The Penis Parables

[daus42]

training Cock?! i have never been successful in training Cock. i make up my lesson plans, go in with full intentions of setting Him straight, and then He looks up at me with that weepy eye, and that's it. i am once again His bitch. He says play, and i go, "woooo hoooo! how do You want me today?" i don't know. He seems to know my weaknesses, and then uses them against me. i think there is a conspiracy sometimes. i'll go into a room, and He will say, i have a treat in my pocket. i like treats. yes. very much. tasty treats.

this is why i can't train Cock. damn treats.

Cocks can be tricky that way.....feeding them is the only solution. Beware of their wiles and never turn your back.... well- except as needed.

 

[neci]

Folks, I really ought to come clean. While I tried my damnedest to remain calm and all New England laconic at the beginning of this thread, in truth, I just can't hold it in any longer.

You see, my cock is nearly the ruination of my life.

First off, it's not a uniform color. Think Michael Jackson in the early stages of his coloration change. Part of me is good old fashioned east coast white and part of me looks like, well, like a dull copper penny. And it's not just a mottled look either. Like any good eastern snob, my coloration adheres to a strictly regimented pattern. Think barber pole crossed with paisley and you won't be far off. The only woman who ever dug my dick was an abstract artist who did nude cubist self-portraits on slices of dried tofu baked to a golden crisp. Every other woman - and I truly mean every other woman I have tried to know in the biblical sense - ran from my dick like it had two heads.

If it's not the color problem, it seems to be the size that matters to these fleeing fillies. It's a full eleven internet inches long and is as big around as a Foster's beer can. You've hear the expression, "built for anal sex? That's me, built for anal sex with a walrus cow.

The only really valuable feature of my dick is that it smells. As in, it has an unusual sense organ just beneath the glans that enables it be a secondary olfactory instrument. My dick can discern the scent vanilla.

At least I have that going for me. :sad:

okay Mister Fosters-splatter-painted-super-vanilla-sniffing-cock, i'm calling bullshit unless pictures are presented.

and if said writings are true, how in the hell do you get blow jobs? i can barely wrap my mouth around a coke can!

 

[Xelebes]

tap tap

is this thing on?

/sound of blowing

feedback

white noise

 

[midwestyankee]

okay Mister Fosters-splatter-painted-super-vanilla-sniffing-cock, i'm calling bullshit unless pictures are presented.

and if said writings are true, how in the hell do you get blow jobs? i can barely wrap my mouth around a coke can!

~smiles~

 

[zarngash]

I don't want you ment to feel left out. Tell us all about your penis. Since society so often frowns upon true expressions of masculinity, cock talk just ain't what it used to be. So let's rectify that here in this thread. Tell us all about your cock. Don't be shy! This is a safe space for you and your hand's best friend.

a short essay: my cock

My cock is of average length and width and it is cut. Having a slight upward curve to it when fully erect and a modest flare of it's head lends to g-spot stimulation. My cock is not adverse to teeth or biting when being orally stimulated; in fact the more the better. My cock is surprisingly resilient when it comes to rough handling. While my cock prefers variety in the methods of stimulation it receives; it prefers intensity and longer duration encounters. Recently, my cock was surprised that it enjoys play piercing. My cock is an adventurous explorer.

 

[ouchfeelsgood]

hmmmm ... some of my penis's attributes:

* it craves attention
* it does not always behave as it should
* it seems to possess an insatiable appetite for stimulation
* it sometimes makes a bit of a mess, but is unapologetic
* it tends to seek out dark, moist places
* it is turned on by teeth and other types of kinky activities
* it is not camera-shy when given the proper venue (i.e., Lit)

Note: this list is not exhaustive.

 

[subish2009]

I would like to point out that the men have been way cuter with their Odes to the Penii than we were on our respective thread, which quickly turned to horrifying childbirth and hysterectomy stories.

Do we need a better sense of humor about our pussies or what?!?