The Return of the Gloveslap

[TheEarl]

I originally half-inched this idea from a Buffy fan-fiction site, called Have You Got The Stones, and we had a lot of fun playing it.

The idea is that people declare themselves fair game for a gloveslap and then they are challenged to write something completely different to what they normally write, like telling me to write an orgasm scene without mentioning water in any way, or making Svenska write about pussies.

The idea is to broaden your horizons. I thought it'd be an idea if we could start a challenge thing up on here: max wordlength 1000 words. Does anyone want to volunteer themselves to slap or to be slapped?

Place to post your finished slaps!

Here are the relevant links:
Original gloveslap thread
The original gloveslap replies
You Got The Stones?

The Earl

 

[Guest]

The original thread was a whole lot of fun! I remember you started it up just after I joined Lit, and within the original thread is the first thing I "submitted" to Lit - although I never actually submitted it as a normal story.

I was very nervous, because I didn't think my writing would be up to scratch, compared with the rest of you. I had a lot of fun doing it, though, and it seems others enjoyed my effort, too. That frog! LOL!

I'd be up for doing it again, but I don't know how much time I'll have before Christmas.

Lou

 

[Just-Legal]

I'm in. You never know, it might bring Chicklet back out of the woodwork

 

[BlackShanglan]

Slap me. I can take it like a horse.

Shanglan

 

[Huckleman2000]

Slap me. I can take it like a horse.

Shanglan

ROFL, what a wonderful quote!

I don't know why I find these things hilarious.

In a thread a week or two ago, about a compendium of "character" indications, I wanted to post the exclamation, "Well slap my ass and call me Spanky!", except that I didn't have any idea where the thing came from. It struck me as Southern US, but it could just as easily be Yankee to my ear.

Anyway, click on fish.avi and laugh yourself silly.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I wanted to post the exclamation, "Well slap my ass and call me Spanky!", except that I didn't have any idea where the thing came from.

Bizarrely, I don't know either, but I know that I have seen that on film. How strange.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I've just realized that no one has actually done any slapping. Therefore, being fairly good at offensive gestures, I shall begin the challenge.

*slap*

(with apologies)

To our darling Just-Legal.

Write your story (1000 words or less) in such a way as to involve:

1) A tropical location
2) At least two male characters
3) A setting other than current time frame - at least 100 years in the past or the future.

I do hope that you won't leave my gauntlet there in the dust of the arena.

(What do horse gauntlets look like anyway?)

Shanglan

 

[TheEarl]

SLAP!

Shanglan has been spanked with my glove. Your challenge, should you choose to accept it:

Write a story (erotic or non-erotic) with two protagonists, male or female, which must utilise the following things:

A left-handed monkey
A bottle of bitter lemon
The phrase "Ooh, you just bit my tongue!"

And here's the kicker - you're not allowed to use the backspace or the delete key. The story must be written as is, without any kind of editing or correcting of mistakes; if you tap a key, I want to see that keytap in the final thing. Feel free to rewrite lines if you want, but you can't delete the original, incorrect ones.

Enjoy .

The Earl

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

<slam pile of coins down on table>

<donning best Western voice> I'm in.

</atmosphere>

So, where are we posting these anti-masterpieces of illiterature?

EDITED TO ADD: Never mind. Just scrolled down.

 

[BlackShanglan]

SLAP!

And here's the kicker - you're not allowed to use the backspace or the delete key. The story must be written as is, without any kind of editing or correcting of mistakes; if you tap a key, I want to see that keytap in the final thing. Feel free to rewrite lines if you want, but you can't delete the original, incorrect ones.

Enjoy .

The Earl

Oh BUGGER.

Actually, this is probably wise. I am under a huge pile of work right now and do not have the time to do my usual 8 or 10 drafts. I will try to do this before I have to leave for a while. If not, first thing when back.

Thanks, Earl

Shanglan

 

[TheEarl]

The original thread was a whole lot of fun! I remember you started it up just after I joined Lit, and within the original thread is the first thing I "submitted" to Lit - although I never actually submitted it as a normal story.

I was very nervous, because I didn't think my writing would be up to scratch, compared with the rest of you. I had a lot of fun doing it, though, and it seems others enjoyed my effort, too. That frog! LOL!

I'd be up for doing it again, but I don't know how much time I'll have before Christmas.

Lou

Okay Lou, you asked for it:

Your challenge is to write a First-Time story, where both the participants are having their first time. the story has to be as sugar-coated as humanly possible, full of sickly sweet references to young love and talk of sharing this special moment. It's not allowed to be a parody! No spanking, no kinks, no oral, no fingers, no biting, licking, sucking or toys. Just kissing, above the waist feeling and straight-forward intercourse. Yet both of them have to cum. Greater than 500 words please.

Mwahahahaha.

The Earl
Slapper in chief

 

[BlackShanglan]

Oh yes - bitter lemon. I have bitter apple for teaching the puppy not to chew herself. I have orange bitters for the making of lovely Adonis drinks. But is bitter lemon for consumption, or discouragement of consumption?

