The SCURRILOUS reader - for both whack jobs and mommy lovers . . .

[BarbarouSevil]

I get literally billions and billons of requests from readers on all sorts of planets spread across this vast universe to provide them with my wisdom on various issues of the day. After sitting on the can for a couple of hours this morning, I’ve decided to speak out. This is almost like having the Great Library of Alexandria reproduced right here on Literotica, except it’s better because it’s me!

Here’s what I’ll do for you when you subscribe:

* Give you my views about me.
* Give you my views about people who annoy me.
* Give you my five-star reviews about the literature I have produced.
* Trash other peoples’ pieces of crap.
* Provide the powers-that-be with unsolicited comments about how to improve this site.
* Convince you with my explanations of why I should win various contests - maybe all of them!
* Reproduce e-mails I've sent myself about how good I am.
* Explain why I’m just as annoying in person as I am in cyberspace.
* Act as the "Glamour Don’t" poster boy for Literotica.

Finally, I’ll explain how my own failed relationships with women, and the painful sexual experiences that I've encountered as a result, have produced the amazingly successful, vastly underrated corpus of Scurrilous works.

FEEL FREE TO POST YOUR OWN REPLIES; I CERTAINLY WON’T READ THEM, AND MY READERS WILL KNOW THEY’RE NOT FROM ME

SCURRILOUS

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: noactualauthorswereharmedintheproductionofthisthreadnomatterhowbadlyIwantedtodoit.

 

[cloudy]

You have a little peepee and you hate your mother, don't you?

 

[BarbarouSevil]

It's not very nice of you to call attention to it.

 

[fcdc]

A-plus. You win.

 

[FatDino]

Oh boy, has the sun's supernova happened yet?

 

[BarbarouSevil]

Oh boy, has the sun's supernova happened yet?

Are you deliberately trying to annoy me? Do you want me to write about you? 'Cause I will, sister. That cloudy's kind of annoying me, too, at the moment, with the remark about my undersizement. I'm going to go write a bestselling Literotica piece . . . . . . okay, I'm back. What happened while I was gone?

 

[FatDino]

Are you deliberately trying to annoy me? Do you want me to write about you? 'Cause I will, sister. That cloudy's kind of annoying me, too, at the moment, with the remark about my undersizement. I'm going to go write a bestselling Literotica piece . . . . . . okay, I'm back. What happened while I was gone?

Uh huh, uh huh...

So have you exceeded sco...*cough* thousands something votes yet? I heard he was the best around here...according to him, of course.

 

[BarbarouSevil]

Uh huh, uh huh...

So have you exceeded sco...*cough* thousands something votes yet? I heard he was the best around here...according to him, of course.

No, but when my mom and my aunts and my cousins and all our little chilluns finish voting, I'll be right there.

Let's review the existing best-selling SCURRILOUS stories:

1. Aunt a One, Aunt a Two (50 bajillion views; 26 million votes, score of 2.53
2. Kissin' Cousins? Who In His Right Mind Would Stop There? (48 zumzillion views; 60 million votes, score of 2.34)
3. Hop on Pop (43 flubkillion views; 34 million votes, score of 2.22)

Well, you get the idea. You people are lucky I even deign to associate with this site. When am I going to be named king, anyway?

 

[FatDino]

You people are lucky I even deign to associate with this site. When am I going to be named king, anyway?

I didn't even know we were living in a monarchy.

Hold on a sec, I think we'll have to make up a kingdom first before we can give you the throne.

 

[jomar]

I want an alt to play with, too.

 

[BarbarouSevil]

Hold on a sec, I think we'll have to make up a kingdom first before we can give you the throne.

Excellent suggestion. Are you listening, Laurel and Manu? I suggest the Kingdom of Scurrilerotica. Please change the name of the site accordingly. www.scurrilerotica.com. Then in 72 point boldoni bold across the top: The Internet Home of SCURRILOUS! Subhead in 12 point: And some other hacks.

I will send you a picture of myself to replace the Lit Lady because, let's face it, I have a better ass. Or a bigger ass, maybe. I was sure there was something about an ass in here . . .

 

[BarbarouSevil]

I want an alt to play with, too.

Now you're starting to annoy me. I'm going to write about you tomorrow.

And for your information, I prefer the term pseudonym. Or nom de plume. Or pun name. And since I have submitted a story under this . . whatever . . . I think I get to post a thread. So there. to you, too, "Jomar."

Figaro, BarbarouSevil

 

[fcdc]

Here’s what I’ll do for you when you subscribe:

* Give you my views about people who annoy me.
* Trash other peoples’ pieces of crap.
* Provide the powers-that-be with unsolicited comments about how to improve this site.
* Convince you with my explanations of why I should win various contests - maybe all of them!
* Reproduce e-mails I've sent myself about how good I am.

Sign me up! I'm still waiting to hear these points. Or, at least, could you honor me with a 96-pt font, blinking, red, 'SHUT UP N00B'?

Yrs truly,
Your biggest newbie fan.

 

[jomar]

Now you're starting to annoy me. I'm going to write about you tomorrow.

Cant' wait to see it. Sign me up too.

 

[FatDino]

This thread has seriously made my day. Love you, my "Lit best selling" author, Scurrilous.

 

[TxRad]

What's the difference between this thread and the other one?

