The Teenage Oral-Sex Craze: fact or fiction?

[Rumple Foreskin]

Last month's issue of the Atlantic Monthly had a longish, and IMHO somewhat rambling, essay by Caitlin Flanagan on what many believe is a rise in young teenage girls willingly performing, often at their instigation, acts of "casual" oral sex seemingly devoid of romance, guilt, or expectations of anything in return from the guy.

The Atlantic Monthly will only let you quote the beginning of articles unless you're a subscriber, so only the first two paragraphs appear below. But I thought they still might serve as a starting point.

Other than the obvious male response of "Where was this fad when I was in junior high?" does anyone have any thoughts on the issue?

Rumple Foreskin

==

Are You There God? It's Me, Monica
by Caitlin Flanagan
The Atlantic Monthly | January/February 2006

The first time I heard a mother of girls talk about the teenage oral-sex craze, I made her cry. The story she told me—about a bar mitzvah dinner dance on the North Shore of Chicago, where the girls serviced all the boys on the chartered bus from the temple to the reception hall—was so preposterous that I burst out laughing. The thought of thirteen-year-old girls in party dresses performing a sex act once considered the province of prostitutes (we are talking here about the on-your-knees variety given to a series of near strangers) was so ludicrous that all I could do was giggle.

It was as though I had taken lightly the news that a pedophile had moved into my friend's neighborhood. It was as though I had laughed about a leukemia cluster or a lethal stretch of freeway. I apologized profusely; I told her I hadn't known.

 

[sophia jane]

Yes, I've heard of this becoming more common. It was a special occasion when oral sex happened for anyone in my teen years, and I'm not quite 30. One possible reason for the change: the Bill Clinton defense that oral sex doesn't count. If it's not actually sex then it must be safer, better, etc.

 

[Pure]

a number of articles have appeared in this vein, also on the topic of
casual 'hook ups' and 'friends with benefits.'

hard to know if the stats have changed of just the blase attitude about talking about it. i'm sure a few girls at my h.s. gave blow jobs--after all, 'please the man' is not a new concept--but they didn't share with their journalist moms.

 

[rgraham666]

I have trouble believing it myself.

To me, it smells of a political agenda. "Look at how immoral we've become! Our children are being corrupted! It wasn't like this in the Good Old Days!"

With midterms coming up, this seems suspiciously timed.

 

[Guest]

I believe it. Check out this New Rules from Bill Maher.

This is from April, 2005.

http://www.hbo.com/billmaher/new_rules/20050401.html


Time for New Rules, everybody.

All right, New Rule: I'm not an expert on child psychology, but I'm willing to go out on a limb and say any student who makes his hair into horns deserves a little extra watching.

New Rule: You don't get a million dollars just for being gay. Remember Dick Cheney's daughter Mary, the one John Kerry mentioned was a lesbian, and the Republicans pretended to get all irate about it? Well, she just got a million-dollar advance to write her memoirs. Memoirs? "Chapter One: my dad's vice president. Chapter Two: I like pussy." The End.

BALDWIN: Oh, my God.

WEST: Bill.

MAHER: What? Sometimes I have politicians here and I can't do these jokes. It's nice when I have three godless liberals. Once again, just a joke.

New Rule: Stop bringing out DVD's so soon! I'm still ignoring you in the theater!

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

WEST: That's a serious joke right there.

MAHER: And finally, New Rule: Abstinence pledges make you horny. In a setback for the morals/values crowd, a new eight-year study just released reveals that American teenagers who take virginity pledges wind up with just as many STD's as the other kids. But that's not all. "Taking the pledge" also makes a teenage girl six times more likely to perform oral sex, and four times more likely to allow anal. Which leads me to an important question: where were these pledges when I was in high school?

So, seriously, when I was a teenager, the only kids having anal intercourse, were the ones who missed. My idea of lubrication was oiling my bike chain. If I had known I could have been getting porn-star sex the same year I took Algebra 2 - simply by joining up with the Christian right - I'd have been so down with Jesus, they would have had to pry me out of the pew.

And, let me tell you, there is a lot worse things than teenagers having sex. Namely, teenagers not having sex. Here is something you'll never hear: "That suicide bomber blew himself up because he was having too much sex. Sex, sex, sex, nonstop, all that crazy Arab ever had was sex, and look what happened." But among the puritans here of the 21st century, the less said to kids about sex, the better. Because people who talk about peepees are "potty-mouths."

And so, armed with limited knowledge and believing that regular, vaginal intercourse to be either immaculate or filthy dirty - these kids did with their pledge what everybody does with contracts. They found loopholes. Two of them, to be exact.

Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly-scrubbed boyfriends, "Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass... And then I'll blow you, I promise." Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box.

Okay, that's our show. I want to thank my guests, Bill O'Reilly, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, Dr. Cornel West, Alec Baldwin and Whoopi Goldberg. Thank you everybody.

 

[rgraham666]

Sarahh, that's hilarious!

Almost makes me wish I watched TV.

 

[sophia jane]

PMSL! Sarah- that's fabulous.
(and scary)

 

[Huckleman2000]

I don't know, but I was in HS in the 70's, and I still believe that no woman loves to give head as much as a HS girl.

Junior high seems a bit much, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was more prevalent nowadays. I saw the things girls wrote in my son's yearbook in Jr. High, and they are WAY more aggressive than they were in my day.

I've heard the anal sex thing too. Back in my day, I know it happened at least once ot a friend of mine at a drunken bacchanale because she didn't want to risk pregnancy, and I know from a "nowadays" co-worker that his HS girlfriend preferred it to "save herself". I've never had much interest in anal, so I don't know what to think.

On the oral side, I think that there's probably been a gradual loosening of whatever stigma may have existed. I think since the baby-boom came of age, there's been a greater acceptance of oral sex, and that has filtered down. I don't blame (or thank) Clinton and Monica for that; they just seem to have brought the reality out of the closet. That is to say, I don't think Monica behaved in a particularly slutty way for her generation or for at least a generation before her. Young women have been embracing oral sex as a way to assert themselves with men they want to be with for a long time.

 

[Equinoxe]

It was not that long ago that I was that age and while I certainly had nothing to do with any of that, I don't believe my peers showed quite the same restraint.

I shall produce for you now a conversation I overheard when I was 12 or 13 (and all participants were the same age). It won't be phrased in the same barbarous language as was used at the time, but rather in my own personal style, with names changed to protect the not so innocent. We'll call the participants Hroðgar, Æðelred, Frideswide, Ethelinda, and Ælfwine -- clearly, this takes place some time during the Heptarchy.

Hroðgar (to Æðelred): Frideswide was saying the other day that she snuck over to a young man's house in the early morn to engage in lewd activities.
Æðelred: Yes, so I have also heard. I am bemused by that, it seems weird to sneak over to do such -- what did she get out of it?
Hroðgar: You're right. That is odd.
(Ethelinda interjects)
Ethelinda: I used to do that when I was involved with Ælfwine.
Hroðgar and Æðelred: Fair enough.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Last month's issue of the Atlantic Monthly had a longish, and IMHO somewhat rambling, essay by Caitlin Flanagan on what many believe is a rise in young teenage girls willingly performing, often at their instigation, acts of "casual" oral sex seemingly devoid of romance, guilt, or expectations of anything in return from the guy.

I can easily believe that girls are giving head nowadays. Part of this is from widespread porn and part of it can be attributable to Bill and Monica. What I don't believe is that they get nothing in return. What they get would vary from one girl to another but it might include manual stimulation of her to climax, the willingness to be a dancing partner at the next party, a hamburger and malted milk, and other such things that boys do or provide for girls.

 

[3113]

Don't bet on it Boxlicker!

Other than the obvious male response of "Where was this fad when I was in junior high?" does anyone have any thoughts on the issue?

Oh, have I a story for you....

Jr. High School teacher friend caught two kids, both half-naked and about to get it on. So, as required, he brought them both into the principle's office.

Turns out, yes, there's been oral sex intended between these 12/13 year olds. But here's the kicker. When asked what this particular scene was all about, the girl said..."Well, he owes me $3 dollars."



Now, I suspect that you, like me, have just lost all shock over what these two were doing and are now trying to figure out how the kid earned himself a blow-job by owing this girl $3.

If you figure it out, let me know. I'd love to get something similar in exchange for owning someone money....

 

[Guest]

I'm not so sure Bill & Monica is a cause, as much a sympton of this attitude.

I rememeber one of her teachers at the time, in an interview saying she had told him she was off to Washington to "earn her Presidential kneepads".

And during this time, a radio news show interviewed a sixteen year old girl about what kids in schools understood about the "scandal". Afterwards the reporter summed up, "That's right. You just heard a sixteen year old kid basically say "Oh, those kids today!" when talking about thirteen year olds and oral sex."

I do remember a "Boston Public" episode from the era where a studious, student government type girl got caught giving a guy head in exchange for his withdrawing from the class president race and throwing his support to her.

It does seem, if this perception is correct, that a blow job now has the same cachet as a french kiss did during the 70's. Maybe even less...

