The Ten Commandments

[trysail]

Shit, they can't even agree on just how many of the damn things there are.


As has been observed by wittier men than I:
Be thankful there are only ten.


Finally, some wiseass added an Eleventh Commandment:
XI. DON'T GET CAUGHT.

I'm fairly certain there was a day when I had to memorize the whole list (a much abbreviated version). Today, I can't remember but half of 'em and I had to look up the remainder (and that's when I discovered the Jews, the Muslims, the Protestants and the Catholics couldn't even agree on the number, much less the interpretation).



I. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them.

II. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.

III. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work; but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work.

IV. Honor thy father and thy mother.

V. Thou shall not kill.

VI. Thou shall not commit adultery.

VII. Thou shall not steal.

VIII. Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

IX. Thou shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything that is your neighbor's.

X. ??????

XI. DON'T GET CAUGHT.





Eventually, somebody thought it might not be a bad idea to try to boil the whole thing down to one sentence. After all, the Big Ten were an awful lot for simpletons to have to remember (we all know there's always somebody who just doesn't get it). This became known as "The Golden Rule."

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

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[Liar]

Thou shall not get caught.

For shame, keep it in style.

 

[Recidiva]

I've ignored the first 3.

IV and V are solid.

The adultery thing...yeah, I've broken it. I wasn't married, but they were.

I've stolen, I've given false witness, I've coveted.

But seriously, IV and V are good, I swear.

 

[Skiddles2015]

'Thou shall not covet thy neighbour's underage children.

 

[Oh_That_Guy]

It is a reasonable list of rules. I can't say that I have not broken them but I try to live by them. Those plus the Golden Rule would make for a nice world if everyone followed but of course many don't and never will. I guess murder is too much fun to pass up when you have the opportunity.

 

[Mad_Jack_Rabbit]

And they could have been replaced with just two:

1) Don't be a dick.

2) Really, DO NOT EVER BE A DICK.

 

[FGB]

Does no one recall what Jesus had to say about the Ten Commandments?

 

[trysail]

That whole "graven image" thing (see Commandment #1) sure caused a whole lot of problems.


In fact, it's gotten a lot of people killed. I'm pretty sure people are hard-wired to kill each other. They always seem to find a reason or reasons to do so. If it's not religion, it's politics. If it's not politics, it's something else. It's kind of depressing.



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[ms_ann_thrope]

Damn. My neighbor has a manservant? I gotta get me one of those.

 

[trysail]

Damn. My neighbor has a manservant? I gotta get me one of those.

You just busted #9 ya damn fool.

I'll be seeing you.

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[ms_ann_thrope]

You just busted #9 ya damn fool.

I'll be seeing you.

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Just keepin' up with the Jones'es.

 

[Wrong Element]

Does no one recall what Jesus had to say about the Ten Commandments?

Was it "Charlton Heston sure doesn't look Jewish?"


At least when I learned the Commandments as an angelic Catholic schoolboy, Commandments 9 and 10 were the "coveting" commandments -- which I remember because while it made sense why you might want your neighbor's house, I couldn't understand someone would be so interested in his neighbor's wife that it would require a whole separate commandment.

 

[phrodeau]

Exodus 20:26 Thou shalt not expose thy naughty bits in church.

 

[Not Normal]

Most people don't realize there were actually 15 commandments.
Proof Here click me

 

[Mad_Jack_Rabbit]

Does no one recall what Jesus had to say about the Ten Commandments?

"And Jesus said unto his disciples, "you shall found a church in Rome and Rome will become a holy city. And the priests of that church shall condemn sin and keep the world shrouded in superstition and darkness and prevent the light of rationality and knowledge and progress from entering the minds of people. And they shall condemn homosexuality as an abomination yet bugger little boys in their care."

No, wait, that's not about the commandments. Bugger.

 

[trysail]

#10 is already covered by #9.
(See the original list contained in the OP) It is an obvious afterthought to make a nice round "ten."


https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/15/Vitrail_de_synagogue-Mus%C3%A9e_alsacien_de_Strasbourg.jpg/150px-Vitrail_de_synagogue-Mus%C3%A9e_alsacien_de_Strasbourg.jpg


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[4est_4est_Gump]

Was it "Charlton Heston sure doesn't look Jewish?"


At least when I learned the Commandments as an angelic Catholic schoolboy, Commandments 9 and 10 were the "coveting" commandments -- which I remember because while it made sense why you might want your neighbor's house, I couldn't understand someone would be so interested in his neighbor's wife that it would require a whole separate commandment.

There's a "Jew" look?

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Clearly.



At the time, "goods" included the wife(/wives)...

 

[Que]

Was it "Charlton Heston sure doesn't look Jewish?"


At least when I learned the Commandments as an angelic Catholic schoolboy, Commandments 9 and 10 were the "coveting" commandments -- which I remember because while it made sense why you might want your neighbor's house, I couldn't understand someone would be so interested in his neighbor's wife that it would require a whole separate commandment.

No matter hot your neighbors wife is there is a fairly good chance that her husband s sick of her shit. Hence the reminder. It is God showing that he loves us, cares for us and wants us to be happy.

Clearly.



At the time, "goods" included the wife(/wives)...

This is the Godly order to things, doncha know.

~Ducks and runs like Hillary under sniper fire in Kosovo~

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

...

This is the Godly order to things, doncha know.

~Ducks and runs like Hillary under sniper fire in Kosovo~

fyp

 

[kbate]

Another list I didn't make.

 

[Que]

Another list I didn't make.

If thou would go forth and procureth the ring and becometh betrothed to the woman so thou is not therefore living in iniquity with the woman with whom thy doth lyeth down with, thine wife could then be the temptation for someone else to offend the tenth.

-Or something. Not really sure how Aramaic to Modern American Standard English translation works.

On the other hand I saith, whosoever looked upon that woman who is to be betrothed to Kbatish and writeth hot-wifeth fiction within their mind hath committeth adultery already within her heart and should have stones placed upon them with velocity and anger.

Thus saith the Lord.

 

[trysail]

Another list I didn't make.

That's an ambiguous statement.

Should it be interpreted to mean:
(a) you didn't compose it or
(b) you don't pass muster?



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[4est_4est_Gump]

Clearly it stipulateth not that God is a She, so the meaning is thus madeth more clear...

Thus sayeth the Angel Gabriel, Peter...

 

[kbate]

That's an ambiguous statement.

Should it be interpreted to mean:
(a) you didn't compose it or
(b) you don't pass muster?

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You creationists. . .