of you? Lexi is my poet. Fresh, virgin and stalker free. I like the feeling.

Could I interrest you in a poem I'm working on? I would love to see what you think I can do with it. Be gentle. No, screw that. Be merciless, pretty please.


Untitled #14

I can let you drip from my lips,
let you swirl over fingertips,
curl my tongue around evasive words,
symbols in the air representing you,
or swallow you whole,
suck the final expression to merge deep within.

I could share this gift,
feed you your own exclamation,
let you taste your statement in wine and spit,
if you're brave enough to see
the world through my mind,
once and for all.

'Desicions, desicions,' you laugh
at my upturned question,
let me kneel with the menu in my eyes,
for yet a short while.

I could stay passive too,
remain a waitress at your table,
a servant at your feet,
although options might differ
in the morning.

 

[WickedEve]

I never realized there were more civilized corners to play in

We are civilized. Please be polite and be gentle with us.

"suck the final expression" is crude. Frankly, I'm a little shocked by your filth. You'll have to give me a moment to recover, then I'll attempt to comment delicately on your poem.

 

[WickedEve]

Untitled #14

I can let you drip from my lips,
let you swirl over fingertips,
curl my tongue around evasive words,
symbols in the air representing you,
or swallow you whole,
suck the final expression to merge deep within.

I could share this gift,
feed you your own exclamation,
let you taste your statement in wine and spit,
if you're brave enough to see
the world through my mind,
once and for all.

'Desicions, desicions,' you laugh
at my upturned question,
let me kneel with the menu in my eyes,
for yet a short while.

I could stay passive too,
remain a waitress at your table,
a servant at your feet,
although options might differ
in the morning.

Turns out that "suck the final expression" is my favorite phrase in the poem.
The last stanza is definitely the best.
Is this about s. e. x.?

 

[lexitopoi]

We are civilized. Please be polite and be gentle with us.

"suck the final expression" is crude. Frankly, I'm a little shocked by your filth. You'll have to give me a moment to recover, then I'll attempt to comment delicately on your poem.

Oh. This is the vanilla me. I can do worse.

Is this about s. e. x.?

Or algebra. Take your pick.

 

[WickedEve]

Oh. This is the vanilla me. I can do worse.
Or algebra. Take your pick.

What's vanilla?
And what could you do that's worse? Don't be too descriptive, though. Try to use words like manhood. "His manhood greeted her womanhood beneath the sheets." Actually, don't use that. It's a bit shocking for the poets here. I'm sure I'll be stoned for even thinking such thoughts. Oh god! I just had an image pop into my head. I think it was someone's manhood. Okay. Deep breath.

 

[Tathagata]

What's vanilla?
And what could you do that's worse? Don't be too descriptive, though. Try to use words like manhood. "His manhood greeted her womanhood beneath the sheets." Actually, don't use that. It's a bit shocking for the poets here. I'm sure I'll be stoned for even thinking such thoughts. Oh god! I just had an image pop into my head. I think it was someone's manhood. Okay. Deep breath.

slow night in possumville?

 

[WickedEve]

slow night in possumville?

There's a cat outside. No possums. No squirrels. I think I scared off the wildlife.

 

[Tathagata]

There's a cat outside. No possums. No squirrels. I think I scared off the wildlife.

I think you are the wild life

 

[lexitopoi]

What's vanilla?
And what could you do that's worse? Don't be too descriptive, though. Try to use words like manhood. "His manhood greeted her womanhood beneath the sheets." Actually, don't use that. It's a bit shocking for the poets here. I'm sure I'll be stoned for even thinking such thoughts. Oh god! I just had an image pop into my head. I think it was someone's manhood. Okay. Deep breath.

Manhood must be the silliest word ever. Is it a hood to put over men when you don't want to see them? Then I could really use a childhood. Kids annoy me.

 

[WickedEve]

I think you are the wild life

No comment.

So, monkey, what do you think of the poem?
I rather like the last stanza:
I could stay passive too,
remain a waitress at your table,
a servant at your feet,
although options might differ
in the morning.

 

[WickedEve]

Manhood must be the silliest word ever. Is it a hood to put over men when you don't want to see them? Then I could really use a childhood. Kids annoy me.

