The Retrosexual ~ Closed for SoulWeaver

[fuckmeat]

Kate Matthews

The commute home from her office job always seemed to take forever but today life was conspiring against her. Kate's train was delayed, then cancelled. She squeezed onto the next train and spent the next half hour cursing the fact that at 5ft tall, she was the average man's armpit height. The moment she left the station the heavens opened, pelting her with rain while she raced home in the open toed shoes and light jacket she'd been brave enough to don that morning. By the time she got through the door, Kate was nearly an hour behind schedule. Her husband was working late and had arranged to meet her in their favourite Italian restaurant afterwards. Kate had wanted to look her best for him, but a there simply wasn't the time now. She jumped in and out of the shower, threw on some date night (in other words matching) underwear and her faithful little black dress before primping swiftly in front of the mirror and heading out of the door.

He was already at the restaurant when she arrived. Unsurprised, Kate apologised for her lateness and watched him pour the wine. They had been together for six years now but she never stopped admiring him or thanking her stars that they had found one another. They had started dating in the sixth form and had somehow survived his university years intact. Kate's academic career had been cut short when her mother got cancer. She had chosen to stay at home and care for her. Her mother had died some years ago now but Kate had never got around to higher education. Her sexy husband on the other hand, was moving up through his chosen field. Now that they had been married for eighteen months and he had received a recent payrise, Kate's mind was turning towards a family of their own. While her mother was sick she hadn't been able to handle the thought of more responsibility but now... now it felt like the time was right.

Over olives and warm bruschetta they swapped stories about their days. Kate then tucked into a risotto while and their conversation turned towards other things. He asked her when she thought it would be a good time to plan a holiday. It was as good a moment as any. Kate took a sip of her wine and tried to appear nonchalant.

"Well... I haven't really been thinking about a holiday. I've actually been thinking that it would be wonderful to start a family. You're doing really well and we have quite a bit put by now. I've been getting broody for a while now and I've always wanted to have children with you. So... what do you think?"

He took an inordinately long time to finish his mouthful of food. Kate's smile began to falter.

 

[SoulWeaver]

.
Mike didn’t frown or stop eating. He didn’t speak or catch her eye either. He couldn’t, his mind was in turmoil. If he spoke it would be pure surprised anger and that wasn’t his way, well not with her anyway. He stirred his cannelloni in the sauce, again, and again, before lifting and attacking it. “What the fuck was she thinking?” He’d been planning a secret holiday, a surprise for her for almost a year now, getting all the details sorted, dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s. And his casual broaching of it had been slammed with what … a baby? Suddenly he felt ill, clammy and faint, like he’d been gut punched. He pushed at the table, sliding his chair away and staggering off to the men’s room, his partially flung excuses sounding lame even to his ears.

http://www.easyimage.us/media/files_image/user3645/139802370034.jpg​

He flung open the doors and stalked into the room, his fists clenching as he struggled for control. He leant on the marble counter and stared into the mirror, his dark eyes stared back impassively, soullessly some of his business acquaintances would have remarked, behind his back at least. They made him unreadable at times, perfect for poker or brokering a deal where a little bluff was required. In fact he only softened them for a select few, his beloved Kate being one of them. He ran his hands through his dark hair. Mike was tanned, not tall at five ten, but compared to Kate’s diminutive form he was well over a head taller. He was well built with powerful shoulders corded and honed through years of sport, he grinned for a moment as he thought of how much she loved to run her hands over them, those and his toned thighs.

He sighed. A baby. It wasn’t that he didn’t want kids, well he wasn’t completely sure about that either now he thought about it, but he knew with certainty that he didn’t want them now. His career was taking off, they were both young, fit and in their prime and he wanted to enjoy life and his hard earned money. She’d mentioned kids before of course, but always laughed it off when he went silent. Now she’d dropped “broody” into the conversation and practically asked him for a child. If his friends experiences were anything to go by, that either meant she was pregnant or soon would be. He loved her deeply and was always attentive to her needs, many of their married friends calling their marriage perfect. He knew a few of his male friends though, privately thought he should demand a little more of her, but all in all they had a balance not often found. A baby though, well he knew that would change things. And he was vulnerable too. Kate had a sensitivity to latex and so rubbers weren’t much of an option for them. That left the birth control squarely in her hands. He pondered. "Surely she wouldn’t … Christ …" his mind was trashed, she’d blown his good mood and he wasn’t thinking clearly. He threw cold water over his face, dried it off and left, the doors swinging mockingly behind him.

