The Weekend Show

[Andra_Jenny]

Material provided by p_p_man
London Correspondent

Well, the monkey W is in Europe meeting with the heads of state who are executing their brilliant strategy of appearing fragmented and disoriented lulling him into extreme overconfidence. Meanwhile attention is focused on his daughter’s getup which is agreed to have been the most agreegeous thing worn since the Boy George incident, which, by the way, this reporter was at. More, but first this short commercial break.

 

[J_CARVILLE]

HI, this is J_CARVILLE here and I want to recommend my very special friend ClosetDesire’s book, Closet Desire, which has been published and is available in the US and the UK on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk and others. Closet Desire II, featuring stories by us and other Literotica members now out. Closet Desire III should be out in September 2001.

Don’t forget for sex toys, J_CARVILLE recommends you shop Litorotica.com first!

 

[Andra_Jenny]

In science news, Global Warming remains a very real threat, with temperatures now expected to be higher, sooner.

In another report, equally eminent scientists have concluded that Europe is about to undergo another great ice age as predicted by observable cycles of nature and historic climate change. My god, A_J, where do you get this stuff. And now a News Flash from our reporter in the field [some damn field out in the middle of nowhere], J_CARVILLE.

 

[J_CARVILLE]

That fool is always making stuff up. Hell, half the time he provide them damn links to Newsmax.com and DrudgeReport.com and littleflyingsaucers,com they ain’t nuthin’ there. Try it fo’ yo’self. Damn fool lies. Just politics, he trying to convert the Center over away from the folds of the Far Left, but it can’t work ‘cause we all know the damn fool dumb as a stump…

 

[p_p_man]

Material provided by p_p_man
London Correspondent

More character assassination! Oh bliss, oh joy....

Ain't fame great!

 

[Andra_Jenny]

Thank you, J_C

And in other news, Italy voted today that officially, as far as foreign policy goes, the new attitude is, “We don’t really give a damn, just show us the aid money.”

In UK news this week, we had a riot or a soccer match, can’t tell bloody tell which yet, can’t get a really good view on my telly. The marijuana relief act seems to be having little effect on curbing the violence.

In Canada another driver earns her license

Teen smashes six cars -- fails driving test

TORONTO (Reuters) - A teenager crashed into six cars and injured one person when she tried to park at the end of her driving test, Toronto police have said.
The driving instructor, who had been about to give the girl her driver's licence, changed his mind after the accident, which happened on Wednesday in a suburb north of Toronto.
"They came back to the parking lot of the testing centre and when they went to park the car, the car went out of control and it struck the vehicles and a pedestrian," said a police official.
After it hit the first four cars, the teen's vehicle spun around and hit two more vehicles.
A woman who was standing between two of the cars was taken to hospital with leg injuries.
An examiner who witnessed the crash said the teenager panicked while trying to park the car and hit the gas pedal instead of the brake.
The teen was hospitalised for minor leg injuries.
The driving instructor was treated for shock.
"He's back working today", the police spokesman said.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/010719/80/byqiv.html

Ah yes, Canada, a truly civilized country, except for Todd. One that still respects the mother country. Ah, the good old days, eh, Todd?

And in America, the Damn Yanks (not the band Demian, not the band) keep getting fatter and happier as we set them up for inevitable defeat and the re-conquest of the colonies. God save the queen. Good Night and God Bless! And now we return you to your regular programming. Will you stand and join me in singing, God Save the Queen.

 

[Ask For More]

There is some really wierd shit going on here.........

 

[p_p_man]

Broken news...

A source at Buckingham Palace told this intrepid correspondent that on the occasion of GWB and his wife being entertained to dinner by the Queen, three of her seven corgis took exception to his socks.

The source said that all was going well until the three delinquent hounds started biting at the President's socks and in the process nipping him quite severely on the ankles.

GWB stood this for as long as he could but when one nip turned into quite a severe savaging he could stand it no longer and kicked the offending animal as hard as he could directly into Her Majesty's lap where it landed in a much agitated state.

Prince Philip (not known for his tact and understanding) then joined in by shouting at the President that "No fucking colonial Yank was going to kick his wife's dogs around and get away with it".

It was at this point that the President broke the well constructed image of himself that had been carefully nurtured since his inaugeration and said "Oh Yeah! Don't forget we got MDS" and began kicking at the other two offending animals. The remaining four corgis seeing their kennel mates being treated in this manner then launched themselves at the President who disappeared under a pile of angry fur.

Prince Philip and the Queen are reputed to have shouted "Kill him! Kill him my beauties", but this correspondent can find no-one who can authenticate this.

The President's wife remained in full hysterics throughtout the entire encounter.

The President was eventually escorted to the surgery at Buckingham Palace where his wounds were tended and all that remain of this altercation is a slight limp as he walks.

On further questioning the source explained that George Bush had made the mistake of wearing socks with the United States flag printed into the cloth. Unfortunately he did not know, or was not told, that the Royal Family are of Germanic descent and have trained their little army of extreme right wing, four legged, blitzkieg participants to attack anything American on the grounds that Germany has never really forgiven the USA for single-handed winning the war and depriving them of world domination.

The incident was hushed up and it is only with the utmost skill in investigative journalism by this correspondent that you are reading of it now.

p_p_man
Dateline: London

 

[Andra_Jenny]

lol

This whole thread was inspired by a comment you made earlier this week about providing material for me.

lm[fucking/wanking]ao!

