The "Stupidest Things in the Workplace" Thread

[shereads]

I could sweep this competition if I chose to, by the sheer number of places where I've worked. I'll handicap myself by sticking exclusively to one ad agency, my last one in Texas before I ran away screaming and never looked back.

1) The owner had his own toilet in a glass-walled room just off his office, facing the Loop 610 Freeway. After dark, drivers could see him reading his newspaper on the throne.

2) He was accompanied to the office each day by an incontinent basset hound/terrier mix with some Norway rat in its ancestry. It was the single most disagreeable animal I've ever known. In addition to relieving itself wherever the urge struck (fun during client tours of our offices) the beast liked to choose a random victim each day from among its daddy's employees. If you were "it" that day, the basset/rat would visit your office to steal your lunch, turn over your trash can, or just snarl at you. If you closed your door to repel the thing, your door would receive The Curse of the Leg-Lift. The building prohibited animals, so the boss used to pack the beast into an enormous duffle bag for trips up and down the elevator. The duffle bag stank and sometimes growled.

 

[Guest]

It's a toss up. Either the pseudo boss or me.
but damn we laugh and i wish i could work there full time.

today, he set me up, the ratbastage!
doe he not understand the concept of using the proper staples in the stapler?! no, i think not.
shuffling the unending amount of paper work he left on my desk, he says, staple the reciepts together and put them in the binder. fine, easy peasy.
the first few staples work just fine, the last jams and i am plucking at it and muttering under my breath.
"here, lemme have it."
"oh, so the MAN can fix it and i can't?"
i chuckled and handed him the stapler. he works on it a bit with his keys, cursing all the while.
"got tools?"
"don't need em."
"how about i mess with that while you get on with the daily grind?"
and so i worked out the stuck staple but in the process, cut my finger pretty good... bleeding like a stuck pig.
"erm, got bandaids?"
"never needed them in the office, seeing as i've never hurt myself here before."

silence...

"ofcourse you know ill be filing for workers comp."

 

[shereads]

It's a toss up. Either the pseudo boss or me.
but damn we laugh and i wish i could work there full time.

today, he set me up, the ratbastage!
doe he not understand the concept of using the proper staples in the stapler?! no, i think not.
shuffling the unending amount of paper work he left on my desk, he says, staple the reciepts together and put them in the binder. fine, easy peasy.
the first few staples work just fine, the last jams and i am plucking at it and muttering under my breath.
"here, lemme have it."
"oh, so the MAN can fix it and i can't?"
i chuckled and handed him the stapler. he works on it a bit with his keys, cursing all the while.
"got tools?"
"don't need em."
"how about i mess with that while you get on with the daily grind?"
and so i worked out the stuck staple but in the process, cut my finger pretty good... bleeding like a stuck pig.
"erm, got bandaids?"
"never needed them in the office, seeing as i've never hurt myself here before."

silence...

"ofcourse you know ill be filing for workers comp."

"Excuse me. I believe you have my Swingline."

~ Milton in "Office Space"

 

[shereads]

VELLA and all office workers with an attachment to staplers or the landmark motion picture, "Office Space,"

1) Go here: http://www.bullshitjob.com/officespace/

2) Look under "Milton" on the second row of photos (2nd from right).
3) Click "stapler." Trust me, it's worth it. Maybe just to me, but still.

 

[Guest]

VELLA and all office workers with an attachment to staplers or the landmark motion picture, "Office Space,"

1) Go here: http://www.bullshitjob.com/officespace/

2) Look under "Milton" on the second row of photos (2nd from right).
3) Click "stapler." Trust me, it's worth it. Maybe just to me, but still.

ROFLMAO
i'm sending him the link to that. how could i have forgotten that line?!
thanks sher!

 

[shereads]

ROFLMAO
i'm sending him the link to that. how could i have forgotten that line?!
thanks sher!

It's such a great movie for anyone who feels alone in corporate hell. When 28 of 34 people had been laid off at my most recent failed ad agency, the IT kid programmed all of the unused Macs to play Office Space 24 hours a day. Boss never noticed.

 

[SeaCat]

Ummmm, errrrr.

Doors without locks. All of the doors, including those on the employees restrooms are sans locks. Why? Because a patient having a reaction might get in there and accidently lock themselves inside.
However the room holding the Crash Cart and Oxygen supplies has a cypher lock which only works half the time. Go figure.

Cat

 

[shereads]

Ummmm, errrrr.

Doors without locks. All of the doors, including those on the employees restrooms are sans locks. Why? Because a patient having a reaction might get in there and accidently lock themselves inside.
However the room holding the Crash Cart and Oxygen supplies has a cypher lock which only works half the time. Go figure.

Cat

What about the cabinet with the oxycontin? I hope that's securely locked. Is it?

~ Rush Limbaugh

 

[SeaCat]

Unfortunately for Rush and too many others I know it is well locked, and secured, and otherwise most difficult to get into. (Even the Doctors in the Hospital have a hard time getting into it. The Nurses on the other hand are the ones with the codes for it.)

Cat

(P.S. The Nurses are also the ones with the needles, so it always pays not to piss them off.)

 

[shereads]

Unfortunately for Rush and too many others I know it is well locked, and secured, and otherwise most difficult to get into. (Even the Doctors in the Hospital have a hard time getting into it. The Nurses on the other hand are the ones with the codes for it.)

Cat

(P.S. The Nurses are also the ones with the needles, so it always pays not to piss them off.)

Roger.