He sat down and looked at her. God but she was beautiful. She always drew looks, even now, he knew she’d been rushed getting here but she was still giving off a freshness that turned heads. She was a touch predictable though, he bet he could guess her underwear choice, black dress meant black matching lingerie. He wouldn’t complain of course, it suited her, but, she just seemed to do it all with practised ease and not always the raw passion he sometimes dreamed about. He made up for it with work of course, but he couldn’t help wondering what deeper desires she really kept hidden from him, just as he did from her.

He reached across the table and took her hand in his, softening his smile as he did when he wanted to melt her heart. “Kate ... Katie? C'mon, you know how much I love you, and want to give you everything I can. A child . . . right now though . . . do you really think we’re settled enough for that?” He sipped his water, he needed to stay calm, plenty of time to sink a few once they’d put this issue to bed.

“Look, I’ve only been VP for six months here, they’ve already cut jobs at the South West office. Remember Mark Jones? You met him and his wife Lynda at last years company retreat … anyway, they’ve just had twins, and he lost his job. It didn’t matter that he was one of the best damn analysts they had …” He let his point sink in. “I just think it’s not the best time to be planning a family, that’s all … babe.”

Mike returned to his meal, working at it with a hunger he didn't feel anymore, but making an effort for her, like he always did. It didn’t stop him wondering what was going through her mind though …


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[fuckmeat]

"Ok. That went well."

She murmured to herself and took another gulp of wine as Mike bolted for the men's room. It wasn't very often that she saw him genuinely discomposed but this was definitely one of those times. Mike had always been the strong, silent type even back when they met. Anything that troubled him he sweated off at the gym or playing sports. Sometimes his immovable facade bothered her, like she didn't really know him at all. It hurt her sometimes to know he'd rather die than dissemble in front of her, his wife, the person he was supposed to open up to. Emotionally, he was glacial. A lot went on under the surface but he only really showed her what he wanted her to see. His iron will and self control made him highly successful professionally and when he had his friends and colleagues round for their 'payday poker night' it was often Mike who won. He was calculating, played tight but had the balls to take risks when it counted.

Except with her.

Kate had met Mike at a party through friends. By the end of the night he had her number and by the end of the following week she was besotted with him. In hindsight, his seduction of her had been little short of a military operation. He had taken her to nicer places than students could normally afford, listened attentively, asked all the right questions, bought presents that were modest but thoughtful, ticked off bases as they gradually became more intimate, keeping things simmering but not pushing her too far too fast. He had never asked her if she wanted to see him again or whether she reciprocated his feelings, for Mike the whole thing had been a foregone conclusion. The first time Kate had awkwardly stammered her love for him, he had simply smiled and said, 'I know.'

Her mother's breast cancer had been more than a minor blip in the Mike Matthews plan for world domination. Kate had never asked Mike whether he had been 100% faithful while he had been at university. She hadn't wanted to insult him with accusations like that, hadn't wanted to hear that he didn't need her and then lose him. It became clear that she was losing her mother and he instantly became her rock, visiting when he could and listening to her cry late into the night down the phone when he couldn't. After Kate's mother passed, Mike hit the ground running as a new graduate. There wasn't the money for Kate to go to university and these days, she didn't see the point. Mike was successful enough for both of them. He never made her feel bad about her job as a legal secretary and in truth, her salary was largely superfluous. They tended to leave it in her bank account to accumulate for months at a time.

Kate twisted her napkin in her lap and glared at the restroom door. When Mike finally emerged, her shoulders visibly drooped. He had retreated behind his emotional exoskeleton. His eyes were joyless, his posture tense. Kate sighed. She hadn't expected him to be as moved by the possibility of children as she was but his actions and body language were a eloquent and vehement rejection of the idea. He reached across and took her hand. Annoyance stabbed Kate in the pit of her gut as her eyes began to moisten; how could he always be so composed when she simply wasn't capable of hiding her feelings from him? His smile softened but Kate new it was premeditated, which irked her in the extreme.

