THE STALKING

[Womanlover]

I absolutely adore women and I'm sick of hearing about stalkings, abductions and serial killers, that is the motivation for my fantasy.........just ONCE I'd love to hear of one of these cowards picking up the "wrong" gal........oh boy, and so I've satisfied my vigilante craving. THE STALKING II is soon to come!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Such a good idea.... On occasion I fancy myself a writer. I'm sure Laurel knows better by now (don't laugh tooo hard when you read it!).

No doubt I'll write something rather promptly for my own personal delictation (sp? I never mispell, I'm perfect, it's sposed to be spelled that way). I am, after all, a violent muffin...

 

[Womanlover]

Killer Muffin's Writing Talent

I'm enjoying your writing already K.M.! Weave in that hewmer!! heh heh!

 

[KillerMuffin]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww *blushes profusely*

okay here goes, wish me luck:

"Theyre oncet was this gurul namd Ferd. Shee lahked to et kokonutz. An then theyre was this boei namd Joe Billy. An hee lahked Ferd cuz shee lahked to et hiz kokonutz. An then Joe Billy oncet mayd Ferd et hiz kokonutz an shee din lahke that nun! An then Ferd halld off n kikd Joe Billy raht in th kokonutz! Butt Joe Billy dun saed hee was sorry butt Ferd dint hav no mynd 2 fergv Joe Billy nun! An then Ferd's cuzn Bobby Tom Lee cam an hee wontd Ferd to et hiz kokonutz! Butt Ferds momma dun cot em an now Ferd n Bobby Tom dun haf 2 jump th brume ore Ferds pa iz gunna tayk th scattrgun 2 Bobby Tom!"

Gawd, I hope Laurel puts this on the site!!! Feedback anyone??? It took me three weeks to write this. The plot was convoluted and difficult. I had troubles with segue from one male character to the other, you have no idea how hard it is to introduce a new character while removing the other one. And the language! Finding just the perfect word to fit without repeating myself, was simply brain cramping. Thank god for spell check is all I can say, and grammatik as well. Punctuation can be a beast to rope and ride at times. Comma or semi colon? One doesn't always know! Overall, I think the presentation of the story, touched with the poignant love obviously felt for the heroine, truly brings this story into masterpiece status. I will now accept my Nobel. Am I full of myself or what?

NO!! THIS IS NOT A TRUE STORY!!!! I dint et no kokonutz.

 

[Womanlover]

HA HA HA HA HA !!!!

LMAO!!!!!! The tears are flowing you Muffin head.......god, what a likeable nutbar!

 

[KillerMuffin]

*strikes a sage pose and gazes off knowningly into the distance*

 

[KillerMuffin]

Tootin my own horn. Again. Toot toot.

This story gets even better everytime I read it. Okay, enough artificially prolonging the thread cause I love my own personal story.

 

[Womanlover]

A STORY FOR KILLLER MUFFIN

Zees storee to be red wiss zee franch canadian ack SENT!

My name ees Jean Claude from Three River, Quebec, an I play ockey wiss zee Canadiens EH?? of Montreal, EH? An' I tell you what, Muffeen, I play at Los Angelees, before dey got dat Gretzky, EH, an' ya know what, I get dat puck an I shoot dat puck, an' score 15 goal, in one game, EH. Well, sir one time center heiss, I get dat puck eh, an' dis big damn defenseman body sheck me over da boards rite into da lapp of dis woman eh? an' she very prety too eh, an she smile at me an' grab my prik and rub 'im.......ohh dat good an' I say, eh, I like dees American girl, dey, nice eh......keep rubbING, unny bunn and so she rub an rub and den I Cum alot in my pants eh, and ya know what? Well sir dat woman say, "Now, dat weel be 25 buck, mister. Dam 'er! I say to da refaree, EHHHHH??? You got to give 'her two minute panaltee for HooKING!!!!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Durn it ya'll cotted me ettin on dem kokonutz!!!

Well thats what I get for going to hockey games. Only a 2 minute penalty and 25 bucks. Better than the 12 months in the pokey fer solicitin.

That was adorable. I liked that.

