The Shelter

[Spenser41]

I had this thread a LONG long time ago... and I believe it did some good. Today I wish I could go to that thread and find comfort but it is gone. So I am going to start a new one... even if it is for just me.

My mom and dad were married MANY MANY TIMES... (they say children bounce back from divorce... I can tell you, not always... I was one that was that didn't). A few years ago, I ended up taking care of my mom before she died. We were able to patch things up... not in so many words but, we did.

Yesterday, I got the call my dad was gone. I never did get to fix it with him. I tried... God knows I tried... but... you can only do so much when the other person is not willing. The emotions that I have been going through have been all over the place... anger, resentment, loss, love, hurt, loneliness... The one thing that has gotten me through this is a verse from the Bible...

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. Psalm 27:10

I know this maybe silly to post this on here... but, it has gotten me though some bad times knowing that. That and the love of friends and family.
So, once again, even if it dies, I am going to say, I am putting this thread here for people that need a Shelter in the storm and comfort from friends... I hope it helps like it did last time.

 

[Spenser41]

It least I was able to get it off my heart. And thanks for those that pm's me.

 

[pussyg]

Spenser i am so sorry you got that call. We all know it will come one day but when a parental relationship is damaged in some way somehow it seems so much harder to deal with. My own situation is similar in some ways to yours. i have a reasonable relationship with my mum, although that is only because i have taken the 'adult' role with her. The big issues are buried because she has no ability to 'deal' with them, and it would do more harm than good right now. i have found my own peace, of a kind anyway, and am no longer looking to repair our mother/daughter relationship.

With my father, however - well that is quite another deal. We have no contact. i have reached out so many times but now believe that he is simply incapable of opening his heart to me. i have a half-sister, and i know that he loves her. We found each other on facebook a couple of years ago and i love to see her family growing and how wonderfully happy she is.

One thing that has come out of this is that both myself and my siblings have learned from our parents how to be better, stronger to our children, for our children. i went through a divorce some years ago and my ex and i were fastidious in our efforts to ensure our children got the best from both of us. We kept talking to make sure our children were able to love and learn from both of their parents. It was stupidly difficult, but i'm incredibly proud of our efforts and the outcome. Our children are wonderfully stable teenagers now - yes honestly!

My parents are in their 80s now. Dad is across an ocean from me and neither of us are in a position to cross it. One day i will get that call and i honestly have no idea how it will affect me.

Thank you for opening your shelter x

 

[Spenser41]

Spenser i am so sorry you got that call. We all know it will come one day but when a parental relationship is damaged in some way somehow it seems so much harder to deal with. My own situation is similar in some ways to yours. i have a reasonable relationship with my mum, although that is only because i have taken the 'adult' role with her. The big issues are buried because she has no ability to 'deal' with them, and it would do more harm than good right now. i have found my own peace, of a kind anyway, and am no longer looking to repair our mother/daughter relationship.

With my father, however - well that is quite another deal. We have no contact. i have reached out so many times but now believe that he is simply incapable of opening his heart to me. i have a half-sister, and i know that he loves her. We found each other on facebook a couple of years ago and i love to see her family growing and how wonderfully happy she is.

One thing that has come out of this is that both myself and my siblings have learned from our parents how to be better, stronger to our children, for our children. i went through a divorce some years ago and my ex and i were fastidious in our efforts to ensure our children got the best from both of us. We kept talking to make sure our children were able to love and learn from both of their parents. It was stupidly difficult, but i'm incredibly proud of our efforts and the outcome. Our children are wonderfully stable teenagers now - yes honestly!

My parents are in their 80s now. Dad is across an ocean from me and neither of us are in a position to cross it. One day i will get that call and i honestly have no idea how it will affect me.

Thank you for opening your shelter x

Yes we are in the same boat and yes I have accepted what was handed to me and yes I did better myself because of how it was. My kids tell me I am a good father, even though I still see where I could have been better... I can say, by looking at their lives and how they live, I guess I did an ok job. I am very proud of them and tell them always....
I hope that call does not come soon, but when it does, just know there are people that love you, that will see you through it. Thanks for sharing.