The Night Before Christmas in the Authors Hangout

[shereads]

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Hangout
An orgy was raging and orgasms sang out.
But up on the roof I was gazing at Venus
and dreaming of sugarplums shaped like a penis...











(Well, don't just sit there. Keep the thread going, pornsters. I hope to see you back here after the holidays. Until then, a Christmas toast:

May we receive something we desire, something we deserve, and the antidote.)

 

[Huckleman2000]

And I in my condom
And ma in her vaginal cap
Had finally shielded ourselves
From the pernicious Holiday clap

 

[Huckleman2000]

When out on the lawn, there arose such a ruckus
"Oh Joseph, Mary, and Santa Claus fuck us!"
I exclaimed as I bolted upright from our bed
And ran to the window, and looked to the shed.

My dream of the orgy on top of the roof
Came crashing to earth like a meteor, PLOOF!
Brother-in-law Rumple had crashed in his sled
Dressed as Santa, with presents, his heels o'er his head.

 

[Huckleman2000]

The presents lay scattered about on the grass
And Rumple was laid out flat on his ass.
But I and the others looked close at the labels
And found on the packages, personal fables.

 

[Huckleman2000]

"From: Colly", read some,
"From: Gabrielle", others;
"From Jammies"; "To Mum"
"From: Sisters"; "To: Brothers"

There were presents for all,
From unexpected sources.
Not from a mall,
But from mysterious forces.

They weren't what we wanted,
They weren't what we needed,
Not what we bargained for,
Asked for or pleaded.

As Rumple came to his senses
Tucked his foreskin back into his pants,
And double-checked his tenses,
And put aside his rants,

[Sorry, Rumple, I know you don't rant, but I couldn't rhyme anything with 'trousers' or 'zipper'... edits are gratefully accepted. ]

All the AH'ers gathered 'round
To open all their boxes;
And see how the thread of giving wound -
Who got bracelets? Who got sockses?

(Clearly, at 4am I'm tapped out. Carry on....)

 

[shereads]

When out on the lawn, there arose such a ruckus
"Oh Joseph, Mary, and Santa Claus fuck us!"

"And that's what Christms is all about, Charlie Brown."

~ Linus


[/threadjack]

Carry on.

 

[Guest]

no way im adding to this. huckleman is doing a fab job. LOVE love love it!

 

[shereads]

no way im adding to this. huckleman is doing a fab job. LOVE love love it!

The cowards were huddled around the shrimp salad
While Huckleman bravely continued the ballad.
Meanwhile, air traffic control in Atlanta
Reported a fighter jet divebombing Santa...

 

[Guest]

The cowards were huddled around the shrimp salad
While Huckleman bravely continued the ballad.
Meanwhile, air traffic control in Atlanta
Reported a fighter jet divebombing Santa...

 

[shereads]

We feared for the fate of St. Nick and his sleigh
And Britney and Kevin and weird Uncle Ray!
Oh, what will become of the presents Nick carries?
The doll house for Susie? The hairpiece of Larry's?

And what of poor shereads who's not even packed
For the long drive to Mom's, with a stop to buy crack?
Is she stalling on purpose by writing this drivel?
And who shot this reindeer? That's downright uncivil!

 

[3113]

Rumple had righted his sled and his cock,
And viewing the orgy, encouraged his flock!
“On Scarlett, on Abs, on Vella and Slyc_Willie,
On Liar and Pure, on Salvor and Femininity!
Back up on the roof! Back up on The Earl!
Fuck away, fuck away, fuck away till your toes curl!”

(Had to make a play on my fave line of that silly poem!)

 

[slyc_willie]

You know, I'm really trying, here . . .

Oh, Erato my Muse, where art thou? Or Cleo? I think that's the one for poetry . . . .

 

[Guest]

As willfully buzzing those vibrators be
(when loaded with spanking new batteries D)
So up to the housetop the AH'ers flew
With sleigh, toys and Rumple, and his foreskin, too.

And then I saw clothing falling wildly like snow
when the guests on the rooftop began to disrobe
I hurridly tossed off both jersey and slippers
as my fireplace filled up with randy nude writers.

 

[kendo1]

As Christmas approaches, I sit in my chair,
The mood that surrounds me is one of despair:
Huckleman writing of protection instead
Of orgies and orgasms as shereads said.

 

[matriarch]

There is no way I'm even attempting to join in......but I'm laughing hysterically.

Wonderful, wonderful.

 

[Guest]

They were dusted with soot, these nude lovers of wit
from each ankle to waistline to excited tit.
They forgot all the toys (to no one's dismay)
while discovering that some Litsters did swing that way!

 

[kendo1]

Christmas and Santa come just once a year.
I suppose it's the same for most of us here.
We write so the trolls can whistle and jeer.
Sit back, relax, and have another beer.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I love you people.

 

[Huckleman2000]

Those batteries in ssSarah's vibrator
"Size D," the letters inside it say
Shock me, the chronic masturbator
Who finds in my hands, a clear double A.

 

[neonlyte]

The reindeer had it coming, Dr Strabismus said,
I caught him with one of the Elves on the bed.
And when Shereads returned and brought her crack to the party
she drapped herself on the sofa and looked really quite arty.

In search of a pencil to write 'nom de plume'
we watch as she struggles and her cheeks air to bloom
Why does she remind me of the Sugar Plum Fairy
Is that Larry's hairpiece? Or is she exceptionally hairy?

 

[Guest]

there are too many lesbians in this joint
did Theegoatpig think he was making a point?
we all love Christmas no matter who we fuck
be it Goddess, goose, gander or duck

 

[Huckleman2000]

The lesbian orgy on the roof continued
While Rob and I envied their multiple O's
We decided to look to a change of venue
Somewhere where we, too, could find ho-ho-ho's

The Internet dating scene gestured come over
Every pot has a kettle...no, a cover, that's the ticket
For every lonely heart or brain there's a lover
Buried somewhere deep in the thicket.

Hi Sandy! Hi Rhoda! Hi CoolGrl! Yo Janet!
Hey BabyCakes13, welcome to our planet!
Like coffee? Or lunch? A movie, god forbid?
Can we both try to get past all those silly things we did?

The Internet at large harbored quite the scary places
I much prefer, and Rob concurred, the AH is a haven
Could we persuade the Lesbians to sit upon our faces?
It's worth a chance to do the dance, they are bound to simply cave in!

Back to the orgy, like bull dykes we flew!
Dodging Belegon's swishing kilt and Alessia's coffee spew
Oh my god! What's that smell? Is it Vella? Oh, PU!
Oh my heart! Lesbians fart! Oh my! This just won't do!

 

[TheEarl]

And then there was a flash and a figure appeared
Standing tall, with a coat and a stubbly beard.
He looked at the porn and the sexed bodies around
Cried "To all a good Christmas - let orgasms abound!"

The Earl