Do it again.

Lovelies,

Demanding KMuff

 

[Womanlover]

Jean Claude again

EH.......Killaire Muffeen, eet iss moi, eh? an' I wanna tank my frend Woman luvaire for letting me pose dese treads eh,....oh and eh, you know Muffeen, what he tell me? He say he like you an' he already Roten five more StalkEEN episodes.......an' eh, one wife beating redneck crackaire........get to meet a very larsh black altaired female.......heh heh ......EH? She gonna have southairne dinnaire of heem aftaire she rape heem......ha ha! EH, Woman lovaire hope you like zee revenge storees!

 

[KillerMuffin]

YEEESSSSSS!!!! YESSSSSSS!!! OH MY GAWD YES!!!!!!!!! OOOOH OHHHOHOH OH OH OH OH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!!! AH AH AH AH UH UH UH HARDER BABY!!!!! HARDER BABY!!!!! OOOOHHHHHH JUST LIKE I LIKE IT!!!!!!!

oops. *blushing sheepishly.* maybe i overreacted a tad....
ummmm, well, its the accent.

 

[Womanlover]

EH?

EH.......Muffeen! You excite Jean Claude beeg time, eh? I reed your last tread, eh, and I do da best stick 'andling of my career, eh? Ah, I luv you my chere American unny bun!
'appy to 'ear dat you like da acksen Canadien, an' always da humAIRE Canadien, eh, I teash Jim CaRRIE all 'e know.......heh heh!

 

[KillerMuffin]

*giggle giggle*

Oh how ya'll do go on!! I'm fit to bust my buttons. How do you feel about mud?

 

[Womanlover]

EH? Le Mud.......eh, Muffeen, au Quebec there ees beaucoup de Mud along da bank of da Chaudiere Reevaire, we could play in dat, MayBEE eh? Witt Jean Claude......?

You can quit answering this moron if you want, Killer Muffin.....the dumb shit will never shut up I hope you realise that........Womanlover.

 

[Womanlover]

EH??? What da.....

Eh,Muffeen!!!!!!! You know what???? I was sitting ere, typing dat las tread, and eh........dat dam womanluvaire, he cum along an' bodysheck me right off da dam compooter shair an he say, "Eh, quit talking like a fucking idiot.........!"

......dat sonofa....(I better not say dat "b" word aroun' heem, he luv womeen too much I theenk, eh?)

 

[KillerMuffin]

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAhahahahahahahah snort hhhhheheheheheheheheheheheehheh snort hoohohohohohohhoohohohhoohoh heheheheheehheeheheheheheheh hahahahahahahahahahah snort

to steal Jessica Atredes famous line, "Now boys, there's no need to fight over me."

 

[Womanlover]

Muffeen, ma Cherie!

Ah.......Muffeen, ma Cherie, eet ees alreadEE too late for dat, eh? You know dat WomanluvAIR, he anglophone, an' he play for dem dam Toronto Maple Leaf.......we fighting lots before meeting da darling Muffeen......and so den, after dem last treads, he pounding me, an' I pounding heem eh? We drop da glove and no rafaree, to break us up.......den we reed your las' tred, an' WomanLuvaire, he start to cry because he see dat he responsible for making a female worrEE and be upset about dat fighting over er....I say, let's tell er dat eet ess just da way of da Canadians to do dat, eh? We use, da beer, da humaire, and da hockEE and da fightING to take out all our frostraySHONS about whad a fuck up we made of da country an all....an' how we let Gretzky get away witt goin' down an' playin' for dem Yanks. But no, Womanluvaire, don wan upset de Muffeen an' he say, "let's send her our pics, an' let her decide....so he say, tell us your e-mail, MuffEEN and we send you dat, Ok? Okay eh, we waiting on dat......and maybe fight a little an' drink a few Molson Canadian.....an' recite "I AM JOE!" Exsept, I will say, "JE SUIS JEAN CLAUDE ET JE SUIS QUEBECOIS!!!"

 

[KillerMuffin]

Apparantly we aren't quite so familiar with Frank Herbert's Dune. Allow me to ponderously explain at great length the tittilating signifigance of that particular quote. Ahem.