So, seriously, when I was a teenager, the only kids having anal intercourse, were the ones who missed. My idea of lubrication was oiling my bike chain. If I had known I could have been getting porn-star sex the same year I took Algebra 2 - simply by joining up with the Christian right - I'd have been so down with Jesus, they would have had to pry me out of the pew.

...

Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly-scrubbed boyfriends, "Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass... And then I'll blow you, I promise." Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box.

PMSL!

 

[thambok]

I absolutely believe this trend is valid, but I don't think it really has anything to do with Bill & Monica. Oral sex has gained significant acceptance in mainstream society, as compared to 20 years ago, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that it is being acted on more often.

Additionally, the youngest active generation, tends to be the one that experiments the most sexually. Always has been, always will be. The biggest change was in the late 80s, when the view of oral sex changed (for school aged people). Prior to that time frame, oral sex was something more intimate even than intercourse, and therefore was reserved even after intercourse was had. However, during the late 80s, the view on oral sex changed to one of a 'stepping stone activity'. It became a substitute for intercourse, that was considered to be not quite 'going all of the way'. The trend has been for oral sex to become more common. It has become common place in pop culture, at least the pop culture as viewed by that age group.

The good news is that reciprocation is also becoming more and more prevalent.

 

[thambok]

Don't bet on it Boxlicker!


Oh, have I a story for you....

Jr. High School teacher friend caught two kids, both half-naked and about to get it on. So, as required, he brought them both into the principle's office.

Turns out, yes, there's been oral sex intended between these 12/13 year olds. But here's the kicker. When asked what this particular scene was all about, the girl said..."Well, he owes me $3 dollars."



Now, I suspect that you, like me, have just lost all shock over what these two were doing and are now trying to figure out how the kid earned himself a blow-job by owing this girl $3.

If you figure it out, let me know. I'd love to get something similar in exchange for owning someone money....

I have a true story for you, in a similar vein of thought....

Summer prior to junior year of high school, new guy came to school and we became fast friends. Still are to this day. As usually happens, 'fresh meat syndrome' kicked in, and he was desired by many.

One of the young ladies who desired him, was the stereotypical straight-laced prude. But, something about him got to her, and she was determined to have him. Thus, where I entered the picture. She expressed to me, that she wanted to be with him, in every possible meaning of the word. But, she was afraid that she didn't know what she was doing. Her goal was to hook up with him over Easter break, so she could build up enough nerve to approach him.

In the meantime, she asked me to teach her. She held nothing sacred about her first time, and was much more afraid of not performing well. So, for 6 months, she and I had a fling, during which she used me to 'practice'. The part that baffled me, and still does, is that she used to thank me.

Anyway, that was the 91-92 school year, so I can see how things can progress over 15 years.

 

[Guest]

In the meantime, she asked me to teach her. She held nothing sacred about her first time, and was much more afraid of not performing well. So, for 6 months, she and I had a fling, during which she used me to 'practice'. The part that baffled me, and still does, is that she used to thank me.

No wonder people say teaching is rewarding.

Curious, did her plan work? Did they hookup?

 

[thambok]

No wonder people say teaching is rewarding.

Curious, did her plan work? Did they hookup?

In fact they did. Everyone came out a winner.

She got to accomplish her goal of sleeping with him.

He got... well, he got laid. What can I say?

I still think I came out the most fortunate though. I spent 6 months with a willing and able partner, with no hangups, and nothing against the rules. We talked about everything ahead of time, and nobody left with hurt feelings. The next day, both of them called and said thank you.

I still look back on those days fondly.

 

[Guest]

In fact they did. Everyone came out a winner.

She got to accomplish her goal of sleeping with him.

He got... well, he got laid. What can I say?

I still think I came out the most fortunate though. I spent 6 months with a willing and able partner, with no hangups, and nothing against the rules. We talked about everything ahead of time, and nobody left with hurt feelings. The next day, both of them called and said thank you.

I still look back on those days fondly.

Sounds like a Lit story waiting to be written.

Ending with two of her best friends independently contacting for the same thing.

 

[thambok]

Sounds like a Lit story waiting to be written.

Ending with two of her best friends independently contacting for the same thing.

I try very hard not to let memories and fantasies overlap.

Now, if a fantasy I have written about BECOMES a memory, thats all good then.

 

[Guest]

I try very hard not to let memories and fantasies overlap.

Now, if a fantasy I have written about BECOMES a memory, thats all good then.

I'm kind of the same way. None of my stories are true.

 

[thambok]

I'm kind of the same way. None of my stories are true.

