the submissive is in control

[Kajira Callista]

I'm following you doll face!!! LOL

YAY! wanna go for waffles?

 

[incubus'_sub]

mmmm waffles, can I come too please? Jack went mad at me again. I need some comfort. LOL

 

[A Desert Rose]

mmmm waffles, can I come too please? Jack went mad at me again. I need some comfort. LOL

You betcha, wouldnt be the same without you. ;-)

 

[catalina_francisco]

Back to the discussion......

But there a great many ppl that have two Masters. There are some that follow the story of O, in having to give over to others at a Masters order.
Its not uncommon,

I have heard of ppl with 2 Masters before, but I don't agree it is not uncommon, nor do I think I could pull it off as I tend to give myself completely with no room for another to assume the same position, though they may hold a trusted position which is different.

I tend to agree with incubus_sub in that O was handed permanently into the slavery of another. Being shared or asked to temporarily scene with or serve others is not serving 2 Masters in the true sense. As my Master explains it, I am his property, his tool to use in whatever way he chooses, anything he asks me to do with another no matter how it appears is still 100% submission to him and 100% dominance by him....nothing is going to happen which he has not controlled and/or given permission for, and no-one is going to own me other than him.

If the three of you decide to end the three way relationship, I don't see it as having to be an end to any type friendship with the online Dominant unless that is what your husband decides has to be. If the bond is there it is not something which can be easily eradicated 100%, but is something which can serve as a wonderful resource without any interferance factors. Good luck.

Catalina

 

[AvaAdore]

Probably you & your girlfriend are the only people in the world to have the word worthless as a hard limit. I find it hard to believe, no wonder he didn't take you seriously. I'm guessing he thought it was part of the play.

For me, I don't think the word "worthless" is a hard limit, but it is a soft one. It really depends on the context. The only person I have played with is my boyfriend who I am very much in love with. Being called worthless by him would feel very abusive. I feel the same with the word "used". I know it probably sounds silly that a submissive would have an aversion to it, but I do.

If I am told I am being used during play, it really upsets me. I can take all kinds of abuse (consensual) during play, but throughout the whole thing, I need to know I am cared for. Being told I am being used, even if it's not truly meant, counteracts that, and it makes me feel like shit.

Now if my boyfriend's intentions were to make me feel bad about myself, that would be a different story...

 

[dolf]

i can understand "worthless" being a limit. we're all pavlovs dog to some degree and if a word becomes associated with a painful/abusive person/situation then it can be very hard to hear.

i've got some hard limits that i'm sure other people would ridicule if they didn't understand the reasons.

sounds like this was just a learning experience for you hon, learn & move on. better luck next time
xx

 

[A Desert Rose]

Oh... I've been called a worthless slut more than once. On those occassions, I deserved to be called that, too. LMAO

Does it bother me? No, not really. But then, I have a pretty healthy ego and it takes more than a couple of words to bother me. Words/names are not a hard or soft limit for me. In fact, I like being called names... I like the humiliation that comes from it.

When someone I barely know and have no real emotional investment in calls me derogatory names, it rolls off my back. My ego is just too strong to be shattered by something like this.

Why would I ever care what someone online and basically a stranger, thought of me? Like SexyChele said... these people won't be at my next family reunion... why should I get all broken up over what someone said to or called me, online?

 

["angel" eve]

I'm amused by the controversy I've caused... over the use of a word, and the nessesity for discussion.

Thanks for kicking my ass for feeling so wronged. I could have avoided the situation entirely if I'd engaged my brain properly.

Second, thank you to everyone who could understand how words can be a trigger. Thank you for both reminding me that it is an acceptable limit, but that it isn't one I can expect anyone to know instinctively.

 

[incubus'_sub]

You are welcome & hey, we had a great time on your thread so thank you for your patience with us too.

 

[PolloJack]

/agreed

Sorry incubus. Ha thats one of my favorite bands.

 

[slut_4daddy]

I think that the guy was a total jerk. First off, you said that you started playing Domme, so why was he ordering you around in the first place?

Secondly, after the play was over he was still an ass about it. That is fucked up. He was never like that with your girlfriend? Maybe he can't handle sharing the Top with a woman. Maybe he can't handle sharing it w/ anyone who knows.

In either case, I wouldn't get to broken up about it. And I'd never talk to the creep online (or off obviously) again.

Lastly, you have a right to your feelings. I'm quite ticked off that people here would tell you that you don't, or that since something doesn't bother them, it shouldn't bother you. Blunt has nothing to do with it. You certainly have a right to have different limits than someone else. Even if it seems rediculous to them, they should respect that. And I don't think that was shown at all.

You think 'worthless' is an odd limit? I have an odder one. I don't like being asked "do you like that?" at certain times. It's firm. Don't do it.

Hugs.

slut_

 

[pandoravampire]

Ive found the concept of a word being a limit very educational.
I had a really hard time being told i wasnt trying hard enough about a week ago. Jeez it hurt, coz i was doing my best. Completely irrational response to the situation i was in, but obviously what youve described as a 'trigger'.
Ive only considered 'activities' would have a limit or be triggers, not words, now i know that certain words/phrases are too. Its an insite the newbies like me are grateful for, thanks.

Coz of who i am i can now deal with this displaced emotion so that i can drop the reaction and prevent it re-occuring.

 

["angel" eve]

hey, glad to help pandoravampire.