The Passive-Aggressive Dom/me

[Phoenix Stone]

(And no, FungiUp, this doesnt mean saying, 'get your own damn whip and spank yourself with it while I watch football.')

While I've seen posts on manipulative and passive-aggressive subs (which I still think is a sign of a sub who either needs better communication skills or has some switchy characteristics they may want to explore rather than just being a 'bad sub' as I've heard them portrayed -- but that's for Another thread), I've never seen one on the P-A Dom/me.

How about a Dom/me who walks in the room, heaves a long exasperated sigh, and stalks back out again? Leaving you to chase and guess, or don't and suffer the consequencess later.

(edited to add Dommes to the group. I guess women Could be passive-agressive, too.)

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Not meant as dismissive, just stream of consciousness

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=77925

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=80288&perpage=25&pagenumber=1

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=96715

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=101640&perpage=25&pagenumber=1

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=187835&perpage=25&pagenumber=1

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=203500&perpage=25&pagenumber=1

But you can read the lines, and between the lines, in these threads.

Other thoughts ...

If the Dom/mes acts like a little boy king or drama queen ... is it an act? Does the Dom/mes have a bug up their ass about something? Have they reached the end of a rope and look like they're about to start banging their head against the wall to break a coherent thought loose? Enquiring minds, including the pyl's would like to know.

i've harped about control before and that includes self-control. If a Dom/mes needs a personal timeout, let them have the time. They may have hit a critical point and need the mental/emotional digestion time. Communicate when you can.

If it looks Hamlet, Act 2, Scene I; demand a better seat.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Read through the threads (which is why so long to reply) and they were pretty much what I'd expected, seen covered, in general terms. How to be a good dom... or not.

My assumption in this case was that it has to do with either inexperience, or maybe not being into the whole dom thing, or style... ie. a preference for non-verbal communication. (Btw, I decided to take the novel approach of waiting until a quiet moment and asking gently. Got some answers.)

But outside of the specifics of the situation that got me thinking, I wondered, in general, why Not be a passive-agressive dom/me? If that's what you like?

Trying to see it from the other side... maybe it suits the pyl (btw, for your amusement, before you explained this term, I took it as shorthand for 'person you love') to behave in this way, to leave one guessing, etc. Also, maybe it works on the sub. It works on me.

Anyway, is passive-aggressive behavior 'wrong'? If so, why? (Seems to be commonly accepted as wrong for the sub. Even if it's not straightforward, why is it wrong for the dom?)

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... pretty much what I'd expected, seen covered, in general terms ...

and what did you read between the lines?

... novel approach of waiting until a quiet moment and asking gently. Got some answers ...

Amazing what a low tone or whisper can accomplish, isn't it?

... btw, for your amusement, before you explained this term, I took it as shorthand for 'person you love'...

Who says it doesn't, and why can it not?

... why Not be a passive-agressive dom/me? If that's what you like?... Even if it's not straightforward, why is it wrong for the dom?

i won't gainsay the rest of the "quiet" ones. i'm passive-aggressive when i run out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas. (Aka dropping out of the air like a rock with no parachute.) i usually do it to keep the animal from ripping someone apart.

Although ... do you ever confuse quiet observance, non-blinking stare, pregnant silence for pab? i believe the general consensus might revolve around unfairly forcing the pyl to read the PYL's mind. To the best of my knowledge, not many possess that capability.

 

[shelleb4]

imho as a sub to a passive aggressive dom.
passive aggressive communication is normally used when communication fails. Its a unmarked territory way of communicating, the dom doesnt say what he wants, your left wondering if you 'guessed what the real message' was, why would anyone want to be in that situation?

Yes, it would keep you on your toes, it certainly did me for a while, then you tire of getting it wrong eventually and so much relies on your psychic ability that you dont have. for me its a lose lose situation. He doesnt get what he wants coz he wont tell you straight up, you dont get the reward of getting it right most of the time, coz the messages are mixed.

But if you fancy a uphill struggle with little instant gratification of doing things that please, go for it

 

[bridgeburner]

Passive Aggressive pisses me off ---- but I've been thinking about different types since reading this thread. If you'd asked me before I wouldn't have considered that there was more than one kind.

Pouting, huffing, stomping of feet, rolling of eyes and other such crap are the hallmarks of Passive Aggressive in my experience. I had a roommate who was Queen of this type of behavior. I deflected it by ignoring it for ages --- which really pissed her off --- but then I just got sick of the vibe and told her to shit or get off the pot. "If you want something say so. If you're mad about something say so. Use your words. You're not a fucking 2 year old."

She still reverts to PAB but rarely around me.

Another roommate I had was not quite so stompy and my tactic with her was to out- PA her. I could tell she was getting twitchy about something and so I just wouldn't respond. Whatever it was would be left sitting unattended and completely ignored by me until she finally broke and took care of it herself.


Those are examples of bad PA which was the only kind I'd ever considered before.

Now, if you're using PA consciously to piss someone off and/or annoy and frustrate them, then I can see how that might be used in a D/s framework quite effectively. Perhaps that might be better termed "Passive Dominance".


I'm of the opinion that if someone is always and only, or even mostly, Passive Aggressive that person is not a Top no matter how big the flogger.

Alphas don't leave their satisfaction up to whimsy and chance as a rule. They might choose that as a tactic occasionally, but it's a choice, not a habitual tactic ---- why would it be? Who would always stand around hoping to get lucky when he had the power to command what he wanted?



-B