In the novel Dune, the mother of Paul Atredes is Jessica Atredes, one of the witches of the sisterhood, rescues herself and her son Paul from certain doom over the deserts of the planet called Dune by utilizing her power of Voice. She states "Now boys, theres no need to fight over me." Implying that there actually is. The two men in question immediately start fighting and kill each other, thereby freeing Jessica and Paul Atredes into the Dune desert.

Dino DeLaurentis did the film. Sting was in it.

 

[Womanlover]

*Gasp* Womanlovaire.....*gasp*.......did you see dat movie Muffeen talk about? *cough* *couch*

"No I didn't, J.C. you fuckup.....*cough* *cough* *gasp*

it's her polite way of *cough* telling us *gasp* she wants to *cough* "end dis tread" as you put it......and she *cough* don't want our pics...."

*Cough* Mon Dieu! C'est vraie?"

"Ah, but dying for her is so sweet, don't you think?"

"WomaineLUVAIRE.......you luv them female too much!"

 

[KillerMuffin]

The Irony is too subtle for drunken canuckleheads mebbe yes?

Ya'll'r jes too much. *giggle* Tell me more about this mud on that rivaire thing. I love mud. Lookee down. See that there doo hickymajig down yonder? It says mail on it? Yeah baby, that one. Click it!!! *grinz toothily*

"If I let you suck on my tongue.....would you be grateful?"

 

[Womanlover]

Womanlovaire?

What!

What is dat mean......doo hinkymajjig?

That's french, you moron, can't you read it?

Ah, oui, but she misspell da preeposeeshon........dat is "du" parce que......I mean, because hinkymajjig ees masculan nown, oui?

Look, since we are going to live after all, get your fucking picture, and I'll send it and mine so she can compare us and see who gets her!

Ah......oui......I want varry moch to suck on her langue........I mean, how you say tong....yes......and she can teach me dat ironing.....??

IRONY, you dolt, IRONY.......It's a figure of speech in the USA, we CANUCKLEHEADS are so used to living it, we don't recognize it in print! YOU ARE A PIECE OF IRONY!

Eh? DAT good or mauvais? Muffeen weel peek me....you anglais Maple Leaf smartEE! Now cleek on dat ting, so we can sen' er da pic!

 

[KillerMuffin]

go leafs!

I adore the Leafs. I love the Leafs! I salivate over the thought of the Leafs! LEAFS LEAFS LEAFS!!!!! Can't wait til the win the Stanley Cup. Absolutely can't wait. That means that hell will have frozen over and hopefully everything else will too. I'm a winter lover. Love the cold adore the cold. Okay so it's a stupid pun on a joke I read over on the General board.

Hey, that was fun.... *grins wickedly*

 

[Womanlover]

Dat Joke

Ma Chere Muffeeen!

I red dat joke wonce eh? An' ya no dey make a beeg meestake wid dat.......ell freeze over when da CANUCK win da Stanley Cup.......dem Leaf look like dey mite win eh? EH? Jean Claude try to suck dat little tong what stuck out at me on your las tread, EH......dat petite face of you keep pulling dat tong back in before Jean Claude can get his lip on dat........eh, an' dat womanluvaire pounding me for slobberin on hees cumpooter skreen!

 

[KillerMuffin]

"Which one of you was wearing the raider's jacket?" She asks with a sweet voice, and big, innocent brown eyes staring up at you so trustingly....

 

[Womanlover]

Should we lie to la Chere Muffeen?

'eh, WomanLOVAIRE!!!

What.......?

Did you read da tread dat La Chere Muffeen rote? Heh heh, we should trick 'er wid a petite lie, eh??

You dunce! Don't ever try to trick a woman who is seraphically disinclined.....and besides after careful consideration of all relevant factors, it would tend to appear that a practical criterion of behaviour is one that emphasises ethical integrity.....!!!!

what da ell dat mean, WomanLOVAIRE???

Damned if I know, I'm just trying to impress her you nimrod!

Get that tongue ready sweet darlin American honey pie! That's ME in da Jacket des Raider........!!!