shereads
Sloganless
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2003
- Posts
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Honest to God, people. I read (always a mistake) a book called "A Crack at the Edge of the World," which purported to be about the San Francisco earthquake of 1906 - the kind of disaster I can safely enjoy from a distance of several time zones and a whole century. But no! "Crack" is actually about the hidden evil of plate tectonics, which is responsible along with the Bush administration for most of the world's problems, current and future. Oil, for example. No plate tectonics, no oil; no oil, no Bush administration. Plate tectonics also gives us earthquakes and volcanoes.
It turns out that geography alone cannot protect you from earthquakes. The fact that there hasn't been an earthquake where you live in recorded history only means you're way overdue for one. As for volcanoes, there's one in northwestern Wyoming that's big enough to kill us all, some more slowly than others. It's cleverly disguised as Yellowstone National Park, home of Old Faithful and other thermal features that seem harmless only because the Park Service gives them quaint names, leases a souvenirs-and-ice-cream concession nearby, and warns us that leaving the marked trails is an invitation to fall through the earth's paper-thin crust and be boiled like an egg, if eggs could shriek.
But I digress.
The thing they don't tell you when you're checking into your motor lodge is that "Yellowstone National Park" is a euphemism for "Yellowstone Super Volcano."
For decades, park geologists searched for a volcanic crater. With all the evidence of volcanic activity, there had to be a crater. It's a big park, and the searches turned up- nothing. Lots of old lava and stuff, but no crater. Then NASA sent the park geologists some photos of the Greater Yellowstone Area, taken from space.
"Yikes almighty," yelped the geologists, "The entire fu*kin* national park is the god**m volcano!" And tranquil Lake Yellowstone is the crater. "Tranquil, our asses! It's a seething cauldron of death, disguised as a tourist attraction." If that's not what the geologists said, it's what they should have said.
The current buzz in volcano circles is that Yellowstone is an active volcano and due for its next eruption, "soon," by which geologists mean anywhere between right now and a quarter-million years from now. A layer of volcanic ash averaging 16 feet in depth will cover most of the western states, a chunk of Canada, and the Grain Belt in the midwestern USA. Stock up now on corn and cake flour.
You may sit there, all smug and cozy, and think, "Fine. I don't live anywhere near Yellowstone National Park," but you too are doomed. The most recent eruption of the Yellowstone Super Volcano lasted 600 years. That's a lot of ash, people. Even if you like the smell of rotten eggs, you're not going to be happy campers by Year 2.
This plate tectonics business makes global warming look like a convenient way to bake ham.
Just in case I wasn't nervous enough after the Yellowstone Super Volcano chapters, the author of "A Crack at the Edge of the World" took a driving tour up the Pacific coast of North America to explore of the northernmost reaches of the San Andreas Fault and its associated fault-lettes, and discovered that any ol' body who feels like making the detour can drive a single-lane gravel road out into the middle of nowwhere and park a few yards from the Alaska Oil Pipeline.
"There's not even a sign," he notes, "saying 'Do Not Vandalize Pipeline." While he is pleased to note that the supports for the 4-foot pipe are engineered to accommodate movement along the fault, it doesn't make the structure any less vulnerable. "I could not help thinking," he admits, "about plastic explosives."
Edited to add:
No, it brings me no comfort whatsoever to know that Vice President Dick Cheney owns a disclosed location in Wyoming, practically right on top of the Yellowstone Super Volcano. And I resent your assumption.
First of all, Wyoming is a beautiful state. Moreoever, it's not fair that the Cheney home will be vaporized instantly when the Big One blows, while the rest of us will die slowly in slightly smellier version of the world he envisioned for us.
It turns out that geography alone cannot protect you from earthquakes. The fact that there hasn't been an earthquake where you live in recorded history only means you're way overdue for one. As for volcanoes, there's one in northwestern Wyoming that's big enough to kill us all, some more slowly than others. It's cleverly disguised as Yellowstone National Park, home of Old Faithful and other thermal features that seem harmless only because the Park Service gives them quaint names, leases a souvenirs-and-ice-cream concession nearby, and warns us that leaving the marked trails is an invitation to fall through the earth's paper-thin crust and be boiled like an egg, if eggs could shriek.
But I digress.
The thing they don't tell you when you're checking into your motor lodge is that "Yellowstone National Park" is a euphemism for "Yellowstone Super Volcano."
For decades, park geologists searched for a volcanic crater. With all the evidence of volcanic activity, there had to be a crater. It's a big park, and the searches turned up- nothing. Lots of old lava and stuff, but no crater. Then NASA sent the park geologists some photos of the Greater Yellowstone Area, taken from space.
"Yikes almighty," yelped the geologists, "The entire fu*kin* national park is the god**m volcano!" And tranquil Lake Yellowstone is the crater. "Tranquil, our asses! It's a seething cauldron of death, disguised as a tourist attraction." If that's not what the geologists said, it's what they should have said.
The current buzz in volcano circles is that Yellowstone is an active volcano and due for its next eruption, "soon," by which geologists mean anywhere between right now and a quarter-million years from now. A layer of volcanic ash averaging 16 feet in depth will cover most of the western states, a chunk of Canada, and the Grain Belt in the midwestern USA. Stock up now on corn and cake flour.
You may sit there, all smug and cozy, and think, "Fine. I don't live anywhere near Yellowstone National Park," but you too are doomed. The most recent eruption of the Yellowstone Super Volcano lasted 600 years. That's a lot of ash, people. Even if you like the smell of rotten eggs, you're not going to be happy campers by Year 2.
This plate tectonics business makes global warming look like a convenient way to bake ham.
Just in case I wasn't nervous enough after the Yellowstone Super Volcano chapters, the author of "A Crack at the Edge of the World" took a driving tour up the Pacific coast of North America to explore of the northernmost reaches of the San Andreas Fault and its associated fault-lettes, and discovered that any ol' body who feels like making the detour can drive a single-lane gravel road out into the middle of nowwhere and park a few yards from the Alaska Oil Pipeline.
"There's not even a sign," he notes, "saying 'Do Not Vandalize Pipeline." While he is pleased to note that the supports for the 4-foot pipe are engineered to accommodate movement along the fault, it doesn't make the structure any less vulnerable. "I could not help thinking," he admits, "about plastic explosives."
Edited to add:
No, it brings me no comfort whatsoever to know that Vice President Dick Cheney owns a disclosed location in Wyoming, practically right on top of the Yellowstone Super Volcano. And I resent your assumption.
First of all, Wyoming is a beautiful state. Moreoever, it's not fair that the Cheney home will be vaporized instantly when the Big One blows, while the rest of us will die slowly in slightly smellier version of the world he envisioned for us.
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