The write in white thread

The way you make me feel is...



just utterly, heart-breakingly, fantastically wonderful. I close my eyes while we're talking and I am not only so incredibly turned on but I'm at peace too. You give me that. You give me so much more but that, that one tiny little word...it means the world to me and you have absolutely no idea how important it is to me. Thank you for this, if nothing else ever makes it through to you, thank you for giving me this.
 
Ordinarily I'd pay you back for the meanie-ness ... but I think maybe I already have accidentally in the form of TMI. Oh. And stealing your word.

Hmm.

Interesting.
 
I'm trying so fucking hard to change this. It's a daily struggle for me from the time I wake up until the time I fall asleep. And still ... I cannot see what they see.
 
How do you tell a vivacious, feisty, troublemaking, has this infectious love for living 88 year old woman that ... it's not arthritis. The cancer has returned and there's nothing they can do? How do you tell her that physical therapy will not fix this, that she's going to have to move to the nursing home side of the Manor? How do you ... just how?

*sobs*

I really, really, really do not want to do this.

Not again.

*takes a deep breath*

Here I go.
 
I have many things to say, but I have no idea how to say them. My emotions, feelings and thoughts are all twisted up in some bizarre conflict that has no clear resolution. I am not sure anymore of what I want, but I so wish I was. There was a time when life was easier, and maybe I miss that. Though, some of the rewards of today I would never trade. It's a complicated state or discontentment that I find myself in these days, and mostly I am the reason that I am in this place. I pray that time brings me closer to clarity.
 
I want to make triathlon babies with him. I'd also quite like it if he put a ring on my finger one day. We've only been on two dates, and haven't even kissed yet. WTF
 
The way you make me feel... there are no words to describe well enough. I feel special, cared for, attended to. I enjoy that we can talk and laugh together...Be serious and silly together... You keep me in stitches and you laugh at my ridiculous jokes... you can take it as good as you give it. When I hear your voice, my heart smiles. Thank you for all you give me. :heart:
 
For the first time in forever I'm wanting someone around to take care of me. If only for a bit of time. And I'm not sick, just lonely.
 
No sadness. No regrets. Just ... smiling. It had been a long time since I truly felt wanted, desired. Thank you for that.
 
Even though I know I did the right thing at the time, sometimes I wish I had pushed that little bit further... *sigh*
 
Do you have any idea the things I've accomplished in my life? I seriously don't think you do. And yet you'll never ask me because you'd like to assume that I'm dumber than you, that will make you feel better. Don't worry, I don't sleep with my degrees or anything. They are actually a very small part of my life. Like your dick, small but important to the person that owns it.

I've been sick, I've been well. I've been "rich" and I've been just comfortable. But you know what, I did it all by myself. I didn't need anyone to hold my hand and I certainly didn't let anyone beat me down.

So seriously, give it up. My life is mine and I'm not ashamed of it.
 
You have made me laugh.....you joke.....you llisten......you expect nothing from me except for a smile or two..........we are happy to just be........thank you. I uber you!
 
I'm strong. I'm strong-willed. More times than I can count I've had the weight of the world on my shoulders. Yeah, sometimes I stumble ... but most of the time I can handle it gracefully and glare back in the face of adversity. It almost always backs down and I triumph. Failure is not an option. This is something I put on myself, I know this.

The problem is that I've mostly gotten used to doing it alone. Which means I've drawn so deep inside myself that when it comes down to it ... I don't know how to accurately express what it is I'm thinking or feeling and this bothers me. A lot. I feel disconnected.

This ... I don't know how to do. And what ends up happening is that I end up being too difficult for people to handle.
 
What do you want from me?

We can play all the games you like.

But you should know...

I win.

*sticks tongue out*
 
I'm better this morning. It was all a complete miscommunication. My inner alarm went off and I got prickly. And it turns out there was no need. I don't want what you might've thought I did. And you aren't the threat that damn inner alarm was warning me about. Fun. I hope we can get back to it.
 
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