“Kate ... Katie? C'mon, you know how much I love you, and want to give you everything I can. A child . . . right now though . . . do you really think we’re settled enough for that?”

Settled enough? He expression strayed towards being downright mutinous. Kate could see the alarm bells going off behind his eyes as her husband abruptly changed tack.

“Look, I’ve only been VP for six months here, they’ve already cut jobs at the South West office. Remember Mark Jones? You met him and his wife Lynda at last years company retreat … anyway, they’ve just had twins, and he lost his job. It didn’t matter that he was one of the best damn analysts they had … I just think it’s not the best time to be planning a family, that’s all … babe.”

Babe.

Babe?

Now it was Kate's turn to toy with her food and consider her response. Two could play that bloody game. She let him sweat for a few seconds, her own mind reeling pointlessly. She pulled herself together and managed to face Mike with a neutral expression, keeping her tone light as though they were discussing grocery shopping.

"You told me yourself that your office is the most profitable one and has been for years. They're hardly going to make you redundant while you're proving to be an asset. This promotion to VP, it means they want you with the company for the long haul. Wasn't the last VP hired from outside?"

He opened his mouth to counter her argument but she hadn't finished yet. Kate's facade slipped a little. She always saw them as a rock solid couple. For him to say that they weren't... settled? It was as though he still felt he could walk away if he wanted to but if they had kids he'd be obliged to stick around. That had stung.

"We are settled. If you had just made the time to come to the bank with me and open a joint account for my wages to go into, we'd have the whole damn package. I don't know how much more settled you think we need to be."

Now the gloves were off but she couldn't help it. Kate pulled her hand from his, gave up on her meal and took another pull on her wineglass, drinking more deeply in an effort to calm her nerves. They were officially past the point where this was going to end with kisses and reconciliatory lovemaking.

 

[SoulWeaver]

.
He blinked at her. She’d blindsided him with her calm assessment of the company and then hit him with their financial arrangements. If this was a business meeting he’d be out in the corridor and arse kicking his subordinates for sending him into a meeting unprepared. There was nothing worse. It was criminal. What the fuck was going on here, how come he hadn’t seen any of this coming?

Okay, so sure, she was smart, he knew that. And it wasn’t like he hid any of his work from her, he enjoyed talking about it with her actually. So yeah, he was a bit flip with his excuse, his mistake. He was a little tired and damn, she’d surprised him with the baby stuff, but he should have come up with a better defence than financial security. And finally, he had to grudgingly admit she was right about the joint account. To be honest it just wasn’t a priority, for him anyway. He didn’t see it as “not sharing” or anything remotely like that. He sort of thought she just might like her own cash for a little independence, and the last place he wanted to spend any of his precious free time with her was in a dumb bank. Obviously though, it was a sore point with her, and he’d missed it completely.

Now she wasn’t eating and was showing signs of chugging down her wine. Both bad signs. They rarely fought, but when they did it scared him how quickly it got out of hand and how charged it was. Like they both had deep issues neither was dealing with. They shouldn’t, they had a picture perfect life, or at least that’s how it was shaping up. Until her need to have a baby had surfaced. “Why here, why now?”

He put down his knife and fork and rested his hands on the table, gripping it until his knuckles went white with the effort. He had a choice. Suck it up and back down, or sort this shit out. Business was different. He have crushed an attack like this and left his opponent a cowering wreck. But this was his Kate. Admittedly, a somewhat more assertive Kate than he was used to, and a bit too assertive for his liking. Didn’t he give her everything that she wanted? She didn’t want for money. He looked after her in bed, always making sure she came at least once and usually more before he finished. He even went to her damn sisters at Christmas, and she knew how much he hated that charade. If it wasn’t for the fact her sister could almost pass for a slightly older Kate then he probably would put his foot down. He wanted to spend Christmas on a beach rubbing tanning oil into her, not snowed out in Canada for fucks sake. Didn’t she know he was working his ass off for her, to share it all with her. He’d never fucked around on her, despite having countless opportunities. And he knew some of the work rumours, that he was pussy whipped. Considering how ruthless he was with the opposition it was a pretty sad weakness to be accused of.

