The weakness of my writing

[Blangis]

Hi all,

I am currently enjoying writing two stories but at the same time they are driving me almost to madness with regret and annoyance. I had never before attempted to write anything outside of various, uninspiring schools essays and I think this lack of experience is telling as I'm so naturally inclined towards writing in a past tense, even when this is not amongst my intentions. So I will write a large stretch and then have to go back changing was' into is' etc which is quite demoralizing when faced with rather intimidating blocks of text that I want to maintain in their current glory. Before writing I try to focus entirely on preventing this happening but then I gain the proper demeanor and start typing thinking entirely of the story and the characters etc

Truly is this a very significant problem for readers? Although I have made strenuous efforts to rid my writing of these errors I can't imagine I have eliminated them all. Is this is a common problem for writers? If so, have you ever been criticized for it in particular? Does it have the potential to truly ruin an otherwise well written story?

Thanks

 

[Alessia Brio]

OMG, a writing thread! You're interrupting the flirting, man!







Sorry!

Welcome to the AH.

 

[Alessia Brio]

Truly is this a very significant problem for readers? Although I have made strenuous efforts to rid my writing of these errors I can't imagine I have eliminated them all. Is this is a common problem for writers? If so, have you ever been criticized for it in particular? Does it have the potential to truly ruin an otherwise well written story?

Thanks

Try writing WITHOUT "was" or "is" or those other pesky "to be" verbs. They sap your story of its juice. Use action verbs.

 

[Blangis]

Thanks for the prompt reply

The vast majority of these problems are contained within my introductory sections for the principle characters, not within those sections describing their various antics which, in my opinion, are quite well paced and bereft of anything that causes me concerns.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Hey Blangis,

I'm not sure what the problem is, since most stories are usually written in past tense. Present tense stories are kind of gimmicky.

Please don't tell me you're writing one of the second-person seduction deals. You know: "You're so beautiful as I unhook your bra and let your luxurious breasts tumble free in an veritable avalanche of creamy, quivering womanflesh. You look into my eyes and see the smoldering lava of my manly lusts..."

We've got enough of those to last till the next millenium.

 

[SeaCat]

Hey Blangis,

I'm not sure what the problem is, since most stories are usually written in past tense. Present tense stories are kind of gimmicky.

Please don't tell me you're writing one of the second-person seduction deals. You know: "You're so beautiful as I unhook your bra and let your luxurious breasts tumble free in an veritable avalanche of creamy, quivering womanflesh. You look into my eyes and see the smoldering lava of my manly lusts..."

We've got enough of those to last till the next millenium.

Cleaning the coffee off my monitor.

Cat

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I write nearly exclusively in past tense. But that's just my style. Tense won't generally make or break a story. Changeing tense mid para will.

Best advice I have on it is put your head in the tense you want and just write it. If you end up sliding from one to the other, when you are done, pick the one that best works and make the changes.

Best of luck

 

[SeaCat]

Thanks for the prompt reply

The vast majority of these problems are contained within my introductory sections for the principle characters, not within those sections describing their various antics which, in my opinion, are quite well paced and bereft of anything that causes me concerns.

Blangis,

The good doctor has a point in his post. Please don't make this a cliched story, unless of course that is your intention.

Past tense is common in almost all stories. Most stories are written in the past tense, at least sections of them. Intros are more often in the past tense because you are describing the characters and their relationship to each other, not an easy thing to do in the present tense. (Although it can be done.)

A piece of free advice, freely given and just as freely ignored. Write the story then do the changes after. This is called editing.

Cat

 

[mack_the_knife]

I write nearly exclusively in past tense. But that's just my style. Tense won't generally make or break a story. Changeing tense mid para will.

Best advice I have on it is put your head in the tense you want and just write it. If you end up sliding from one to the other, when you are done, pick the one that best works and make the changes.

Best of luck

Yeah, but still wanna stay away from too many 'was'es and 'had's...writing in present tense is tough to do well, and second person is virtually impossible to do well (as I believe the snickering in the back row can attest to).