You're so cute and you seem so... young. How young are you? I bet you're fresher than a glass of milk straight out of the cow.

 

[Tathagata]

No comment.

So, monkey, what do you think of the poem?
I rather like the last stanza:
I could stay passive too,
remain a waitress at your table,
a servant at your feet,
although options might differ
in the morning.

that's the best stanza
and it's what every guy wants to hear/ think
" we'll do it your way, and I'll like it, then...we do it my way"

what more can you want?

 

[Angeline]

What's vanilla?
And what could you do that's worse? Don't be too descriptive, though. Try to use words like manhood. "His manhood greeted her womanhood beneath the sheets." Actually, don't use that. It's a bit shocking for the poets here. I'm sure I'll be stoned for even thinking such thoughts. Oh god! I just had an image pop into my head. I think it was someone's manhood. Okay. Deep breath.

That is not the word you used in your last pm, potty mouth!

Let's talk about poemis envy.
<there! I said it in a post.>

 

[lexitopoi]

You're so cute and you seem so... young. How young are you? I bet you're fresher than a glass of milk straight out of the cow.

Not like the milk, but maybe like the glass. Or the cow. Moo.

 

[twelveoone]

I Be gentle. No, screw that. Be merciless, pretty please.

.

Well, Well, Well
Welcome
I just stomped on your other one in new poems, this one is tighter, my feet hurt.

You have good instincts, a good attitude.

I see you met Dr. Doolittle....

 

[WickedEve]

Lex, I just read If these walls could
Good and interesting stuff. I think watching your poetry progress is going to be a delight!

 

[wildsweetone]

I recieved an email today: 'You should visit the poets' forum.' Swear to christ and apple pie that I had no idea there was a forum here. I knew about Lit's forums, but I've had a direct link to the Personals section, under a different name. They all seemed so ditzy that I gave up on them long ago, but not before attracting the weirdos and their genital PM spam. I never realized there were more civilized corners to play in until this anonymous feedback. I guess it came from one of you? Lexi is my poet. Fresh, virgin and stalker free. I like the feeling.

Could I interrest you in a poem I'm working on? I would love to see what you think I can do with it. Be gentle. No, screw that. Be merciless, pretty please.


Untitled #14

I can let you drip from my lips,
let you swirl over fingertips,
curl my tongue around evasive words,
symbols in the air representing you,
or swallow you whole,
suck the final expression to merge deep within.

I could share this gift,
feed you your own exclamation,
let you taste your statement in wine and spit,
if you're brave enough to see
the world through my mind,
once and for all.

'Desicions, desicions,' you laugh
at my upturned question,
let me kneel with the menu in my eyes,
for yet a short while.

I could stay passive too,
remain a waitress at your table,
a servant at your feet,
although options might differ
in the morning.

hi Lexi, and welcome to the poetry forum *checking* yep, there is one here.

i like your poem but would say this much... look a little more closely at your line breaks

I can let you drip
from my lips, let you swirl
over fingertips, curl
my tongue
around evasive words,
symbols in the air
representing you,
or swallow you whole, suck (sucking comes before swallowing, sometimes)
the final expression to merge
deep within. (deep within what?)

i'm not saying this version of the first stanza is any better, but it is different to yours. do you think it's different is the point? do you think it is better or worse?

just looking at this stanza only, it brings a picture to mind of ejaculation in/over the mouth. could you enhance this image at all? perhaps 'symbols' could be the thread of a man's essence between mouth and finger? the word 'symbols' doesn't give me a specific image to imagine. what exactly are the symbols that represent 'you'?

hope something in this muddle helps a little.

wso
ps just as an aside, i've always wondered if American Apple Pie comes near to the devine taste of Kiwi Apple Pie. i'm betting it doesn't. oh and for those that aren't sure, i really do mean apple pie.




pps i am no 'expert' at poetry, i'm still learning.


ppps i only put my big foot in here so that the other EXPERT poets could be just a tad more specific about what's good and bad about this poem. watch this thread. oh, and if nobody does, i'll come growling.

 

[wildsweetone]

pppppps i know my line breaks suck. so they better come suggest stuff.