His eyes flashed with anger. Enough. Not here in their favourite restaurant and especially not in public. “You’re right Kate, of course. Look, I’ve been planning a holiday for us, a big one and wanted to give it to you as an anniversary gift. So, you surprised me a little, a lot actually and I didn’t handle it well. And now you’re working yourself up.” He paused, waving over the waiter and sending him away with a card to cover the cheque.

“I’m going to the car … if you’d like to come out we can finish this there.” And with that he got up and left, fuming. This was shit, and he was angrier than he’d been in years. A frustrated angry. A confused angry. All she wanted was to talk about a baby, it wasn’t like she announced they were having one even, and here he was so fucking angry. What was wrong with him …..



.

 

[fuckmeat]

He gripped the tabletop and glared at her, looking for all the world as though he wanted to rise out of his chair and toss their table across the room. Kate was suddenly irrationally afraid. Adjacent diners were beginning to stare at them now. Mike looked for all the world like a man who'd just been ditched or cheated on. In place of his usual implacable reserve was a man barely containing his rage. Kate simply couldn't understand it. It wasn't as though she had told him she was pregnant. It had crossed her mind to get pregnant and worry about what Mike thought about it afterwards but she hadn't wanted to do things like that. She wanted them to have a planned child that they both longed for. She hadn't imagined that he'd get nearly this worked up.

She watched nervously as he wound his neck in and tried to placate her with talk about an anniversary holiday. He handed his card to a waiter, not caring that Kate was halfway through her meal, not asking her if she was ready to leave. The other unspoken message was abundantly clear; 'I'm the breadwinner in this marriage, therefore I get to call the shots.' Mike rose and Kate stared up at him helplessly. He couldn't be about to walk out on her in public just for trying to discuss having a family. Her face reddened and her hand shook a little as it gripped her wineglass. She wouldn't meet his eyes.

“I’m going to the car … if you’d like to come out we can finish this there.”

He strode away and left her there, sitting in their favourite restaurant all alone. Kate was nothing short of devastated. What the hell had she done?

The waiter returned with a handheld card processor and she punched Mike's PIN number in, though not before adding a generous gratuity to apologise for making a scene and pay Mike back for his chauvinist attitude. The waiter handed her the receipt and scuttled away hastily. Kate sat there and finished her glass of wine, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

Chauvinist. She had never applied that word to her husband before. She hadn't been trying to discuss having a baby. What she had been doing was seeking his approval, his permission. Mike quite obviously felt that being the main wage earner gave him the final say on decisions like that. Kate could understand his logic to a point but she did not like feeling as though her say in things was diminished by her lack of comparative fiscal success. For a wild moment she wanted to tell him she was pregnant already but having sunk half a bottle of wine single-handedly, he was unlikely to buy it.

Once her glass was empty, Kate put on her coat and walked out with as much nonchalance and dignity as she could muster. Usually Mike was a picture perfect husband. She couldn't even remember the last time he had lost his cool so thoroughly. There was something wrong with him though, something deep, he was barely containing his bottled emotions. Worst case scenarios sprang unbidden into Kate's mind; he was having an affair, he was thinking of leaving her, the company he worked for was actually going down the toilet. She hated Mike for causing a huge scene like that... and for making her doubt his commitment to their marriage, to her.

And it was a metaphor for their entire marriage. He was the one with financial security and independence. Any time he wanted to, he could walk. It was like he had just slapped her around the face with that fundamental truth.

Kate fought the tightness in her throat. She would not get tearful about this. Her husband obviously didn't give a shit how she felt, so why bother? She walked across the street to his plush company car, mildly surprised that he hadn't just driven away and left her to find a taxi.

"Thankyou, for leaving me sat there looking like an idiot." She snapped. "What if I had told you I was already pregnant. What would you have done? Divorced me so you can still live like a bachelor? Bloody hell Mike, I was only trying to open a discussion. What is going on with you?"

 

[SoulWeaver]

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Mike slammed the car door closed, well tried to anyway. Despite his efforts, the Mercedes soft close system took over and settled the door with a typically understated Germanic clunk. He settled for punching the steering wheel in frustration, “Fuck fuck fuck …..” half expecting the air bag to activate.