First person present can work well, for a sense of immediacy, though it is very - strong for most scenes.

And, agreed with seacat - write it! Most important is to write it, then worry about polishing it. I've killed a lot of promising stories by going back and rewriting them to death before they were done.

 

[Blangis]

Hey Blangis,

I'm not sure what the problem is, since most stories are usually written in past tense. Present tense stories are kind of gimmicky.

Please don't tell me you're writing one of the second-person seduction deals. You know: "You're so beautiful as I unhook your bra and let your luxurious breasts tumble free in an veritable avalanche of creamy, quivering womanflesh. You look into my eyes and see the smoldering lava of my manly lusts..."

We've got enough of those to last till the next millenium.

Oh no, I'd say it's a fairly unoriginal perspective of an omnipresent narrator observing the activities of four principle characters. Merely in introducing these characters, I describe what they were (In past tense of course) but this carries onto what they currently are and what they're currently doing which, logically I thought, should be written in present tense. There in lies the problem since I'm naturally inclined to write those latter two stages in past tense. Although I'm quite happy the response here seems much in favor of this kind of approach since it seems quite natural.

Thanks for all the responses They've been reassuring

 

[elsol]

Write...

Edit later...


Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[Boxlicker101]

Hi, Blangis. Like some others have said, it might be better to write in the past tense, whether in first person or third person. It is easier and I think it is more natural.

As for using the "to be" verbs, they rather bland when overused, but whatever the verbs you use, they have tense.

As others have said, you might be better off just writing and then coming back and editing such tense errors out. You have to edit anyhow, and you can concentrate on what you have to say.

Changes in tense are quit disruptive and too many of them can ruin an otherwise good story.

 

[sun_lover_61]

Hi all,
Truly is this a very significant problem for readers? Although I have made strenuous efforts to rid my writing of these errors I can't imagine I have eliminated them all. Is this is a common problem for writers? If so, have you ever been criticized for it in particular? Does it have the potential to truly ruin an otherwise well written story?
Thanks

Hiya Welsh Man,

I am presently trying to write a story in present tense - first person too. You are right, it is fucking hard! But i am hoping that the rewards will be great at the end, and that at least, it will add a string to my bow.

It is important to get it right I think, so yes - you will ruin a good story if you don't. But enjoy the challenge man!

SL61

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I just ran into a little tense problem. I was writing in past tense, first-person, describing a scene where the narrator dances with a girl. He says,

I'm not much of a dancer. I don't move my feet very much, just kind of stand there and sway. I took her in my arms...

and someone said it should be:

I wasn't much of a dancer. I didn't move my feet very much, just kind of stood there and swayed. I took her in my arms...

But this suggests to me that he's a better dancer now than he used to be, which is not what I want to convey, and that for that paricular dance he just kind of stood there and swayed.

I kept it in present tense.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I just ran into a little tense problem. I was writing in past tense, first-person, describing a scene where the narrator dances with a girl. He says,

I'm not much of a dancer. I don't move my feet very much, just kind of stand there and sway. I took her in my arms...

and someone said it should be:

I wasn't much of a dancer. I didn't move my feet very much, just kind of stood there and swayed. I took her in my arms...

But this suggests to me that he's a better dancer now than he used to be, which is not what I want to convey, and that for that paricular dance he just kind of stood there and swayed.

I kept it in present tense.

Hi, Doc. I run into the same problem sometimes. Not changing tense, because you have it right; I mean people criticizing it.

I look it like this: If a situation existed then and still exists use present tense. This would usually apply to descriptions, physical and otherwise. Whenever I see cleavage, I tend to stare. That night was no exception.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I just ran into a little tense problem. I was writing in past tense, first-person, describing a scene where the narrator dances with a girl. He says,

I'm not much of a dancer. I don't move my feet very much, just kind of stand there and sway. I took her in my arms...

and someone said it should be:

I wasn't much of a dancer. I didn't move my feet very much, just kind of stood there and swayed. I took her in my arms...

