The Talk

[Badneighbor40]

My parents were always very nice, but one place they fell short was in the area of guidance. When it came to "The Talk" about sex and such, the only thing I was told came from my mom. She said,"keep it zipped up". Lol. She couldn't even look at me when she said it.

What useless or amusing advice have you gotten from your parents when it came to sex?

Ps. To the powers that be: if this is not the correct forum for this posting, feel free to move it.

 

[leather_spitfire]

haha I didn't even get that from my parents. I got no advice whatsoever as far as I can recall...?

"never get in a car with a strange man" was probably about the closest I can think

 

[JudasIscariot]

Fortunately I never had any kind of talk.

I learned my trade from being outdoors surrounded by sexually curious girls. I guess the old fashioned term is 'on the job training'.

 

[Badneighbor40]

"never get in a car with a strange man" was probably about the closest I can think

That sort of advice is probably why no women would get in a car with me.

 

[Badneighbor40]

Fortunately I never had any kind of talk.

I learned my trade from being outdoors surrounded by sexually curious girls. I guess the old fashioned term is 'on the job training'.

I wish I had thought of that. I'm a nerd so, after a few "less than successful" attempts. I literally bought an instruction manual. My success rate improved after that.

 

[lacandy]

My mom was pretty liberal and never told me that sex was bad and don't have it. She told that I should only have sex if I was ready for the consequences and the guy was nice to me (being in love with him was ideal, but not required).

I did get the best bit of advice from my older cousin (9 years older) who looked me in the eye when I was about 15 and said, "Don't have sex with a guy unless you are in love with him...or if he has a big dick."

 

[Leigh81]

I never got "The Talk".
I was a shut in who lived in the country & learned when I went to university. My mom was more like the mom from the movie Carrie (less insane ), so any type of sex talk never happened. I learned everything from friends & a lot from this site. I wasn't allowed on dates & never got my first kiss until university.

L

 

[jameslewis]

I was going out one night when I was in high school and my dad said, "If you're not in bed by midnight . . . . . it isn't going to happen so you'd better come home."

 

[sxydiva]

I don't really remember having "the talk"

I do remember getting caught while masturbating and getting told "not to do that. It would hurt me".

Pretty much I learned by what my friends taught me. I was the only virgin amongst them so I got to hear about sex through them...listening to their experiences and even catching them in the act once..

Its no wonder why I'm so wild now. I suppressed it for so long that it pretty much all came out at once.

I wouldn't trade my sexual lust for anything though. I enjoy it too much.

 

[Badneighbor40]

I don't really remember having "the talk"

I do remember getting caught while masturbating and getting told "not to do that. It would hurt me".

Pretty much I learned by what my friends taught me. I was the only virgin amongst them so I got to hear about sex through them...listening to their experiences and even catching them in the act once..

Its no wonder why I'm so wild now. I suppressed it for so long that it pretty much all came out at once.

I wouldn't trade my sexual lust for anything though. I enjoy it too much.

Both getting caught and catching someone can be fun. I once got caught going down on a gf. Her friend caught us. For a moment I hoped it would turn into something great, but she freaked out and went home.

 

[Jamicurechickie]

I did not get the talk from my Mom but with 13 older siblings and my friends I managed to muddle through...

However....I did speak to my boys about it - twice. I wouldn't let them grow up ignorant.

Once about safe sex, girls who are drunk don't take advantage and when they say no....they mean no.

And once....very briefly....about making sure that you are looking after a womans pleasure.

By what I heard through my covered ears....they are doing alright...

 

[lilydance]

I don't think my parents ever really had "the talk" with me, I usually got my information from older cousins and girl talk.
I remember my mom lecturing me don't stick anything up there, not even a tampon. After I got married the lecture became do whatever he wants in the bedroom, keep your vaganga clean and you'll have a happy marriage.

 

[Cicca_Jai]

My parents were always very nice, but one place they fell short was in the area of guidance. When it came to "The Talk" about sex and such, the only thing I was told came from my mom. She said,"keep it zipped up". Lol. She couldn't even look at me when she said it.

What useless or amusing advice have you gotten from your parents when it came to sex?

Ps. To the powers that be: if this is not the correct forum for this posting, feel free to move it.

My parents "talk" was dad came into my room with the bible.
"Sex is a sin, unless you are both married AND trying to make a baby."
he hands me the book, "Read it. Everything you need to know is in there."

Oh so helpful.... I was 9... small wonder I'm as well adjusted as I am.

 

[DominateMePleas]

My mom had "the talk" with me a few years after I had already been active. Since she was who she was, have to give her points for trying at that time...

 

[Mariachoo]

Funny topic because so many people have had such similar experiences Me too.

My parents never gave me the Talk and I think it was all my mom could do to even utter the word "bra" when I needed one!

 

[AliveInside]

Yeah, never got "the talk" from my folks. One day they just left one of those "what's happening to my body" books out.

 

[ToysAreUs]

Dear old Dad warned me about getting a girl into "trouble" and the financial responsibility I would be stuck with until "my" child turned 18 ... a really scary thought for a teenager to consider.

On the other hand, my Mother was more liberal and for my 18th birthday she gave me a "Universal Chastity Belt Key" that she found at a trick-and-puzzle / gag gift store. I still have the key if the ladies here want to try it!

 

[aussiegeekygal]

My mother sat me down, told me I should get something out of it, too. She told me not to bother with blow jobs in the back of a car, but to instead to bring the guy home where it would be comfortable and safer.

She ended with an offer to show me any positions (if I ever wanted to know).

 

[Twlightdreamer]

One night in my junior year, my Mom asked if I needed birth control. I laughed and said nope. She asked if I had questions... and I told her "the internet helped with those." Sounds a lot harsher looking back.