The Orgasm Gap

[3113]

From here:

...researchers found that college women have orgasms half as often as men on repeat hookups (meaning hooking up more than twice) and only a third of the time in first-time hookups. And they concluded that a lack of sexual reciprocity could be a key reason for this orgasm gap. The study was conducted by a team of researchers from Stanford and Indiana University.

The male psychology on women's orgasms is comparable to their psychology on housework: Men don’t pull their weight on either front because no one makes them.

...It’s not just sexual neophytes on college campuses that are having trouble. After looking at 32 studies that included mostly married women and spanned the past 90 years, Dr. Elisabeth Lloyd...found that a third of women never had an orgasm during intercourse.

Okay. I know you gents here are doing your best to shrink the orgasm gap, but it seems that your fellow men aren't getting the message. I think you're going to have to go out there and show 'em how it's done.

It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it....

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Female anorgasmia has been at epidemic proportions for far too long. I, for one, am willing to get out in the front lines and use my bit (oh, sorry, I meant "do my bit") to help stem this tide of omission.
(cv available on request)

 

[Handley_Page]

Female anorgasmia has been at epidemic proportions for far too long. I, for one, am willing to get out in the front lines and use my bit (oh, sorry, I meant "do my bit") to help stem this tide of omission.
(cv available on request)

I wish to be associated with this endeavour.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Some men play violins, others excel with a fiddle, others are content to squeeze an old hen. A master violinist can occasionally get a dulcet note or two from a hen.

 

[RodenAddison]

I know this tends to fall in our laps (as it were), but the fact is ladies, you can tell us, but don't stop there. If it isn't working, there are books on little things like cunnilingus and various forms of manual stimulation. Buy the guy a book. If he's never eaten you before, take a shower together for fun and you can get flavoured lubes. Put a little on you to get him past that first attempt.

Guys. You're missing out if you won't do this for your woman. Watching them writhe at the touch of your tongue is an experience not be be missed.

Personally, I love "Eating at the Y" and making sure she's good and ready before penetration. After 'the deed' if I sense she hasn't come, I'm back at it manually until it's obvious she's come or she tells me to stop.

Further. Ladies, don't blame the guy if you're faked orgasms the make him happy. You're not helping yourself or your man.

I think the most important thing is to realize that most couples don't come simultaneously, though I love to make that happen. Tell him it's okay if he gets ahead of you, but make it clear you're expecting him to make you pop as well.

Feel free to PM, ladies. Willing to help all comers.

 

[Safe_Bet]

I know this tends to fall in our laps (as it were), but the fact is ladies, you can tell us, but don't stop there. If it isn't working, there are books on little things like cunnilingus and various forms of manual stimulation. Buy the guy a book.

...

If he's never eaten you before, take a shower together for fun and you can get flavoured lubes. Put a little on you to get him past that first attempt.

...

Further. Ladies, don't blame the guy if you're faked orgasms the make him happy. You're not helping yourself or your man.

... Tell him it's okay if he gets ahead of you, but make it clear you're expecting him to make you pop as well.

geez... Is this the new version of "she didn't SAY no! (after I knocked her out and raped her)"???

Since when should it be the woman's responsibility to buy some dumbass, insensitive, self-serving dude a book, "flavor" her pussy or "man'splain" things?

Don't even get me started on your whole bullshit about "faked" orgasms!



****

Anyways, to all those women who LIKE to have multiple orgasms without having to "beg", there always is the dark side!

P.S. We cuddle and serve double fudge brownies afterwards.

 

[TalkToMeInSB]

Onus...

Seems we're questioning who is responsible for this problem, which BTW, comes in many flavors...

Men who don't know how to give pleasure...
Men who don't know how to articulate their needs...
Women who don't know how to articulate their needs...
Men who just "take"...
Women who don't cum easily...
Men who don't know their way around a woman's body...
.
.
.
Your flavor here....

At the very least you have to *want* pleasure your partner to orgasm!

 

[RodenAddison]

geez... Is this the new version of "she didn't SAY no! (after I knocked her out and raped her)"???