He breathed deeply, again running his hands through his hair. That was one of his little trademark signs of tension and one that his PA was always chiding him about as she straightened his collar and adjusted his tie before an important meeting. Here he had no such qualms and it gave him a moments pause as he imagined his Kate doing the same thing. “Is this how couples break up?” he wondered aloud. How it starts, something small that gets out of hand and opens up stuff that should be kept locked away? He had been quick to anger, and while outwardly calm, she wasn’t backing off either.

He looked across the car park wondering where she was, half hoping to see her skipping across to the car with her room warming smile, but half hoping she stayed inside. His thoughts drifted around before settling on his reaction. Why did it bother him so much? He was selfish, he knew that, but rarely if ever towards her, well not in a petulant way at least. He did make sure he took his time out to do the things he wanted to do though, the things that his money brought him, the little toys and trappings that went with success. He knew sometimes she wanted him to skip the gym or miss a squash game or poker night and spend it with her, but then they spent so much time together already, wasn’t he entitled to a tiny little bit of time out for himself?

Now his mind was on a roll, it had picked a direction and was running with it, as people often did when angry, with the chemicals of unreasonability coursing hotly through their veins. There were other things too. If she wanted to hear them, then why not lay it all out? Her job pissed him off. She didn’t have to work, not now anyway, but she still made the journey into town and often got home late, later even than him sometimes. Then she was tired, complaining 'bout this and that, how this partner was an ass and how this partner was fucking this secretary. She’d often only want to curl up with a book or watch TV with him holding her while she unwound. Without even realising it he’d begun to schedule squash games or working dinners to avoid what he saw as fruitless sitting round.

“Fucking the secretaries,” hmmmm … yeah, now that he thought about it, their sex wasn’t all he’d hoped for either. For a second he wondered if she was getting tapped at her work. It might explain the late nights, exhaustion and their average lovemaking. It wasn’t that it was passionless, she was responsive, and they knew each others little things, how an extra squeeze here, a twist of the hip there, could find just the right angle and just the right depth. It was just …. lacking something. There he’d said it, well thought it out loud at least. He sighed, no, he didn’t really think she was fucking anyone else, they were just in a rut.

He gripped the wheel. It was as if a light had been switched on. Maybe that was it. She was feeling this, this rut thing too? And a baby was her way of trying to snap them out of it. Ahhhhh, he almost face-palmed himself. His brain began to work, wheels and cogs spinning into place. Kay, so what he had to do to deflect this baby thing, was get her, them, out of the little rut they must be in. He closed his eyes, lists of possibilities being compiled, ticks and crosses applied, the more attractive ideas rising to the top, like air bubbles in oil …..

“What is going on with you?"

The door closed and her perfume flooded the compartment, warm skin, soap and just a hint of expensive scent, tasteful and heady. He might have worked a few things out while they were apart but Kate was still pissy. And with reason. If he applied the same organised thought to this problem that he used in business, not only did it all make sense, but he should be able to head all of this off at the pass. He knew why she was upset, he just needed to think like a woman. He’d reacted badly, hadn’t listened, he’d let his own feelings take over, and abandoned her. Why hadn’t he thought like this before? This was a problem and something he could do very well was solve problems ….

He looked at her, directly. “Kate, I’m sorry,” he saw her doubting look. “Honestly, I am. I do want kids, to have kids with you, to raise a family together. It’s not that we’re not ready, it’s more that I’m not ready. And was surprised. I really did work bloody hard on this trip, you know how much you always talk about cruise ships? Well I booked us 2 weeks, a mid winter getaway. But, we can talk about that later, and as for a baby, just give me a little time to wrap my head round the idea, okay?” his voice choked with emotion and he covered it swiftly. Despite everything else that had ruined tonight, he really did love her, too much for his own good …..



.

 

[fuckmeat]

Kate accepted his apology, the tension ebbing from her. All she had asked Mike to do was think about having a family so it was enough for her that he said he would 'get his head around it.' It disappointed her that this had been such a bolt from the blue for him. As far as she was concerned, now they were established as a married couple, children were the next logical step. She didn't have much of a career to suspend. It would be easy for find work as a legal secretary again once their first kid was in nursery. In some ways it shocked her how much she had this all planned out but that just made it all feel right.

