The Rune

[TheWanderer]

...that I've chosen to wear around my neck, and have for several years now, is one that often surprises people.

I've seen those that represent power, love, wealth, and other fairly-attainable desires. But instead, I pass all that up for the one most important to me...

BALANCE

As I think more about balance, especially after reading the excellent threads started by ShadowsDream, I can't help but think of the Balances one must find, on either side of the D/s equation.

It's always a desire to keep the balance in any relationship, between what you give and what you are, in the giving and the receiving... but how much more so in the BDSM lifestyle, where the levels of trust (and the potential for pain) run so incredibly deep.

What balances do you seek and/or find in your lives, both in general, and as it relates to BDSM?

 

[dragonhearted]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

I could use some balance myself...between the sexual side and the emotional side of my relationships....although you won't find many males that agree...lol. I am addicted to sex...and my problem is my emotions get way too involved with it. I get very badly hurt when a relationship ends, esp. if it was a very sexual one....I even go into some kind of withdrawal...

Any thoughts Wanderer?

 

[TheWanderer]

Re: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

I could use some balance myself...between the sexual side and the emotional side of my relationships....although you won't find many males that agree...lol. I am addicted to sex...and my problem is my emotions get way too involved with it. I get very badly hurt when a relationship ends, esp. if it was a very sexual one....I even go into some kind of withdrawal...
Any thoughts Wanderer?

That's certainly understandable... I think the modern idea that you can have sex without emotion is a nice concept but not very real. There is so much intimacy involved in sharing your body with another that to deny it is to deny your true nature... (unless you happen to be a sociopath incapable of emotion, heh)

For myself, I have always been a very sexual person, but as you say, very emotional as well. Part of the balance I seek to maintain now is walking the line between the mental and the emotional. Not letting emotional needs rule me, but not reducing everything to just a thought pattern, either.

Finding the balance between deciding whether someone is worth having in my life (mental) and how I feel about the person and our time together (emotional). But that's just the most basic of it all.

The withdrawl you speak of is something I struggle with as well. While I'm not the best looking guy out there, heh, I know if I put my mind to it, I wouldn't have to sleep alone. However, I realize I'm not really interested in anything casual, or anything short-term. I'm looking for something deeper, something that can connect with my soul, to my very being. It's not always easy, fun, or enjoyable to be alone - but it helps keep my balance, until someone comes into my life that has a balance of their own to share with me.

For yourself, that's something you'll need to determine, of course. But perhaps a little introspection would be good - why do I crave the physical so deeply? Am I looking for something more?

I suspect if you give it enough time, you'll find the root of it all - and that's the beginnings of the Balance.

 

[dragonhearted]

About me...........

A divorced mother of two little girls...live in Maine...which is in the northeast portion of the US (up near New York, Vermont, New Hampshire....). In my Lit profile, I believe I have my MSN profile which tells more about myself....including my passionate side.

The thing is, I am a believer of Wicca...I am a witch....I practice healing magick. No hexes or curses...lol I am a very intuitive person. I have dreams that come true. I also bond quite readily with men through sex. It enables me to be able to get to the truth about them....where I should have been able to do that before giving my body to them. Talk about ass backwards! When I start the lovemaking ritual with them (well...foreplay) I approach it to please both...not only me. Usually, the men are the ones who wanna jump right into bed as soon as they know I am damp...they don't wait till I am REALLLLLY ready....damn...off on that tangent! My point is...I approach it from one angle and past lovers have bumped me off into another direction...next thing I know...the relationship is ending... Maybe it's about control...maybe not. On one hand, I like the idea of being taken in a rough manner...knowing someone wants me soo badly........gggrrrrrrrrrr...you know? But for orgasm...which people seem to be so concerned that I achieve it....I need more time for buildup....For that, I need to feel more control.

Geeeeeez...I know this is so extraneous coming from a woman you have never met...but knowing you feel some of the same things...just makes it easy to talk about it. I hope I am not offending or scaring you.....?

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think I have one of those somewhere too.

It is interesting you bring this subject up. I have posted in the past about how humans seek balance in their lives, and that dominants and submissives seek balance, in the their of role in the lifestyle.

Ebony

...that I've chosen to wear around my neck, and have for several years now, is one that often surprises people.

I've seen those that represent power, love, wealth, and other fairly-attainable desires. But instead, I pass all that up for the one most important to me...

BALANCE

As I think more about balance, especially after reading the excellent threads started by ShadowsDream, I can't help but think of the Balances one must find, on either side of the D/s equation.

It's always a desire to keep the balance in any relationship, between what you give and what you are, in the giving and the receiving... but how much more so in the BDSM lifestyle, where the levels of trust (and the potential for pain) run so incredibly deep.

What balances do you seek and/or find in your lives, both in general, and as it relates to BDSM?

 

[TheWanderer]

Re: About me...........

When I start the lovemaking ritual with them (well...foreplay) I approach it to please both...not only me. Usually, the men are the ones who wanna jump right into bed as soon as they know I am damp...they don't wait till I am REALLLLLY ready....damn...off on that tangent! My point is...I approach it from one angle and past lovers have bumped me off into another direction...next thing I know...the relationship is ending... Maybe it's about control...maybe not. On one hand, I like the idea of being taken in a rough manner...knowing someone wants me soo badly........gggrrrrrrrrrr...you know? But for orgasm...which people seem to be so concerned that I achieve it....I need more time for buildup....For that, I need to feel more control.