Since when should it be the woman's responsibility to buy some dumbass, insensitive, self-serving dude a book, "flavor" her pussy or "man'splain" things?

Don't even get me started on your whole bullshit about "faked" orgasms!



****

Anyways, to all those women who LIKE to have multiple orgasms without having to "beg", there always is the dark side!

P.S. We cuddle and serve double fudge brownies afterwards.

Sorry to make a suggestion. Not every guy manages to look out for their woman. All I'm saying is she can let him know, and IF she is faking she's creating her own problem to some degree. Maybe don't try to read so much into it?

If he's self-serving would it be wrong of her to prompt him? Why does everyone think the other person should automatically be able to 'know' what they're thinking or what they're lacking. If the guy is a dumbass he needs to have his nose rubbed in it until he gets it, shouldn't he? Couldn't that be a productive nose rubbing by presenting him with something that could make him a better lover?

A new way of saying "She didn't say no?" Come on! (Don't remember saying anything about knocking her out or raping her, strawman.) I'm not saying it's her responsibility. I'm saying there's nothing wrong with her twisting his arm.

 

[sr71plt]

I don't know what part of the reality that "most men are in it only for their own orgasm, which can be attained 98 percent of the time they can get hard no matter what anyone else is doing" some of you don't understand.

Can you cite the rulebook where it says a man has an obligation to trigger an orgasm in a woman? I don't think many men have read that book. Sure, if you want a long-term relationship, but the reality is that many more women appear to be into that "want" as well than men are.

Just an observation. I'm not commenting on the rightness or wrongness of it--just the reality of it--and of the futility of trying to assert that men have an obligation that most of them woudn't agree they have, even if they gave it much thought, which they don't, at least for many of the years of their active sex lives.

 

[Handley_Page]

Careful, folks. I think I heard the sound of barking

Of course, I could be wrong. I really hope I was.

 

[sr71plt]

Naw, I think it's just the sound of you stumbling into yet another "I don't understand why men won't just think like women and let us redo them to fit our wishes" thread.

 

[Handley_Page]

Naw, I think it's just the sound of you stumbling into yet another "I don't understand why men won't just think like women and let us redo them to fit our wishes" thread.

Thank you. I do not feel fully qualified to judge on that.

 

[sr71plt]

I wasn't trying to justify anything either. I was trying to note what I think the reality is with a high percentage of men in the active sex phase. I wouldn't be surprised that starting with reality wasn't really what anyone would want to do in looking toward solutions to anything--that maybe it's more fun just to bitch about it.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I don't know what part of the reality that "most men are in it only for their own orgasm, which can be attained 98 percent of the time they can get hard no matter what anyone else is doing" some of you don't understand.

Can you cite the rulebook where it says a man has an obligation to trigger an orgasm in a woman? I don't think many men have read that book. Sure, if you want a long-term relationship, but the reality is that many more women appear to be into that "want" as well than men are.

Just an observation. I'm not commenting on the rightness or wrongness of it--just the reality of it--and of the futility of trying to assert that men have an obligation that most of them woudn't agree they have, even if they gave it much thought, which they don't, at least for many of the years of their active sex lives.

Pointless dapple!

 

[Stella_Omega]

No.. it really is NOT men's fault. Nor is it women's fault, or anyone's fault.

It's a matter of how we have learned to communicate, and what, in particular we've internalised-- what the proper subjects and times for communication are. Sexual self-knowledge is not one of those things, and during sex is not one of those times. That's huge, and it's as true for same-sex partners as for hetero partners, the difference being that same-sex partners share a physiognomy that gives them better guessing powers.

For example, my Lady Friend (who is a lesbian, and you'd think she'd be more liberated, right) will not often tell me when I'm doing something right, and half the time not when I'm not doing it right. And I find myself doing the same thing.

It's not a fault of the sexes, its a problem for everyone.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Careful, folks. I think I heard the sound of barking

Of course, I could be wrong. I really hope I was.

No. that's just the sound of two asshats scratching their balls as they man'splain things to each other.

 

[sr71plt]

Pointless dapple!