She stared out of the passenger window, the silence between them making her feel tired. Mike just didn't seem to realise how lucky he was. He was educated, experienced in his field and affluent. Her security was in being married to him. Other girls that she worked with lived alone and managed on their salaries but it wasn't a comfortable way to live. They all thought she was fortunate in having such a successful husband. Kate reminded herself that she was fortunate and that she shouldn't worry so much about the future. The though, was that the thought of Mike leaving one day scared her. She turned towards her husband again, admiring his profile and admitting to herself that she was a little tipsy from the wine.

"All I wanted was for you to start thinking about making babies. It's not like you don't practice diligently."

Kate flushed, surprised at her own boldness.

 

[SoulWeaver]

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He watched her, staring out the window. He could see things in the way she slumped in the seat, little things that gave her away. He was used to searching such things out in others, around the business table a tiny glance or a sudden uncertain look could mean the difference between wasted time and effort, and millions in future revenues. Now he’d decided to view his wife using the same tools, he was amazed how much she gave away. Her eyes unable to meet his straight away, her overlong glance out of the window, the silence and the time taken to break it. She was both relieved and yet scared of something. There was an advantage here somewhere, he just had to find it.

"All I wanted was for you to start thinking about making babies. It's not like you don't practise diligently."

Her smile was fuelled by the wine and a sudden coy shyness. He often forgot that about her. It was one of the things that had attracted him way back in school. The way her caught her looking at him across the classroom and how she blushed and looked quickly away. He slowly grew to look forward to her stolen looks and they began to invade his dreams. It was more than just having something, unlike the other girls who went the opposite, flashing themselves whenever they got the opportunity, he genuinely liked the fact she was different. Not easy like the others, she was someone who he would have to explore, who wouldn’t be an open book. And he did so like a challenge. It’d didn’t help of course that she was gorgeous, in that coltish way girls often were before they filled out and blossomed. He knew she would become a stunning woman and he imagined what life with her by his side would be like.

He smiled as his thoughts drifted back. How she used to insist on the lights being out when they made love, but once started how much concealed passion she had. Even though she had gotten over the lights thing, she still held her deepest fantasies close to her chest. She wasn’t one to open up that part of herself and always neatly deflected his questions, often with a kiss full of promise and a twinkle in her eye.

He started the car but let his hand stray to her thigh. Her skin was hot and stray thoughts intruded. Strange thoughts, of her across the hot bonnet of the car in their driveway, her stifled protests at the sound of ripping fabric and as his fingers roughly entered her … and how wet she was as she pushed back to urge him deeper. He felt his own cheeks flush with instant need and the odd thoughts that should be banished. For these crazy thoughts were increasingly interrupting his dreams. Of using her, wherever and whenever he liked. One dream, of having her flash his friends at poker night while she served them drinks and nibbles wouldn’t go away, and returned over and over.

“Well hun … why don’t you hold that thought, and lets go home and practise a little more …”

He licked his lips and concentrated on getting home while he could still drive ...



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[fuckmeat]

Kate smiled back at Mike but in truth, it was partly feigned. She was glad that they weren't quarrelling but at the same time, nothing had been resolved. Typically of Mike, the moment he felt that things were ok between them again, he was turning his mind to sex.

She loved sex with Mike, very much but it was... well, exhausting. At some point there was always a tussle of wills. Mike had a gym honed physique that she just couldn't keep pace with. Kate was active to a point but she hated the gym, preferring her Wii console. As far as she was concerned her commute was a workout, never mind sex with her husband. He was always urging her on and she would silently but determinedly compel him to stick to a depth and pace that she could enjoy. There were also things she knew Mike wanted, his fantasies, that Kate didn't feel able to accommodate. Anal, for example, was one of these things, probably at the top of the list. It was always when they had been drinking that he would get rough and a little demanding, thrusting gently into her mouth instead of letting her suck him. He would also try to explore her ass with his fingers or even to nudge his way into the wrong hole 'accidentally.' Knowing that he would take advantage if she was inebriated made Kate wary and more mistrustful of Mike than perhaps was even justified. She didn't like feeling that she couldn't relax her guard around him when it came to these things. It made it much harder for her to just let go and trust that her boundaries would be respected in the heat of the moment.

