The things you learn after a long time married...

[sb2009]

Soo...we've done the whole separated for long periods of time...like a year or more. All of those times, we've had sporadic contact. A few emails, phone calls once a month, etc. Nothing conducive to phone sex or cyber sex. I would send long erotic letters and he would write back "SEND MORE!!" but not reply. Which was fine.

However, it's been a few weeks that he's lived in another state but it's not like a deployment - we have phone, text, chat, skype.

I have learned something. He's really really bad at cyber sex. I'm not trying to dime him out, becuase he's great at the real in person sex stuff.

So what I'm trying to do is lead by example...is this a skill that can be learned? We haven't tried skype yet but I think that will be more fun ;-)

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not sure. I guess there might be some who can learn it from example, but my feeling has always been if you are not gifted that way, any attempt to be so is going to come off as too rehearsed etc. Of course, there are also those who have the gift, but for one reason or another do not feel comfortable acting on it....that can sometimes be changed.

Catalina

 

[RawHumor]

There are different groups of people who are bad at cyber/phone sex:

• Some people have a difficult time articulating what they would do to you in person.
• Others are clueless about what they'd do to you in real life, so they pull shit out of their ass and hope it turns you on.
• Others are bad at both, so there's little hope.
• Some are too self-involved to worry about pleasing the person they're talking to.

I'm guessing your guy is in the first group. The questions would be - is he articulate and well-spoken (and creative) in other areas? If so, it could be a matter of nerves or feeling silly. A drink or two may help with that.

 

[sb2009]

yeah, it's totally that's he a "doer" not a "sayer" LOL

 

[Primalex]

So what I'm trying to do is lead by example...is this a skill that can be learned?

I think yes.
But the biggest problem is: Why should he? Where would his motivation come from? An author is driven by an inner fire to create something - learning the technique usually comes as second part more or less automatically.

 

[sb2009]

Well, I think he really does *want* to do it...he knows I enjoy it, plus, it's a way for us to connect a bit since he lives so far away now.

But yes, he is the sort of person who just will not do something unless he WANTS to.

I do think once he hooks up his webcam, it will be fun for both of us..he likes to watch and I will enjoy the exhibitionism part..I think that will be our fun medium.