Spoken like a true self-centered woman. Certainly can't understand why you couldn't get a man to understand you and worship you.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Spoken like a true self-centered woman. Certainly can't understand why you couldn't get a man to understand you and worship you.

Careful, Pilot. Your misogynistic slip is showing!

 

[lovecraft68]

All I know is long ago I was taught by a much older woman "you get what you give"

Since then I have done quite well for myself and have the typical half assed male lover to thank for that success.

Keep sucking at sucking guys, many of the rest of iu appreciate it.

A guy, if he is not wrapped up in himself can tell if a woman is enjoying or not, he should not have to be told.

I mean in a longer steady relationship if there are some things a woman (or a man)might prefer over other things that's when its communication.

But as for the "basics" give me a break the average dick with a dick knows damn well he's not up to snuff but could care less because he is going to get off anyway.

Where the fault lies with the woman is letting him

If Johnny Rocket super stud is doing nothing for you, tell him to pull out and finish it himself like the woman is going to.

See how they like it and how much better they will be next time.

 

[Handley_Page]

No.. it really is NOT men's fault. Nor is it women's fault, or anyone's fault.

It's a matter of how we have learned to communicate, and what, in particular we've internalised-- what the proper subjects and times for communication are. Sexual self-knowledge is not one of those things, and during sex is not one of those times. That's huge, and it's as true for same-sex partners as for hetero partners, the difference being that same-sex partners share a physiognomy that gives them better guessing powers.

For example, my Lady Friend (who is a lesbian, and you'd think she'd be more liberated, right) will not often tell me when I'm doing something right, and half the time not when I'm not doing it right. And I find myself doing the same thing.

It's not a fault of the sexes, its a problem for everyone.

Could it be a certain 'shyness' as well as, perhaps, a lack of understanding combined with a lack /loss of communication ?

 

[lovecraft68]

I don't know what part of the reality that "most men are in it only for their own orgasm, which can be attained 98 percent of the time they can get hard no matter what anyone else is doing" some of you don't understand.

Can you cite the rulebook where it says a man has an obligation to trigger an orgasm in a woman? I don't think many men have read that book. Sure, if you want a long-term relationship, but the reality is that many more women appear to be into that "want" as well than men are.

Just an observation. I'm not commenting on the rightness or wrongness of it--just the reality of it--and of the futility of trying to assert that men have an obligation that most of them woudn't agree they have, even if they gave it much thought, which they don't, at least for many of the years of their active sex lives.

It's not a rule book, its called decency and thinking beyond ones self.

You're statement shows your age and the fact you grew up in the generation of the "housewives" handbook.

But I am going to pass around the part I put in bold to women I know so they can ask their "stud" where does it say he has to cum?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Could it be a certain 'shyness' as well as, perhaps, a lack of understanding combined with a lack /loss of communication ?

Yep... Any sort of native reticence in either partner has got to compound the problem...

 

[sr71plt]

In your rude and bitchy response, Dix, you reflect why this is going to primarily be women's frustration. Because for a good distance into many relationships, you're the only one going to be frustrated by it.

A high percentage of men in the active sex-response zone (I know that you think you are in control of what they do and can think, but you're not) are thinking of football, cars, and getting their rocks off without entanglements. And they aren't going to give it too much response beyond that. If they want to continue to get laid by the same woman, they'll give a little thought to what it takes to continue to get their rocks off with her, and over time, they may grow into a more permanent relationship. But they just don't think about this issue the way women do. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

And I was trying to have a neutral conversation on this. I would appreciate it you tried doing that too. You just might learn something useful. We are talking about men's responses here, not yours.

 

[sr71plt]

No, LC, what I posted has nothing to do with my own views on what a relationship should be--and I directly posted as much.

Since you'all are going to get all screamy about this, I'll let you scream with each other about it.

 

[Safe_Bet]

In your rude and bitchy response, Dix, you reflect why this is going to primarily be women's frustration. Because for a good distance into many relationships, you're the only one going to be frustrated by it.

Somehow I doubt that, Pilot.


P.S. You REALLY need to look at people's profiles before you shoot off your yap, ya know?