Kate flirted with him some more on the way home and she had been looking forward to sex with him. Once she got indoors though, the fact she'd had a long day and then drunk much more than she'd eaten that evening caught up with her, making her suddenly exhausted. Kate apologised to Mike, went upstairs and started getting ready for bed. She had an early start for work in the morning, so half a bottle of Chianti hadn't been a very good idea.

 

[SoulWeaver]

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Mike leaned back in his chair in the chair, eyes closed, feet on the desk and brooding in the dark, the only comforting sound the chink of ice against the sides of the tumbler as he swirled it around and around absently. The den wasn’t completely dark, the flat screen lighting up the room with occasional bursts of incandescent flashing, as this weeks latest middle eastern crisis was dissected by CNN. The sound was off but he didn’t need it to know what was being said, the all too regular US in between the Arab sandwich being a no win for all concerned, and probably a ploy to boost the recently flagging price per barrel.

Not that he cared, grimacing as he took another deep pull on the single malt, “Horrible fucking stuff,” he hissed. Horrible, but the thing to drink in the bar with the partners after a long day or after a successful deal, as apparently it wasn’t the done thing to toast the securing of truck loads of money with plain JD’s and coke.

He tipped the glass up, burning his throat but still reaching for the bottle to splash in a refill. It didn’t matter anyway. Nothing mattered. No matter how much he led his mind off somewhere else it kept coming back to her. He wondered why she loved him. After all, he was pretty transparent, mostly anyway, to her if no one else. All of a sudden she was now pissed with his act. He could feel it, it was raw behind all her smiles and the, “Sorry Mike but I’m so tired tonight …” People are just so fucked up sometimes he thought. Life was such a damn compromise. You couldn’t actually ever say what you thought because it pissed off someone. Instead of discussing, it was genetically programmed for people to get pissy and lose control. He should know, it was how he did business, taking your opponent to the edge where they lost control and didn’t have the balls to continue.

“What to do ….. what to do.” It wasn’t even a question. He didn’t want kids at the moment, she did. It was a black and white, oil and water situation. Despite whatever he did with her in his fantasy dreams, he’d never really hurt or forced her to do anything she didn’t want to in bed, and she knew it. So whatever else happened, she was in the box seat, she had the pussy, she had the power. In his marriage at least.

He downed another mouthful and wondered how much of the “locker-room” stories from work were true. Was he really the only one not wearing the pants at home in bed? He found it fucking hard to believe. Maybe he’d do a little digging and try and sort the bullshit out, either way might help to sooth his nerves. If they were as whipped as him, always getting it when she wanted, when she felt like it, in the ways she “needed” … then he could laugh and joke and pretend he was “the man” but knowing he wouldn’t be alone. And of course in the off chance that a few were living in some sort of male resurgent sexual fantasy, then just maybe he might pick up a few tips about how they make it work …



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[fuckmeat]

Kate padded downstairs in her nightie to say goodnight to Mike. When she got to the door of his study however, it was ajar. Through the doorway she could see him slugging whiskey and brooding, neither of which were good signs. She changed her mind about disturbing him, filled a glass of water in the kitchen and went back upstairs. Once in bed she thought she would lie awake dissecting the evening but she was just too tired. Sleep came swiftly.

In the morning Kate woke to realise that with all the drama last night, she'd forgotten to take her contraceptive pill. She knocked it back, chiding herself for not being more diligent. She decided that it would probably make more sense to take it in the morning rather than the evening. Kate dumped the box and folded leaflet in the bathroom wastebin, before dropping the blister pack of pills into her handbag beside her sweeteners, where she wouldn't overlook it.

Kate got to the office and confessed to a couple of her co-workers what a disaster last night had been. They echoed her feelings that Mike had over-reacted and was too enamoured of his care-free lifestyle. One woman advised Kate to get pregnant anyway but as she was divorced, Kate took her advice under advisement. On the whole though, she felt vindicated. People had kids every day and if Mike was prepared to have sex with her at every opportunity, he should be mature enough to consider that a baby might be the end result and if so, the world wouldn't end.