But this suggests to me that he's a better dancer now than he used to be, which is not what I want to convey, and that for that paricular dance he just kind of stood there and swayed.

I kept it in present tense.

YOu did absolutely right, Doctor! You are describing a current condition...

Blangis, the problem you are describing is pretty common! I can use Search and replace for lots of the "to Be" verbs, changing them from "is" to "was" but- all those active verbs have to be sought out and changed. However, you should be reading your story in editor mode- at least twice, if not more times. To me, writing the story is only one-quarter of the work, and the other three fourths is editing.

These introductory passages- how long are they, and how much information is in them? I find that my attention wanders when I am faced with a atory like this. I DO write passages like these, but I cut them out and store them on a seperate file- referring back during the course of the story. It's called "Back Story" and a useful trick that can add a lot of depth to the characaters without interfering in the flow of the action. Breinging out details of someone's past naturally, as if they are memories triggered by the current flow of events, can create a pleasing and satisfying feeling for the reader- "Ah hah, so THAT'S why she hates snakes!"
Just a thought...

 

[Blangis]

My introductions are (Currently) just under 1,000 words long, I’ve only written two but will write at least six more. In the first four, I describe primarily the extent of their political and financial power, their past (And therefore why they find themselves in this situation) their looks and occasionally I hint at their sexual caprices although obviously this is something to be revealed gradually. Other introductions will be past, looks and sexual caprices (And how these relate to the principle four). These aren’t offered all at the beginning though, the first character for example has his introduction and then embarks on a 10,000 word escapade where he exploits this lovely young girl (Which extends his introduction by introducing various elements of his character). Then afterwards, the next is introduced and so on, until they all coalesce and the story adopts an approach similar to the one of the story by which it is inspired, with the four all pooling their resources to create some uber sexual event where an immense number of things happen.

But I must admit I haven’t been reading my stories in editor mode, I enjoy writing them so much that I just assume they’re serving the purpose for which I intended, it is just the introductions of these characters in this case is so vital in my opinion that I want them to be perfect, but all the advice here has been good and I will try to follow it, and its nice to know others have had problems such as this too

 

[oggbashan]

My introductions are (Currently) just under 1,000 words long, I’ve only written two but will write at least six more. In the first four, I describe primarily the extent of their political and financial power, their past ...

If these are your first attempts at writing stories - I think you are trying too hard.

Just write until you have finished. THEN look at what you have.

Most people's first attempts at fiction are dire. Practice is essential to develop the skills and to gain experience.

My first story written as a fictional piece was over-heavy on detail and exposition. I included 19th century Balkan politics, how to load and fire a musket, the correct use of artillery and cavalry in mountainous country, irrigation, hydraulics etc. etc. - and it was supposed to be erotic.

'Just keep still while I ram the wad in...'

Write, read, re-read and use the editors here.

And enjoy yourself.

Og

 

[Stella_Omega]

My introductions are (Currently) just under 1,000 words long, I’ve only written two but will write at least six more. In the first four, I describe primarily the extent of their political and financial power, their past (And therefore why they find themselves in this situation) their looks and occasionally I hint at their sexual caprices although obviously this is something to be revealed gradually. Other introductions will be past, looks and sexual caprices (And how these relate to the principle four). These aren’t offered all at the beginning though, the first character for example has his introduction and then embarks on a 10,000 word escapade where he exploits this lovely young girl (Which extends his introduction by introducing various elements of his character). Then afterwards, the next is introduced and so on, until they all coalesce and the story adopts an approach similar to the one of the story by which it is inspired, with the four all pooling their resources to create some uber sexual event where an immense number of things happen.