 

[p_p_man]

Broken News 2...

From p_p_man
London Corespondent.

After the reporting of the unfortunate incident at Buckingham Palace a second source has now come forward to say that it was not Bush's fault that instead of giving a reading to a group of English schoolchildren he inadvertently found himself lecturing to the Socialist Workers Party (an extreme left wing activist group noted for its violent demonstrations against everything) on the benefits of living in the best country in the world and how all freedom loving, democratic people everywhere should take a leaf out of America's book and become more inward looking in order to gain strength in isolation.

According to my source the Presidential motorcade was mistaken by a policeman on traffic duty to be a line of official government cars taking various minister's of Prime Minister Blair's government to Heathrow airport where they had planes to catch to attend various urgent conferences, all called at extremely short notice, elsewhere in the world for a few days.

It was only when the policeman on duty glimpsed the American flag flying on one of the cars that he realised his mistake. Hastily and with the help of the British outriders (a crack group of unarmed police motor cyclists) the entourage was halted, turned around and sent back towards London. It was too late however to halt the first part of the motorcade and it duly arrived at Heathrow where its occupants (mainly members of the secret service) boarded a scheduled flight bound for Moscow.

When questioned later why they did this, a nominated spokesman remarked that as it was dark they could not see too clearly and just followed the orders of the airline ground staff, who in turn thought they were an advance party of the GWB's bodyguard en route to meet with their Russian counterparts prior to the meeting between Bush and Putin this weekend.

Another reporter from the New York Times, at the press conference held later, did ask why they hadn't taken off their dark glasses in order to see more clearly as the incident did happen at 11 o'clock in the morning, but this question was ignored by the press spokesman.

It was as President Bush was returning along the M4, a motorway running from the airport into Central London that the second unfortunate coincidence happened.

They were passing through Hammersmith, a notorious area known for its Left Wing and IRA sympathisers when the lead driver saw a large banner over the doorway of a small meeting hall proclaiming that President Bush was due to speak there that day. The driver pulled into the tiny car park which was immediately filled with the remainder of the motorcade. Two men emerging from the building pointed urgently to the door urging the Presidential group to hurry on inside. Due to the lateness of their arrival and the disruption of their schedule they did so without question.

The group had not noticed the remainder of the banner lying on the ground where it had been torn from its fastening by a gale force wind the night before. It would have saved time if they had, as on it was the remainder of the message that Bush was due to speak there that day. This gave the further information that he would be appearing on television and the HQ of the Socialist Workers Party invited all members without a TV set to "Come and enjoy the show by the most hated man in the World".

By the time the British Secret Service and the Metropolitan Police had tracked down the President's whereabouts the meeting was over and the President was met by the Security forces as he walked arm in arm with two men from the building.

A group of about fifty left wing activists crowded outside the door to wave the President goodbye.

It was noted by the source who gave this story to me that all appeared to be dazed and in a state of extreme shock.

Just before the President was ushered into his car my source did manage to hear GWB remark to one of his aides that although he held education as one of the highest targets on his agenda he thought that, judging by the appearance of his audience, the British carried the point to extreme by keeping children at scool far beyond what would be considered a normal age by the most powerful nation in the world. And that, in his opinion, they should be out there contributing to keeping the world free from communism, Cuba and any rogue nation that had nuclear weapons.

The source told this correspondent that she just managed to hear the aide reply resignedly "Yes Mr President", before the door slammed shut.

p_p_man
Dateline: London

 

[Andra_Jenny]

Breaking News!

p_p_man promoted to Bureau Chief.


In unrelated news, p_p_man has been appointed (they don't hold elections - the democrats do not understand this fine point) as leader of the UK's young socialist party.

Party on Chief!

 

[p_p_man]

Dear Mr Director A_J,

I am deeply touched by this honour you have bestowed upon me.

Rest assured I shall carry out my duties through thick and thin pursuing the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God and will continue to send my reports directly to you through my contact in the President's Press Corps.

There is just one final story to file before I sign off.

Late last night the whole of the first league of the Royal family, (The Queen, the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Charles, the Dukes of York and Wessex and the Princess Royal) were spotted boarding the Eurostar Express train at Waterloo, London en route to Genoa where we all know the G8 conference is being held.

They were spotted by a porter who was having a quiet, clandestine cigarette, behind a heavily laden luggage trolley. Mr X, he does not wish to be identified for obvious reasons, said that he knew it was the Queen because in her haste to leave she had absent mindedly replaced her crown on top of the brown, blue rather drab head scarf she wore for every day use. After that it was easy to spot the others, all in various disguises.

Amongst their luggage were a number of pet carriers (about twenty according Mr X) from which came a constant whining and yapping. The sound was apparantly reminiscent of the excitement hounds are known to generate before the hunt. When asked whether the noise could have been made by corgis, Mr X assumed an air of vagueness and said, it may have been , then again, it may not have been.

With that remark the interview was terminated.

I will leave it to you A_J whether to print this story or not, but if you do I will leave it to our readers to draw their own conclusions.

Signing off for now.

p_p_man
Dateline: London.

 

[Valdimer]

God, I love this show....

 

[Andra_Jenny]

That's an unusual response!