In the past, my stories have had a touch of truth, with a large helping of imagination. I may vary how much truth is in each, but you won't ever catch me in 'documentary' mode.

 

[popcorn2721]

I have trouble believing it myself.

To me, it smells of a political agenda. "Look at how immoral we've become! Our children are being corrupted! It wasn't like this in the Good Old Days!"
.

good call....seems like every infringement on freedom is now done for the safety of our children.

In the words of Ben Franklin "Those who would sacrifice freedom for security deserve neither freedom nor security."

 

[alice_underneath]

Last month's issue of the Atlantic Monthly had a longish, and IMHO somewhat rambling, essay by Caitlin Flanagan on what many believe is a rise in young teenage girls willingly performing, often at their instigation, acts of "casual" oral sex seemingly devoid of romance, guilt, or expectations of anything in return from the guy.

Other than the obvious male response of "Where was this fad when I was in junior high?" does anyone have any thoughts on the issue?

I graduated from high school at the end of the '70s. I currently have a daughter in high school, a son in junior high, and two step-sons who just graduated from college.

Like Pure, I too have read articles like this one, and most do seem to exaggerate the phenomenon. I don't agree that 'all' or even 'most' teens are participating in this type of sexual activity. But 'more' than in previous generations? Absolutely.

Any kid with a computer and sexual curiosity has access to information and images that the wildest teen of my generation could not even imagine. At best, today's curious kid will end up in the How To section of Lit, reading responsible advice. At worst, he or she will end up on a graphic porn site viewing images of sexuality that are not only demeaning to women, but utterly unrealistic as well.

What this means is that the average teen, even if sexually inactive, is aware of a wide range of possibilities for sexual behavior in a way that my generation never was.

Now add the influence of popular culture on teen expectations for themselves and others. Compare TV shows and movies of prior generations to those of today. The shift in attitudes regarding what is 'acceptable' sexual behavior is undeniable.

Do I believe that 'casual' oral sex is more prevalent today than in my generation? Oh, yes. Many teens are doing all kinds of things today that would have shocked their peers a few decades ago. I'll give three examples here.

1) Public girl-on-girl kissing. I'm talking about heterosexual girls making out in order to impress, arouse, and entertain guys at a high school or junior high party.

2) Freak dancing. For those who don't know: 'freak dancing' is basically simulated sex, in public, with your clothes on. And yes - this starts at the junior high level too.

3) Friends with benefits. Otherwise known as 'fuck buddies'. Many kids not only participate in this type of arrangement, but are unabashed in talking about it as well.

Like anything else, there are pros and cons to this relaxed view of sexuality. But whether you think the pros outweigh the cons, or vice versa, the change in social mores can not be denied.

Alice

 

[Guest]

Alice,

Haven't seen you post before. Welcome to the AH. Excellent post, btw.

Ted

 

[thambok]

1) Public girl-on-girl kissing. I'm talking about heterosexual girls making out in order to impress, arouse, and entertain guys at a high school or junior high party.

Maybe its just me, but the reasoning really rubs me the wrong way.

2) Freak dancing. For those who don't know: 'freak dancing' is basically simulated sex, in public, with your clothes on. And yes - this starts at the junior high level too.

Ah, fond memories. Seriously though, dancing has progressively become more sexual with each generation. Compare the dancing from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and now, and its a steady progression.

3) Friends with benefits. Otherwise known as 'fuck buddies'. Many kids not only participate in this type of arrangement, but are unabashed in talking about it as well.

I am conflicted over this one, and have been for a while. I can understand the desire for a partner to satisfy the physical desire without the emotional ties of a relationship. However, the problem starts when someone has 2 or 3 fuck buddies, if not more. Its just begging for a problem.

Truthfully, I think this is just the product of another generation pushing the edge a little farther out, as generations have continued doing for a long time.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Don't panic! The risk for STDs is still there (though that can still be reduced with condoms), but the reason for the drop in teen pregnancy is now evident. I hope that they drop on their knees (they should be used to that position by now) to thank whatever God they believe in for oral and anal sex, the greatest inventions of gay men ever! Now the invention has enabled teens to have their fun and their artificially prolonged childhood too! Face it, seriously, this is nothing new. It is what Spartan boys were doing in their military camps before they were allowed to fuck girls. And Bill Maher is right about something in particular here: for every rule, there is ALWAYS a loophole! Why do Christians mistakenly assume that their "chaste" kids are any different from people the world around on working out loopholes? The more absurd and oppressive the rule, the more loopholes will be sought and found! Like it or not, only maybe half the people on this planet attach emotional significance to sex (and that's assuming that all women are alike, which seems presumptuous indeed).