But I must admit I haven’t been reading my stories in editor mode, I enjoy writing them so much that I just assume they’re serving the purpose for which I intended, it is just the introductions of these characters in this case is so vital in my opinion that I want them to be perfect, but all the advice here has been good and I will try to follow it, and its nice to know others have had problems such as this too

Yanno. that sound intriguing, actually!
Just write and enjoy the writing. The nice thing about theediting process is- it allows you to relive your feelings all over again, over and over, in the most gratifyingly masturbatory way- and call it professionalism!
plus- each time you make a change that makes it better... man, what a wonderful sensation.

 

[Blangis]

If these are your first attempts at writing stories - I think you are trying too hard.

Just write until you have finished. THEN look at what you have.

Most people's first attempts at fiction are dire. Practice is essential to develop the skills and to gain experience.

My first story written as a fictional piece was over-heavy on detail and exposition. I included 19th century Balkan politics, how to load and fire a musket, the correct use of artillery and cavalry in mountainous country, irrigation, hydraulics etc. etc. - and it was supposed to be erotic.

'Just keep still while I ram the wad in...'

Write, read, re-read and use the editors here.

And enjoy yourself.

Og

The story which I refer to mainly is based heavily on 'The 120 Days of Sodom' and the four libertines portrayed in that. But one aspect of their appeal as characters was that they were all pillars of society, holding occupations that would instantly make them all role models, instantly gain them trust, so for my version it is important as well to establish my four libertines as such. That's what I meant with political references, such things will actually play no significant role in the story except establish they can act with impunity. I don't know anything about politics tbh, my story is about sexual depravity and not an awful lot else

Just write and enjoy the writing. The nice thing about theediting process is- it allows you to relive your feelings all over again, over and over, in the most gratifyingly masturbatory way- and call it professionalism!
plus- each time you make a change that makes it better... man, what a wonderful sensation.

Actually I just rewrote a large section I'd previously declared untouchable, but totally surpassed what I had written, now I'm scouting out other area's that could use the same attention.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The story which I refer to mainly is based heavily on 'The 120 Days of Sodom' and the four libertines portrayed in that. But one aspect of their appeal as characters was that they were all pillars of society, holding occupations that would instantly make them all role models, instantly gain them trust, so for my version it is important as well to establish my four libertines as such. That's what I meant with political references, such things will actually play no significant role in the story except establish they can act with impunity. I don't know anything about politics tbh, my story is about sexual depravity and not an awful lot else

Are you going to have the table made of the backsides of the women? That was my favorite part...

Actually I just rewrote a large section I'd previously declared untouchable, but totally surpassed what I had written, now I'm scouting out other area's that could use the same attention.

See? SEE? I love when that happens!

 

[Blangis]

I'm not sure what to include from the book, although I don't think I'll be able to resist those milk dispensers

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm not sure what to include from the book, although I don't think I'll be able to resist those milk dispensers

eeeewwww....

 

[CharleyH]

Hey Blangis,

I'm not sure what the problem is, since most stories are usually written in past tense. Present tense stories are kind of gimmicky.

Please don't tell me you're writing one of the second-person seduction deals. You know: "You're so beautiful as I unhook your bra and let your luxurious breasts tumble free in an veritable avalanche of creamy, quivering womanflesh. You look into my eyes and see the smoldering lava of my manly lusts..."

We've got enough of those to last till the next millenium.

As for your example? ROFL too bad you were not gay, you could have used "man pussy." The AH should make a dictionary of really terrible sex desciptions to avoid.

 

[Daevious]

Just supporting a previous statement

My two cents; write first. Write the next chapter/scene. Then go back to the first one for a once-over edit for tense and text. Write the third scene; go back to the second for the once-over; re-read the first to see how it flows, edit. And so on. Get someone to read your stuff, either here or in person.

And let the words flow from your pen like the moans of your lover in the throes of passion. Detain them not; they shall tumble over the rocks of despair like a waterfall, drawn to the sea of your creation. The stream of your words is your river alone; others may only look upon its beauty and partake a drink of the purity where you allow.

Sorry, poetic interlude.
Daevious