I don't know if you're speaking of a need for physical control - the restraint to draw out encounters to a longer and more-fulfilling conclusion - or if you're more interested in the emotional/mental control that runs thru a D/s relationship. Or perhaps both.

That's something for you to find.

But it would seem the first balance you could search for is between patience/prolonging and fulfilling. A good partner should have your interests in mind, including taking time to (a) make sure there is something past the physical before indulging, and (b) draw out what you're really looking for, in what aspects you've felt unfulfilled in the past, etc.

Geeeeeez...I know this is so extraneous coming from a woman you have never met...but knowing you feel some of the same things...just makes it easy to talk about it. I hope I am not offending or scaring you.....?

Heh, it's impossible to offend me, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze.

But thank you for sharing with us, I'm honored. When I talk about emotions and deep thought, a lot of people just get a blank stare and wander off, so I've found those who respond are the ones worth talking to. Well met!

 

[dragonhearted]

*relieved sigh*

"It's a lonely world without you 'split apart'", to borrow a line from a movie called "The Butcher's Wife".....split apart is really just another name for soulmate, kindred spirit....

I never thought I would ever find anyone who communicates as I do....although I don't EVER expect to find someone who feels exactly as I do. The control I speak of is to be able to achieve the fulfillment...Problem is...I was married to a big-time control freak. He could have been a Dom in training, but he was out of control himself....he abused power. He was mentally and emotionally abusive. I knew of my sexual/sensual capabilities, but when I felt especially attractive...he would put me down. He used sex to control me....but not in the way you think. He used withholding it as a means to drive me crazy....what it did was stress me out, make me feel like he did not love me, make me feel ugly.

I was much thinner then...Now I am 5'3, 265. I still have my pretty face, beautiful eyes, charming personality *wink* but I scare people off when they hear how big I am. They do not want to meet me, shake my hand, look into my eyes and see the real me INSIDE. There is a part of me I only show to people I completely trust. These people are very few.

 

[TheWanderer]

Re: *relieved sigh*

I never thought I would ever find anyone who communicates as I do....although I don't EVER expect to find someone who feels exactly as I do. The control I speak of is to be able to achieve the fulfillment...Problem is...I was married to a big-time control freak. He could have been a Dom in training, but he was out of control himself....he abused power. He was mentally and emotionally abusive. I knew of my sexual/sensual capabilities, but when I felt especially attractive...he would put me down. He used sex to control me....but not in the way you think. He used withholding it as a means to drive me crazy....what it did was stress me out, make me feel like he did not love me, make me feel ugly.

Driving your partner crazy is a necessary evil... when done properly! No one should feel unloved, or unworthy of love, from the person they're sharing their life with. Even if the gift of submission isn't part of the relationship, the gifts of love, trust, intimacy, and passion are. You deserve to feel loved, and if you choose to pursue a submissive life, you deserve to be respected for that choice, even if your person you hold in your heart doesn't choose to pursue D/s aspects, per se.

For the record, 'control' does not equal 'dominance.' Controlling another person to conceal or mask one's own shortcomings is nothing like submitting to a Dominant. For one thing, any Dom/me should unquestionably have enough self-control and self-awareness to keep themselves centered while exploring your gifts. For another, you can't just force someone into submitting, that's why they call it a gift.

I was much thinner then...Now I am 5'3, 265. I still have my pretty face, beautiful eyes, charming personality *wink* but I scare people off when they hear how big I am. They do not want to meet me, shake my hand, look into my eyes and see the real me INSIDE. There is a part of me I only show to people I completely trust. These people are very few.

Please do not allow any concerns about your physical presence take away from the beauty of who you are.

And I am deeply honored you have shared yourself with me, especially in a public forum like this. When the time comes, you'll find someone worth sharing all of yourself - and the person will respond in kind. Just be patient, all things worth having are worth waiting for.

 

[dragonhearted]

Re: Re: *relieved sigh*

No one should feel unloved, or unworthy of love, from the person they're sharing their life with. Even if the gift of submission isn't part of the relationship, the gifts of love, trust, intimacy, and passion are. You deserve to feel loved,
For the record, 'control' does not equal 'dominance.' Controlling another person to conceal or mask one's own shortcomings is nothing like submitting to a Dominant...you can't just force someone into submitting, that's why they call it a gift.

Please do not allow any concerns about your physical presence take away from the beauty of who you are.

And I am deeply honored you have shared yourself with me, especially in a public forum like this. When the time comes, you'll find someone worth sharing all of yourself - and the person will respond in kind. Just be patient, all things worth having are worth waiting for. [/B]

I am deeply touched by your response. I would consider it an honor to be your friend!

 

[TheWanderer]

Re: Re: Re: *relieved sigh*

I am deeply touched by your response. I would consider it an honor to be your friend!

As I am honored, as well.

 

[WriterDom]

Re: About me...........

Talk about ass backwards! When I start the lovemaking ritual with them (well...foreplay) I approach it to please both...not only me. Usually, the men are the ones who wanna jump right into bed as soon as they know I am damp...they don't wait till I am REALLLLLY ready....damn...off on that tangent!

I think that, to me anyway, is one of the differences between nilla sex and bdsm sex. While I am very sexual in my play, there is no rush to fuck.

 

[dragonhearted]

Re: Re: About me...........

I think that, to me anyway, is one of the differences between nilla sex and bdsm sex. While I am very sexual in my play, there is no rush to fuck.

there is alot to be said for long and lingering teasing....