The Predicament of being Faithful

[amigayorbi]

As a purely monogamous one woman-man, my mind wanders and if distracted often and at the same time, I am comfortable where I am and most likely won’t act on any such temptation.

But the thoughts do pull you hard towards another direction and while Lit gives you a nice way to blow off some steam, the mind still does wander.

Anyone in the same boat?

 

[Aaronicsaint]

I am sure like you, me and many others have the same predicament.
Sometime I do ask myself a question is online RP falls into an act of infidelity or not. We humans do become hypocrite and are prone to err, thinking out loud

 

[amigayorbi]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I know that online fun/play definitely is a form of of infidelity but I guess you need to cut yourself some slack by drawing a line in terms of emotional and physical intimacy.

Case of moving goal posts, I guess.

 

[Iwillgo]

Online play is not infidelity! Next I will hear how looking at an attractive person and getting aroused is infidelity. Removing your clothes and having sex without consent of your partner is infidelity… and in some situations that is okay.

 

[amigayorbi]

Online play is not infidelity! Next I will hear how looking at an attractive person and getting aroused is infidelity. Removing your clothes and having sex without consent of your partner is infidelity… and in some situations that is okay.

Thanks for sharing this.

It’s almost like an angel and devil on each shoulder situation.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Online play is not infidelity! Next I will hear how looking at an attractive person and getting aroused is infidelity. Removing your clothes and having sex without consent of your partner is infidelity… and in some situations that is okay.

When my spouse discovered my affection for online play, he was convinced it was infidelity.

I said you look at porn.
You know porn stars (or actresses) by name and search for pics and video. And you don't think that is infidelity.

To me, online play is interactive porn. I have learned so many things about sex and sexuality from online play.

I quit the marriage, but I wont quit the play.

 

[magic_rat]

If it's something you do behind your partner's back, if you have to lie and deceive, it may not be infidelity but it's certainly a trust issue and you have problems. I speak as someone who was serially unfaithful to my wife and was addicted to porn and chatrooms.

I'm in an ENM relationship now and we rely on 100% trust and honesty. We can both fuck others (within reason and guidelines) and my need to deceive has evaporated, as has my interest in chat and I watch much less porn.

 

[Aaronicsaint]

thanks a lot for your insights - @amigayorbi , @Iwillgo, @Bigboobbabe, @magic_rat
Arguments from both side are very intuitive and genuine.
For online play if we have to lie and deceive, then it comes under gambit of trust issues, but not in category of infidelity?

On contrary if we watch porn, know the name of porn stars or fantasize ( all this doesn’t fall inside preview of online play?)

 

[Fantasywife]

My feelings are that some things are best left in the fantasy world. The real world is messy and complicated and at times requires a lot of work. Remember you are dealing with other personalities, their moods on any given day, plus your own wants and desires.

Our swaps require a lot of back and forth just to set up our dates. Of course it is we women that do the planning. Real life is a pain.

 

[Artfan2]

Our swaps require a lot of back and forth just to set up our dates. Of course it is we women that do the planning. Real life is a pain.

Is it all worthwhile though? Are the swaps exciting?

 

[FunNSpice]

Thanks for sharing this.

It’s almost like an angel and devil on each shoulder situation.

This thread strikes a chord in me. Like many here on Lit, I no longer can satisfy my sexual needs IRL and Lit has become a much needed outlet.
I grapple with the question whether a long distance, virtual masturbation “relationship” moves me into the infidelity territory.
Any public or PM comments are welcome

 

[Britva415]

For online play if we have to lie and deceive, then it comes under gambit of trust issues, but not in category of infidelity?

You'd have to ask your partner/spouse.

Different people define it differently.

 

[Britva415]

if we watch porn, know the name of porn stars or fantasize ( all this doesn’t fall inside preview of online play?)

In my opinion, No, because you aren't playing with another person. They aren't interacting with you.

 

[Aaronicsaint]

In my opinion, No, because you aren't playing with another person. They aren't interacting with you.

Thanks for your opinion. So paid cams and OKC and other options will fall in the gambit of cheating ? ( including gentleman’s club)?

 

[Britva415]

Thanks for your opinion. So paid cams and OKC and other options will fall in the gambit of cheating ? ( including gentleman’s club)?

You'd have to ask your partner/spouse.

Different people define it differently.

 

[Britva415]

For online play if we have to lie and deceive, then it comes under gambit of trust issues, but not in category of infidelity?

Infidelity is abuse of trust specifically with regard to being faithful to one's partner. So if it's a trust issue because it's about cheating or perceptions of cheating or fears of being accused of cheating, then, that definitely is in the category of infidelity.

Is it "actually infidelity," rather than "only" being in the "category of infidelity?" Well, that is kind of a word game, and it's not good to play word games with one's partner. It really smacks of bad faith to do that.

 

[JudyOfOregon]

wide variety of opinions. very interesting discussion. i'm happily married for 20+ years and have not stepped out.
but, it's fun getting guys hot and horny with DMs, chat, role-play on [lit]. i made a few cum last week. they aren't shy on this site, that's for sure. i've kept my husband semi-aware, but haven't shared details. there's noway either of us think this is infidelity.

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

As a purely monogamous one woman-man, my mind wanders and if distracted often and at the same time, I am comfortable where I am and most likely won’t act on any such temptation.

But the thoughts do pull you hard towards another direction and while Lit gives you a nice way to blow off some steam, the mind still does wander.

Anyone in the same boat?

Every day!

 

[StrongMaster7]

My opinion is that online play is not sexual infidelity. If it has not happened already, soon there will be AI "bots" who will be indistinguishable from humans online. So chatting with them will be like talking to your can opener, a person interacting with a machine.

My wife knows I want sex twice a day and she wants it maybe once a week for 20 minutes. She's not stupid. She knows I masturbate. If she cared about how I do it, or what I watch while doing it, or who I chat with online while doing it, she would have mentioned it after close to 40 years, don't you think?

And yes, I do think about having sex with every attractive woman I meet, that's what "attractive" means. Her appearance makes me wish to get closer to her. I don't act on any of it, but I'm married, in part, because I was attracted to my wife. Duh.

 

[Britva415]

My opinion is that online play is not sexual infidelity.

But what's your partner's opinion about it?

It matters.

It might not be infidelity, but it very well might. There isn't some objective "it is or it isn't" rule which applies to everyone, but each couple needs to either discuss it and express their expectations and attitudes, or don't discuss it and instead actively conceal it.

I have a hard time seeing any form of deception as "faithful."

 

[MohawkOV1]

Online play is not infidelity! Next I will hear how looking at an attractive person and getting aroused is infidelity. Removing your clothes and having sex without consent of your partner is infidelity… and in some situations that is okay.

Oh but if only my other half felt the same way , her feelings are absolute which leaves me committing "High Treason " .
It has not stopped me just forcing me underground