Shanglan

 

[TheEarl]

Oh BUGGER.

Actually, this is probably wise. I am under a huge pile of work right now and do not have the time to do my usual 8 or 10 drafts. I will try to do this before I have to leave for a while. If not, first thing when back.

Thanks, Earl

Shanglan

Shanglan - If it helps, I half-inched this slap from YGTS. I was just waiting for a suitable victim . Here's a link to the story which the Buffy fanfic author wrote, might give some help as to how to do it: http://www.four-am.com/stones/fic/gs8.html

Bitter lemon is for drinking. It's a mixer for spirits. I just happen to have a bottle here in front of me.

The Earl

 

[BlackShanglan]

Shanglan - If it helps, I half-inched this slap from YGTS. I was just waiting for a suitable victim . Here's a link to the story which the Buffy fanfic author wrote, might give some help as to how to do it: http://www.four-am.com/stones/fic/gs8.html

The Earl

*shudder*

Just the definition of bitter lemon, please. I know it's terribly closed-minded of me, but I have a strong dislike of fanfic. (Put that on the "strangest phobias" list if you like).

Shanglan

 

[TheEarl]

Oh, in case it's not obvious - I'm down for slapping as well. Lucifer Carroll is willing to be slapped silly too. I'm sure with the creative minds available at the Hangout, you can think of suitable punishme... sorry, I mean challenges for us.

The Earl
Slapper in Chief

 

[BlackShanglan]

Done. Posted on the Gloveslap stories thread. Be kind; I normally revise heavily, and writing with no revisions and a tight word limit is my idea of hell. I was checking the word count every sentence.

Shanglan

 

[BlackShanglan]

Ah yes - nearly forgot.

I shall slap The Earl in return. It's only proper.

*SLAP*

I have often said that any fool can write S&M set in a dungeon; what I want to see is the one who can write it set in a pantry. According, I challenge The Earl to:

1) Write an 800-1500 word S&M scene set in a pantry, with only such objects available as are normally found in a pantry in that temporal/cultural/geographical setting.
2) Include penetration involving an inanimate object from the pantry.
3) To cater to one of my own particular fetishes, make one of the participants of a substantially different social class or authority level than another.

And to make it writerly ...

4) Include voiced internal perspectives from at least three characters. They don't all have to be in the pantry.

Shanglan

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

No lily-livered buggeritt city slicker gonna hand me a challenge for my itchy playing fingers?

Buggritt.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Buggritt.

Easy there, Foul Ole' Ron. Millenium hand and shrimp.

I would slap, but having slapped twice and been slapped once, and knowing that I have no time to write another slap response at the moment, I am hesitant to engage you. If you're desperate, you might borrow The Earl's slap from me and prove that you're more the man for the job.

Shanglan

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Easy there, Foul Ole' Ron. Millenium hand and shrimp.

I would slap, but having slapped twice and been slapped once, and knowing that I have no time to write another slap response at the moment, I am hesitant to engage you. If you're desperate, you might borrow The Earl's slap from me and prove that you're more the man for the job.

Shanglan

Argh, matey. I shall plunder the topic for me own nefarious ends.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

One question: By pantry you mean a walk-in version of cupboards right?

Sorry, live in a land devoid of proper pantries.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Replacement slap for Earl

Since I stole your slap, I should present your new one.

Write a romantic courtship scene between a human female and a tentacle monster who happens to teach quantuum physics at the local university (location, timeframe, and culture is up to you).

For writerly talent:

1) Include an erotic description of cheese as well as a lewd sexual act involving the same cheese.

2) Write it from the first person perspective of one of them (either the female or the monster).

3) Have a saucy butler interrupt an intimate moment with a relevant Monty Python quip.



Failure to create such a monstrosity will result in painful noodle whippings.

 

[TheEarl]

Re: Replacement slap for Earl

Since I stole your slap, I should present your new one.

Write a romantic courtship scene between a human female and a tentacle monster who happens to teach quantuum physics at the local university (location, timeframe, and culture is up to you).

For writerly talent:

1) Include an erotic description of cheese as well as a lewd sexual act involving the same cheese.

2) Write it from the first person perspective of one of them (either the female or the monster).

3) Have a saucy butler interrupt an intimate moment with a relevant Monty Python quip.



Failure to create such a monstrosity will result in painful noodle whippings.

I want Shanglan's slap back again! I liked that idea! This one's mean .

Will get onto it.

The Earl

 

[Kassiana]

If someone wants to slap me, they can.

Oh, and if someone wants to issue me a story challenge, they can as well.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Re: Re: Replacement slap for Earl

I want Shanglan's slap back again! I liked that idea! This one's mean .

Will get onto it.

The Earl

Damn. Sorry, did I go overboard on the weirdness? I really should keep a check on that.

I can give you a new slap and make the other an open slap if you want.