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This one has a point..... a tongue in cheek one, but a point....

 

[BarbarouSevil]

People Who Have Annoyed Me Recently

Sign me up! I'm still waiting to hear these points.

So you're suggesting that I'm slow? Is that what you're saying? That's very annoying. I looked at one of your other posts and it said, quote, I write a lot, and I like to think I don't suck too much. In my view, there's no such thing as a woman who sucks too much. In my best-selling story "You Can't Spell Cousin Without S-I-N" (56 flipquillion views, 21 million votes, 2.76), my hot little cousin spends pretty much the whole time sucking. If you write a lot, let's see some of it. I will post my opinion of your writing on this site. Make sure you don't make any spelling mistakes. They really tick me off.

FatDino: That's an annoying name. According to your profile, you're skinny. So what's with that? It also says you're from Ontario. Which is just a little too close to Canada for my comfort. In my bestselling story "My Cousin Vinny with the Big Zuchinny (77 slobsillion views, 18 million votes, 0.004), we bomb Canada. And rightly so.

Jomar: Author of a story called "My New Canadian Friends." Apparently, I'm going to have trouble with Canadians on this thread, eh? That fcdc claims to like hockey, too, which is the national religion of . . . oh, let's not always see the same hands.

I notice the name of the site hasn't been changed yet in recognition of my contributions. <drums fingers on the table impatiently>

SCURRILOUS

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oooh! do me, do me!


Dooo me baby....

 

[FatDino]

FatDino: That's an annoying name. According to your profile, you're skinny. So what's with that? It also says you're from Ontario. Which is just a little too close to Canada for my comfort. In my bestselling story "My Cousin Vinny with the Big Zuchinny (77 slobsillion views, 18 million votes, 0.004), we bomb Canada. And rightly so.

SCURRILOUS

The name's intended to annoy those like you who claim to be better than my favorite Lit's best selling author, Sco *cough*.

 

[fcdc]

So you're suggesting that I'm slow? Is that what you're saying? That's very annoying. I looked at one of your other posts and it said, quote, I write a lot, and I like to think I don't suck too much. In my view, there's no such thing as a woman who sucks too much. In my best-selling story "You Can't Spell Cousin Without S-I-N" (56 flipquillion views, 21 million votes, 2.76), my hot little cousin spends pretty much the whole time sucking. If you write a lot, let's see some of it. I will post my opinion of your writing on this site. Make sure you don't make any spelling mistakes. They really tick me off.

i liek u deer. i hoep u liek mi writin. will revue urs four xchang. signed ur fangurl xoxoxoxo cuzins r h0t!!1

Apparently, I'm going to have trouble with Canadians on this thread, eh? That fcdc claims to like hockey, too, which is the national religion of . . . oh, let's not always see the same hands.

hockey is teh best sport adn i m merkin. i haf the typing skillz of mi edukashun under no child left behynd. t/y george w boosh ur teh greatist prezident

(Man, it hurts to type like that.)

 

[BarbarouSevil]

Oooh! do me, do me!


Dooo me baby....

My problem is, the only time anyone wants me to do them is when they're online? Does anyone every say "Dooo me baby...." in person? They do not. Mostly what they say is, "whoa, so what is that exactly?" It's annoying me.

In my story "Bob's Your Uncle - And Your Lover! (27 quigilion views, 32 million votes, 1.13440), when little Becky wanted her Uncle Bob to do her, let me tell you she got done.

Your name annoys me, too. Why would you want a name that's an anagram for "A smell-o-gate." Or "Osama el-gelt." And don't get me started on your banana. Plus, I don't know, you just kind of look Canadian.

SCURRILOUS

 

[BarbarouSevil]

That's it, class. I have to go. Next week we will discuss why I should win the How-To Contest, even if I decide not to enter it.

In the meantime, your homework is to solve the following problem:

((a+e+i+o+u) x ff) - (((a+i) x ff) + uff) = ?

As always, I remain,

SCURRILOUS

 

[fcdc]

YOUR ANSWER:

(Sometimes) y.

YOUR QUESTION:

Whoa, so what is it, exactly?

(It looks rather like a small eraser.)

 

[jomar]

Now you're starting to annoy me. I'm going to write about you tomorrow.

And for your information, I prefer the term pseudonym. Or nom de plume. Or pun name. And since I have submitted a story under this . . whatever . . . I think I get to post a thread. So there. to you, too, "Jomar."

Figaro, BarbarouSevil

I'm back. Where did you write about me other than the Canadian post? I'm not Canadian, by the way. I would have been back sooner but I'm having major wireless connection problems - very unstable. Can you fix it for me? Or refer me to one of your stories for help?

 

[fcdc]

I'm back. Where did you write about me other than the Canadian post? I'm not Canadian, by the way. I would have been back sooner but I'm having major wireless connection problems - very unstable. Can you fix it for me? Or refer me to one of your stories for help?

Hey, you guyyyyyyyys!

I am sorry to jump in, Scurrilous, but I think that "THE ELECTRIC COMPANY: A story about the shocks of Scurrilous' childhood" might be of some help.

After all, how is this totally not questionable?

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/39/300px-Pandora_moreno.jpg

(I am sorry to everyone whose memories of PBS childhoods I just ruined.)